What Are Your Thoughts on Open Relationships?

[JasonRox]

Watch out, Jason! Cyrus just got un-banned. Actually, he might have to leave your thread alone...

I talk to him personally for girl advice. He helped me deal with my glass filling armpit sweat when I talk to girls.

 

[JasonRox]

What's the difference in being in an open relationship and just dating someone non-exclusively?

Respect, and actually maintaining the relationship. Communication, and many other things.

Like Evo pointed out, you can search "polyamorous" relationships for a summary.

 

[DaveC426913]

What's the difference in being in an open relationship and just dating someone non-exclusively?

Polyamory has all the pitfalls of a monogamous relationship. They are work to maintain.

 

[Math Is Hard]

So you respect and "communicate" with the primary girlfriend but not the others?

I'm just trying to understand how it works.

 

[DaveC426913]

So you respect and "communicate" with the primary girlfriend but not the others?

I'm just trying to understand how it works.

Everyone is consensual but jealousy happens. Communication is indeed the key.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I looked it up on Wiki, but it seems ambiguous. It seems like you could have multiple boyfriends or girlfriends that you have equally loving relationships with, or, it could mean that you have one girlfriend or boyfriend but you sleep with other people (and you're honest about it).

 

[JasonRox]

So you respect and "communicate" with the primary girlfriend but not the others?

I'm just trying to understand how it works.

Oh no, you communicate with all of them for sure.

Basically, I have no boundaries to how far I explore my relationship with someone else. If it starts interfering with another relationship, it can cause a break up in the problematic relationship. For example, I hang out with Melissa (fake name) two-three times a week. If I start a relationship with someone else, and I'm only hanging out with Melissa once a week now, it can cause conflict as it is obviously interfering with the relationship. The relationship can drop to "secondary" status, or we can just break it off, as a new primary relationship is emerging. Quite similar to being monogamous, and you start liking someone else, you break off the current relationship.

Also, I have rules to never deliberately interfere with another's relationship. Melissa for example can not whine to hang out with me Friday night if I have a date planned with someone else. By doing so, she's deliberately attempting to end the date, or if she a calls repeteatedly during a date. Or anything of the like. You either do not interfere or improve the relationships I have with others. Same rules apply for any new partner.

There are many other rules too. Of course, it seems complicated, but it's rather natural for me now.

 

[Moonbear]

What's the difference in being in an open relationship and just dating someone non-exclusively?

It's more of a "semi" exclusive thing. There's a real affection and relationship present, but recognition that your partner or yourself could have a similar relationship with another person at the same time as well. It's more serious than just dating, I think.

 

[DaveC426913]

I thought about such things. I just don't think it's quite big in my area.

What's your area?

 

[DaveC426913]

I looked it up on Wiki, but it seems ambiguous. It seems like you could have multiple boyfriends or girlfriends that you have equally loving relationships with, or, it could mean that you have one girlfriend or boyfriend but you sleep with other people (and you're honest about it).

Yes, there are different types. Usually, 3 but sometimes 4. The 4's are sometimes X's, sometimes N's or other (the letters represent pairings in the relationship. So, an 'N' is boy1-girl1, girl1-boy2, boy2-girl2. i.e. boy1 and girl2 have no relationship.)

 

[turbo]

So you respect and "communicate" with the primary girlfriend but not the others?

I'm just trying to understand how it works.

Sure! And then you are assaulted by a supermodel who owns a brewery, and she tells you that she has an open-minded twin sister...


Does the primary girlfriend get a phone call?

 

[JasonRox]

I looked it up on Wiki, but it seems ambiguous. It seems like you could have multiple boyfriends or girlfriends that you have equally loving relationships with, or, it could mean that you have one girlfriend or boyfriend but you sleep with other people (and you're honest about it).

The idea really is that you're free to explore yourself in any which way. That is not only in a sexual way. It's only one small aspect of it, but a big focus because of the social attention put onto it.

At first Melissa was thinking it was all about sex (surely), but through communication she realized that it wasn't. She would argue... "How can you have sex with someone else if our sex is sssoooo good? What if it's bad? How can it be as good?" And yes it is really good, but I'm not having sex with someone else because the sex is better or may be better. It's just part of the intimacy of a relationship. Also, she was afraid I might just sleep with anyone. I argued that wasn't the case since I've had threesomes offered to me and I rejected them because of one or the two girls involved. I like quality girls just like any monogamous person does (I mentionned earlier). I wouldn't sleep with anyone when I'm single, so why would I do it when I'm in an open relationship with someone else.

 

[JasonRox]

What's your area?

South Ontario, not necessarily close to Toronto.

 

[DaveC426913]

Jeez, you're right here in Ontario! My friend lives in Toronto and the poly socials are often downtown.

You know, it doesn't have to be a club-like scene. Sometimes one can benefit just from talking with other people who experience the same challenges in their relationships.

[EDIT] Heh you beat me checking your profile page by one minute

 

[JasonRox]

Does the primary girlfriend get a phone call?

Get with the modern times. I text her smilies.

 

[JasonRox]

Jeez, you're right here in Ontario! My friend lives in Toronto and the poly socials are often downtown.

You know, it doesn't have to be a club-like scene. Sometimes one can benefit just from talking with other people who experience the same challenges in their relationshiops.

My friend is one also, so we discuss the many challenges. Be nice to meet others.

It's a lot of work. There is no doubt about that.

 

[binzing]

I dunno, it wouldn't work for me...I like to put everything into one direction, i guess.

 

[DaveC426913]

My friend is one also, so we discuss the many challenges. Be nice to meet others.

Here is a list. http://www.polyamory.org/SF/groups.html
(Though I don't know what you mean by S.Ontario-but-not-near-Toronto. I don't think there is such a place.)

Let me know if you'd like to be introduced to my friend. She'd be happy to figuratively show you around.

 

[JasonRox]

Here is a list. http://www.polyamory.org/SF/groups.html
(Though I don't know what you mean by S.Ontario-but-not-near-Toronto. I don't think there is such a place.)

Let me know if you'd like to be introduced to my friend. She'd be happy to figuratively show you around.

I live in the Niagara Falls area, so I'm like an hour and a half drive from downtown Toronto.

That's far for me.

I'll send you a PM in a week or so to discuss more. Thanks too!

 

[DaveC426913]

I live in the Niagara Falls area, so I'm like an hour and a half drive from downtown Toronto.

My wife grew up there. We visit there regularly.

 

[JasonRox]

My wife grew up there. We visit there regularly.

Very nice area. We have Port Dalhousie (old town with beautiful beach), Niagara Falls (heavy tourism), Niagara-on-the-Lake (beautiful old city), Niagara Gorge, and many other attractions. Top notch place in the summer.

 

[LightbulbSun]

Why not just stay single and mess around? What's the point of saying you're in an open relationship? It seems rather unnecessary since you aren't really committed to that person.

 

[JasonRox]

Why not just stay single and mess around? What's the point of saying you're in an open relationship? It seems rather unnecessary since you aren't really committed to that person.

Please read my posts.

 

[CaptainQuasar]

I've just got some data to add:

Some good friends of mine, we'll call them Mr. Open and Mrs. Open, had an open relationship for six years, lived together for one and got married, and got divorced a year later. Now both have been remarried to other for about three years - in closed, monogamous relationships as far as I know.

There were several issues that contributed to the divorce (which when taken together really would be sufficient to explain it) and the official word from both of them was that the open relationship wasn't really a factor. But... Mr. Open's current wife is someone he was seeing while he was still married to Mrs. Open. Mrs. Open's current husband was not involved previously except as a friend before their marriage. (I know this for certain)

So there's that. I don't think I could do it myself, I know I would too easily become jealous and covetous. But I must admit that at times I was quite envious of Mr. Open, not only for the sexual benefits but for having strong and romantic friendships with so many really nice women. (Except for one who, though a nice person, was a bit of a psycho hose beast, whom he tried to foist off on me, but I would have none of it.)

⚛​

 

[Integral]

I once knew a couple involved in an open relationship. They became involved with another couple and had a very sexy fun 6months. Then reality overtook them. First it became clear that where a relationship involving 2 personalities is difficult a relationship involving 4 personalities is nearly impossible.

The next reality stick came in the form of STD. In this day n' age promiscuity is taking a dip in the AIDS pool. Be Careful.

 

[NeoDevin]

The next reality stick came in the form of STD. In this day n' age promiscuity is taking a dip in the AIDS pool. Be Careful.

Condoms are a wonderful thing. Polyamorous does not necessarily mean stupid.

 

[moose]

Okay, considering this topic, I just have to share that there's this goofy show on Discovery Channel right now about "purity pledges." It's one thing waiting until marriage to have sex...not that I'm fond of even that idea, but I can understand it...but some of these people think it's wrong to even KISS until married! What's wrong with these people? Since when is it bad to kiss someone?

Haha I had that up in the background while writing up my lab report. I thought it was interesting how all the girls they interviewed were attractive physically. Mentally...oh boy. Brainwashed beyond belief ***To make this perfectly clear, I am not talking about waiting until marriage to have sex***. The girls looked down upon anyone who wasn't "pure". They believed that they shouldn't date someone until they get their parent's consent, even at the age of 19 or 20. This girl said she dated some guy, but they agreed not to hold hands because it would distract them from looking into each others hearts or something along those lines. I think this was the girl who didnt have her first kiss until her marriage night. How awkward would that kiss be?

Anywho, back to...the thread.

I know people who are in open relationships and it seems like the perfect thing for them. I was in one for a little bit over a month ago but she ended up not being completely ok with it. It later turned out she was effing crazy.

You have to admit. It's nice to see different kissing styles... unless they are horrible!

So true. I don't understand how someone can be horrible at kissing at 18+...yet it happens.

 

[George Jones]

Schrodinger and his wife had a somewhat "open" relationship. When Schrodinger found the Schrodinger equation, he was on vacation in the Alps with a lover (not his wife). When he got home, he found that he couldn't solve the radial part of his equation for hydrogen, so he asked mathematician Hermann Weyl, his wife's lover, for help.

Personally, I couldn't be involved in such a relationship.

 

[JasonRox]

I once knew a couple involved in an open relationship. They became involved with another couple and had a very sexy fun 6months. Then reality overtook them. First it became clear that where a relationship involving 2 personalities is difficult a relationship involving 4 personalities is nearly impossible.

The next reality stick came in the form of STD. In this day n' age promiscuity is taking a dip in the AIDS pool. Be Careful.

It's no different than being monogamous. You date one person, it fails, you date another, it failts, and so on.

Of course, you use condoms. And hence, another reason why you don't sleep with anyone and everyone.

 

[JasonRox]

It later turned out she was effing crazy.

Haha, she's crazy. Being exclusive still wouldn't solve the problem!