Have a crush on the postdoc in lab

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The discussion centers around an individual who is infatuated with a calm and attractive supervisor in a lab setting. This person expresses feelings of discomfort and anxiety due to their admiration, feeling overwhelmed by the supervisor's perfection and unapproachability. The conversation shifts to concerns about competition with peers in research, where participants discuss the fear of idea theft and the pressure of being outperformed. Suggestions are made to focus on work rather than personal feelings and to be cautious about sharing ideas. The infatuation is noted as a recurring theme, with advice offered about managing emotions and considering therapy for self-esteem issues. The thread highlights the complexities of balancing professional responsibilities with personal feelings in an academic environment.
nucleargirl
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there is a guy in lab and he's the most amazing guy ever...

I've never met anyone like him.

he is the most calm person ever... I can't believe it. and I have never seen ANYONE look so good in a lab coat... omg he could totally be a model, and if he modeled labcoats... omg... that would be all that anyone would ever wear.

I can't handle it!

and he's pretty much supervising me... so I'm working with him every day... wtf.

he's pretty much perfect. he's so cool... as in calm and so cool... as in so comfortable in his own skin ( I cannot think of a better way to put it), just so cool calm and collected.

and he is really nice, as in kind, considerate. omg... I can't deal with this.

do you know how I feel? it is extremely uncomfortable.

I don't even want to do anything with this guy, I just feel extremely uncomfortable that he is in my life. he is unapproachable because he is too perfect. I couldn't handle any more than this. if anything would happen I think I would literally die.
 
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Someone started a thread about having crush on supervisor many months ago .. could it be you? :devil:
 
oh... omg! WHAt is wrong with me!
 
rootX said:
Someone started a thread about having crush on supervisor many months ago .. could it be you? :devil:

:smile:


Nucleargirl: you didn't tell us what are you doing in the lab? In other words, what got you to be in the lab in the first place?
 
I'm in lab to do my work! I didnt go there to look for guys if that's what you were thinking!
 
nucleargirl said:
I'm in lab to do my work! I didnt go there to look for guys if that's what you were thinking!

Good. Try to focus on that. :smile:
 
Fine. let's focus on that instead. I have problems in this area too.
What do you do if another student is interested in the same research as you? and they want to do the same research that you had thought of... and they are one step ahead of you and you are scared they will be better than you? and you are scared of discussing ideas with them in case they take your ideas and run with them?
 
should you discuss your new ideas with other people? what if they steal your ideas and say its theirs? but if you don't discuss, how can you improve your ideas?
 
You sound like your brain is constantly going 100 mph, causing you to over-think everything.

Mine does that, but in all different directions.
 
  • #10
Lol @ the infatuation nucleargirl is showing. Obviously you're a bit overboard with the infatuation. You are currently at a 10 when you should be at a 3, so bring it down and be a bit more level-headed.

but with the ideas, I would say, just use your ideas on a more functional level, not telling the "big version" of the idea, rather talking about its function in relation to what it is geared towards. That is what I do, but there is the chance that your function-talk will prop up ideas in his head to which your idea will become similar to his own ephiphany, then that would mean your idea is taken.

So just be smart and paranoid. You sound like a cool person to be around to me, but just calm down. He may be beguiling you at the moment. I remember a guy in my class always complementing me, telling me how good I looked saying, "I wish I looked as good as you...", I caught on to what he was doing when I overheard him telling one of the professor an idea I stupidly gave away. So, just be wary of those with flattering lips.
 
  • #11
Seems ng has gone off the infatuation topic.
 
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  • #12
nucleargirl said:
What do you do if another student is interested in the same research as you? and they want to do the same research that you had thought of... and they are one step ahead of you and you are scared they will be better than you? and you are scared of discussing ideas with them in case they take your ideas and run with them?

You challenge them to a ritual battle to the death in the grad student breakroom where, after victory, you remove their still beating heart and consume it to gain their superior research and Science! powers.
 
  • #14
nucleargirl said:
Fine. let's focus on that instead. I have problems in this area too.
What do you do if another student is interested in the same research as you? and they want to do the same research that you had thought of... and they are one step ahead of you and you are scared they will be better than you? and you are scared of discussing ideas with them in case they take your ideas and run with them?
To call that lab coat guy a RESEARCH TOPIC will let the other girl (or boy) win.
You really need to keep your mind cool now.
 
  • #15
infatuation-wise, I realize he is the total opposite of me, maybe that's why I like him. But like with the last one, it will probably die after a while.
 
  • #16
Mentalist: be smart and paranoid, ok I can do that! I'm good at paranoia. Discuss ideas functionally, right, try to see what others think without giving your idea away.. but I'm not really smart enough to do that - and others are too smart to not realize. but be aware of others, ok.

Jhae: yes that is exactly what I feel like doing! totally! How dare they have my thoughts!

rootx: I'm right at the beginning of that graph! smiling everyday in the lab at everyone and asking them all kinds of weird questions. My ideas are not that great?... but... I was going to win the Nobel prize!

Arild... lol... actually I really do think all the other girls in lab like him... you can totally tell - they flirt with him. its pretty much impossible not to like him. I think even the guys like him!
 
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  • #17
he really doesn't like me... why does this always happen!
and now I am getting sick... everything sucks! my life sucks! I hate everything!
 
  • #18
nucleargirl said:
he really doesn't like me... why does this always happen!
and now I am getting sick... everything sucks! my life sucks! I hate everything!
.. even this?

4894341-iced-chocolate-latte-with-cream.jpg


:frown::eek::cry:
 
  • #19
lol... no... don't hate that... oh... the pain!
 
  • #20
rootx said:
.. Even this?

4894341-iced-chocolate-latte-with-cream.jpg


:frown::eek::cry:

:!) want!


PS. I'm not neglecting your emotions ng, but I'm pretty sure that you are aware of what you REALLY want, and I'm also sure that you'll get it. :wink:
 
  • #21
nucleargirl said:
he really doesn't like me... why does this always happen!
and now I am getting sick... everything sucks! my life sucks! I hate everything!
Perhaps one came on too strong. Try to avoid extremes. Everything in moderation. And follow Gad's advice.
 
  • #22
Meh, just confront the problem head on... ask him to go with you for a drink (your crush, not the student you view as a rival). One way or another things will sort themselves out from there and you can stop wondering where you stand.
 
  • #23
nucleargirl said:
he really doesn't like me... why does this always happen!
and now I am getting sick... everything sucks! my life sucks! I hate everything!

You are excited even when sad! Lol

But yeah, I know the feeling. There was a girl I liked and I talked with her, and I was just about to ask her out until someone I spoke with in the same class told me she was dating another guy and that they did the deed, etc... and, upon seeing her again that guy was around and about 1 year later to the present day, they are still dating.

Who knows maybe you'll end up meeting someone who has the same infatuation for you, but you not them! lol. Life is a bit cruel. Don't worry, it will more than likely wear off in time, at least I am no longer attracted to the girl that I previously had interest in.
 
  • #24
NG, you fall in love with every male you work with, this has been going on at least since you joined. The frequency with which this happens appears problematic, and it seems to consume you. Have you considered seeking therapy? It can help you gain self esteem and hopefully explain why you have this recurring problem with authority figures.

Get help and good luck to you. :smile:
 
  • #25
Lol, this just keeps getting better!
 
  • #26
He's got a girlfriend.
 
  • #27
I hate when that happens. You're casually talking to this girl or guy you've liked for a while, then they mention their boyfriend or girlfriend and a bomb goes off in your stomach. I know that feeling all too well.
 
  • #28
so much pain! exactly... I was trying to keep chill and carry on talking... but you get that sinking feeling in your stomach...
 
  • #29
of course, I was expecting it. he's just too good-looking and nice to be single. its impossible... but you always have hope... even though you know its not going to happen.
 
  • #30
is there anything more painful that falling for someone you can't have? why is it so stupid like that? why is it so easy to like them but impossible to stop it?
 
  • #31
is this what being hooked on drugs is like?
 
  • #32
why is there not more than 1 of each person?
 
  • #33
This relationship section of the forum makes this place so much more interesting.
 
  • #34
  • #35
Evo said:
NG, you fall in love with every male you work with, this has been going on at least since you joined. The frequency with which this happens appears problematic, and it seems to consume you. Have you considered seeking therapy? It can help you gain self esteem and hopefully explain why you have this recurring problem with authority figures.

Get help and good luck to you. :smile:

That's a good suggestion since that doesn't cause any damage but you know that sounds normal to me. Maybe that' because she's sort of frustrated about what she's doing right now and needs support and help, and that makes her interested in authority figures. I think there's not much to worry about because the feelings go away as soon as she finds herself and self-confidence. But yeah, I guess a therapist can help her to solve her problem sooner.:smile:
 
  • #36
I've been trying to put myself off him cos he's taken... its kind of working. but today I saw him standing there with that look on his face... like looking for something expectantly. looking at me. I don't know what he's looking for.
 
  • #37
nucleargirl said:
I've been trying to put myself off him cos he's taken... its kind of working. but today I saw him standing there with that look on his face... like looking for something expectantly. looking at me. I don't know what he's looking for.

Be prepared! Load your guns, don't allow him to take you down! :biggrin:


Ignore it. :)
 
  • #38
I don't want to... like all day, whenever I see him all I want is to see him smile...
so when I talk to him I feel so boring cos I think I'm boring him...
I feel super boring now. I'm afraid of presenting at the group meeting because he will be there. I'm afraid of looking super stupid in front of him.
and I'm scared other people will notice me staring at him. so embarrassing.
 
  • #39
I wish I was fun, and always know the right things to say, and interesting.
I wish I was more easy-going.
 
  • #40
nucleargirl said:
I've been trying to put myself off him cos he's taken... its kind of working. but today I saw him standing there with that look on his face... like looking for something expectantly. looking at me. I don't know what he's looking for.
He might have picked up on your attraction to him and be afraid of you.

My advice? Leave him alone, forget about him and get back to your job.
 

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