Navigating Heartbreak - Tips for A Good Night's Sleep

[Daminc]

Dude, the guy just broke up with his first girlfriend yesterday. He's still in pain.

I can appreciate that. But thinking about it too much makes things worse. Feeling sorry for yourself can make you depressed and ill.

His friends should kidnap him and take him to a wild party. Laughter is the greatest healing and time is a close second.

(And, really, women are the only thing that's important.)

Ah, you must still be young :)

 

[zoobyshoe]

But thinking about it too much makes things worse. Feeling sorry for yourself can make you depressed and ill.

Yeah, there are certain stages people go through in letting go. This guy is still in the initial shock. Your advise is at very least two weeks too early.

Ah, you must still be young :)

Ummmmm...Correct!

 

[JasonRox]

I can appreciate that. But thinking about it too much makes things worse. Feeling sorry for yourself can make you depressed and ill.

His friends should kidnap him and take him to a wild party. Laughter is the greatest healing and time is a close second.

Ah, you must still be young :)

Nah, we had some laughs on the phone. Just talking about stuff like we always do, so yeah that helped a little because I couldn't talk at some point.

I know what I wanted, and I plans to ease things up. I even told her that, and then later explained on the phone. Yeah, she didn't feel great knowing that I was trying to sort the "being together too much" problem. She could have just said something... like we both said... something that silly isn't worth losing a good partner over, but I guess it's too late for that now.

I hit the gym again today, not too hard like yesterday. Just hitting the bodyparts I didn't hit yesterday.

I'm doing better now, but the sleeping wasn't great.

Note: I watched Jay Leno, and got some laughs.

 

[Smurf]

Yeah, there are certain stages people go through in letting go. This guy is still in the initial shock. Your advise is at very least two weeks too early.

That's simply wrong, not everyone goes through the same stages in the same time in the same order, ect. I don't see any reason why your advice would help any more than his, neither of you know jason outside of PF do you?

 

[zoobyshoe]

That's simply wrong, not everyone goes through the same stages in the same time in the same order, ect.

This criticism is simply wrong, Smurf, because I never said everyone goes through the same stages in the same time in the same order. I simply said there are stages, and I said he was still in shock based on his reports.

I don't see any reason why your advice would help any more than his...

I don't particularly care if you see any reason for anything: you're 17 years old and don't know squat about getting over a breakup.

 

[JasonRox]

Any advice is worth considering, but if you've been through it I consider the advice meaningless.

I've never really cried in life until last night, and that was hard.

You lose a good partner and best friend in one night... that doesn't feel great at all.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Any advice is worth considering, but if you've been through it I consider the advice meaningless.

I've never really cried in life until last night, and that was hard.

You lose a good partner and best friend in one night... that doesn't feel great at all.

There is a definite feeling of loss, yes. What everyone said about their sureness you will eventually get over it, is true. In the meantime the best thing to do is just slog through the feeling of loss as best you can. Today will be hard. Tomorrow will be a bit easier.

 

[Gale]

heh, zooby must be young... har...

anyway... like danger mentioned, a lot of people tend to get much more creative when they're depressed. so now might be a good time to pursue writing, or drawing or music.

and with regards to should guys be nice? um, ya, definetly. the sort of girls you'll attract by being a jerk aren't really the type you'll want to be with ultimately. be a nice guy, and wait for that girl who'll know how to appreciate you, or who's willing to try to learn how. like you said, it wasn't meant to be, so its ok. you had some good times together, be pleased for that.

i had a really tough time getting over my ex. its different for everyone. just give youself the time you need and try to make the best of things.

 

[quantumdude]

Jason, I'll leave you with the following words of comfort from the movie Shaun of the Dead, which Ed said to Shaun when Liz dumped him.

"I'm not going to say, you know, there's plenty more fish in the sea. I'm not going to say if you love her, let her go. And I'm not going to bombard you with clichés. But what I will say is this…It's not the end of the world."

My point: Being dumped by your girlfriend is bad. But being dumped by your girlfriend and being chased around by zombies is a lot worse.

 

[The_Professional]

Start thinking about all the scary things that could have happened to you if you had married her.

BJ

That pretty much sums it up. There is a saying that in relationships two things happen: You break up or worst You get married.

Think about it, this girl could be the mother of your kids. Seriously, Isn't that scary?

 

[JasonRox]

That pretty much sums it up. There is a saying that in relationships two things happen: You break up or worst You get married.

Think about it, this girl could be the mother of your kids. Seriously, Isn't that scary?

Um... no I don't find it scary. I didn't think that far either.

I really really really like her, so yeah no negative thoughts coming.

My question is...

What was she thinking?

 

[Monique]

What was she thinking?

There's this sex in the city writer who wrote a book about relations that don't go as you'd like (I saw him on oprah). Maybe the conclusion is that "She's just not that into you", in which case it is best not to hold on too much.

 

[Daminc]

Ask her?

Get her a bunch of flowers a couple of glasses and a bottle of her favorite wine and have a chat with a promise of no pressure from either side.

Important: For this to be effective there can be no attempt at emotional blackmail.

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

Dawson's Creek doesn't seem that far fetched any more. There are two ways you could go from here: the dark path which involves alcohol, endless late night television, crappy love songs played over and over drowning out the shrieking, culminating in the drunken phone call at 3 am where the words you had planned in your head ("I just want you to be happy, and as long as you are then I want you to know I'll be okay") all come out wrong ("YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU EVIL SLUT!")...

Or you can skip that and start stretching your predator muscles, get back on the circuit, retrain the old eye, relearn the old language. Strike up some funky dance moves, etc. If you don't meet the other girl of your dreams, you're at least upping your chances. Of the distractions you might choose, a string of brief encounters and one night stands rates highest. Because no matter how drunk you are, you will not fall in love with Jay Leno.

 

[JasonRox]

Ask her?

Get her a bunch of flowers a couple of glasses and a bottle of her favorite wine and have a chat with a promise of no pressure from either side.

Important: For this to be effective there can be no attempt at emotional blackmail.

That's I'm thinking about.

I think I should just ask her. I don't think she gave me the truth either.

 

[Daminc]

I don't think she gave me the truth either.

People rarely do.

People have a thousand more reasons more to lie than to tell the truth either to others or themselves but there is always a message behind the lie.

eg

"Yes, that dress looks great"

Can translate to:
"That dress really shows of your body"
"Just shut up and let's go"
"It looks sh*t but I don't want to hurt your feelings"
"I hope that is the right thing to say because I want to jump your bones"
"that dress looks great"

Just because someone might have lied doesn't mean they're being nasty, you just have to find the meaning behind the words.

 

[JasonRox]

I don't know if she could have lied or not. I just don't think it's the whole story.

The relationship was truly amazing, so I guess I can always look back at that.

 

[The_Professional]

Ask her?

Get her a bunch of flowers a couple of glasses and a bottle of her favorite wine and have a chat with a promise of no pressure from either side.

This is called begging. Please don't get down on your knees and beg, I know Hollywood movies teach you this. She'll reject you.
You don't want to get hurt the second time around.

 

[JasonRox]

I never planned on begging or anything.

She's suppose to call me in a few weeks, but she said that it probably won't happen.

 

[Astronuc]

Get her a bunch of flowers a couple of glasses and a bottle of her favorite wine and have a chat with a promise of no pressure from either side.

That is not begging. That is just trying to have a reasonable discussion about what happened.

I was thinking the other day about recommending Jason just sit down and write about his feelings on paper - whether or not he shows it to this girl. However then I read Jason's comment about her being a ***** at some point, at which point, if I was in Jason's shoes, I would really evaluate the situation as to what I expected in the relationship.

Then with Daminc's suggestion I thought - just send her a nice card with flowers. Thank her for the good times you had and then, well it depends on what you expect to happen. Either you expect to get back together or you move on.

BTW, Jason, its not you so much as it is her. I know that won't make you feel better, but don't beat yourself up over it.

I wish I could offer better advice, but not knowing either of you, it's hard to give some firm advice.

It does take time to get over this stuff. Hang in there, mate!

 

[JasonRox]

That is not begging. That is just trying to have a reasonable discussion about what happened.

I was thinking the other day about recommending Jason just sit down and write about his feelings on paper - whether or not he shows it to this girl. However then I read Jason's comment about her being a ***** at some point, at which point, if I was in Jason's shoes, I would really evaluate the situation as to what I expected in the relationship.

Then with Daminc's suggestion I thought - just send her a nice card with flowers. Thank her for the good times you had and then, well it depends on what you expect to happen. Either you expect to get back together or you move on.

BTW, Jason, its not you so much as it is her. I know that won't make you feel better, but don't beat yourself up over it.

I wish I could offer better advice, but not knowing either of you, it's hard to give some firm advice.

It does take time to get over this stuff. Hang in there, mate!

Would it be ok if I e-mail her to talk about it? I've been thinking about e-mailing her, but only tomorrow. I want her to have a great Saturday night, so I'll wait another day.

I was thinking of just e-mailing her to just ask her to call me, so we can talk. I want to refrain myself from saying too much and stuff because I just want to talk about what happened.

I really don't think waiting 3 weeks is a good option.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Would it be ok if I e-mail her to talk about it? I've been thinking about e-mailing her, but only tomorrow. I want her to have a great Saturday night, so I'll wait another day.

E-mail her whenever it's convenient for you. Nevermind if she has a great Saturday night or not. If she does, she's not going to credit you for that under any circumstances.

 

[JasonRox]

I suppose you're right.

I'll write an e-mail just to talk and I'll see what's going on.

 

[JasonRox]

How does this sound?

Hey,

I hope this isn't a bad time, but I want to talk. I think waiting 3 weeks or something is too long for me, since I wanted to talk more on Wednesday. I didn't have to workout or anything... it's just that I couldn't talk very well, but I did go to the gym though. :)

Call me when you're ready, and I'm just letting you know that I'm ready.

From,

Jason

And...?

 

[Astronuc]

Jason, I would exchange "would like to talk" for "want to talk", and remove the part about "waiting for three weeks or something is too long for me". On the other hand, that's what I would do, but you should do what is natural and right for you. You know her, I don't.

All you can do is make an offer to discuss or talk, and let it go at that. Keep it short and simple.

Unfortunately, you may have to be prepared for no response.

 

[JasonRox]

Jason, I would exchange "would like to talk" for "want to talk", and remove the part about "waiting for three weeks or something is too long for me". On the other hand, that's what I would do, but you should do what is natural and right for you. You know her, I don't.

All you can do is make an offer to discuss or talk, and let it go at that. Keep it short and simple.

Unfortunately, you may have to be prepared for no response.

I sent it already, but I made some small changes. I also implictly mentionned that I'll wait the 3 weeks also because she might not be ready.

She might not respond because she doesn't really go online. She normally used the internet at my place because she doesn't have the internet.

 

[The_Professional]

Would it be ok if I e-mail her to talk about it? I've been thinking about e-mailing her, but only tomorrow. I want her to have a great Saturday night, so I'll wait another day.

I was thinking of just e-mailing her to just ask her to call me, so we can talk. I want to refrain myself from saying too much and stuff because I just want to talk about what happened.

I really don't think waiting 3 weeks is a good option.

If you wanted to get her back. What you could've done is disappear. No e-mails, no instant messages, no phone calls, no contact whatsoever, nothing. Have self-control. Let her miss you and think about you. You hang back. For the meantime, you will hustle other girl's phone numbers and go out on dates. You wait for her to contact you. Now when she contacts you; you wait one day then you call her back. Spend a maximum of five minutes on the phone, make her laugh, keep it positive. Then you set up a date with her. Then get off the phone. Doing this you're not begging. You're coming from a position of power.

 

[fileen]

you are way too good for her. she's a fool to do this to you. I understand its super hard to break up. was with a guy for six years, I knew him for almost ten before I found out he was sleeping around on me and he picked up someone younger, prettier, and more willing for premarital...well any ways it hurt real bad, and I tried to get him back, but I soon came to realize that yes I will love again, and some day I will be loved back. self esteem my friend. you need to draw the line eventually. mr wrong came back on his knees by the way, and I had to make a decision. I told him I couldn't set my self up for that kind of pain. he now deals coke, and still sleeps around. his girlfriend is of the same sort. my current boyfriend is a dream come true. my advice to you is to look at what you had and smile. it was great. you had that. some people never even get that far. I have no nasty feelings toward my x. even looking back and realizing all the times he hurt me, we still had some great times. change isn't always bad. it will take time, but take some other girls out some time. even just innocently. maybe you will see that there are more compatible girls. maybe you will fall in love again. maybe she will come back and you can make things right. all I am saying is not to let her control you. she's not the only girl out there. life is short. don't waste it lookig back and thinking about what could have been. there is more to life than relationships too. read a good book. go for a walk. meet some new people. try some new foods. spend time just looking after you. be comfortable with yourself without her. if she deserves you she'll come back.