New Year's Resolution: Make Friends in Real Life

[zoobyshoe]

When I started hosting open-mike jams at a local tavern, it was a way for the owners to try to draw a Sunday crowd. They had tried it with another host initially, but he was VERY loud and was sometimes rude to patrons. They offered me the job in part because a couple of the bar-maids and their girl-friends lobbied for me behind the scenes. I had no idea about that until the owners asked me to take the gig. I kept the musicians' volumes down so that people could visit and talk without shouting, and the lack of a meat-market atmosphere drew more and more young women, which in turn drew more and more young men. I ended up with a mixed crowd of 20-somethings as friends, and not just at the tavern, but in a variety of social settings. Many of those young ladies were young enough to have been my daughters. I don't often bump into them now, since I avoid public places for safety's sake, but my wife brings back greetings and news when she meets them shopping, etc.

The loss of the ability to perform music in public was a big one, to me. I tried switching over to only playing outdoor gigs, like biker parties and corporate picnics, but all too often, I'd end up down-wind from somebody with WAY too much cologne or perfume on, and get sick, so that had to end, too.

That totally sucks about your allergies. It sounds like you created a good atmosphere there.

I think anyone over 30 who wants to socialize is going to have to end up with a younger crowd simply because they're always up for it and middle aged people aren't, or they have to make a big production out of it and can't be spontaneous.

 

[turbo]

That totally sucks about your allergies. It sounds like you created a good atmosphere there.

I think anyone over 30 who wants to socialize is going to have to end up with a younger crowd simply because they're always up for it and middle aged people aren't, or they have to make a big production out of it and can't be spontaneous.

Sunday afternoons/evenings at that tavern were wonderful. Once the musical situation got stabilized and a little more patron-friendly, young people started making it their regular spot. Unlike Friday/Saturday nights the heavy-drinking aggressive folks were generally sleeping it off, watching football, or something. People would come from 50 miles away or more to bring their minor children to sit in with some pros and learn blues, jazz, and rock interactively. Since it was a tavern (food served on premises) and not a bar, it was OK for minors to be there as long as they had an adult guardian. One of my favorite kids was a skinny little fella (16-17) from over 40 miles away and his father would bring him every couple of weeks. He was a big Santana fan and could cop a lot of his licks, but I turned him to traditional Chicago blues guitar, and he got better, month after month. It was a lot of fun.

Sometimes jazz students from the local state university would mob the place, and when they got really progressive, I'd cede them the stage. Really hot music.

 

[GeorginaS]

It would be unfair for two of you to move while one gets to stay put. All three of you should move to the same new city.

Colorado Springs is a beautiful place to live.

And it would help me with my New Years resolution - to hit on as many beautiful women as possible.

Now there's a weird bit of flattery. I think. Is it default flattery simply to be hit on? Okay the word "beautiful" doesn't hurt, I suppose. Especially given that you can't see us.

But yes, absolutely, MIH, if I hadn't managed to have such a terrific bunch of people ready-made at work, (And I have never, ever hung around outside of work with the people I work with, before. It's always been a huge point of contention and resentment with me when people from work wanted to socialise, especially in a group after work, and I felt obligated to go. I worked with them all day every day, already, dammit. I sure as anything didn't want to spend my free time with them. The majority of people who I work with at this place are terrific to hang out with too.) I'd have an awful time meeting people. Where do you meet new people to befriend after a certain age?

Of the few people I've had in my life for a long time, my best friend lives one whole province over. Another close friend I have lives way out of town, so it's a feat to organise time together. The neighbours in my new building, while wonderful people who I'm thrilled to know, are old enough to either be my parents or grandparents. (The lady immediately next door to me, Winnie, is 89. I so want to adopt her as my grandma. I miss mine.) They're not exactly activity/friend material.

And yes, Ivan, that generation really does have the superficial friendship thing down pat, do they not? Everywhere my parents go they always seem to meet "a very nice couple". They don't ever meet people in singles or on their own (although they are velcroed to each other so there's really no opportunity to) but they somehow manage to meet couples. As best I can tell they have nothing in common necessarily with the "couples" other than they're vacationing in the same spot and are around the same age. They seem to be able to socialise with and go places with and spend time with people, in couples, who they just met, and "have a really nice time". (I'm quoting my mother.) I've spent time with them along with some of these "couples" and they chat endlessly about nothing at all and laugh (fake laugh) constantly at nothing in particular. I can't figure out if I want to develop that skill.

Anyway, MIH, and LisaB, if I think of anything, I'll offer it up. Maybe we can offer each other suggestions and then try them out and report back.

 

[rewebster]

When I started hosting open-mike jams at a local tavern, it was a way for the owners to try to draw a Sunday crowd. They had tried it with another host initially, but he was VERY loud and was sometimes rude to patrons. They offered me the job in part because a couple of the bar-maids and their girl-friends lobbied for me behind the scenes. I had no idea about that until the owners asked me to take the gig. I kept the musicians' volumes down so that people could visit and talk without shouting, and the lack of a meat-market atmosphere drew more and more young women, which in turn drew more and more young men. I ended up with a mixed crowd of 20-somethings as friends, and not just at the tavern, but in a variety of social settings. Many of those young ladies were young enough to have been my daughters. I don't often bump into them now, since I avoid public places for safety's sake, but my wife brings back greetings and news when she meets them shopping, etc.

The loss of the ability to perform music in public was a big one, to me. I tried switching over to only playing outdoor gigs, like biker parties and corporate picnics, but all too often, I'd end up down-wind from somebody with WAY too much cologne or perfume on, and get sick, so that had to end, too.

you could rent one of those 'bubbles' to have on stage when you're playing

 

[lisab]

Maybe I can come visit you, Lisa, and you could show me the zoo. Or we could go visit Poland! People seem friendly there. Or maybe we'll both be all wrapped up in graduate studies soon and too busy to even think about doing anything else, so it won't matter.

TSA is right. I need more cats.

You can come any time!

Poland would be great...how about France?

 

[Moonbear]

I went on vacation by myself last summer. I couldn't find anyone I knew who had time to get away. But when I got to my destination, there were thousands and thousands of people on vacation who did find time to get away. Where are all these fun-loving people? I had a good time, but it would have been more fun to have a buddy along.

We really need to plan a vacation together then, because I have the same problem. That, or we sisters all need to move closer together. We'd have a blast!

 

[Math Is Hard]

We seem to be like the Witches in Oz -- they lived pretty far apart. But we should find a place for a sisterhood vacation. I'm a big fan of Las Vegas. Hawaii is nice, too. And I seem to remember some pretty places in Florida from when I went there as a kid.

 

[turbo]

We seem to be like the Witches in Oz

Yes, but if you drop a house on one, you'd better keep an eye out for her sister.

 

[Dadface]

Anyway, back to resolutions.Gave up smoking after more than fourty years on the dreaded weed.Soon going into day seven and being helped by my nicorette inhalator.It's not easy but must persevere.

 

[Evo]

Anyway, back to resolutions.Gave up smoking after more than fourty years on the dreaded weed.Soon going into day seven and being helped by my nicorette inhalator.It's not easy but must persevere.

That's wonderful dadface! I know it's never easy to quit, so hang in there!

 

[Math Is Hard]

But yes, absolutely, MIH, if I hadn't managed to have such a terrific bunch of people ready-made at work, (And I have never, ever hung around outside of work with the people I work with, before. It's always been a huge point of contention and resentment with me when people from work wanted to socialise, especially in a group after work, and I felt obligated to go. I worked with them all day every day, already, dammit. I sure as anything didn't want to spend my free time with them. The majority of people who I work with at this place are terrific to hang out with too.) I'd have an awful time meeting people. Where do you meet new people to befriend after a certain age?

I think that's another problem I have run up against. I always had fun co-workers at previous gigs, people to go to lunch with. Not here. They are very polite and all, just not social outside of the work context. I think I might need to re-cultivate some friendships with old co-workers.

 

[GeorginaS]

I think that's another problem I have run up against. I always had fun co-workers at previous gigs, people to go to lunch with. Not here. They are very polite and all, just not social outside of the work context. I think I might need to re-cultivate some friendships with old co-workers.

That might be a good place to connect with people. Or reconnect. You've already got a head start on knowing them and their quirks.

Good luck to you, Dadface! Hang in there.

I don't have a New Year's resolution. I have a daily one, though, to exercise more. I can't stand exercising for its own sake. Disguise exercise as an activity, in-line skating, raquette ball, dancing, bike riding, anything where you're doing stuff and exercise happens to be a bi-product is what I enjoy. I need a person for that! I don't have a physical activity person. Somebody to come and play with me. Bah. Or, haul my behind back to work-out classes. That I hate. One way or the other, though, I need to get more activity back into my life. I want to stay in good condition so that I can tie my own shoes when I'm 70.

 

[Borek]

I plan to wear mocasins.

 

[whitay]

My new years resolution is to try to make some friends in real life. I have signed up for that meetup.com site and I'm trying to figure it out. There were 3 groups I was interested in - one has already broken up, another costs $300/year in membership fees, and the other is a walking group which might might be just for seniors. Anyone else had good luck with that?

Yes. I go to a German Meetup monthly and it is just what I want. I've been to a number of the so far though I haven't made friends just yet. There is a mix of ages though.

Even try Vegetarian or Vegan meetup group. They too are common. I have a friend who goes to those and meets a lot of people. She also runs a few girls meetup groups and has done so with a lot of success. As well as on for her university. So maybe there might be similar meetups like that.

There are a lot of book clubs etc that you can join on meetup have you tried any of them? there may even be one for your profession (depending if its technical).