Responding what when someone calls you

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The discussion centers around the perceived rudeness of responding with "What?" when someone calls another person's name, contrasting it with more polite alternatives like "Yes?" or "How may I help you?" Participants express differing views on whether "What?" is inherently rude, with some arguing that it can be a thoughtless response that conveys annoyance, while others believe it is a straightforward acknowledgment that saves time. The conversation touches on the evolution of language and etiquette, suggesting that societal norms around communication are changing. Tone of voice and context are highlighted as critical factors in determining the rudeness of a response. Ultimately, the thread reveals a divide between traditional expectations of politeness and more modern, casual interactions, with some participants advocating for a broader perspective on what constitutes rudeness in communication.
  • #61
TheStatutoryApe said:
I think a lot of people are unhappy because they allow things such as this to bother them regardless of the intent. If more people stopped trying to assign intent to words instead of the person they might be able to get along with others better.
Move the onus back one step. Let's speak politely, then no one will have to assess intent.
 
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  • #62
DaveC426913 said:
Move the onus back one step. Let's speak politely, then no one will have to assess intent.

But how one defines "politely" is based on their assessment of intent.
 
  • #63
alxm said:
That's plain ridiculous.
You give no reason for this.

How many phosphor trees were cut down so you could post this waste of screen space? :-p

Elaborate.
 
  • #64
DaveC426913 said:
Move the onus back one step. Let's speak politely, then no one will have to assess intent.
If I had to choose between the two I would rather speak freely than politely. Assessing intent is a vital social skill even without language. It's unavoidable regardless of the words that are said. I'd rather someone be genuine in their expression than formally polite. Politeness can also mask malicious intent. The formality of a greeting does not negate the need for assessing intent.

If I were speaking to someone older, or in a position of authority, or in most cases any stranger, I would use a more formal approach. From my experience people who are older than I am seem more comfortable with a formal response. People in authority become bothersome if they have any reason to believe they aren't receiving respect. It can sometimes be difficult to know how strangers will respond to informal speech. So in these cases I stick with the formal politeness, though I don't particularly care for speaking that way.

If I'm talking with someone I know then "what?" is a perfectly acceptable response, though I usually say "yeah?" or "What's up?". The tone of the response trasmits the message behind the words. In fact, I could just grunt at them and they could know my general mood and level of interest in whatever they had to say. When it comes to expressing or interpreting intent, words alone are meaningless. Communication is contextual referencing. I enjoy the diverse ways that language can be connected to meaning. I don't see informality of speech as a degradation of language or politeness at all; merely an unfamiliar linguistic or cultural evolution.
 
  • #65
When the only thing you have said is the person's name, an inquisitive "what?" would sound out of place, it would infer that hearing their name confused them and they need clarification. A plain "what?" comes across as "just tell me what you want". If you say someone's name a simple "yes?" signals that they are available and ready to hear your question. These are very basic verbal signals.

To me answering "what?" means "what do you want?", if that's the person's response to me, I'd respond "nevermind".

me: Dave?
Dave: What do you want?

or

me: Dave?
Dave: yes?, I'm listening
 
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  • #66
This is interesting. Sometimes words can be misunderstood; the other day I had an awkward experience when I replied "huh" to a question I thought was from a peer...it was the teacher. The intentions are perfectly fine, I'm sure not many who respond "what" are actually trying to be antagonistic.
 
  • #67
OAQfirst said:
Peccadillos make us who we are?

To illustrate that point, spitting in many areas can carry fines. I doubt the use of "What?" could ever be punished.

Responding what when someone calls you is merely (and unequivocally!) bad manners. I never said that it is a crime.
 
  • #68
OAQfirst said:
Yet, as far as I can tell, people still know how to write and speak and spell and behave towards everyone.

No; A lot of people don't...That's why I posted this thread.

I've seen "What?" used in movies, books

Yes; in movies and books characters often respond "what?" when someone calls them because they are depicting people as (possibly inadvertently) acting rude. People in real life speak rudely too. It's a realistic depiction. I've seen robberies, murders, and all types of crimes in movies too, but I don't think that means that robbing someone is not a crime.

courtrooms...

I haven't.
 
  • #69
Evo said:
In my office we often call out the name of a co-worker to ask a question. If someone responded with "what?" it would be considered rude, it would come across sounding like they are annoyed. I have never heard anyone I work with respond with "what?".

I'm glad some people here agree with me.
 
  • #70
Rude...YES...but at least they're listening (I have kids).
 
  • #71
WhiteTim said:
Responding what when someone calls you is merely (and unequivocally!) bad manners. I never said that it is a crime.
Can you follow a conversation? I wasn't referring to anything you wrote.

WhiteTim said:
No; A lot of people don't...That's why I posted this thread.
You think I was covering every single person around?

Yes; in movies and books characters often respond "what?" when someone calls them because they are depicting people as (possibly inadvertently) acting rude. People in real life speak rudely too. It's a realistic depiction. I've seen robberies, murders, and all types of crimes in movies too, but I don't think that means that robbing someone is not a crime.
This looks like a strawman.

Please consider the context that I wrote these posts - in reply to DaveC426913

I haven't.
I have.
 
  • #72
OAQfirst said:
So, does this mean I've been rude to people 24,040 times in my life?

Yes.

"What?" is so predominant now, it's hard to rationalize it as a rude response anymore.

Nonsense.


I've never thought anyone was being rude to me with that reply.

If you didn't know it was rude for you to respond to people with it, I kind of figured that you wouldn't think someone was being rude to you with that reply.
 
  • #73
OAQfirst said:
Because it is a great stretch for me to see it as rude in any way. Related to the regional social environment and experiences, I suppose.

I don't think so.
 
  • #74
How the hell is replying "what" rude? My god if this is all people have to worry about no wonder the world is like it is.
 
  • #75
SticksandStones said:
How the hell is replying "what" rude? My god if this is all people have to worry about no wonder the world is like it is.
It's abrupt and dismissive. When you work and live closely with others, rules of etiquette are important.
 
  • #76
WhiteTim said:
If you didn't know it was rude for you to respond to people with it, I kind of figured that you wouldn't think someone was being rude to you with that reply.

If both people in this conversation don't imply any rudeness from it, then it isn't rude. It may be bad manners, but many people have no desire to adhere to custom amongst their friends and peers. What people say amongst themselves is their own business and doesn't relate to you personally besides as an indication of changing customs. Bad manners aren't inherently malicious.

If someone speaks to you this way and you make it clear that you perceive it as rudeness, and they continue to respond similarly, then you can be sure that their intentions are malicious. This is more than just bad manners. It would be fair to consider it a personal attack.

The intent is unchanged, but the standards that define it change. The accepted way of doing things tomorrow will not be the same as they were yesterday. Today we deal with the conflict inherent in change. Every generation has its day. Because travel and communication are made so much easier today you can expect culture to change rapidly worldwide. Personally, I'm far more concerned with people's intentions than the standards we use to define and influence their behaviour. I don't think the new generations like being defined and influenced by the older ones. You can dance around it or stumble over it, but you can't stop the world from changing.
 
  • #77
Personally, I like the "manners" lesson that takes place in the barber shop in "Gran Torino". :smile:
 
  • #78
WhiteTim said:
Yes.
This is all assuming that it is rude to begin with. As you apparently haven't noticed, there are some here who don't share your opinion. Where two people use the same word in reply, would you still describe them as being rude to each other?

Nonsense.
As you apparently haven't noticed, there are some here who don't share your opinion.

If you didn't know it was rude for you to respond to people with it, I kind of figured that you wouldn't think someone was being rude to you with that reply.
This is all assuming that it is rude to begin with. As you apparently haven't noticed, there are some here who don't share your opinion. Where two people use the same word in reply, would you still describe them as being rude to each other?

I don't think so.
As you apparently haven't noticed, there are some here who don't share your opinion.
I know where you stand. You know where I stand. Anything else?
 
  • #79
BobG said:
Personally, I like the "manners" lesson that takes place in the barber shop in "Gran Torino". :smile:
Great scene! Now that's love.
 
  • #80
DaveC426913 said:
One could say the same thing about spitting on the ground. It is so predominant now it's hard for people to remember when spitting was a vile, disgusting and unhygienic habit.

Oh wait. Some of us haven't forgotten.

No, swallowing my sinus drainage is the disgusting and unhygenic habit.

I had gastrointestinal problems for years growing up because my parents wouldn't let me spit out the mucus that was draining from my sinuses into my stomach. After a pediatrician told them why I was likely having these problems, they didn't have a problem with me spitting.

What alternative do you suggest? Do I jeopardize my own health so random strangers (whom I'll never see again in my life) don't think me "disgusting?"

EDIT: I didn't mention that I have chronic seasonal allergy problems, I'm allergic to nearly everything they test for. My sinuses are constantly bedeviling me.
 
  • #81
I can't even begin to understand how anyone could possibly find spitting or responding "what" as rude. I continue to be glad I wasn't born in a time of such insanity.
 
  • #82
I find the sight of people ridding themselves of bodily waste products in public both rude and disgusting.
 
  • #83
SticksandStones said:
I can't even begin to understand how anyone could possibly find spitting or responding "what" as rude. I continue to be glad I wasn't born in a time of such insanity.
You weren't?
 
  • #84
OAQfirst said:
You weren't?

That was a bad wording. I should say "I'm glad people around the same age as I largely don't seem to care about such unnecessary worries."

If someone spitting on to the ground outside is enough to cause you disgust I suggest you find something else to fill your time with. I for one am too busy to care about such things.
 
  • #85
SticksandStones said:
That was a bad wording. I should say "I'm glad people around the same age as I largely don't seem to care about such unnecessary worries."

If someone spitting on to the ground outside is enough to cause you disgust I suggest you find something else to fill your time with. I for one am too busy to care about such things.
Flash forward a decade or so. You're walking down the street with your wife and some kid flings dog poo at you. You are disgusted - he says "Big deal. It's commonplace. That makes it OK."
 
  • #86
Throwing feces is a long way from using a particular word. But you might admit that http://www.zazzle.com/i_fling_poo_tshirt-235753561265816907" is adorable anyway.
 
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  • #87
OAQfirst said:
Throwing feces is a long way from using a particular word. But you might admit that http://www.zazzle.com/i_fling_poo_tshirt-235753561265816907" is adorable anyway.
Actually, Sticks & Stones was talking about the spitting.

You know what a slippery slope is?
 
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  • #88
man, people are uptight. i get the feeling that most who get upset by this must have teenagers.
 
  • #89
DaveC426913 said:
Actually, Sticks & Stones was talking about the spitting.
Yes. And S&S was responding to your post on the spitting.

You know what a slippery slope is?
Yes.
 
  • #90
OAQfirst said:
Yes. And S&S was responding to your post on the spitting.
Right. So you're following where I'm going then.

He thinks that it's silly to get irked about spitting. He's grown up used to it. Flash forward and he will find himself in a situation where others are inpinging on his sensibilities. And they're thinking he's all uptight about something that "everyone does".
 

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