Why do you not sit next to people on their own?

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Discussion Overview

The discussion revolves around social interactions in university settings, particularly the phenomenon of sitting alone and the expectations or fears associated with initiating conversations with strangers. Participants share personal experiences and observations related to loneliness, social anxiety, and the challenges of making connections in a new environment.

Discussion Character

  • Exploratory
  • Debate/contested
  • Conceptual clarification

Main Points Raised

  • One participant expresses frustration at not being approached by others while sitting alone, questioning why people do not engage with those who seem lonely.
  • Another participant suggests that societal norms discourage speaking to strangers, citing a personal belief that people are generally hesitant to initiate conversations.
  • Several participants share anecdotes about their own experiences with sitting alone and the varying outcomes of attempts to engage with others.
  • Some participants note that they often feel shy or anxious about starting conversations, indicating that this may be a common barrier to social interaction.
  • There are differing views on whether it is typical for people to approach strangers, with some asserting that it rarely happens and others claiming they frequently receive unsolicited attention.
  • One participant humorously recounts a past experience of approaching someone and being met with a quick dismissal, highlighting the risks involved in initiating contact.
  • Another participant reflects on the fear of being disturbed when sitting alone, suggesting that this anxiety may be prevalent among many individuals.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Participants do not reach a consensus on the reasons for the lack of social interaction among individuals sitting alone. Multiple competing views remain regarding the social norms and personal anxieties that influence these interactions.

Contextual Notes

Some participants express uncertainty about the appropriateness of approaching strangers, indicating a reliance on personal comfort levels and social expectations. The discussion reveals a variety of assumptions about social behavior that may not be universally applicable.

Who May Find This Useful

This discussion may be of interest to individuals navigating social situations in new environments, particularly students in university settings, as well as those exploring themes of social anxiety and interpersonal communication.

  • #31
nucleargirl said:
yeah... its difficult to make friends by talking to strangers on the street.

Shouldn't talk to strangers... or swim within 30 minutes of eating.
 
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  • #32
Everyone is a stranger, until one gets to know them.

256bits said:
At the airport one time a while back in the preboarding lounge there was a hot chick sitting all alone, while all the other people were huddled in a far off corner ( so it seemed ). . . . .
In a somewhat similar circumstance, I was sitting in an airport waiting for my flight, and a very attractive woman came and sat in the seat right at my side. She could have sat in dozens of other locations, or a few seats away, or across the aisle. I figured she thought I was safe. :biggrin:

I have no problem striking up a conversation with strangers, and strangers apparently have no trouble approaching me. Usually though, I'm reading or busy with something so folks leave alone.
 
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  • #33
Every Saturday I go to the university library to the fifth floor math stacks and sit at the same table and study. I keep hoping some cool math person will sit near me and we can chat about math. So far the people sitting nearest to me have been: a persistent snorer, a loud lollipop slurper, a strong smelling lunch eater, and just loud enough to be annoying movie watcher. Maybe next week someone interesting will come...
 
  • #34
ArcanaNoir said:
Every Saturday I go to the university library to the fifth floor math stacks and sit at the same table and study. I keep hoping some cool math person will sit near me and we can chat about math. So far the people sitting nearest to me have been: a persistent snorer, a loud lollipop slurper, a strong smelling lunch eater, and just loud enough to be annoying movie watcher. Maybe next week someone interesting will come...

You're clearly not doing it right.
 
  • #35
Pengwuino said:
You're clearly not doing it right.

Well how should I do it? I already don't where my headphones. I know that would not be doing it right... Should I get a sign that says, "math majors, assemble here"?
 
  • #36
ArcanaNoir said:
Well how should I do it? I already don't where my headphones. I know that would not be doing it right... Should I get a sign that says, "math majors, assemble here"?

I'm not sure. I just like telling people that they're not doing it right.
 
  • #37
Pengwuino said:
I'm not sure. I just like telling people that they're not doing it right.

I say it in my head all the time while picturing lolcats :smile:
 
  • #38
ArcanaNoir said:
Well how should I do it? I already don't where my headphones. I know that would not be doing it right... Should I get a sign that says, "math majors, assemble here"?
Could you prominently display a couple of really high-test math texts so that math geeks get intrigued.

When I was looking for new contacts, I'd baby-sit a malamute belonging to a female Swiss exchange student. Nikki and I would sit on the library steps, and young ladies would throw themselves at him. It's shocking how many college girls will let their guard down and spend time with a stranger if he has a handsome dog by his side.

My wife always says that if she dies, I have to take Duke walking in parks, etc, until he finds me a good wife.
 
  • #39
Here beggars carry dogs or kittens with them I was bit intrigued watching how good they are with ladies haha
 
  • #40
When I sit in class people seem to avoid the two chairs on each side of me. My theory is that I'm some sort of scary dude.:rolleyes:
 
  • #43
Post on craigs list.
 
  • #44
ArcanaNoir said:
Every Saturday I go to the university library to the fifth floor math stacks and sit at the same table and study. I keep hoping some cool math person will sit near me and we can chat about math. So far the people sitting nearest to me have been: a persistent snorer, a loud lollipop slurper, a strong smelling lunch eater, and just loud enough to be annoying movie watcher. Maybe next week someone interesting will come...
Isn't there a student chapter of the AMS at the university?
http://www.ams.org/profession/student

Presumably one could arrange a study or discussion group at the library, or at least meet one or two other cool math people with whom one could interact.
 
  • #45
Perhaps people are subject to the Pauli exclusion principle.
 
  • #46
Kurdt said:
Perhaps people are subject to the Pauli exclusion principle.
as well as the uncertainty principle.

Opposite spins attract?
 
  • #47
ArcanaNoir said:
Every Saturday I go to the university library to the fifth floor math stacks and sit at the same table and study. I keep hoping some cool math person will sit near me and we can chat about math. So far the people sitting nearest to me have been: a persistent snorer, a loud lollipop slurper, a strong smelling lunch eater, and just loud enough to be annoying movie watcher. Maybe next week someone interesting will come...

I would go around library and hunt them down :devil:
 
  • #48
DaveC426913 said:
Just came back from London.
http://www.davesbrain.ca/adventures/11london/index.html"
Had barely enough time to walk through Hyde Park.

Nice pics, you got to visit a lot of places!

Not to be too pedantic, but what you call the legendary london bridge is actually called tower bridge.
 
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  • #49
cristo said:
Nice pics, you got to visit a lot of places!

Not to be too pedantic, but what you call the legendary london bridge is actually called tower bridge.

Yeah. :blushing: I really should change that.
 
  • #50
It's really quite annoying when random strangers try to converse with me for no reason at all. Even a pretty girl gets me annoyed very quickly if I'm not in small talk mood (which is like 95% of the time). I only talk people up when I have an intention (hitting on a girl would be a typical reason).

Earplugs/iPod and a book are my main tools of defense here!
 
  • #51
SamirS said:
It's really quite annoying when random strangers try to converse with me for no reason at all. Even a pretty girl gets me annoyed very quickly if I'm not in small talk mood (which is like 95% of the time). I only talk people up when I have an intention (hitting on a girl would be a typical reason).
Would this be an example of a double standard?
You do unto other people something that, when done to you, is annoying? :wink:
 
  • #52
DaveC426913 said:
Would this be an example of a double standard?
You do unto other people something that, when done to you, is annoying? :wink:

Touche.

Well I wouldn't hit on a girl in an everday situation like public transportation. Most likely it is because I'm totally not in the mood usually, but I like to tell myself it is because I respect the privacy of others as I want mine to be respected.

Especially for the original thread starter, I remembered this gem, too:

http://xkcd.com/642/
 
  • #53
SamirS said:
Especially for the original thread starter, I remembered this gem, too:

http://xkcd.com/642/

Haha, I saw that XKCD a month or so back, the truth, it hurts. :P
 
  • #54
Neh! The truth is wonderful! :smile:
 
  • #55
ok, so I'm living in halls now, and most people stay in their rooms in the evening. the ones in the common room are either watching football or playing a drinking game. I want to do neither but I want to talk to people! Is it too weird to knock on random people's doors and talk to them that way?
 
  • #56
nucleargirl said:
Is it too weird to knock on random people's doors and talk to them that way?
Yes.

But you're a chick so it might work out.
 
  • #57
nucleargirl said:
s it too weird to knock on random people's doors and talk to them that way?

It's quite possibly the weirdest thing I've ever heard of.
 
  • #58
If a girl knocked on my door, I'd think it weird, but it would also intrigue me... :smile:
TBH, if a guy did, I'd expect an ulterior motive and brush him off.

People who sit quietly at home do not attract my attention. :wink:
 
  • #59
nucleargirl said:
Is it too weird to knock on random people's doors and talk to them that way?

"...Tabak was invited into Miss Yeates's flat when she saw him walking past her kitchen window. It was here, Mr Clegg said, where the pair introduced themselves to one another "and chatted as neighbours would"...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-15368208
 
  • #60
AlephZero said:
"...Tabak was invited into Miss Yeates's flat when she saw him walking past her kitchen window. It was here, Mr Clegg said, where the pair introduced themselves to one another "and chatted as neighbours would"...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-15368208

Cautionary tale, true. But I think she's in a dorm, not wandering the neighborhood..
 

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