Why Do Female Students Listen to Male Students' Questions Without Interacting?

[Moonbear]

I don't think you have one clue what I am saying.

Actually, reading yours and rewebster's comments, I think you're both reading each other wrong. I don't think the two of you are disagreeing as much as it's coming across you think you disagree.

 

[rewebster]

Well, I up for learning stuff----

What does:

"women are a dime a dozzen my friend." mean?

"she now has a free drink" -mean that you didn't have to buy it?

"Come down to DC and I will take you out to a bar so you can watch and learn, stud." Watch and learn how to treat a woman like she's worth 'a dime a dozen'?

maybe you're right----I don't think I have a clue what you're saying--teach us how to be 'studs'

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MB--you're probably right--just different points of views (and from my side, probably from watching all the football lately)
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theoritician could probably use different points of view

 

[Cyrus]

Just go back and reread what I wrote please. I made it clear what my intention was. I don't see how you can miss what I wrote.

You are pulling two things I said and meshing them incorrectly to say something I never said as a whole.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Actually, reading yours and rewebster's comments, I think you're both reading each other wrong. I don't think the two of you are disagreeing as much as it's coming across you think you disagree.

I think so, too. I think they are talking about two different things. Cyrus seems to be talking about basic socializing, not serious relationships. In a situation like night-clubbing or going to a party, yes, women are a dime a dozen (and for women, men are a dime a dozen). You meet, chit-chat, and either you click with someone or you don't. If you don't, you move on to the next until you find someone you'd like to know better. It's all in fun.

 

[Cyrus]

Exactly, MIH. I said women are a dime a dozzen becaus this kid is obsessed with this one girl.

PS, to women, guys are a penny a dozzen.

 

[rewebster]

Just go back and reread what I wrote please. I made it clear what my intention was. I don't see how you can miss what I wrote.

You are pulling two things I said and meshing them incorrectly to say something I never said as a whole.

OK--I went back and read what you wrote (for about the fourth time)

It reads to me that you're telling him that he shouldn't care about this woman that the thread has been talking about because you think he shouldn't care about her and instead be like you and just go have fun with another one, some other one, another other one, besides this one--the one he's talking about, caring about, obsessing about--because women are so plentiful he should be able to find another one to obsess about. In other words, be like you, instead of who he is. That should get him over the possibility of doing this all over again, right? Instead, of going through the process knowing what the process is himself, listen to you and not pay attention to what he is going through.

It'll be the same thing next time, maybe--as, maybe a woman going out with (the same type of) guys who beat her every time, or can't figure out what she wants so she takes whatever; a guy that is taught by his father to cheat or pick up drunken women because they're easy; or whatever reason people don't learn from their mistakes.

Yeah, clubbing is fun when you're at that point, but I see it to be the situation so far as HE has told it in that he is interested in this ONE woman (as this thread is) and wants to find out what to do about her; but it sounds like you're telling to do something halfway and don't learn how the whole process goes--instead he should learn how to 'club' from the 'stud(s)'.

 

[theoritician]

Interesting. For some reason I never intepreted the 3 pages or more of discussion instigated by cyrus as advice for me but more an aside. I thought JasonRox was wild but Cyrus is just from a different planet.

Anyway, with this girl I am thinking of just talking to her bluntly about things which is how I operate with people anyway. So I'm just giong to be me. I remember it always seem to work in movies so there must be some positives about it.

 

[Lisa!]

As Cyrus said, don't ask her to play chess. Asking someone to play chess requires that you know they know how to play chess and enjoy it and would find that a fun way to spend a few hours with someone. Really high probability she might say no only because she doesn't play chess, and not because she isn't interested in doing something with you. As we told you way back on page one or two of this thread, just ask her to join you for coffee, or even for a quick bite at the dining hall...anything that just gives you a chance to talk to her for longer than you can at the end of class. Heck, you could even just strike up conversation and walk with her to her next class or the student center or wherever she heads after class while you talk.

Common mistake made by guys! They try to treat girls like their male friends. I might be very interested in palying chess, discussing scientific,... matters but when a guy ask me to do these things, it's a turn off for me since it sounds to me that he enjoys playing chess more than interacting with me and it says that he's very selfish and selfsatisfied that he think it's him who should make plans for what we want to do. And well I ca't stand guys who think they're the only 1 who matters in the relationship.
Of course I might think of another probablity here that the guy might be inexperienced, but then it makes me feel that who might have been very boring and drown in his own world.

 

[Huckleberry]

Thank God I'm a eunuch. I used to be self-conscious about it, but after reading this thread I'm quite relieved.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Interesting. For some reason I never intepreted the 3 pages or more of discussion instigated by cyrus as advice for me but more an aside. I thought JasonRox was wild but Cyrus is just from a different planet.

Anyway, with this girl I am thinking of just talking to her bluntly about things which is how I operate with people anyway. So I'm just giong to be me. I remember it always seem to work in movies so there must be some positives about it.

theoretician, I think you should take this test:

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

 

[rewebster]

Interesting. For some reason I never intepreted the 3 pages or more of discussion instigated by cyrus as advice for me but more an aside. I thought JasonRox was wild but Cyrus is just from a different planet.

Anyway, with this girl I am thinking of just talking to her bluntly about things which is how I operate with people anyway. So I'm just giong to be me. I remember it always seem to work in movies so there must be some positives about it.

funny, ---when I was typing that earlier post from just from a helping you out 'point of view' looking back at some of the discussions, including the last few pages, it started feeling like 'Good Will Hunting'

 

[EnumaElish]

Anyway, with this girl I am thinking of just talking to her bluntly about things which is how I operate with people anyway. So I'm just giong to be me. I remember it always seem to work in movies so there must be some positives about it.

My advice to you is to be you, but I wouldn't try to imitate a movie character. Also, do not forget that people have different "sides"; you do, too. I can be angry or sympathetic without being someone else.

P.S. Is "blunt" a synonym for "direct"?

 

[Cyrus]

OK--I went back and read what you wrote (for about the fourth time)

It reads to me that you're telling him that he shouldn't care about this woman that the thread has been talking about because you think he shouldn't care about her and instead be like you and just go have fun with another one, some other one, another other one, besides this one--the one he's talking about, caring about, obsessing about--because women are so plentiful he should be able to find another one to obsess about. In other words, be like you, instead of who he is. That should get him over the possibility of doing this all over again, right? Instead, of going through the process knowing what the process is himself, listen to you and not pay attention to what he is going through.

I never said any of that. I did not say he shoud "find another one to obsess about". I said he should not obsess about any woman.

It'll be the same thing next time, maybe--as, maybe a woman going out with (the same type of) guys who beat her every time, or can't figure out what she wants so she takes whatever; a guy that is taught by his father to cheat or pick up drunken women because they're easy; or whatever reason people don't learn from their mistakes.

No one said anything of that sort either, so stop acting stupid.

Yeah, clubbing is fun when you're at that point, but I see it to be the situation so far as HE has told it in that he is interested in this ONE woman (as this thread is) and wants to find out what to do about her; but it sounds like you're telling to do something halfway and don't learn how the whole process goes--instead he should learn how to 'club' from the 'stud(s)'.

What I said does not only apply to clubbing. It sounds to me like you have no social skills, nor understand social interaction. You hurt my feelings, now buy me a drink and dinner so I can feel better you stud.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Thank God I'm a eunuch. I used to be self-conscious about it, but after reading this thread I'm quite relieved.

Still, all your sons are going to be eunuchs, too.

 

[Moonbear]

Anyway, with this girl I am thinking of just talking to her bluntly about things which is how I operate with people anyway. So I'm just giong to be me. I remember it always seem to work in movies so there must be some positives about it.

Well, real life isn't a movie, there's no writer ensuring that no matter how much the main character blunders, there's always a happy ending. But, being yourself is important. If you have to pretend to be someone or something you're not to get a date, it's not going to work out in the long run anyway, so you're just wasting your time and effort. On the other hand, depending on what you mean by "blunt," you might want to tone things down a bit not to scare her off. Being tactful is also important, and tact is certainly a skill everyone needs to learn for both social relationships and career advancement.

Cyrus and rewebster have two different approaches. Cyrus seems to be taking the quantity over quality approach, I presume with the hope that the more women he meets, the more likely one of them might wind up being more compatible for dating. rewebster is taking a more selective quality over quantity approach of getting to know more about fewer women in the hope that the better you know them, the better chance of selecting one to date with success. Both approaches work, and your personality needs to factor into this. It's the same as people who prefer to attend huge parties with a bunch of people they barely know vs people who prefer to hang out with a small group of close friends. Neither of them is right or wrong, just doing what works best for them. The main point both of them are making, and everyone else here is making, is that if you can't even get your tongue untied long enough to speak to any woman at all, you're never going to be able to talk to the one who is right for you. You've gotten yourself SO worked up over this one woman based on nothing but glimpses of her after class and a whole lot of imagined intentions that have yet to be confirmed that it's only going to get worse if you keep waiting. And, if you're getting all hung up over this one person, you may be missing seeing other interesting women because you're too focused on just one...one who may wind up to have absolutely NOTHING in common with you other than a shared class. It's a waste of time to play guessing games when you could talk to her and find out directly and quickly if there's any reason to pursue her further. As others have pointed out, for all you know, she could already be married or have a boyfriend. If you don't talk to her, you're not going to know this.

There's also no need to latch onto the first person you meet who you think might be interested back. EVEN IF you're really ready to have a relationship, spend some time dating first. I know too many people who jumped in headfirst with their first "sweetheart" and wound up cheating or divorced later because they always had that little niggling doubt, "Could I have done better? Is this the best one for me out there? What would it have been like to date other people? Did I miss out on something along the way?"

 

[theoritician]

P.S. Is "blunt" a synonym for "direct"?

Direct would be another word. But would it be too direct if I asker her whether she likes me?

 

[Astronuc]

Direct would be another word. But would it be too direct if I asker her whether she likes me?

That would be too direct, especially if one has not spoken with her. Give it time.

Just talk to the woman. Establish a rapport with the young lady.

One does not start a journey in the middle.

 

[rewebster]

Direct would be another word. But would it be too direct if I asker her whether she likes me?

It's math that you're interested in, right?-----do you have 'specialty' area of interest in math?

What kind of hobbies do (or did) you have?

 

[theoritician]

That would be too direct, especially if one has not spoken with her. Give it time.

Just talk to the woman. Establish a rapport with the young lady.

One does not start a journey in the middle.

I have spoken to her and much time has passed. Its only like, not love so if she says yes than we can make arrangements to spend some time getting to know each other more and so to establish a rapport.

 

[theoritician]

It's math that you're interested in, right?-----do you have 'specialty' area of interest in math?

What kind of hobbies do (or did) you have?

Why ask the question now and in reply to this particular post?

 

[J77]

If you still haven't figured out what's going on after 24 pages, I'd give up

 

[rewebster]

Why ask the question now and in reply to this particular post?

hmmm---so, for example, if this woman asked you those questions (on your first meeting or your eight date), that is how you would answer?


why answer a question with another question?

(like I'm doing right now)

 

[rewebster]

(the posting of the 'submit reply' button either on my computer or the system is awfully slow--duplicate post deleted)

 

[theoritician]

If you still haven't figured out what's going on after 24 pages, I'd give up

That is why I am being so direct. I am kind of drawing the last straw here.

 

[Astronuc]

I have spoken to her and much time has passed. Its only like, not love so if she says yes than we can make arrangements to spend some time getting to know each other more and so to establish a rapport.

If one has not spoken with the young lady for some time, then it is still too direct to ask whether this woman likes one or not.

Relationships, even friendships, require ongoing communication. It seems one hardly knows this woman and she hardly knows one. Do you have mutual interests - other than math or outside of the classroom?

 

[theoritician]

hmmm---so, for example, if this woman asked you those questions (on your first meeting or your eight date), that is how you would answer?


why answer a question with another question?

(like I'm doing right now)

I reaslied I was a bit unfair. I was just a bit suspicious about your intentions but what the heck.

I like all maths and maths oriented subjects. Hobbies are mainly solo sports.

 

[rewebster]

I reaslied I was a bit unfair. I was just a bit suspicious about your intentions but what the heck.

I like all maths and maths oriented subjects. Hobbies are mainly solo sports.

'Questions on questions' usually are there due to a couple of reasons. One is being suspicious, another may be changing the subject (just out of the blue--that's how some conversations go), or just for further clarification --there's more,--- but it's your first answer, suspicious, that, to me, most telling. Do you think this woman is 'after you', 'wanting something', etc. or something that you haven't figured out yet, or trying to figure out?---There seems to be more than 'what's going on?' with what's taking you so long to get to know her.

you do know that she will be asking you questions, right?

(my questions were just changing the subject, until you answered the way you did)

 

[Moonbear]

That is why I am being so direct. I am kind of drawing the last straw here.

But, that's the whole point! Why are you going for last resorts when you haven't even tried the first and most obvious steps? Why can't you just start up a nice, normal conversation? How on EARTH could she answer if she likes you? She doesn't even KNOW you. A few waves and hellos exchanged does not make for a conversation, it makes for politeness between two strangers.

You have two choices and only two choices here. You can either walk up, introduce yourself and start up a conversation to see where it leads, or you can walk away and just forget about it.

She doesn't know who you are other than some guy who sometimes says hi in class. If you don't start a conversation at some point, she STILL won't know who you are. That is all there is to it. If after all this time you still haven't worked up enough courage to just walk up to her and strike up a conversation, you never will. You're still making a thousand and one excuses why you shouldn't talk to her. If you need to make so many excuses, then just don't talk to her, forget about her, and move on with life. It's getting beyond pointless to keep repeating our suggestions to you of ways to start up a conversation.

There was a good point/question a few pages back. How well do you do starting up a conversation with ANYONE? Not just a girl/woman you find somewhat attractive, but someone sitting next to you in class, roommates, people waiting in line with you at the store, etc.? We know you are able to walk up to a professor and ask questions pertinent to the class, because that was the circumstances of you noticing this young lady. But, how good are you at small talk/chit chat with people you don't know and when it's not related to asking questions in class? If you aren't any good at it, and from your lack of ideas on conversation openers with this young lady, I suspect that's the case, then give up on her and work on these social skills you're going to need all throughout life. As people have already suggested, start talking to everyone and anyone you meet. Talk to people in line with you about the weather, talk to your roommates/housemates about some current events topics, talk to the person next to you in class (before class starts) about the upcoming exams or the amount of homework you're all assigned. It doesn't matter what you talk about, just learn to start conversations with random people. Walking up to someone who doesn't know you and asking if they like you is not a good way to get a positive response.

 

[EnumaElish]

That is why I am being so direct. I am kind of drawing the last straw here.

Unless you are figuring "this is not for me, but I don't want to be the one dropping the ball. So I'll pose this to her in a way that I intuitively sense is going to make her uncomfortable, and hopefully she will be the one to drop the ball." You are going to throw the ball to her at an awkward angle, so it looks like she is the one who has dropped it.

It must be really difficult for you to keep the ball in play, or to walk away from it responsibly.

 

[Astronuc]

Listen to Moonbear!

But, that's the whole point! Why are you going for last resorts when you haven't even tried the first and most obvious steps? Why can't you just start up a nice, normal conversation? How on EARTH could she answer if she likes you? She doesn't even KNOW you. A few waves and hellos exchanged does not make for a conversation, it makes for politeness between two strangers.

You have two choices and only two choices here. You can either walk up, introduce yourself and start up a conversation to see where it leads, or you can walk away and just forget about it.

She doesn't know who you are other than some guy who sometimes says hi in class. If you don't start a conversation at some point, she STILL won't know who you are. That is all there is to it. If after all this time you still haven't worked up enough courage to just walk up to her and strike up a conversation, you never will. You're still making a thousand and one excuses why you shouldn't talk to her. If you need to make so many excuses, then just don't talk to her, forget about her, and move on with life. It's getting beyond pointless to keep repeating our suggestions to you of ways to start up a conversation.

There was a good point/question a few pages back. How well do you do starting up a conversation with ANYONE? Not just a girl/woman you find somewhat attractive, but someone sitting next to you in class, roommates, people waiting in line with you at the store, etc.? We know you are able to walk up to a professor and ask questions pertinent to the class, because that was the circumstances of you noticing this young lady. But, how good are you at small talk/chit chat with people you don't know and when it's not related to asking questions in class? If you aren't any good at it, and from your lack of ideas on conversation openers with this young lady, I suspect that's the case, then give up on her and work on these social skills you're going to need all throughout life. As people have already suggested, start talking to everyone and anyone you meet. Talk to people in line with you about the weather, talk to your roommates/housemates about some current events topics, talk to the person next to you in class (before class starts) about the upcoming exams or the amount of homework you're all assigned. It doesn't matter what you talk about, just learn to start conversations with random people. Walking up to someone who doesn't know you and asking if they like you is not a good way to get a positive response.

Learn how to engage in small talk or casual conversation. That is a basic social skill. That is the way to get to know someone you encounter on a frequent basis.