What's the Best Simpson's Quote of All Time?

[cbetanco]

Ok, I have two (kinda cheating)

"Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot." -Abe Simpson

"Remember the time when he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why'd I have the bowl, Bart? Why'd I have the bowl?" -Milhouse

 

[cbetanco]

Sorry, I can resist as I think of more and am just laughing to myself

"Man, I'm too drunk to drive. Wait a minute, I'm drunk, I shouldn't listen to myself" -Homer

"I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows" -Bart

 

[Ken Natton]

Marge offering British English to American English translations to Lisa:

"...and botulism is called steak and kidney pie."

 

[Jimmy]

"Your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing, Homer. I may have to steal it". -- Stephen Hawking

 

[lisab]

Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. -Homer

 

[Ken Natton]

Homer to Marge, reading the label on the bottle of pills he found and decided to try.

"But Marge, you don't know, maybe I'm not getting enough e-stro-gen"

 

[daveb]

Pretty much anything grampa Simpson says here, like "My story begins in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say 'dickety' because the Kaiser had stolen our word 'twenty'."

 

[Tregg Smith]

In America

You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. ...

 

[Adyssa]

Homer: [shows into the mirror] Hi, Mr. Burns! You want your coffee now?
Burns: Uh, no. I'm making it myself! [takes a coffeepot, rattles it] Hear that? The percolations are imminent! No need to come in. Cease your ingress!

Homer walks in later, to see Burns surrounded by coffee, sacks and beans spilled almost everywhere.

Burns: Stay back Homer, approach no further, coffee's already made. I stomped the beans myself.
Homer: Uh, well, can I at least drive you home, Mr. Burns? It's 5:00.
Burns: No! I thought, uh, I thought I'd chauffeur myself this evening. Yes, that's what I thought. How difficult could it be? I'm sure the manual will indicate which lever is the velocitator and which is the deceleratrix, hmm?

(from "Homer The Smithers")

 

[autodidude]

Homer: Kids, there's three ways to do things; the right way, the wrong way and the Max Power way!
Bart: Isn't that the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!

 

[feathermoon]

Flanders
'I've done everything the Bible says to do, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!'

I didn't actually see this one, but the internet just told me about it:

Homer
'Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!'

 

[zoobyshoe]

Homer muses to himself while watching The Three Stooges:

"Moe is their leader."

 

[einstein666]

'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?
- Homer

 

[BobG]

"So y = r cubed over 3. And if you determine the rate of change in this curve correctly, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. ... Don't you get it, Bart? Differential dy = 3 r squared dr over 3, or r squared dr, or r dr r." - Bart's teacher at the Enriched Learning Center for Gifted Children

Lisa: I'm studying for the Math Fair. If I win I'll bring home a protractor.
Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.

 

[Borek]

"They have internet on computers now?"

Useless trivia: did you know I have never watched a single episode of Simpsons?

 

[PaneityDeity]

It is not a quote per se, but I love the episode where Homer makes a grill for Lisa...or at least tries to.
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnN8k9JRihs&feature=related
I die laughing everytime...my favorite lines are:
"Le grill, what the hell is that?"
"Why is life so hard?!? Why must I fail at every attempt at masonry?"
and
his battle cry at the end with the umbrella :)

 

[Vanadium 50]

Me flunk English? That's unpossible!

 

[Reptillian]

"Le grill, what the hell is that?"

There's a restaurant I drive by on occasion called Grille 26 and I always think of that Simpsons quote when I see their logo.

 

[Stevo_tred]

Homer: "You don’t win friends with salad"

 

[uneasyrider]

Scenes in The Simpsons episode "Treehouse of Horror V":

"Damn it, Smithers, this isn't rocket science; it's brain surgery!"

http://desmond.imageshack.us/Himg329/scaled.php?server=329&filename=simpsonsbrainsurgery1qk.jpg&res=landing

"Eh, close enough.". I just love that scene. You just have to watch it... :)

From above:

Flanders
'I've done everything the Bible says to do, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!'

Homer
'Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!'

Both are quotes a bunch of the world lives by... LOVE THEM BOTH! lol :D

 

[Doc Al]

"Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter." - Homer

 

[nitsuj]

Ralph - Walking home with Lisa whom he has a crush on

"So...do you like ...stuff?"

 

[uneasyrider]

Ralph - Walking home with Lisa whom he has a crush on

"So...do you like ...stuff?"

LOL! I love that one. I think I still feel that way around a woman I'm REALLY attracted to! It reminds me of some of Bill Cosby's lines in his old routines. :)

 

[cbetanco]

"Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV. That’s how I was raised and I turned out TV." -Homer

 

[Curious3141]

Captain Tenille: "Ah, Simpson, you're like the son I never had."

Homer: "And you're like the father I never visit."

The whole specious argument - magic rock thing.

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

"Eat around the banana, dad. It's just empty vitamins."

"The human wang is a beautiful thing!"

(Of Flander's wife): "...the wife has a thing for me, but she hides it behind a mask of low- key hostility".

 

[Rooted]

"Warning: may result in loss of scalp and penis" - Voiceover for hair restorer advert

"I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love and I won't be back for ten minutes!" - Homer

and a video because I can't work our how to type what Sideshow Bob says

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmNObROcBOo

 

[Jim Kata]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVwCYJj4THQ

 

[marcusl]

Homer, advising his son Bart:
"Don't try, son. If you don't try, you can't fail!"

 

[Number Nine]

Sideshow Bob Roberts, in addition to being the greatest Simpson's episode ever written, gave us the series' greatest quote (from Sideshow Bob's mayoral campaign attack ad)...

Mayor Quimby supports revolving door prisons.
Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob, a man twice convicted of attempted murder.
Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby? Vote Sideshow Bob for mayor.