Science Humor: A Wide Selection

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One student in my electronics lab opened up a 9 volt battery very carefully and replaced a few of the cells with a signal generator IC, and put it back together again. When the instructor came around, he connected it to the oscilloscope and said, "Look, this battery is putting out AC."
 
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My high school chemistry teacher told us that when he was in university they would send the freshmen chem majors to the depot to pick up a bucket of mercury.
 
Girl = Time x Money
And we all know time is money.
Time = Money
Therefore.
Girl = Money x Money = Money^2
And because money is the root of all evil.
Money = SQRT Evil
Therefore.
Girl = SQRT Evil^2
We are forced to conclude that.
Girl = Evil.
 
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Monitor16807 said:
Girl = Time x Money
And we all know time is money.
Time = Money
Therefore.
Girl = Money x Money = Money^2
And because money is the root of all evil.
Money = SQRT Evil
Therefore.
Girl = SQRT Evil^2
We are forced to conclude that.
Girl = Evil.
Or -evil?

Rigour, my friend.

http://thisdomainisirrelevant.net/imgs/215.jpg

I like this one of overclocking towards the Bose-Einstein condensate.
 
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Funny.
 
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EvilPoet said:
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room. So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker.

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range. There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again. Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.

Source: The Dark Sucker Theory page[/QUOTE

one question. Is all this stuff on dark suckers or just a joke. just confused?
 
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
 
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Achtung said:
oh this is just disgusting. stop picking this joke apart. it was hilarious. if u don't get it then atleast don't spoil(hijack? this is not a joke discussion thread) this thread for the rest of us.
Where the hell is ur sense of humor?(rehtorical let's not discuss that either)

"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. You don't learn much, and the frog dies." -- Mark Twain
 
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rolerbe said:
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. You don't learn much, and the frog dies." -- Mark Twain

I have to disagree with this. When I was a kid, the neighbor girl and I dissected a toad. It was the first time I saw a beating heart and working lungs. It was also the first time I realized just how long intestines are (the toad escaped the dissection and started hopping down the street). I felt I learned quite a bit. The toad did eventually die. The neighbor girl's big brother came out and chewed us out, then shot the toad several times with his BB gun until it finally died.

Analyzing comments about analyzing humor is even more fun than analyzing humor.
 
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BobG said:
I have to disagree with this. When I was a kid, the neighbor girl and I dissected a toad. It was the first time I saw a beating heart and working lungs. It was also the first time I realized just how long intestines are (the toad escaped the dissection and started hopping down the street). I felt I learned quite a bit. The toad did eventually die. The neighbor girl's big brother came out and chewed us out, then shot the toad several times with his BB gun until it finally died.

Analyzing comments about analyzing humor is even more fun than analyzing humor.

For the record, doing it while it's still alive isn't dissecting, it's ... well ... killing. You monster.
 
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DaveC426913 said:
For the record, doing it while it's still alive isn't dissecting, it's ... well ... killing. You monster.


I just wish I hadn't moved out of that neighborhood. I would have liked to have known her when we both were older. She was obnoxious and a major troublemaker and I didn't like her very much - but she always managed to rope me into doing things I never would have tried on my own (seeing as how I was always, well almost always, a good boy). The strange things she wanted to do were always just a little too intriguing to resist once I started thinking about it.
 
Well, don't know if it's been told already but...

An ion walks into a pub and says to his mate "I think I lost an electron"
His mate asks "Are you sure?"
The ion answers "yeah, I'm positive!"
 
BobG said:
I just wish I hadn't moved out of that neighborhood. I would have liked to have known her when we both were older. She was obnoxious and a major troublemaker and I didn't like her very much - but she always managed to rope me into doing things I never would have tried on my own (seeing as how I was always, well almost always, a good boy). The strange things she wanted to do were always just a little too intriguing to resist once I started thinking about it.

Then good thing you moved before puberty...
 
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"Science is learning how to look serious when you have hilarious things to tell people.

I never was particularly serious about my grand joke."

--A. Einstein (paraphrased)
 
On wall of Lab:

"Heisenberg didn't know his L from his S"
 
Imparcticle said:
Teacher : What's 7Q + 3Q ?
Student: 10Q
Teacher: haha. Your welcome.

If the student were Chinese, he also could say "You'r welcome" ;)

3Q

3 is San in Hanyu. 3Q is famous replacement for thankyou in Chinese chats.
 
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Assume:

h = humor; c = cheery; G = good grief...

to calculate what Einstein thought was so amusing about his "big mistake".
 
mabs239 said:
3 is San in Hanyu. 3Q is famous replacement for thankyou in Chinese chats.
In Japanese also 3 is san and level is kyu, so third level is san kyu, which is the same as they pronounce thank you.
 
Just heard this one on American Dad. I thought that it was surprisingly accurate, given all of the popular misconceptions about the uncertainty principle:

"Heisenberg's wife was upset because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum."
 
We used to present it to our friends in the school. A funny poem which seems to be pleasant remarks until one completes reading it. Some people can not guess the meanings even then. Translated to English from my native language.

Rose you rose
Rose are rose
Rose a rose
Rose dirty rose
Rose boy rose
 
mabs239 said:
We used to present it to our friends in the school. A funny poem which seems to be pleasant remarks until one completes reading it. Some people can not guess the meanings even then. Translated to English from my native language.

Rose you rose
Rose are rose
Rose a rose
Rose dirty rose
Rose boy rose

haahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

that's a dirty one :smile:
 
Ok there were some good ones there ,but this will be the worst ever
1+1 = 41
see your in shock it's so good
 
http://xkcd.com/21/

kepler.jpg
 
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John37 said:
Ok there were some good ones there ,but this will be the worst ever
1+1 = 41
see your in shock it's so good
Has your cheese slipped off its cracker?
 
The difference between engineers and mathematicians:

An engineer was given the problem of removing two nails from a piece of wood. One of the nails had been hammered all the way in, while the other was slightly protruding. So the engineer first pulled out the protruding nail without much difficulty. Then, he dug in with his fingernails and slowly pulled out the second nail, taking far longer.

Next, a mathematician was given the same problem. The mathematician started with the nail that was pressed all the way into the wood, similarly digging in and slowly making progress until the nail was removed. He then looked at the protruding nail, and said "Oh, that's easy-- I can reduce this to a problem I've already solved!" and started by pushing the protruding nail all the way into the wood.

DaveE
 
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A mathematician sits on a bench eating lunch with a friend. Across the street they observe two people walking into a building. A few moments later, they see three people exiting the building.

The mathematician turns to his friend and says "Now, if only a person would re-enter the building, it will once again contain exactly zero people."
 
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davee123 said:
The difference between engineers and mathematicians:

An engineer was given the problem of removing two nails from a piece of wood. One of the nails had been hammered all the way in, while the other was slightly protruding.

And the difference between me and a real engineer... I'd set the wood on fire. When it burns away, the nails won't be in it. :approve:
 
drizzle said:
haahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

that's a dirty one :smile:

Sorry, I have messed up the whole thing. You know I am out of the school for a long time. Therefore had to ask from a young lad. Unfortunately the puzzle I translated is not half as interesting as it were in Urdu. "Dirty" is not used in the original version. Let me see if I can write the oigional one

We used to wrap up the paper so that only one line were visible to the victim. Each line contained flower ---- flower. Middle word to be filled in by the victim with the advise of the "hunter"

پھول میں پھول
پھول جمع پھول
پھول دار پھول
پھول ہوں پھول
Word by Word translation:

Folwer in Flower ("in" looks same as "I, me")
Flower plus flower ("plus" is used as "collector")
Flower"ed" Flower ("Collect in above has been converted to a noun by adding دار)
Flower "am" flower.

Then the paper is unfolded. Victim reads the middle column which translates somewhat like "I am a collector". Funnny part is that the word Collector or جمع دار is used for a sweaper or the person who cleans the gutters.

You may notice that where I used the word dirty, it acutually consits of two words, each having separate and useful meanings in their context. So it decieves much better than the word "dirty". "Dirty is a rather badword also. Moreover the same shape of "in" and "me" keeps the victim unsuspecious.

I don't know how many people do understand Urdu here and can enjoy this joke. Anyway English readers could come up with a better English version, though I am not sure that I have been able to convey the acutual tone.
 
mabs239 said:
پھول میں پھول
پھول جمع پھول
پھول دار پھول
پھول ہوں پھول
Word by Word translation:

...

are these Arabic letters? you use them to write Urdu?