Ridiculous Survey Questions: Exposing Mundane Attempts at Intelligence

[Danger]

I've never been given a survey that didn't include at least half a dozen of those, but I'm specifically thinking of ones that Mundanes think make them seem intellectual while the choice of answers that they want you to choose from doesn't include the one that an intelligent person would give. I'll just reference the one that pisses me off more than any other, and would really like to hear what monstrosities have been thrust upon the rest of you guys.

e.g.: There's a 12 oz. beer glass on the bar with 6 oz. of beer in it. Some dip wants to play amateur psychologist and asks whether I'm an optimist who says that it's half full, or a pessimist who says that it's half empty. My response is always: "I'm a realist, you idiot! It's full. It's half-full of beer and half-full of air."

Come on, folks. I need some doozies to laugh at.

 

[jedishrfu]

Drink it and say I'm a realist.

 

[Matterwave]

Drink it and say I'm a realist.

Wouldn't that be a pragmatist?

 

[Danger]

Wouldn't that be a pragmatist?

 

[jedishrfu]

Who cares if the beer tastes good.

Beer today gone tomorrow.

 

[Danger]

Beer today gone tomorrow.

You must have a lot better kidneys than me if it takes until tomorrow. In my town, you don't buy beer; you just rent it by the hour.

 

[leroyjenkens]

The answer to that question depends on the situation. If you're in the process of drinking it with the intent of finishing it, then it's half empty. If you're in the process of filling the glass to the top, then it's half full.

 

[DaveC426913]

A boy and a girl are tied to a railroad track. You only have time to save one. Which do you save?

 

[Danger]

A boy and a girl are tied to a railroad track. You only have time to save one. Which do you save?

Yeah, that's a Kobayashi Maru for sure. It'd be a no-brainer if one was your daughter and the other her rapist, but otherwise there are so many factors that it would come down to a split-second decision that couldn't be reasoned out hypothetically..
Good one.

 

[jedishrfu]

What about the poor train?

 

[Doug Huffman]

[ ... ] Mundanes [ ... ]Come on, folks. I need some doozies to laugh at.

Mundanes?

The daughter tied to the railroad track can replace the son many times over. Always save the female.

 

[Danger]

What about the poor train?

It can just wipe its wheels and carry on.

Mundanes?

The daughter tied to the railroad track can replace the son many times over. Always save the female.

Sorry... Mundanes is the term that Science Fiction fans apply to people who aren't. I figure that science fans should be able to use it as well.
The question doesn't state whether or not there are any prior relationships between the 3 people. That's the biggest part of the problem with it.

 

[Matterwave]

A boy and a girl are tied to a railroad track. You only have time to save one. Which do you save?

Be like Hancock and just stop the train...

 

[zoki85]

Chicken or egg, what came first?

 

[Vanadium 50]

asks whether I'm an optimist who says that it's half full, or a pessimist who says that it's half empty

Engineer's answer: the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Engineer's answer: the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Someone posted a list here once of about 50 answers like this one to this question; answers from many different perspectives. It was pretty funny.

 

[jedishrfu]

This post?

https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/science-jokes.4463/page-3#post-193027

 

[Danger]

Chicken or egg, what came first?

Nice try, but that one doesn't actually qualify in that one of the answers is obviously correct. Birds descended from dinosaurs, so the eggs existed for millions of years before the contents thereof evolved into chickens.
Vanadium, I giggle at your response; good one.

 

[256bits]

If you could be anyone in the world, who would you want to be?
Or,
If you could be reincarnated, who would you want to come back as?

 

[256bits]

e.g.: There's a 12 oz. beer glass on the bar with 6 oz. of beer in it. .

Is a 12oz beer glass really 12 oz full, or 12 oz just up to the white line?. So 6 oz is not even half full. The mundane asking the question has got it wrong already from the start.

 

[Danger]

Is a 12oz beer glass really 12 oz full, or 12 oz just up to the white line?. So 6 oz is not even half full. The mundane asking the question has got it wrong already from the start.

I don't know where you live. Speaking as one who spent more than 20 years tending bar, I can say that I've never seen a glass with a line on it except one time as a customer in one strange bar in another city. That particular size of glass is one with straight sides and a handle on it. Exactly to the level of the brim, its volume is 12 oz. It is filled with beer to more or less 3/8" from that limit. That depends upon how much head springs up, (which in itself depends upon several factors), how steady the bartender's hands are, how much he cares, and how much he likes or dislikes the customer. It's all legit because it is sold as a "mug of beer", not by the fluid content. Overpours and underpours average out, so anyone who has more than a couple breaks even. By the same token, some bars sell a 16 oz glass as a pint, while others use a 20 oz glass. That's specified on the menu, and no one expects it to be full right to the top.
In any event, a 12 oz glass with beer up to the line is still full; it just has less air in it than the one with 6 oz of beer.

 

[symbolipoint]

Less-than-sensible questions can be found in Education and in the personality job-fit questionnaires to online employment applications. Exact specific examples, I do not remember.

 

[Vanadium 50]

just up to the white line

Let me guess - you live in Europe. In the US, glasses usually don't have these lines.

 

[Danger]

If you could be reincarnated, who would you want to come back as?

I don't know how I missed your post the first time around. One of my buddies came up with the best answer that I can remember ever hearing. When asked what he would come back as, his immediate response was, "The brass pole in a strip club."

 

[256bits]

The Great White North.
But that is not to say they were ubiticus.
I would have thought maybe someone else might have remembered them, or had seen one.
There were a couple in the cupboard growing up. The ones with the heavy bottom, slim waist, and spreading out at the top.

 

[DaveC426913]

The question doesn't state whether or not there are any prior relationships between the 3 people. That's the biggest part of the problem with it.

For me, the biggest part is that it's a false test.

Nobody is going to choose which one based on gender. And the conceit of the question is that saving one or the other tells something about what kind of person you are. It doesn't. Well unless, in answering the question, you really did choose based on their gender, in which case you've merely been given some with which to hang yourself.

 

[zoobyshoe]

This post?

https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/science-jokes.4463/page-3#post-193027

I don't think so. That one looks like an abbreviated version of the one I'm thinking of.

 

[Danger]

The Great White North.
The ones with the heavy bottom, slim waist, and spreading out at the top.

Fellow Canuck here.
I think that I know the ones to which you refer, now that you provided more info. I've seen sets of them once or twice in private homes, and in fancy restaurants where they are provided with a bottle of beer, but almost never a public bar. They're fancy versions of Pilsner glasses, usually around 7—12 oz, and fairly expensive. Flat sides on the bottom section, right?

Dave, I see your point, but I still think that it's just a subset of mine.

 

[Drakkith]

A train is heading north, while its smoke is heading south. How many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse?

I'll have to get a hold of my dad to get the answer... I can't seem to remember it at the moment.

 

[Danger]

A train is heading north, while its smoke is heading south. How many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse?

I'll have to get a hold of my dad to get the answer...

Was your dad a follower of Timothy Leary? :D

 

[Drakkith]

Was your dad a follower of Timothy Leary? :D

No idea.

 

[Danger]

No idea.

Then he probably was.

 

[Psinter]

Yup, teachers at middle school always tried to play us dumb with their psychological questions with unreal choices. Then they would literally force us to choose only one of the choices. I never answered anything. While they wasted their time doing that I was scribbling C code in my notebook or in my mind.

One question they one made:

If your best friend has a girlfriend/boyfriend and the fiancee is cheating on your best friend. Would you tell your best friend or keep it to yourself?

Those who answered they would tell their best friend got insulted by the teacher by saying that they are gossipers and that they shouldn't get involved with what is not of their business. That you shouldn't get involved in other people's lives.

Those who answered they would keep it to themselves where insulted as hypocrites for not telling the truth.

In the meanwhile I was working on an algorithm and didn't care.

 

[Simon Bridge]

Surveys where the questions are delivered rather than read usually have an unspoken option of "no answer" and maybe "other".
In most countries you always have the option to refuse to answer any question you like.

 

[symbolipoint]

Yup, teachers at middle school always tried to play us dumb with their psychological questions with unreal choices. Then they would literally force us to choose only one of the choices. I never answered anything. While they wasted their time doing that I was scribbling C code in my notebook or in my mind.

One question they one made:

If your best friend has a girlfriend/boyfriend and the fiancee is cheating on your best friend. Would you tell your best friend or keep it to yourself?

Those who answered they would tell their best friend got insulted by the teacher by saying that they are gossipers and that they shouldn't get involved with what is not of their business. That you shouldn't get involved in other people's lives.

Those who answered they would keep it to themselves where insulted as hypocrites for not telling the truth.

In the meanwhile I was working on an algorithm and didn't care.

The teacher was (I guess) trying to force students to think about difficult choices.

 

[Danger]

Yup, teachers at middle school always tried to play us dumb with their psychological questions with unreal choices..

I don't want to use up memory space with a full quote, but this is an excellent example coming from a direction that I wasn't expecting. I have to say that in my less than humble opinion, those teachers should be fried in their own fat. Pulling that kind of garbage on an adult is sadistic enough; subjecting a child to it is horrendous and possibly child-abuse in some jurisdictions. As disturbing as it is, I thank you for bringing it to light. It reminds me, bitterly, of my Southern Baptist 6^th grade teacher who convinced the students (except for the lone Atheist :D) that they would go to hell if they didn't do their homework correctly. (Of course, because I was the only Atheist in the county, she instructed them to beat the dang out of me at least once a week... the whole class, that is, not a fair one-on-one fight. That was when little Danny started morphing into Danger. To this day, I regret that she died of natural causes before I could get my hands around her throat.)
Although I originally had a comedic theme in mind when I started this thread, you have changed my outlook to the point that I would also like to learn of other manipulative rather than simply stupid questions.
Still, though, funny is better for the environment. I'm thinking that perhaps I should ask the Mentors to split this off into two separate threads; one for humour and one for serious social issues arising from stupid questions. I have no problem integrating the two, but some might find it disorienting.

 

[Dembadon]

...

e.g.: There's a 12 oz. beer glass on the bar with 6 oz. of beer in it. Some dip wants to play amateur psychologist and asks whether I'm an optimist who says that it's half full, or a pessimist who says that it's half empty. My response is always: "I'm a realist, you idiot! It's full. It's half-full of beer and half-full of air."

...

Engineer: "It's 200% of the required volume."

Edit: replied before seeing Vanadium and zooby's exchange.

Someone posted a list here once of about 50 answers like this one to this question; answers from many different perspectives. It was pretty funny.

I think it's this one:

http://www.businessballs.com/glass-half-full-empty.htm