Uncle's Boy Loses Wallet - Is "Boys Don't Cry" True?

[Deniel]

I am a 1st year high school student.
My uncle's boy is 3 years older than me. He once told me that "Boys don't cry". But yesterday, I saw him cry because he lost his wallet. He went here and there to look for it, and even in the kitchen, toilet but found nothing...
He told me that he got his papers, and $840 in it and he intended to deposit that sum into his saving account in the bank. He earned it from his part-time job, a waiter.
Is "Boys don't cry" as he once said true ? He just wanted to be like that before me, correct ? I just think if he lost them, he can call the bank and other places to stop some services..like credit cards and go make other ID cards, right ?

 

[Entropy]

There is only one explanation. He obviously isn't a boy!

 

[Deniel]

There is only one explanation. He obviously isn't a boy!

I think it is human emotions, how can we say it can or it can't ?
Are you a man ? or a woman ?

 

[Deniel]

Anyway, I think you might have misunderstood or you might not be able to give me the correct answer because I have tried to search on the topic in the internet for many times before posting this question.
But can you tell me why you don't cry ?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Of course boys cry. All humans do. He might have really been trying to express "Boys are not supposed to cry, or to demonstrate that kind of emotion in public." This may have been something he learned in his own cultural conditioning.

 

[selfAdjoint]

I am a 1st year high school student.
My uncle's boy is 3 years older than me. He once told me that "Boys don't cry". But yesterday, I saw him cry because he lost his wallet. He went here and there to look for it, and even in the kitchen, toilet but found nothing...
He told me that he got his papers, and $840 in it and he intended to deposit that sum into his saving account in the bank. He earned it from his part-time job, a waiter.
Is "Boys don't cry" as he once said true ? He just wanted to be like that before me, correct ? I just think if he lost them, he can call the bank and other places to stop some services..like credit cards and go make other ID cards, right ?

Sometimes older or more powerful people tell younger or weaker people what they hope is true rather than what really is true. This is just one thread in the tapestry of why the human race is as messed up as it is.

 

[the number 42]

If you accept that releasing emotions rather than suppressing them is healthy, then we would have to accept that boys who don't cry are storing up trouble.

Women tend to be better at expressing distress - it is more socially acceptable in the West for them to do so - which is probably something to do with why rates of depression are much higher in women than men, and men have far higher suicide and violent crime rates than women.

'Boys don't cry' is just another brick in the wall, like 'women can't do maths' etc. However, its only polite to pick the time and place to release emotions, rather than dumping your feelings on others inappropriately. Me, I like to cry whilst curled up under my car in the driveway. Anyone else have a favourite way to release emotions?

Note: Come on! I was kidding about the car in driveway bit. Jeez...

 

[Evo]

Why is this in skepticism & debunking?

Anyway, variances of the saying men/boys don't cry have been around for ages. Supposedly if a man shows emotions like crying, he is considered to be weak. I think that it is ridiculous. I personally have more respect for a person that can show their emotions rather than hide them.

 

[Entropy]

I think it is human emotions, how can we say it can or it can't ?
Are you a man ? or a woman ?

I'm a robot!

No, no... A pirate robot!

Anyways I was just kidding. It is appropate for anyone to cry given extreme emotional stress. But it terms of physical pain I think men need to be tough and hold back to some extent. Atleast if they want any respect from me.

 

[Overdose]

LOL@at all the people actually taking this seriously

 

[Evo]

LOL@at all the people actually taking this seriously

It's an age old topic Overdose and one that bears discussing. But this isn't the proper forum, it should be moved to social sciences perhaps.

 

[Deniel]

Evo, I am sorry I didn't know this should be there,
I wrote in my first post my suggestions only which I didn't know wether they would be correct or not. I told him already, and he called them yesterday.

Entropy, what will you do if you don't respect them ? if you don't respect them, will they respect you ? You guys won't talk to each other right ? Are you from Canada ?

 

[JohnDubYa]

If I'm in a foxhole and the guy next to me is crying, that is not a good thing.

 

[the number 42]

If I'm in a foxhole and the guy next to me is crying, that is not a good thing.

Dubya, it probably just means you were telling him your political views

Hey! Calm down! Just kidding again. Jeez, lighten up everyone...

 

[the number 42]

LOL@at all the people actually taking this seriously

Its a valid question, especially from a 1st year high school student. I never even questioned that stuff when I was Daniel's age, and lots of people go through their entire life without questioning it.

So stop being such a big meany, Overdose. I'm telling my mummy

 

[jimmy p]

Humans suck, we cry for emotional reasons. No other animals do. Well maybe fish, but who would notice.

OK new theory to debunk...FISH TEARS.

 

[balkan]

i have cried my share when i was younger...
now, I'm more aware of my own psychology, and i respond rationally to it as much as i can, so i very, very rarely feel the need to cry...
i think it's about balance... if you try to suppress something instead of relieving it in some way (no jokes ), it will eventually come out as tears or violence...

 

[the number 42]

i have cried my share when i was younger...
now, I'm more aware of my own psychology, and i respond rationally to it as much as i can, so i very, very rarely feel the need to cry...

Are you familiar with Rational Emotive Therapy? It provides an excellent approach to life, IMHO.

 

[Gokul43201]

Humans suck, we cry for emotional reasons. No other animals do. Well maybe fish, but who would notice.

OK new theory to debunk...FISH TEARS.

What's to debunk ? Have you never tasted sea-water ?

 

[balkan]

Are you familiar with Rational Emotive Therapy? It provides an excellent approach to life, IMHO.

no... i use my knowledge on jung psychotherapy and psychotherapy in general to analyse my behaviour and my patterns and respond rationally to them... it's working quite well...
i supspect RET is somewhat similar?

 

[the number 42]

no... i use my knowledge on jung psychotherapy and psychotherapy in general to analyse my behaviour and my patterns and respond rationally to them... it's working quite well...
i supspect RET is somewhat similar?

I have respect for Jung and Freud, but RET is a somewhat different approach. It is often described as a humanistic, but I think of it as more a cognitive approach. Its very much logic-based, the idea being to make a realistic assess of events (rational), and getting into the habit of having your feelings (emotive) being in proportion to the magnitude of events. Thus not getting too down about things that are not that serious. It takes a bit of getting used to but its well worth the effort. I am now considered sane in most parts of the visible universe

 

[russ_watters]

Trust me on this guys, very little impresses a girl more than seeing you cry at a sappy movie:

I personally have more respect for a person that can show their emotions rather than hide them.

 

[the number 42]

I cried throughout the last half-hour of Lord of the Rings part 3, but this was because I was starting to hate life itself.
Does this count? Ladies?

 

[balkan]

I cried throughout the last half-hour of Lord of the Rings part 3, but this was because I was starting to hate life itself.
Does this count? Ladies?

hahahaaa! yea... that last half really sucked ass...

1) "oh, no we're all going to die..." ...
2) "wait! look!"
..."pheew, someone came in the nick of time to save us"
3) walk/ride half a mile, rinse and repeat from 1)...
and then that goodie, goodie happyness ending was just about 10 times too much... i seriously considered walking out on that part of the movie...

about the RET, i think I've managed to learn this on my own, side by side with the regular phychoanalysis... i used to have quite a temper, so i simply had to learn it or i would get in trouble all the time... though, i still cannot control my emotions when people annoy me, for some reason... they can talk **** and provoke me all they want, but if they annoy me, i flip...

 

[Moonbear]

I cried throughout the last half-hour of Lord of the Rings part 3, but this was because I was starting to hate life itself.
Does this count? Ladies?

LOL! I didn't cry...I got annoyed, then irritated, then just plain bored. How many endings does one movie need? I was just praying it would all end soon!

As for the myth that boys don't cry, actually, the way I've always heard it is that men don't cry. But, either way, it's bunk. I mean, I don't want to be around anyone, male or female, who bursts into tears over every stupid thing, but when something really bad happens, and losing $800 along with all your IDs probably counts (at least until you gather your senses back together and realize most of it is replaceable despite the hassle), then of course you can't really help crying, especially if you really needed that money for something important, like tuition or rent.

I actually don't like when men try to hide that they are crying...you know, they'll act like they got something in their eye, or act all grumpy and storm off so you can't see them. It's human, just admit it.

 

[Deniel]

I actually cried a lot, though i don't really like to cry but i can't control myself sometimes. Sometimes, I even cry in my sleep...you believe in this ?
I think of some of the people I know of and their stories-especially the last duration before i wake up. True! when I walk out of my bedroom to wash my face, my teardrops are still on my cheeks and my eyes are all red, which is what i see in the mirror...I know I am so sensitive, and this might be the main reason for such strange psychology, do you also think so, Moonbear?

 

[The Bob]

Haven't seen Lord of The Rings but I remember in year 4 (erm... when I was about 9) I was watching a film called 'Monkey Trouble' or something and it was about a girl who owns a monkey and they get separated and in the end they get back together. I was fine until they got back together. Then I just cried. Dunno why I just did. No one else did. Only me. None of the girls. Fortunately at the time I wasn't a main target of bullying so it was not mentioned again. Ever.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[the number 42]

I remember in year 4 (erm... when I was about 9) I was watching a film called 'Monkey Trouble'

Monkey trouble? I think we need to start a Men's Health thread if we are going to discuss this.

 

[the number 42]

i used to have quite a temper, so i simply had to learn it or i would get in trouble all the time... though, i still cannot control my emotions when people annoy me, for some reason... they can talk **** and provoke me all they want, but if they annoy me, i flip...

I get annoyed by selfishness (except my own - that doesn't count) e.g. pushing passed everyone else to get to the front of the queue. What do people do that annoys you?

 

[the number 42]

...when something really bad happens, and losing $800 along with all your IDs probably counts (at least until you gather your senses back together and realize most of it is replaceable despite the hassle), then of course you can't really help crying...

What RET does is put these events on a scale of 'awfulness'. Usually people put something like 'death of a loved one' at 100%. Once you put something like 'losing $800 + other replaceables' on the scale, it doesn't seem so bad. Of course you may want to cry or shout etc, but you probably won't do so for as long when you see that its probably not that bad, relatively.

It sounds a bit 'logical', but with practice it is very useful in a practical way.

 

[The Bob]

Monkey trouble? I think we need to start a Men's Health thread if we are going to discuss this.

Well it was something like that and I didn't have a choice in watching it. It was the years fun lesson, rather than work.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Deniel]

What RET does is put these events on a scale of 'awfulness'. Usually people put something like 'death of a loved one' at 100%. Once you put something like 'losing $800 + other replaceables' on the scale, it doesn't seem so bad. Of course you may want to cry or shout etc, but you probably won't do so for as long when you see that its probably not that bad, relatively.

It sounds a bit 'logical', but with practice it is very useful in a practical way.

?
I think I am not quite following you. I can't 100% understand some of your posts. I am sorry I mean your English. Perhaps my English is so bad...British people have really special and unique tones...

 

[Njorl]

How many times does a waiter have to smile while taking crap from some jerk to earn $840?

Njorl

 

[Deniel]

How many times does a waiter have to smile while taking crap from some jerk to earn $840?

Njorl

I guess a lot, a smile on your face will take the "lookers" heart away and that is one of many ways for me to prove my strength. I am not a waiter though. But my job is to smile with all the people I meet, and to listen to their ideas, finally I have to think up a good 'plan' for future development.

Poor people are everywhere, if you are a rich man, why don't you sleep at home night and day, doing nothing ? Why do you have to come to restaurants ? Is it only to free your craps around, and then ask someone to clean up your mess ?

Hey Njorl, look! <(^.^)/ I am smiling perhaps because I think i already take some craps. I need to bake them! then go make some sauce for a nice super. Ready ? Go!

 

[balkan]

I get annoyed by selfishness (except my own - that doesn't count) e.g. pushing passed everyone else to get to the front of the queue. What do people do that annoys you?

it's pretty hard actually... people who are condescending without knowing it (or pretending to not know it), or people who repeat what other people have told them in order to seem clever (even though some of the stuff they repeat to you is something you have told them just one day earlier ARRRRGGGHH!)...
but i think #1 is people who talk a lot but don't pay attention to what others say... which often includes following misinterpretation and straw man arguments... (i would stay out of political forums if i knew what was best for me) ... oohhh... and people who make a comment about one little fault in 100 statements, and then totally dismiss the rest as being just as flawed... there should be an open season for those kind of people

hmm... looks like forums are actually the best place in the world to get annoyed for me... except from political discussions with some of my conservative friends... man...

i need to find out why i find those things so incredibly annoying...

 

[Moonbear]

What RET does is put these events on a scale of 'awfulness'. Usually people put something like 'death of a loved one' at 100%. Once you put something like 'losing $800 + other replaceables' on the scale, it doesn't seem so bad. Of course you may want to cry or shout etc, but you probably won't do so for as long when you see that its probably not that bad, relatively.

It sounds a bit 'logical', but with practice it is very useful in a practical way.

Maybe useful if you're a computer and can be programmed to decide that "this is only a 20 on a scale of 100, and I'm only supposed to cry for things over 50." C'mon. You don't need to rationalize it like that, just if it bugs you, let it out, and sure, when it's something replaceable that was lost, you will just more quickly recover, but sometimes it's easier to just cry, rant and rave for 20 minutes, then once you're calmer and have that all out of your system, start calling all the places you need to get new IDs and cancel credit cards (and talking to those people will just make you cry again).

 

[the number 42]

Maybe useful if you're a computer and can be programmed to decide that "this is only a 20 on a scale of 100, and I'm only supposed to cry for things over 50." C'mon. You don't need to rationalize it like that, just if it bugs you, let it out, and sure, when it's something replaceable that was lost, you will just more quickly recover, but sometimes it's easier to just cry, rant and rave for 20 minutes...

The problem is the things people do & say during the ranting and raving 20 mins e.g. road rage. Usually these are things they wouldn't have done had they felt more calm. Also, many people can't restrict it to 20 mins, but keep it up for much longer e.g. thinking about it in bed at night for weeks.

By the way, on average girls cry for things over 3 on the scale. No researchers yet have seen the need to find the crying point for boys

 

[the number 42]

? I think I am not quite following you. I can't 100% understand some of your posts...British people have really special and unique tones...

Don't worry about it, Daniel. If I reread my posts I usually don't know what I was on about either

 

[Deniel]

Really, but don't worry Graham, Deniel will try to understand you as much as you want...

 

[the number 42]

Really, but don't worry Graham, Deniel will try to understand you as much as you want...

I have never known such kindness... WAAaaaAAHH

 

[Marijn]

Actually there are ppl that don't cry.
Or stopped crying after some event (somone dear died e.g.).
Its just a way of expressing grief, anger, shame.
For some the threshold for starting to cry is higher than in others.
Children have a very low threshold, scare them: crying.
They fall and hit their knee: crying.
In some cases where an individual has experienced something that really hit them hard, their threshold moves up that much they never cry again (that is until something surpases that threshold).

Man this looks so nice, it makes me

(This is just my opinion, feel free to not agree :surprise: .)

 

[Dreamer]

i think that's true, their threshold gets raised and it would take something like a parents death to make them cry, if they already experienced that then maybe nothing can maek them cry again.

 

[Secular Angel]

I personally haven't had a good cry in over 4 years. I've walled up my emotions and thus haven't been able to cry all that much lately. I regret it very much because I really do want to be in touch with my emotions again.

 

[Moonbear]

Actually there are ppl that don't cry.
Or stopped crying after some event (somone dear died e.g.).
Its just a way of expressing grief, anger, shame.
For some the threshold for starting to cry is higher than in others.
Children have a very low threshold, scare them: crying.
They fall and hit their knee: crying.
In some cases where an individual has experienced something that really hit them hard, their threshold moves up that much they never cry again (that is until something surpases that threshold).

Man this looks so nice, it makes me

(This is just my opinion, feel free to not agree :surprise: .)

To some extent that's true, but not completely so. Sometimes it takes falling in love with someone who allows you to feel safe enough to express your emotions again to learn to cry again.

But it is interesting that the threshold for crying does change as we age. Afterall, with babies, it's their sole means of communication, a cry can mean ANYTHING, and as we get older, crying takes on more and more specific meaning. It really does seem to signal a feeling of helplessness, doesn't it? As we get older and can take care of more things for ourself, we don't feel as helpless as often, so don't cry as much. Does that make any sense?