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Made Someone Cry

by Mentalist
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chiro
#19
Nov11-12, 05:49 AM
P: 4,573
Although we can only go off your side of the story, if what you say has enough accuracy then the guy sounds like someone who can dish but can't take: in other words a scared little man.

Anyway, one thing about being professional in any situation are those famous three words: cover your ***.

Just make sure that if some manipulative jerkoff wants to take other people (including yourself) for a ride, you can just state the facts of your situation and provide examples of stuff you have actually done in your work that shows you have demonstrated that you have actually done what you say you have done.

If you work in a place that values meritocracy, then the management (as well as other primary non-decision makers) will favor your stance and also your ability to deal with the un-desirables in a way that is professional and doesn't resort to name calling, back-stabbing, manipulation, and (god forbid) little men crying in the hallway.

Any person that has done something long enough where they have to deal significantly with a lot of people that have gone through some bad experiences will have their own frameworks designed to deal with jerkoffs.

It's the reason why a lot of stores don't offer credit or a small tab anyway and it's also the reason people do all these other things that seem anal, not nice, and insensitive: they may be that way but chances are they are doing it because they had an uncomfortable experience being lax and friendly and not considering that just maybe you get the occasional jerkoff that can ruin your week (and for the really unfortunate, their life).
Tosh5457
#20
Nov11-12, 11:03 AM
P: 239
Ok here's a serious advice: Do what you feel is right. That'll depend on the situation (that you know better than anyone here) and your personality, there isn't an answer that is right for everyone...
AnTiFreeze3
#21
Nov11-12, 12:55 PM
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While the elementary school approach of 1.) Ignoring them, 2.) Asking them to stop, and 3.) Telling a teacher (the professor, in your case) does seem a little excessive, I do think that that's the correct approach. Using those actions allows for any miscommunications to be cleared up; maybe he wasn't aware that what he was saying hurt you, in which case your personal attacks may have been even more devastating to him than you might have expected.

Regardless, if he was in fact aware of his belittling remarks and actions, then by all means he deserves to be told off. I doubt he appreciated it having been in front of all of the other classmates, as well as the professor, but occasionally, people do need to experience what they so readily do to others.

Whether or not people thought of what you did as a good or bad thing is beside the point. As of now, your best course of action is to explain yourself to the professor so as to clear up any misunderstandings, and to apologize to those of whom you think are worthy of an apology (which appears to exclude the boy who you lashed out at).
sweetpotato
#22
Nov15-12, 09:30 AM
P: 151
I was in a similar situation at work. A colleague was consistently direspectful to me and I put up with it. Finally I couldn't take it any longer and yelled at him in front of other colleagues and made some hurtful remarks. Later I apologized to him for yelling at him in public. I did not, however, retract the substance of what I said. He understood that he had been in the wrong and we ended up being on good terms.

I do think you should apologize to this guy for the way you spoke to him. Say something like: "I should have talked to you in private not insulted you publicly". It sounds like your issue with him is justified, but the way you dealt with it was not. I think you should also apologize to the professor for disrupting the class and say that in the future you will resolve your disputes in private and not waste valuable class time.

I do not think you have to accept this guy's apology if it seems insincere. Simply make it clear to him that you find his actions towards you disrespectful and intolerable, but you apologize for insulting him in public rather than having a private conversation with him.

I don't mean to be judgemental of you; like I said I did exactly the same thing once. However I later regretted the way I handled the situation. Situations like this will happen to (almost) everybody at school and work. The best thing to do is try to handle it as best you can and learn from the experience.
Mentalist
#23
Nov27-12, 10:30 PM
P: 32
Follow-up

I did end up apologizing for lashing out. I took the advice of someone saying I should write things out, and that was very helpful as it allowed me to think clearly and go into the situation. The guy and I are still the in the same group as we both felt it would be a bit awkward for the classroom if we weren't.

Now I have about 2 weeks left, including this one and I am done with that class.

He did apologize in front of people which was embarrassing for me as people began looking at me, then he sent a follow up email apologizing. He said he was joking and that he felt by my not doing anything and smiling (a tick I have when I feel uncomfortable) he thought I was in on it. That is his claim, and may be I took it out of context. But I remember him talking about me whilst me not being around (I was in the hallway), but anyway, I don't like being the bud of the jokes and I did not necessarily believe his excuse. But he did seem genuine about it. I just cannot read him at all though. He looks at you with sincerity. I dunno. But I do know I am done with this class and cannot wait to get out.

As for the professor, he is a good guy. He explained that he had no idea and he saw one guy crying and he had to immediately dissolve the situation. I believe him.

All in all, thanks for the advice. I will just begin writing things out. I felt that advice helped me a lot within this situation and I was able to handle it well, I think.
Drakkith
#24
Nov28-12, 03:56 AM
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Nice job Mentalist. It's amazing how often problems like this arise due to simple misunderstandings between people.
Borek
#25
Nov28-12, 06:53 AM
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Good that you have both shown to be grown up enough to not escalate the issue to some absurd size. Happens way too often.
sweetpotato
#26
Nov28-12, 11:32 AM
P: 151
I'm glad you were able to work it out. Learn from it, and move on, that's my advice!
Aero51
#27
Dec16-12, 09:54 PM
P: 546
I say good for you for putting a reject in their place! I've had several run-ins with those type back in the day. I am proud to say I have either beat up or publicly embarrassed every bully that came my way in HS. Anyway, tell the Professor that the kid has provoked you all semester and you refused to take it after being patient. If he has a problem with your answer you probably don't want to bother with him any further.
WannabeNewton
#28
Dec18-12, 04:11 AM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
I say good for you for putting a reject in their place! I've had several run-ins with those type back in the day. I am proud to say I have either beat up or publicly embarrassed every bully that came my way in HS.
Definitely not something you should be proud of or say on a public forum. You shouldn't go around condoning infantile and barbaric behavior. Compassion > egotism and belligerence my friend.
Mentallic
#29
Dec18-12, 06:54 AM
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Quote Quote by WannabeNewton View Post
Definitely not something you should be proud of or say on a public forum. You shouldn't go around condoning infantile and barbaric behavior. Compassion > egotism and belligerence my friend.
A public forum isn't a place where everyone is supposed to discuss sunshine and lollipops, it's the real world where you have to deal with jerks and idiots like the OP's antagonist on a daily basis.
WannabeNewton
#30
Dec18-12, 07:04 AM
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Quote Quote by Mentallic View Post
A public forum isn't a place where everyone is supposed to discuss sunshine and lollipops, it's the real world where you have to deal with jerks and idiots like the OP's antagonist on a daily basis.
The real world involves REAL problems not childish high school drama that is dealt with by childish methods. Maybe you should stop condoning immature behavior and realize that neither you nor the OP is in kindergarten anymore. Thankfully most people I've had the pleasure of meeting aren't as rash. I'm pretty sure every parent teaches their kid the simple act of thinking before hitting for such petty arguments. What kind of person is proud of "taking down" others?
Mentallic
#31
Dec18-12, 07:37 AM
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Quote Quote by WannabeNewton View Post
The real world involves REAL problems not childish high school drama that is dealt with by childish methods.
The OP was being mocked by the guy for far too long. Saying this is high school drama would imply that these sorts of things don't happen in the work force, which is blatantly wrong.

Quote Quote by WannabeNewton View Post
I'm pretty sure every parent teaches their kid the simple act of thinking before hitting for such petty arguments. What kind of person is proud of "taking down" others?
And I'm also sure that harassment in the real world is an offense that isn't merely punishable with a slap on the wrist.
Aero51
#32
Dec18-12, 08:13 AM
P: 546
Personally, I think people are too afraid to stand up to their fears in this day and age. I'm proud I defied the people who set out to hurt me. Ive even stood up for people who couldn't or wouldn't do it themselves.
hddd123456789
#33
Dec18-12, 09:08 AM
P: 82
IMHO, standing up for injustice is commendable, but misunderstanding a situation might lead you with the best of intentions to do just the opposite: causing injustice. And then both parties are worse off. It's always better to assume the best in others, even if they really are conniving miscreants. You are only responsible for the injustice your hands send forth, not for the injustice of others.
nitsuj
#34
Dec18-12, 12:16 PM
P: 1,098
What a great story!

lol he cried from opinionated belittling, you gave him TWO valuable lessons!

I agree with the standing up to reasoning.

some odd perspectives here such as "eye for an eye" with a negative connotation, were not talking violence here.
xxChrisxx
#35
Dec18-12, 01:03 PM
P: 2,048
Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
I say good for you for putting a reject in their place! I've had several run-ins with those type back in the day. I am proud to say I have either beat up or publicly embarrassed every bully that came my way in HS.
Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
Personally, I think people are too afraid to stand up to their fears in this day and age. I'm proud I defied the people who set out to hurt me. Ive even stood up for people who couldn't or wouldn't do it themselves.

MarneMath
#36
Dec18-12, 09:09 PM
P: 439
Just my two cents, but assuming it was perfectly ok for the OP to embarass someone, a good lot of you seem to believe that there didn't exist better options. I spent half decade as an undisputed leader in squad. Yelling, demeaning, and out right humiliating was part of the norm when dealing with new privates. When I shifted to the civilian world, I toned it down a lot, but initially some things were so ingrain in me that I didn't realize that my tone, to civilians, was often seen as harsh and demanding.

One day a peer of mine came talked to me about how he perceived my attitude to be. I told him I was unaware and made an effort to readjust. So with that said. I've found that a lot of people are not aware that certain things they do bother you. So if you find that you just hold it in and then explode, that's a poor way to handle any situtation, which I believe is what the OP did.

There's an escalation of force that needs to be applied. IMO, talking to the person, then to someone of authority is always the better route than publicly trying to embarass someone.

On side note, if this was a work place and I was your boss, I would be inclinded to fire you. I'm a very no nonsense type of guy, and deciding to cause a scene instead of talkingto me about the issue is a cue that you have poor communication skills and negative influence in the work place. I don't need drama at the work place, but if you feel incline to bring it, then I tend to find that I don't need you either.


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