What are you supposed to do in these situations?

[MotoH]

Why? Are two people who wish to start a relationship supposed to be completely ignorant of each others' lives? Is one supposed to enter into a relationship with someone of which their understanding is only superficial?

I'm not sure if you've heard of the friend zone or not, but think of it like a ladder. Once you get on the friend zone side, no matter how high you climb that ladder you will never jump over to the potential relationship side, it doesn't matter if the person she describes as the exact guy she wants describes you perfectly, she will never go for you.

No you shouldn't be completely ignorant of the other persons problems and the like, but you do not want to know everything right away because that is the gateway into friendzone territory.

If I am interested in dating a girl, I do not want to hear about all of her problems before I even date her, it takes all the excitement and mystery out of dating. Once you know most everything about another person, why even date? There's nothing to find out besides how they look naked, and maybe if they want a pet fish in the future or not, but as soon as everything comes out of the closet the spark is gone and you will just be a friend.

Do husbands share all of their secrets with their wives? I sure hope not
Do wives shair all of their secrets with their husbands? They never have and they never will.

And that is what keeps a relationship moving on. The mystery and excitement of finding out something new.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Oh. Don't get friend zoned. As soon as she starts to tell you about her problems and you aren't dating, get out of that as soon as possible, especially if you want to date her.

Getting friend zoned is exactly what 27Thousand needs at this point. If you have been following his many threads it's clear, and he knows it, that he has great difficulty following the most basic of social signals. He needs to put the goal of a girlfriend on hold for a while and concentrate on simply learning to understand what's going on around him. Any girl who friend zones him is going to represent a wealth of direct experience for him about how girls think, talk, and interact with guys.

 

[DaveC426913]

Getting friend zoned is exactly what 27Thousand needs at this point. If you have been following his many threads it's clear, and he knows it, that he has great difficulty following the most basic of social signals. He needs to put the goal of a girlfriend on hold for a while and concentrate on simply learning to understand what's going on around him. Any girl who friend zones him is going to represent a wealth of direct experience for him about how girls think, talk, and interact with guys.

That is an excellent, excellent point. This is probably the best thing 27K can do right now.

 

[MotoH]

If 27k isn't a fragile soul, friendzoning is fine (now that I've read the whole thread) But, it could end up bad in the end. What if he trys to ask her out after being friend zoned? It destroys beginners confidence to get shot down, and what if he never tries again?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If 27k isn't a fragile soul, friendzoning is fine (now that I've read the whole thread) But, it could end up bad in the end. What if he trys to ask her out after being friend zoned? It destroys beginners confidence to get shot down, and what if he never tries again?

It's good you read the whole thread, but you really need to be aware of his many other threads in which he was trying to enlist everyone's help in developing a mathematical formula for determining whether or not a girl was flirting. He was not able to understand why that is an unworkable strategy. I suggested to him that he must have high functioning autism, or perhaps Asperger's syndrome, and he checked it out by taking an informal online test on which he scored high on the autistic spectrum. So, between that test and his remarks here it's clear he operates as if he were autistic, whether or not he'd actually get that diagnosis in practice.

People offering him advice have not fully appreciated the deficit under which he's operating, and are throwing out advanced level solutions to someone who is struggling with basics, trying to make a gymnast out of someone who clearly can't even always keep his balance when walking, so to speak.

Getting friend zoned by one girl only puts you at a romantic disadvantage with that girl. I know from personal experience that what you learn about girls from being in the friend zone can be used later to #1 Prevent a girl you're actually interested in from putting you in the friend zone, and #2 cater to what you have learned girls find attractive. In 27Thousand's case, a lot of time in the friend zone is going to be a necessary boot camp, so to speak, for merely understanding social interactions.

 

[dotman]

Getting friend zoned is exactly what 27Thousand needs at this point.

Yeah, but if she friend-zones him, then she won't... you know...

 

[Math Is Hard]

I completely agree with Zooby. There are a couple of main benefits to "friend zone".

1) as mentioned, you get experience with the opposite sex on a comfortable, platonic basis, and get a chance to know them as people, like yourself, and not some strange, alien species to be puzzled about (as some people struggling with social instincts might do).

2) people who have friend-zoned you will introduce you to their friends, and because they like you, they'll be actively looking for someone you might want to date among their own friends.

It's not a bad situation at all.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Yeah, but if she friend-zones him, then she won't... you know...

See my answer to MotoH right above your post.

 

[dotman]

This is all blatant womenist propaganda. Don't fall for their friend-zone hype!

 

[zoobyshoe]

This is all blatant womenist propaganda. Don't fall for their friend-zone hype!

Let me try this again:

You really need to be aware of his many other threads in which he was trying to enlist everyone's help in developing a mathematical formula for determining whether or not a girl was flirting. He was not able to understand why that is an unworkable strategy. I suggested to him that he must have high functioning autism, or perhaps Asperger's syndrome, and he checked it out by taking an informal online test on which he scored high on the autistic spectrum. So, between that test and his remarks here it's clear he operates as if he were autistic, whether or not he'd actually get that diagnosis in practice.

People offering him advice have not fully appreciated the deficit under which he's operating, and are throwing out advanced level solutions to someone who is struggling with basics, trying to make a gymnast out of someone who clearly can't even always keep his balance when walking, so to speak.

Getting friend zoned by one girl only puts you at a romantic disadvantage with that girl. I know from personal experience that what you learn about girls from being in the friend zone can be used later to #1 Prevent a girl you're actually interested in from putting you in the friend zone, and #2 cater to what you have learned girls find attractive. In 27Thousand's case, a lot of time in the friend zone is going to be a necessary boot camp, so to speak, for merely understanding social interactions.

 

[DaveC426913]

This is all blatant womenist propaganda. Don't fall for their friend-zone hype!

Let me try this again:

You really need to be aware of his many other threads in which he was trying to enlist everyone's help in developing a mathematical formula for determining whether or not a girl was flirting. He was not able to understand why that is an unworkable strategy.

Forgive me 27K for talking about you publicly in the 3rd person.

dotman, I strongly concur with zoob. I have had a lot of communication with 27K and in my (very) humble opinion, he is definitely an undiagnosed ASD sufferer for which I have been pleading with him to get help. This issue is more serious than merely wanting to get a girl.

Don't take my word for it though. Here are five threads, all started by 27K, all attempts to mathematically model flirting or relationships, all locked.
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=362912
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=359708
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=361527
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=356554
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=341588

 

[dotman]

You all need to grow a sense of humor or something.

 

[DaveC426913]

You all need to grow a sense of humor or something.

Well, it's not really funny. We get that the friend zone is rife with humour and we can be as funny as the next guy.

It's just that, in this circumstance, you've stepped into something that's of concern. Did you read the links I supplied?

 

[Pyrrhus]

Hmmm, interesting. Good luck 27k!. By the way, I agree with Dave, Zooby and Cyrus.

Dave and Zooby: Excellent idea!. In fact, I remember I was too shy to get a girl when I first started. I didn't even have female friends, and worst I remember a time a friend told me a girl named Nathalie actually had a huge crush on me, and I still managed to fail there (I was too shy). However, Later I met a girl named Laura, and we became friends. The amount of experience from her friendship was super beneficial for me!. One of the most important lessons was girls as PIVOTs. Female friends can become an entrance for you to meet other girls through them. Girls that can become your girlfriends. I use this sometimes when girls friend me. You go for their friends.

Cyrus: Yes... I do believe 27k should get psychiatric help. Another solution will be to go out everyday for months to clubs/bars/... and put himself in difficult situations (hopefully not get his *** kicked). Just kidding, Interact with the ladies in those places.

 

[Roqueez]

"So... Why are you interested in my teeth! "

"I like to take care of natures great works."

Corny huh? Well girls like it corny. One more thing, there are girls in this universe that either like you or are generally very friendly. They might be unaware how your attraction to them may be imposing so don't assume anything. Take a step back, relax and talk to her some more without flirting to find out basic things about her like if she's seeing anyone. Worst case scenario you make a friend out of her.

Girls are people too.

 

[GeorginaS]

Girls are people too.

Says who?

 

[Astronuc]

I had a lot of girl friends starting in first grade through 9th grade. From 10th grade on, my relationships with women were essentially platonic, with some romantic aspect. But since I was focused on academics and had a lot of uncertainty (with a certain amount of instability) in my course in life, I refrained from becoming too romantically involved, with a couple of exceptions, until I met the woman I married. I enjoyed the companionship (friend zone) of a number of women during high school and university.

I've been with my wife for 29+ years. Next year, we will have been together for 30 years (1 not married), and she will have been with me for half of her lifetime.

 

[Evo]

The OP is no longer here, thread closed.