alephgb said:
But the reason we can assume the edges are infinitely far apart is because the plates are close together. If we have finite plates then they have to be close together for the field to be approximately constant. I know you know this and we are saying the same thing. However, the wire is not a parallel plate capacitor, but its electric field acts like on. I can physically see why the parallel plate capacitor field is constant, I cannot see why the wire's field is constant, except by other assumptions (e.g., that J = (sigma)E which is an experimentally observed fact). I aiming for a physical picture using charges and fields produced by those charges to explain why the field in a wire is constant when a potential is applied at each end. It seems a picture using just charges and fields from those charges should be able to be drawn, but I cannot do it.
I think I see your problem (I vaguely remember having had similar worries when I was studying the relationship between Maxwell EM and electric circuits - but the human mind is such that, once one understands a subject, one doesn't remember anymore why one didn't understand it before

).
The whole point is, as Zz points out, that "the E-field cannot leak out". Now, that in itself is a non-evident element, but it is also part of "ohm's law".
Imagine, as you do, two "concentrated balls of opposite charge" far away, in a dielectric. The field lines will radiate outward, and swarm all over the place. Now, imagine again these two balls of charge, but this time, say, in seawater. No difference! Except of course that a current is established, and the current density will be proportional to the E-field: Ohm's law. In fact, there will be a tiny difference with the previous situation, and that's because of the tiny amount of charge that is actually traveling, will slightly change the E-field. But as this amount of "traveling charge" is very tiny as compared to the amount of "reservoir charge", this will only influence the E-field so much.
But next, consider variations in conductivity over space (different amounts of salinity). We will now have that certain pathways will have higher current densities, and others lower. The distribution of "traveling charge" will be depending on these variations, and in fact, whenever the E-field will go from a "high conductivity" to a "low conductivity" zone, there will be some accumulation of 'traveling charge'... until the E-field is modified so that a steady-state flow of charge is again established.
So, charges will accumulate until the E-field is modified such, that by Ohm's law, the charge flux is the same in the "high conductance" and the "low conductance" region of the E-field flux tube.
In the extreme case of a cylindrical conductor in a VERY low-conducting environment, charges will accumulate on its surface SUCH THAT the flux tube of charge flow will have uniform flux density (simply because if that isn't the case, charges will accumulate where it changes!). Now, as it is assumed that the only place where the flux tube can go, is the conductor itself, charges will place themselves such, UNTIL j is constant along the conductor. And hence, by Ohm's law, E is constant along that conductor. Any deviation from this pattern will make charges accumulate, and modify the E-field, until this is the case.