Social life and Physics/Mathematics?

[tim_lou]

I have a similar problem in that I used to be extremely depressed because I had no friends and I felt useless. But now, I got over that nonsense idea that teenagers have to "fit in" by being popular, doing stupid things for fun, etc. Even though I still have hardly any friends, I hardly feel depressed at all. I created purpose in my life by always trying to push myself by constantly studying or working.

That pretty much summed it all on what happened to me.
Most of my friends in high school thought that I'm weird... but eventually i realized that I do not have to adjust to the norm just because I'm a little different.

 

[Hurkyl]

Do I live to pick up hot girls? Of course I do, so does every other male on this earth. I have no sympathy for introverts who want to be felt sorry for because they have no friends.

Huh?

(1) Not everybody is as shallow as you.
(2) One can have friends without trying to pick up hot girls.
(3) One can be an introvert and have friends.
(4) One can have no friends and not desire sympathy.

Hrm, did I miss anything?

 

[JasonRox]

Huh?

(1) Not everybody is as shallow as you.
(2) One can have friends without trying to pick up hot girls.
(3) One can be an introvert and have friends.
(4) One can have no friends and not desire sympathy.

Hrm, did I miss anything?

Nope, I don't think you missed anything.

 

[gravenewworld]

Huh?

(1) Not everybody is as shallow as you.
(2) One can have friends without trying to pick up hot girls.
(3) One can be an introvert and have friends.
(4) One can have no friends and not desire sympathy.

(1) don't even try to pretend like you know anything about me from what i post on an internet forum. half the time i come off as a douche bag because of my extreme sarcasm.

(2) true, but having friends that are hot girls is even better

(3) true (like me in high school), but people like to be around other people who are more social.

(4). maybe, but some people need a good kick in the ass to get them going in the right direction. be reasonable, do you honestly believe someone could live their entire life without having any friends? i don't think so.

Hrm, did I miss anything?

why are math nerds weirdos?


























(did you pick up on the sarcasm?_

 

[SeReNiTy]

Stop whinging like fools. You only live once, so embrace the anghst moment and make your meaning in life. Be it antisocial or not, it doesn't matter.

But seriously, follow grave new world's advice, its amazing how fast a hot girl can take your mind of your problems.

 

[Pyrrhus]

Tim, if you don't have new experiences, you'll never know what are the things that you actually like! (You know now, you like math/phys, but what else do you like?)

 

[Weave]

I agree, you just can't beat hot girls, I prefer one night standers if yah know what I mean. But do what makes you happy-this is key. Try to understand what you want in life and work torwards it.

 

[quasar987]

This thread is depressing.

It is my opinion that advices on how to run your life are useless. There is some kind of force that drives one's life that is infinitely stronger than the mind. This means that trying to follow any kind of advice that is not in alignement with this force (exemple: get hot girls) will meet with failure and more frustration.

Just go with the flow. You'll die tomorrow.

(I hope I didn't make it worse )

 

[pivoxa15]

I agree, you just can't beat hot girls

As much as I want to disgree (for moral reasons), I have to admit its true because you can't beat millions of years of homo evolution.

Some things are more 'natural' than others because we are humans and have adopted certain traits, like it or not. From an evolutionary point of view, the purpose of life is to love the opposite sex and reproduce. Its very hard to go against it and probably the most accurate 'meaning of life' answer there is, unless you want to make one up but this is the 'natural' answer.

Sometimes love can be more powerful than any other feeling even discoveries in math/physics. I'm sure you watched movies like Good Will Hunting, A beautiful Mind, Enigma etc they all have the same grand theme which is love. Even though they are movies and their main goals is to increase sales, there must still be genuine reasons behind this unifying theme.

But I agree that offering advice about how someone should live their life is hopeless, especially over the internet. Even offering future career paths for someone is difficult enough as I have found from experience. But there is a unifying response which is just to 'do what you enjoy'. You can't really go wrong with this advice, because no matter what you do, at least you have enjoyed it.

 

[gravenewworld]

This thread is depressing.

It is my opinion that advices on how to run your life are useless. There is some kind of force that drives one's life that is infinitely stronger than the mind. This means that trying to follow any kind of advice that is not in alignement with this force (exemple: get hot girls) will meet with failure and more frustration.

Just go with the flow. You'll die tomorrow.

(I hope I didn't make it worse )

Well If you expect to fail before you even try somethign, then you are probably going to fail. That is the biggest problem I have been reading in this entire thread. There is just too much expectation of failure. Maybe advice on how to live your life is worthless, but if it is then what is the point of starting this entire thread?

All the OP needs is confidence (which many women find very attracive in a man). It just takes time and practice to build it up, but you have to start somewhere. If you never open yourself up no one is ever going to bother attempting to get to know you. Even if you fail when TRYING to meet new people so what? At least you TRIED. There is no other way to build your personal confidence up about meeting new people until you force yourself to talk to others and become more friendly.

Why is it that the OP and several others in this thread can spill all their guts to completely random strangers on an internet forum but can't do the same in real life? There is always someone around who will listen.

 

[chaoseverlasting]

I agree with gravenewworld man... I am like you tim... complete nerd in a country of nerds... its very depressing to be in such a competetive atmosphere and to deal with the pressures it puts on you. Till about 12th grade I was completely introverted, depressed about half the time, and the only thing that really drove me was C++ programming. Then I went on a school trip to Goa with my classmates. It did me a load of good man. No books, no computers, traveling in trains, staying up half the night... it changed me.

Im still completely engrossed in Physics/Maths/Chem/Computers but I have a social life.. I have friends I go out with once in a while. I try to talk to people. Most of them don't know anything about Science.

If you try to talk to them, it'll be awkward in the begenning, but one advantage guys like us have is that we can learn quickly. It won't take you too much time to learn how to talk in a group or with women. You may make a fool out of yourself in the begenning, but it all works out. Talk about music, that's pretty neutral, ask them what kind of music they like and go on from there... Its not very hard...

I feel a lot better than I did in 11th grade. I feel happier. I am not depressed most of the time, I don't brood over things as much as I used to, and those questions you ask yourself, you stop asking them after some time... Give it a shot.

 

[vanesch]

To the OP: I've been in that situation too when I was in high school: I only thought of maths and physics, I was quite ok, but my environment thought that I could not be happy because I was not "making fun with my friends". So I somehow felt bad about that, because my environment TOLD ME that I was not happy, that I could not be happy that way, that this was no life etc...
Then I went to university, and there I met other people who were like me. Not many, but some. So I continued to be interested mainly in reading books and studying. And after a few years, I got tired of it, so I started "enjoying my life": started doing sports, going out, meeting girls and all that. Now, I'm married, have a job that is ok, do stuff... and guess what ? The thing I still like most is to get into a corner, with a good physics book, and study out of it. I can't do that all the time anymore, for family obligations, but if I had the choice, I think I would return being a nerd: I like it.

So the point is: do what you like, and if that is being a nerd, then be a nerd. Don't let others tell you how you should live your life.

 

[Equilibrium]

Gee thanks for all your advices. ..
well ido have a girl i liked and i think ill try to chat her always in ym...
Well the "at least you tried" is the best advice in this thread..
chao and good luck on your social lives...

 

[theperthvan]

I recommend smoking a bowl and watching a movie. You don't have to go out to take a break.

YES! Amen brother

 

[Tclack]

Wow, Tim. I've read everything you have said on this post. I can relate perfectly to you. I mean it sounds as if the words in my mind were just extracted and placed onto the computer screen; I love math and physics, And I analyze my own psyche to such an extent that I realize how complicated it all is. Don't you deep down feel overwhelmed when you start thinking about...well how you think? It gets so utterly confusing. I assume you're a math or physics major. Perhaps a double major like myself.

It just amazes me, until now I have never found another person with such similar views and feelings.

I've also never had a girlfriend (I question whether I'll ever have one) I also don't have too many friends, I can think of four...but two, maybe three of them I can't stand (I know there's a maybe there, but it's complicated). They actually became my "friends" because of pure sympathy; they met me once, followed me, eventually wanted to hangout outside of school grounds, Now it has escalted to the point where I have this sense of social obligation which I honestly don't want to fulfill.

Maybe that last paragraph was a little too much information, but anyway. Tim, I'd like to get to know you. I wouldn't imagine you have a myspace (unfortunately I do) But hey, if you want to. I don't mean to impose a similar social obligation on you as I feel towards my "friends". But you're just like me.

Let me know

-Trevor Clack

 

[Math Is Hard]

I was shopping for gifts when I saw a book store so I decided to see if they had this book. They did... as well as this one, https://www.amazon.com/dp/0393320928/?tag=pfamazon01-20. I got both. The first has been very good so far, thanks for the recommendation. Although of course I have heard of feynman's books, you got me to buy them.

I just love that book. I have read it over and over. I need to go get the other one you gave the link for.

 

[pivoxa15]

Tclack, you stated that your occupation is a Tae Kwon Do Instructor so you can't be that anti-social? Or do you do it because you are forced to do it (i.e. need the money)?

 

[tim_lou]

They actually became my "friends" because of pure sympathy; they met me once, followed me, eventually wanted to hangout outside of school grounds, Now it has escalted to the point where I have this sense of social obligation which I honestly don't want to fulfill.

I often hesitate to initiate conversations because I would not know how to reply. And I would rarely hang out with one friend because I wouldn't know what to say. Usually, I would be the silent one, observing and listening to group conversations (or pretending to be listening so that it seems I was engaged in the discussion)... I only have meaningful discussions with friends who I know have similar interests. Hanging out with a group of people become a sort of "obligation" as you called it.

However, as I realized, in the real world, social skill is as important as intelligence and other skills. That is why sometimes I force myself to talk to others, making up meaningless things to talk about or simply listen to what others have to say.

One reason why I liked this forum type of discussion so much is because I get to choose what I want to discuss and when I want to discuss them. There is no pressure, expectation or obligation of any kind.

I'd like to get to know you. I wouldn't imagine you have a myspace

My friends have asked me to create a myspace account... but I never did. Even if I did, I probably would not visit that website too often.

 

[AsianSensationK]

I am an undergraduate student majoring Math/Physics. Well, basically, I am very much into learning so I think about Math/Physics all the time. Even on Friday and Weekends, I usually stay at home and study.

Eww...That means life is one big study session to you. You spend all your time reflecting one mathematics, physics, how the world works, people work, your mind works. That can't be fun.

You need experience and immediacy. Constant reflection isn't either of those.

One of my friends tells me to go out and have some fun, but I simply do not know how or what he means by fun. Should I just go see a movie? or just chill out at some random place? Well, the point is, I simply do not find socializing and doing nothing very enjoyable.

No, don't do such trivial things. Go get an X box, get Halo, get beer and play. After you get good, challenge other guys on your floor. Trash talk. If you live in an apartment by yourself, then get X box live. Trash talk.

Buy a really expensive car. Get a great system to go with it. Drive around real fast. (aside: don't listen to any music made earlier than 1980).

And don't forget to see a football game damnit. If you've got at least one person to go with, then go. Make noise. Get pissed. Swear.

Math is fun. However, there's more to being a guy than just thinking about math. Being a guy also means you think a lot about sports, cars and girls. Anyone who denies this has denied themselves these pleasures for too long.

 

[^_^physicist]

AsianSensationK:

I hate to say it, but I think you are a bit off. Yes, constant reflection is bad, heck it can be down right depressing; however, to force yourself to have interests in things that you downright don't like (I personally hate cars, it just isn't my thing), well that isn't going to do any good. But trying new things, yeah that is necessary.

 

[theperthvan]

i can prove that i don't need friends to succeed...
i just need hard work...

That's quite wrong, you will end up fully depressed.

Tim, you could just stay your way that is to keep working hard and be antisocial - which is what I try to do, although the latter is not really done purposely on mybehalf. And whenever you get depressed or suicidal which I admit often happens to me, try to look to people like Newton, Riemann, Dirac and Grigori Perelman for insipiration and as role models and that might ease your pain and give you encourgement since from reading their biographies, also took this route.

Get help, that is not normal

Close your books.


Grab some beer.



Hit on some hot girls.


It works.

That's the most sensible thing said so far.

 

[fufu]

I have always wondered about the social aspect of success in science. Doing good work is the key I guess, but unless you are downright brilliant, nobody is going to notice you unless you are able to sell yourself. This includes actually talking to people and being able to present your work.

I have always wondered, not that its even somewhere on my horizon right now, but should I ever be the one who has some important work to distribute, will I call the guy who had an internship with me last year and forgot to introduce himself and never actually talked to anybody (but, probably, did excellent work) or the guy from the other building who was telling me about his wedding over a beer last night?

I, however, have noticed I will be happier, if my mind is occupied with something else than physics every once in a while. I am taking foreign language classes, travel whenever possible, read fiction and try to hang with friends for a few hours a week. I am convinced all this activity helps me to concentrate and work more efficient while doing physics.

 

[AsianSensationK]

AsianSensationK:

I hate to say it, but I think you are a bit off. Yes, constant reflection is bad, heck it can be down right depressing; however, to force yourself to have interests in things that you downright don't like (I personally hate cars, it just isn't my thing), well that isn't going to do any good. But trying new things, yeah that is necessary.

Yeah, half of the post was meant to be a joke, in case you didn't notice.

The important thing is recognizing that new experiences are key to getting over these kinds of social problems. How anyone goes about that is up to them.