Science Humor: A Wide Selection

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The discussion centers around a variety of science-related humor, showcasing anecdotes, jokes, and humorous theories. A notable story involves a NASA team during the Apollo mission who encountered a Navajo sheep herder, leading to a humorous mistranslation of a message intended for the moon. Another highlight is Chuck Yeager's playful exaggeration about a design flaw in the Bell X-1 aircraft, which he humorously attributed to complex aerodynamics rather than a simple cable routing issue. The thread also features the "Dark Sucker Theory," humorously positing that light bulbs "suck dark" instead of emitting light, and a fictitious element called "administratium," which humorously critiques bureaucracy in science. Various jokes illustrate the intersection of humor and science, such as the classic question about the nature of hell, which leads to a clever thermodynamic analysis. Overall, the content blends clever scientific concepts with humor, appealing to those with an interest in both science and comedy.
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  • #502
lindaadams said:
One atom walks up to another atom and says
"Dude I think I lost an electron"
the other atom replies
"Are you sure?"
he says
"Yes, I am positive"

Haha. I love the jokes the robot butler in Fallout 3 tells.

Atoms have mass? I wasn't even aware they were Catholic.

A neutron walks into a bar, "how much for a drink?" he asks. The bartender replies, "For you, no charge"
 
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  • #503
Crazy Tosser said:
Best.joke.ever. Can't stop laughing LOL

Ack!
My ignorance overwhelms me; behold my shame.
But will somebody PLEASE tell me why negative epsilon is funny?
 
  • #504
mbrmbrg said:
... will somebody PLEASE tell me why negative epsilon is funny?
According to wiki, epsilon is defined as "...an arbitrarily (or nearly so) small positive quantity..."
 
  • #505
Ah. Thank you. :redface: Got it. Use Wikipedia.
 
  • #506
Here's is one, you have to imagine that Jerry Seinfeld is telling it:

What's the deal the Higgs Boson? Does it even matter?
:smile:
 
  • #507
tchitt said:
Haha. I love the jokes the robot butler in Fallout 3 tells.

Atoms have mass? I wasn't even aware they were Catholic.


Can someone help me out. I am sure I have heard that joke in a movie but I can't put my finger on it. It is driving me crazy. I don't think it was a comedy. It is driving me crazy!
 
  • #508
nrqed said:
Can someone help me out. I am sure I have heard that joke in a movie but I can't put my finger on it. It is driving me crazy. I don't think it was a comedy. It is driving me crazy!

A Catholic mass
 
  • #509
whats does one physicist say if he wants to pick up another physicist? Let me be your cation and you be my anion I've always had an ion u..

IDK i just thought of it now
 
  • #510
Q: Why did the mathematician have complex numbers on his cellphone?

A: So he could call all his imaginary friends.
 
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  • #511
One student in my electronics lab opened up a 9 volt battery very carefully and replaced a few of the cells with a signal generator IC, and put it back together again. When the instructor came around, he connected it to the oscilloscope and said, "Look, this battery is putting out AC."
 
  • #512
My high school chemistry teacher told us that when he was in university they would send the freshmen chem majors to the depot to pick up a bucket of mercury.
 
  • #513
Girl = Time x Money
And we all know time is money.
Time = Money
Therefore.
Girl = Money x Money = Money^2
And because money is the root of all evil.
Money = SQRT Evil
Therefore.
Girl = SQRT Evil^2
We are forced to conclude that.
Girl = Evil.
 
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  • #514
Monitor16807 said:
Girl = Time x Money
And we all know time is money.
Time = Money
Therefore.
Girl = Money x Money = Money^2
And because money is the root of all evil.
Money = SQRT Evil
Therefore.
Girl = SQRT Evil^2
We are forced to conclude that.
Girl = Evil.
Or -evil?

Rigour, my friend.

http://thisdomainisirrelevant.net/imgs/215.jpg

I like this one of overclocking towards the Bose-Einstein condensate.
 
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  • #515
Funny.
 
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  • #516


EvilPoet said:
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room. So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker.

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range. There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again. Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.

Source: The Dark Sucker Theory page[/QUOTE

one question. Is all this stuff on dark suckers or just a joke. just confused?
 
  • #517
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive
 
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  • #518
Vals509 said:
Wanted
$10,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive

Dead and Alive.
 
  • #519
Achtung said:
oh this is just disgusting. stop picking this joke apart. it was hilarious. if u don't get it then atleast don't spoil(hijack? this is not a joke discussion thread) this thread for the rest of us.
Where the hell is ur sense of humor?(rehtorical let's not discuss that either)

"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. You don't learn much, and the frog dies." -- Mark Twain
 
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  • #520
rolerbe said:
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. You don't learn much, and the frog dies." -- Mark Twain

I have to disagree with this. When I was a kid, the neighbor girl and I dissected a toad. It was the first time I saw a beating heart and working lungs. It was also the first time I realized just how long intestines are (the toad escaped the dissection and started hopping down the street). I felt I learned quite a bit. The toad did eventually die. The neighbor girl's big brother came out and chewed us out, then shot the toad several times with his BB gun until it finally died.

Analyzing comments about analyzing humor is even more fun than analyzing humor.
 
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  • #521
BobG said:
I have to disagree with this. When I was a kid, the neighbor girl and I dissected a toad. It was the first time I saw a beating heart and working lungs. It was also the first time I realized just how long intestines are (the toad escaped the dissection and started hopping down the street). I felt I learned quite a bit. The toad did eventually die. The neighbor girl's big brother came out and chewed us out, then shot the toad several times with his BB gun until it finally died.

Analyzing comments about analyzing humor is even more fun than analyzing humor.

For the record, doing it while it's still alive isn't dissecting, it's ... well ... killing. You monster.
 
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  • #522
DaveC426913 said:
For the record, doing it while it's still alive isn't dissecting, it's ... well ... killing. You monster.


I just wish I hadn't moved out of that neighborhood. I would have liked to have known her when we both were older. She was obnoxious and a major troublemaker and I didn't like her very much - but she always managed to rope me into doing things I never would have tried on my own (seeing as how I was always, well almost always, a good boy). The strange things she wanted to do were always just a little too intriguing to resist once I started thinking about it.
 
  • #523
Well, don't know if it's been told already but...

An ion walks into a pub and says to his mate "I think I lost an electron"
His mate asks "Are you sure?"
The ion answers "yeah, I'm positive!"
 
  • #524
BobG said:
I just wish I hadn't moved out of that neighborhood. I would have liked to have known her when we both were older. She was obnoxious and a major troublemaker and I didn't like her very much - but she always managed to rope me into doing things I never would have tried on my own (seeing as how I was always, well almost always, a good boy). The strange things she wanted to do were always just a little too intriguing to resist once I started thinking about it.

Then good thing you moved before puberty...
 
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  • #525
"Science is learning how to look serious when you have hilarious things to tell people.

I never was particularly serious about my grand joke."

--A. Einstein (paraphrased)
 
  • #526
On wall of Lab:

"Heisenberg didn't know his L from his S"
 
  • #527
Imparcticle said:
Teacher : What's 7Q + 3Q ?
Student: 10Q
Teacher: haha. Your welcome.

If the student were Chinese, he also could say "You'r welcome" ;)

3Q

3 is San in Hanyu. 3Q is famous replacement for thankyou in Chinese chats.
 
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  • #528
Assume:

h = humor; c = cheery; G = good grief...

to calculate what Einstein thought was so amusing about his "big mistake".
 
  • #529
mabs239 said:
3 is San in Hanyu. 3Q is famous replacement for thankyou in Chinese chats.
In Japanese also 3 is san and level is kyu, so third level is san kyu, which is the same as they pronounce thank you.
 
  • #530
Just heard this one on American Dad. I thought that it was surprisingly accurate, given all of the popular misconceptions about the uncertainty principle:

"Heisenberg's wife was upset because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum."
 
  • #531
We used to present it to our friends in the school. A funny poem which seems to be pleasant remarks until one completes reading it. Some people can not guess the meanings even then. Translated to English from my native language.

Rose you rose
Rose are rose
Rose a rose
Rose dirty rose
Rose boy rose
 
  • #532
mabs239 said:
We used to present it to our friends in the school. A funny poem which seems to be pleasant remarks until one completes reading it. Some people can not guess the meanings even then. Translated to English from my native language.

Rose you rose
Rose are rose
Rose a rose
Rose dirty rose
Rose boy rose

haahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

that's a dirty one :smile:
 
  • #533
Ok there were some good ones there ,but this will be the worst ever
1+1 = 41
see your in shock it's so good
 
  • #534
http://xkcd.com/21/

kepler.jpg
 
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  • #535
John37 said:
Ok there were some good ones there ,but this will be the worst ever
1+1 = 41
see your in shock it's so good
Has your cheese slipped off its cracker?
 
  • #536
The difference between engineers and mathematicians:

An engineer was given the problem of removing two nails from a piece of wood. One of the nails had been hammered all the way in, while the other was slightly protruding. So the engineer first pulled out the protruding nail without much difficulty. Then, he dug in with his fingernails and slowly pulled out the second nail, taking far longer.

Next, a mathematician was given the same problem. The mathematician started with the nail that was pressed all the way into the wood, similarly digging in and slowly making progress until the nail was removed. He then looked at the protruding nail, and said "Oh, that's easy-- I can reduce this to a problem I've already solved!" and started by pushing the protruding nail all the way into the wood.

DaveE
 
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  • #537
A mathematician sits on a bench eating lunch with a friend. Across the street they observe two people walking into a building. A few moments later, they see three people exiting the building.

The mathematician turns to his friend and says "Now, if only a person would re-enter the building, it will once again contain exactly zero people."
 
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  • #538
davee123 said:
The difference between engineers and mathematicians:

An engineer was given the problem of removing two nails from a piece of wood. One of the nails had been hammered all the way in, while the other was slightly protruding.

And the difference between me and a real engineer... I'd set the wood on fire. When it burns away, the nails won't be in it. :approve:
 
  • #539
drizzle said:
haahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

that's a dirty one :smile:

Sorry, I have messed up the whole thing. You know I am out of the school for a long time. Therefore had to ask from a young lad. Unfortunately the puzzle I translated is not half as interesting as it were in Urdu. "Dirty" is not used in the origional version. Let me see if I can write the oigional one

We used to wrap up the paper so that only one line were visible to the victim. Each line contained flower ---- flower. Middle word to be filled in by the victim with the advise of the "hunter"

پھول میں پھول
پھول جمع پھول
پھول دار پھول
پھول ہوں پھول
Word by Word translation:

Folwer in Flower ("in" looks same as "I, me")
Flower plus flower ("plus" is used as "collector")
Flower"ed" Flower ("Collect in above has been converted to a noun by adding دار)
Flower "am" flower.

Then the paper is unfolded. Victim reads the middle column which translates somewhat like "I am a collector". Funnny part is that the word Collector or جمع دار is used for a sweaper or the person who cleans the gutters.

You may notice that where I used the word dirty, it acutually consits of two words, each having separate and useful meanings in their context. So it decieves much better than the word "dirty". "Dirty is a rather badword also. Moreover the same shape of "in" and "me" keeps the victim unsuspecious.

I don't know how many people do understand Urdu here and can enjoy this joke. Anyway English readers could come up with a better English version, though I am not sure that I have been able to convey the acutual tone.
 
  • #540
mabs239 said:
پھول میں پھول
پھول جمع پھول
پھول دار پھول
پھول ہوں پھول
Word by Word translation:

...

are these Arabic letters? you use them to write Urdu?
 
  • #541
mabs239 said:
Victim reads the middle column which translates somewhat like "I am a collector".

This reminds me, in a way, of one that my ex-employer showed me a few years ago. It's a tongue-twister, presented as follows, printed on paper:

Eye
Sofa
King
We
Todd
Did

Just get the victim to try it faster and faster until (if ever) he realizes what he's saying. :devil:
 
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  • #542
Danger said:
Eye
Sofa
King
We
Todd
Did

for how long?:biggrin:
 
  • #543
drizzle said:
for how long?:biggrin:

That depends upon how quick he is. :wink:
 
  • #544
Danger said:
And the difference between me and a real engineer... I'd set the wood on fire. When it burns away, the nails won't be in it. :approve:

You see a house on fire, a hose and a hydrant. How would you solve the problem?
Engineer, mathematician: I'd connect the hose to the hydrant and put out the fire.

You see a house on that's not on fire, a hose and a hydrant. How would you solve the problem?
Engineer: I wouldn't do anything, because there's no problem.
Mathematician: I'd set the house on fire, thus reducing it to a problem previously solved.
 
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  • #545
How do you know an Engineer is an extrovert?

Because, when he talks to you, he stares at *your* shoes.
 
  • #546
drizzle said:
are these Arabic letters? you use them to write Urdu?

Yes. These are arabic alphabets. Howeve Urdu has more alphabets than Arabic and some of the unique Urdu sounds are written with more than one alphabet combiation of arbic.

Danger,

Toung-Twisters jokes have a separate category and there are many more like these in Urdu also.
 
  • #547
mabs239 said:
Toung-Twisters jokes have a separate category and there are many more like these in Urdu also.
I'm aware of the difference, mabs. The point here is that this is not a tongue-twister; it's merely presented as one in order to lure the victim in.
 
  • #548
20090511bfo_s_web.jpg


I can't stop laughing. It's a science joke that a friend turned me onto, yet there is an element of truth that unfolds in this cartoon that lurks in the back of one's mind when having to debate. :devil: (tee-hee) Of course, keeping a cool head while getting the message across is essential. :approve: I salute every scientist that manages that feat. You know who I'm talking to.:wink:

I've got some catching up elsewhere on physicsforums. Looking forward to tomorrow.

p.s. A little off topic - I have the most spectacular picture I hope to post to the board if I can figure out how to do that. I took a close-up photograph of a dove with her two babies. I was on a ladder day after day and less than six inches from the nest. It was the most awesome experience. Everyday, I was watching them grow.:biggrin: They have flown away now, but the memory is still alive. I miss 'em.:cry:
 
  • #549
an argument between pi and square root of 2 is going on.
Square root of 2 : be rational man!
Pi : get real!
 
  • #550
What does a mathematician shout when hitting a golf ball?
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
Square root of 16!

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
In Love
Prys die Heer!
 
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