How do you meet intelligent women?

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In summary, the dorky guy is trying to deal with his social anxiety by trying to find relationships with women that are conventional but less fulfilling. He is attracted to women that have their lives in order and are passionate about something other than reality TV and hair products. However, he has difficulty interacting with normal girls and is invisible to them. He tries to ask out the girl he likes, but she always declines or sets him up with her more attractive friend. If he is good-looking, the girl assumes he is a player and she does not want to be just another fling. He should just be direct and ask her out on a date.
  • #1
QuarkCharmer
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I'm a huge dork and very socially anxious. I have a hard time approaching women, but fortunately I am quite attractive (I am told). Whenever I go out anywhere I am approached by really attractive women (by conventional standards), and as a result, I never really need to approach women for the most part, but I find each new relationship progressively less fulfilling. I am interested in women that have their lives in order, are passionate about something other than reality television and hair-care products.

I have been talking to this really cute girl who works at my local book store. She's studying mathematics, plays the violin, two things that I really enjoy myself. I thought things were going fine when she invited me to go out with her and some of her friends. I happily went and had a great time talking to her as usual, until she introduced me to a friend of hers. From that point on, it seemed like she invited me just to set me up with her very attractive attractive but not remotely interesting girlfriend who also works at that bookstore.

I don't know how how to meet the types of girls that I might be interested in having an "actual" meaningful relationship with.
 
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  • #2
Why didn't you just flat out ask the girl you're interested in out instead!
 
  • #3
I tried! I suggested we meet up or do something, something along those lines, and she replied with "Oh were doing this thing on Friday ect". Maybe I was not clear on my intentions, I should have just asked her specifically to do something sans friends, but now it's probably too late.

This isn't a specific instance, this happens to me all the time. I am invisible to normal girls.
 
  • #4
QuarkCharmer said:
I tried! I suggested we meet up or do something, something along those lines, and she replied with "Oh were doing this thing on Friday ect". Maybe I was not clear on my intentions, I should have just asked her specifically to do something sans friends, but now it's probably too late.

This isn't a specific instance, this happens to me all the time. I am invisible to normal girls.

Yes you must be specific. Be direct. Women respect it. If she declines without offering an alternative date or at least expressing much interest then she prolly isn't into you. People who are interested WILL make themselves available.
 
  • #5
maybe she thinks she's not attractive enough for you and so assumes you can't be into her (cos you are good-looking, and she seems sensible). be direct, like: girl, you are the one I like, not your friend. You seem really interesting and I would really like to spend some time with you and get to know you. or just do something cute and just for her so she gets that you like only her - bring her a cupcake or something at work :) or a flower. or take time to chat to her when you see her, care about how she is.

and if ur goodlooking then she might think cos girls throw themselves at you, you might be a player, and she doesn't want to be just another fling, so she's seeing if you are really into her - playing a bit hard to get to test your intentions.
 
  • #6
nucleargirl said:
maybe she thinks she's not attractive enough for you and so assumes you can't be into her (cos you are good-looking, and she seems sensible). be direct, like: girl, you are the one I like, not your friend. You seem really interesting and I would really like to spend some time with you and get to know you. or just do something cute and just for her so she gets that you like only her - bring her a cupcake or something at work :) or a flower. or take time to chat to her when you see her, care about how she is.

and if ur goodlooking then she might think cos girls throw themselves at you, you might be a player, and she doesn't want to be just another fling, so she's seeing if you are really into her - playing a bit hard to get to test your intentions.

Geez you girls are complicated. Next time any of you gals say to yourself "why is it so hard to find a nice guy?", this is why.

Just ask her out on a date and be direct about it. If she says yes, great, if she says no, move on, there's other fish in the sea.
 
  • #7
The fix-up is a reliable indication that she's not interested in you.

You are probably emitting Dorkons. These are little hints to a woman that you do not think you are powerful and self-assured.

James Bond never fidgets, is always a gentleman, emits zero Dorkons, and can snap anyone in two. It shows in the way he carries himself. How do you carry yourself? Do you wear nice shoes? A nice watch? How's your hair cut? How's it styled? These are the metrics women have to size you up with.
 
  • #8
Just be frank and respectful. Women generally don't want to be "hit on" by men that they don't know. If they assume that they know you, however, Katy bar the door, because they will be the ones doing the hitting. Take some time and lay some track.
 
  • #9
I have been trained in "how to dress like an adult", I don't think that is the issue. I typically leave my opinions on why The Next Generation is far superior to DS9 at home, so I don't put anyone off. I really have no idea how to approach women and it's not something I have generally had to worry about much. How would you even go about that without coming off like you are intentionally hitting on them?
 
  • #10
Know what you want, and the path will work itself out. As long as you have the courage to take those scary leaps of vulnerability, you'll be fine man.

Know that in order to get what you want (ie, an intelligent girlfriend), it's going to be extremely anxiety-inducing, because it's new and you're just not used to it. So when you feel that anxiety, understand that it's a good sign! Use it as strength man.And if all else fails, having a cute chick friend that's fun to talk to is way better than not having a cute chick friend that's fun to talk to. You really don't need a girlfriend.

Have fun dude! I hope everything goes well.
 
  • #11
did you try near departments of science in universities?
 
  • #12
I meet intelligent women all the time. Mostly, I've meet them on the dance floor- social dancing such as swing, mambo, cha-cha, waltz, foxtrot, etc. Almost all of them, I've met while doing something I like to do: dance, mountain biking, road biking, volleyball, parties at a friend's house.

I can't think of any woman (intellegent or not) that I've met in a bar, that I still know.
 
  • #13
How do you meet intelligent women?

This question has been asked for millions of years now...you are not the first to ask!

First of all, you should be looking for a life long partner...rather than a girlfriend. Don't just "bang" around like most young people. Search for your soulmate. The obsession of being a stud or Don Juan is total bull crap and a total waste of time. Be real with women...win over their minds and they will give you their body and soul.

If you have women hitting on you...it's simple, be patient. Eventually an intelligent one that shares your interests will eventually come along.

Being hit on by women is obviously a rare thing. Appreciate it instead of taking it for granted. You will know almost instantly when she is standing in front of you..
 
  • #14
psparky said:
Being hit on by women is obviously a rare thing. Appreciate it instead of taking it for granted. You will know almost instantly when she is standing in front of you..
One night after trudging through a blizzard to get to a local bar (a dive under a motel), I was approached by a tall grad student asking "can I sit with you if I buy you a drink?".

It's not all that rare, if you don't look like a predator or a "player". We had a great relationship for years. She took the initiative. I might not have (too sad).

One thing that bugged me a bit was that she always scooched down a little when someone was taking our picture, as if she wanted to down-play the fact that she was about 3" taller than me. She was a lovely woman and very intelligent, but social pressures can creep in.

Still, I met a very intelligent woman by trudging through snow alone to crappy little bar.
 
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  • #15
psparky said:
Being hit on by women is obviously a rare thing.
Not in my experience.
 
  • #16
zoobyshoe said:
Not in my experience.

I was referring to the original poster who made it sound like he gets swooned on by 5 woman every where he goes.

Obviously we've all been hit on by women...
 
  • #17
zoobyshoe said:
psparky said:
Being hit on by women is obviously a rare thing.

Not in my experience.

Nor in mine. I get hit on by my wife every time I forget to put my dirty shirts in the laundry.
 
  • #18
I've been hit on by women in clubs. I mean with clubs. I would have much preferred in.
 
  • #19
turbo said:
Still, I met a very intelligent woman by trudging through snow alone to crappy little bar.

Well, if we're changing the definition of "intelligent woman" to mean "any woman that will hit on me, even when my addiction to alcohol is so great that I'll trudge through a blizzard to get my next drink", then we've all been hit on by intelligent women.

Or at least, if we drink enough, we'll think we've been hit on by every woman in the bar - and, hey, that's good enough for me.
 
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  • #20
Antiphon said:
The fix-up is a reliable indication that she's not interested in you.

You are probably emitting Dorkons. These are little hints to a woman that you do not think you are powerful and self-assured.

James Bond never fidgets, is always a gentleman, emits zero Dorkons, and can snap anyone in two. It shows in the way he carries himself. How do you carry yourself? Do you wear nice shoes? A nice watch? How's your hair cut? How's it styled? These are the metrics women have to size you up with.


Dorkons have yet to be experimentally verified. He's probably just emitting your standard, low-frequency Geek Field.

And if you're extolling TNG over DS:9 you'll never find a beautiful joined Trill to mate with.
 
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  • #21
I used dating sites (free ones actually). I was reading profiles to find any traces of more ambitious interests. Worked in my case but required quite a lot of time. (and that was the girl that contacted me... other thing that in my profile I was described as ph.d. student and among interests listed the most fascinating books that I've read)
 
  • #22
The good Lord once said that he will fill all the corners of the Earth with the most obedient, intelligent, sexy women possible.

The then made the Earth round...and he laughed, laughed...and laughed...
 
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  • #23
I've had great success in landing an attractive, intelligent woman over a year ago.

Here's my tips and what I have learned:

~Online dating stinks. Lots of wasting time, lots of dissapointment. (there are some exceptions, but few)
~Use Meetup.com to meet women and/or friends. Whether your interest is poker, skiing, baseball, drinking...whatever, you will meet like minded people who want to meet other people. You will meet real people in real world situations such as bars, homes, museums, ski slopes, parks, etc...you get the point. And again, not just for women...friends also. Which brings up another point...expand your friend base...and you will expand your female base. Meetup.com is worldwide...doens't matter where you live.
~Speed dating. Google it in your area. Great way to meet 10 or more women in under an hour of time.
~Don't stay home. Every day you stay in, you are guaranteed not to meet anyone!
~Dress nice when going out, woman definitely notice what you have on!
~Don't drink too much when on dates. No woman in her right mind is going to like a guy who has 10 drinks on a date...unless she is also a drunk.
~Smoking will be a big turn off for a woman who doesn't smoke. Don't smoke on initial dates for sure.
~Be funny if you can. Women absolutely love funny. If you are not funny, learn how to be funny.
~Dress nice when you go out, yes, I said above, but I feel the need to write it twice!
~Smile...smile...smile. Everybody loves a good smile.
~Don't talk about ex-girlfriends. Move forward...not backward!
~Be realistic. Go for women with similar looks to your own. Don't go chasing waterfalls.
~Put yourself out there. Try to be outgoing, but don't try too hard. When the cosmos finds the right woman for you, you will know it. In the meantime, just hang in there, keep your chin up and keep working hard.
 
  • #24
I'm still in high school so I don't know if this works in the real world, but breaking the subconscious "touch barrier", hasn't failed me yet. Three for three, sadly, since it's pretty manipulative, I guess.

You're friends with a girl. Or maybe acquaintances. She might have put you in the imaginary excuse you fabricated called the "friend zone", or maybe not, but you're near her, friends or not, whatever the situation may be. Maybe she's on her phone and laughs at something and/or wants to show you something on it. You go up close to her and look at whatever it is. As you're in this situation, your shoulders are touching. Ok, what's the point? Big deal right?
Later on, she makes you laugh. You high-five her for something. She makes fun of you, you nudge her maybe. If you're not known as a shy person, when she's with her friend you walk in-between and put your arm around both of them and ask, "What's going on?". Only for a minute max, then you take your arms away and continue conversation (make sure your arms were around both of them). Slowly and slowly you make casually touching her become normal. She must not be aware of it, so it must be without hesitation and if she's aware of it she doesn't smell any ulterior motives; you're just genuine. The slower you go, the more genuine it seems. Too fast, and I mean, all isn't lost, but unless you're not socially inept - it probably will be. Completely subconscious for her unless she finds you attractive or unattractive, and that's easy to differentiate between. Eventually it'll somehow click that she's actually comfortable around you - touching you. Maybe she's aware enough to realize it, or maybe her friends joke about how close you guys are or whatnot. I left out a lot, but you probably get it. It seems stupid because it is, but try it.
 
  • #25
hmm when i was young a girl who was all "touchy" was deemed "likely to..."
maybe that's a meme nowadays, i wouldn't know.

anyhow -
i'd say go someplace where people are trying to better themselves, like an evening adult ed class;
or someplace where creative folks congregate like an astronomy club or library.

If you shop instead where people are trying to escape their life you are asking for whatever it is inside them that they're trying to escape.


“Man staggers through life yapped at by his reason, pulled and shoved by his appetites, whispered to by fears, beckoned by hopes. Small wonder that what he craves most is self-forgetting.”

― Eric Hoffer

Bar scene is more like "Piano Man" than "Cheers" I'm afraid.
 
  • #26
psparky said:
I've had great success in landing an attractive, intelligent woman over a year ago.

Here's my tips and what I have learned:

~Online dating stinks. Lots of wasting time, lots of dissapointment. (there are some exceptions, but few)
~Use Meetup.com to meet women and/or friends. Whether your interest is poker, skiing, baseball, drinking...whatever, you will meet like minded people who want to meet other people. You will meet real people in real world situations such as bars, homes, museums, ski slopes, parks, etc...you get the point. And again, not just for women...friends also. Which brings up another point...expand your friend base...and you will expand your female base. Meetup.com is worldwide...doens't matter where you live.
~Speed dating. Google it in your area. Great way to meet 10 or more women in under an hour of time.
~Don't stay home. Every day you stay in, you are guaranteed not to meet anyone!
~Dress nice when going out, woman definitely notice what you have on!
~Don't drink too much when on dates. No woman in her right mind is going to like a guy who has 10 drinks on a date...unless she is also a drunk.
~Smoking will be a big turn off for a woman who doesn't smoke. Don't smoke on initial dates for sure.
~Be funny if you can. Women absolutely love funny. If you are not funny, learn how to be funny.
~Dress nice when you go out, yes, I said above, but I feel the need to write it twice!
~Smile...smile...smile. Everybody loves a good smile.
~Don't talk about ex-girlfriends. Move forward...not backward!
~Be realistic. Go for women with similar looks to your own. Don't go chasing waterfalls.
~Put yourself out there. Try to be outgoing, but don't try too hard. When the cosmos finds the right woman for you, you will know it. In the meantime, just hang in there, keep your chin up and keep working hard.

My take on psparky's advice in the quote above:

Point #1: Completely agree about online dating.

Point #2: Never used Meetup.com but I agree that expanding your friend base is the best guarantor of meeting compatible women (or for heterosexual women to meet compatible men). Also works for gay men/women to meet other gay men/women.

Point #3: Disagree strongly with speed dating. I just don't see how talking to someone within 6 min or less will possibly lead to landing a good match, except possibly in weeding out those who are completely incompatible (or weeding out outright weirdos).

Point #4: Completely agree with not staying home.

Point #5: Completely agree. Don't dress like a slob! Look presentable!

Point #6: Completely agree with not drinking too much.

Point #7: Completely agree (only applies to smokers, obviously -- I'm a non-smoker).

Point #8: I agree that women love funny men, but nothing is more painful than an unfunny person trying to be funny but failing. Learning how to be funny is EXTREMELY difficult; I would even argue that it's a natural talent that can't really be taught. If you know you're not funny, don't even bother trying!

Point #9: See my response to Point #5.

Point #10: Completely agree.

Point #11: Completely agree.

Point #12: Completely agree.

Point #13: Completely agree.
 
  • #27
I completely disagree with psparky #1

I've met world famous scientists through online dating. You just need to be a quality person with an honest profile and be able to select other quality profiles. If you go after junk, you get junk.

Basically, you have to have enough intelligence to select the right profiles. If you select creeps and bimbos, you need to realize that it's your fault, not the fault of the dating site. The gems are there.
 
  • #28
Evo said:
I've met world famous scientists through online dating. You just need to be a quality person with an honest profile and be able to select other quality profiles. If you go after junk, you get junk.

You're a woman :tongue: Yes, that makes a huge difference!
 
  • #29
micromass said:
You're a woman :tongue: Yes, that makes a huge difference!

My husband met me online :tongue2:!

But I believe you. I used online dating sites to filter, not attract. Big difference.
 
  • #30
lisab said:
My husband met me online :tongue2:!

But I believe you. I used online dating sites to filter, not attract. Big difference.
Exactly, you filter. You do the opposite of what these sites say to do. You need to be painfully honest, and have common sense. You do not accept contact from people based on appearance, you REALLY scrutinize their profiles.
 
  • #31
Evo said:
Exactly, you filter. You do the opposite of what these sites say to do. You need to be painfully honest, and have common sense. You do not accept contact from people based on appearance, you REALLY scrutinize their profiles.

Yeah... Go make an OKCupid profile of an average male. There isn't going to be much to filter...
 
  • #32
micromass said:
Yeah... Go make an OKCupid profile of an average male. There isn't going to be much to filter...
I met incredible men on OKC. Their profiles were honest. You need to search for what you want. It works.

Sure there were a lot of creeps, I didn't contact the creeps or respond to them. I met book authors, a few local professors, and some really incredible people. I mean REALLY incredible. Politicians, diplomats. It's hysterical when you find out who some of these people are. Yes, I verified them. When you can reach them at their office... They keep themselves well hidden, but once they realize you're real, they will let you verify them.
 
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  • #33
Evo said:
I met incredible men on OKC. Their profiles were honest. You need to search for what you want. It works.

Sure there were a lot of creeps, I didn't contact the creeps or respond to them.

Do me a favor and make a male profile and try the same thing. It's going to be a whole lot harder!
 
  • #34
micromass said:
Do me a favor and make a male profile and try the same thing. It's going to be a whole lot harder!
I contacted almost all of the men, very few contacted me. So, I don't know what the point would be. What is it you think is supposed to happen?

If you're saying women get contacted more, yes, I agree, but I deleted all of the responses from men that didn't meet my criteria, once in a while I might get a gem, but I was the one that was scrutinizing men's profiles and contacting those that met my criteria. The only men I actually dated were the ones that I contacted. I did become friends with some that contacted me.
 
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<h2>1. How do you define intelligence in a woman?</h2><p>Intelligence can be defined in various ways, but generally it refers to a person's ability to think critically, solve problems, and learn new things. In the context of meeting intelligent women, it can also refer to their level of education, knowledge in a particular field, or their ability to engage in meaningful conversations.</p><h2>2. Where can I find intelligent women?</h2><p>Intelligent women can be found in various places, just like any other group of people. Some common places to meet them include universities, professional networking events, conferences, and volunteering opportunities. It's also important to remember that intelligence is not limited to a specific location or setting, so keep an open mind and be open to meeting new people.</p><h2>3. What qualities should I look for in an intelligent woman?</h2><p>Some qualities to look for in an intelligent woman may include curiosity, critical thinking skills, open-mindedness, and a thirst for knowledge. However, it's important to remember that intelligence can manifest in different ways and may not always be immediately apparent. So, instead of focusing on specific qualities, try to engage in meaningful conversations and get to know the person better.</p><h2>4. How can I attract intelligent women?</h2><p>Attracting intelligent women is no different from attracting anyone else - be yourself and show genuine interest in getting to know them. Avoid trying to impress them with your own intelligence or knowledge, as this can come across as condescending. Instead, focus on having meaningful conversations and showing that you value their thoughts and opinions.</p><h2>5. How do I approach an intelligent woman without intimidating her?</h2><p>Approaching anyone can be nerve-wracking, but it's important to remember that intelligence is not something to be intimidated by. Just like with any other person, be respectful, genuine, and open to getting to know them. Avoid making assumptions or trying to show off, and instead focus on having a genuine and respectful conversation.</p>

1. How do you define intelligence in a woman?

Intelligence can be defined in various ways, but generally it refers to a person's ability to think critically, solve problems, and learn new things. In the context of meeting intelligent women, it can also refer to their level of education, knowledge in a particular field, or their ability to engage in meaningful conversations.

2. Where can I find intelligent women?

Intelligent women can be found in various places, just like any other group of people. Some common places to meet them include universities, professional networking events, conferences, and volunteering opportunities. It's also important to remember that intelligence is not limited to a specific location or setting, so keep an open mind and be open to meeting new people.

3. What qualities should I look for in an intelligent woman?

Some qualities to look for in an intelligent woman may include curiosity, critical thinking skills, open-mindedness, and a thirst for knowledge. However, it's important to remember that intelligence can manifest in different ways and may not always be immediately apparent. So, instead of focusing on specific qualities, try to engage in meaningful conversations and get to know the person better.

4. How can I attract intelligent women?

Attracting intelligent women is no different from attracting anyone else - be yourself and show genuine interest in getting to know them. Avoid trying to impress them with your own intelligence or knowledge, as this can come across as condescending. Instead, focus on having meaningful conversations and showing that you value their thoughts and opinions.

5. How do I approach an intelligent woman without intimidating her?

Approaching anyone can be nerve-wracking, but it's important to remember that intelligence is not something to be intimidated by. Just like with any other person, be respectful, genuine, and open to getting to know them. Avoid making assumptions or trying to show off, and instead focus on having a genuine and respectful conversation.

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