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What is it with guys my age?

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DanP
#73
Nov24-10, 04:13 PM
P: 630
Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
dan,

at least you have a good sense of humor.


Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
that will take you far in the next 15 years as you ponder some of life's other mysteries.
I don't think that love is such a great mystery. Its has been downgraded from a mystery to a scientific problem in the last decade.

But yeah, Im really interested to hear what do you think is love. Its always nice to hear what others think about it.
Physics-Learner
#74
Nov24-10, 04:23 PM
P: 298
the term "romantic love" is so general and has a different connotation for everyone, that it is hard to give you a definition of it. apparently, it needs to involve sex, for you.

i think sex is used way, WAY TOO EARLY in relationships. certainly way before love is ever involved.

there are many, many aspects of love. one would be holding your girlfriend in your arms and crying with her, cuz she feels real badly about something.

if we are talking about a person we love enough that she is our lifetime commitment, then an aspect of love is a strong desire to help her be the person that she wants to be.

to support her. to listen to her. to genuinely care about her welfare. etc. etc.

many married couples still love one another, yet sex is way less prevalent than when they were first married.

i think people get involved first in sexual relationships, hoping they may morph into loving relationships. where i think they would be better off involving themselves in loving relationships, where sex comes into play once they really have made commitments to one another.

"past sexual partners" is almost never helpful to a current relationship.

i think we as a society, need to rethink our ideas. instead of following hollyweird, perhaps we should don a new sweater that is more fitting to our happiness.
DanP
#75
Nov24-10, 04:57 PM
P: 630
Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
the term "romantic love" is so general and has a different connotation for everyone, that it is hard to give you a definition of it. apparently, it needs to involve sex, for you.
Sure it does. Else she is either : 1. My friend . I watch sometimes a movie with her, hang out , and go sometime to the swimming pool for laps and laughs 2. My mother 3. The sister I never had :P

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
i think sex is used way, WAY TOO EARLY in relationships. certainly way before love is ever involved.
It's normal. Many of those relationships develop from a strong attraction toward each other. "Love at first sight" is nothing but infatuation. True love, friendship+sexual intimacy+ commitment comes harder. There is a great deal at work involved into a long term relationship to make it work.

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
there are many, many aspects of love. one would be holding your girlfriend in your arms and crying with her, cuz she feels real badly about something.
And what, making love to her exclude being there for her when she needs ? Turning the world upside down at her whim ? It doesn't.

During my life Ive hold im my arms complete strangers in some situations to comfort them psychologically. Or other times to give them physical heat. Talked to them to keep their minds bussy and focused away from the things which scared them. Im able to this to just about anyone who genuinely needs it. I didnt need even a friendship link to them.

I would do much more for the very few friends I have. And I do even more for my kin (I usually include significant others with kin)

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
if we are talking about a person we love enough that she is our lifetime commitment, then an aspect of love is a strong desire to help her be the person that she wants to be.

to support her. to listen to her. to genuinely care about her welfare. etc. etc.
Lifetime commitment is so far an unknown for me. Serial monogamy seems to be the type of relations Im best suited to personally. However , sexual intimacy doesn't prevent anyone to help his girlfriend achieve her dreams or support her in any way possible.

Its a required component of a intimate relation, yeah, but having it doesn't kill psychologycal intimacy or commitment to be together for how long it lasts.

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
many married couples still love one another, yet sex is way less prevalent than when they were first married.
Never been married. I have no idea how it is after a very long time together.

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
... where i think they would be better off involving themselves in loving relationships, where sex comes into play once they really have made commitments to one another.
Easier said then done. I prefer to discover everything about her on the run, as the relationship unfolds. I believe it's better this way.

There are cases in which a friendship develops before romantic love gets involved, but they are rarer. In most of the cases, the relationship advances at a normal pace on all planes at the same time.

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
"past sexual partners" is almost never helpful to a current relationship.
Dont ask, dont tell ? Army got it right :P


Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
i think we as a society, need to rethink our ideas. instead of following hollyweird, perhaps we should don a new sweater that is more fitting to our happiness.
There is a great deal of evolutionary and social constrains involved in close social relationships. I dont think that forcing the issue with some new imposed "morale" would do any good to anyone. We do alright.
JaredJames
#76
Nov24-10, 05:23 PM
P: 3,387
Your posts (both of you) are getting a bit repetitive. I've actually read the same lines in multiple posts now.

Could things get back to the OP now, please?
turbo
#77
Nov24-10, 05:57 PM
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@OP: what is wrong with gals your age? There is absolutely no reason that you can't approach a guy if you are interested. Given the M:F ratio in your classes, male students may be intimidated by the poor odds.

Ask for help with a problem (even if you don't really need it), and if you recognize a guy in the student union that shares classes with you, introduce yourself and maybe share a coffee.
lisab
#78
Nov24-10, 08:12 PM
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Quote Quote by turbo-1 View Post
@OP: what is wrong with gals your age? There is absolutely no reason that you can't approach a guy if you are interested. Given the M:F ratio in your classes, male students may be intimidated by the poor odds.

Ask for help with a problem (even if you don't really need it), and if you recognize a guy in the student union that shares classes with you, introduce yourself and maybe share a coffee.
No, I really have to disagree here (bolded). Don't play dumb.
turbo
#79
Nov24-10, 08:22 PM
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Quote Quote by lisab View Post
No, I really have to disagree here (bolded). Don't play dumb.
Don't play dumb, but everybody needs clarification at times, especially when critical tests loom. No guy is going to freak out when an attractive female student asks what instructor A or B means about some concept in the text. You don't have to act dumb - all the guys that I knew in engineering (who were serious) would network with each other to try to get an edge on tests.
lisab
#80
Nov24-10, 08:27 PM
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Quote Quote by turbo-1 View Post
Don't play dumb, but everybody needs clarification at times, especially when critical tests loom. No guy is going to freak out when an attractive female student asks what instructor A or B means about some concept in the text. You don't have to act dumb - all the guys that I knew in engineering (who were serious) would network with each other to try to get an edge on tests.
But if you already understand it, asking for help as a way to get attention is playing dumb.
turbo
#81
Nov24-10, 08:34 PM
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Quote Quote by lisab View Post
But if you already understand it, asking for help as a way to get attention is playing dumb.
Could be, but that's what study-groups do. I'm not a fan of playing dumb for social ends, but the OP seems to want to put all the onus on her fellow physics students when she could pull a few strings (subtly, gently).
Physics-Learner
#82
Nov24-10, 11:13 PM
P: 298
Quote Quote by jarednjames View Post
Your posts (both of you) are getting a bit repetitive. I've actually read the same lines in multiple posts now.

Could things get back to the OP now, please?
i never thought they left.
DanP
#83
Nov25-10, 03:45 AM
P: 630
Quote Quote by lisab View Post
But if you already understand it, asking for help as a way to get attention is playing dumb.
It's manipulation, not playing dumb. And it's one of the things women do best - manipulate men - should they choose to do so.
Galteeth
#84
Nov25-10, 07:15 AM
P: 320
Quote Quote by lisab View Post
But if you already understand it, asking for help as a way to get attention is playing dumb.
"Hey, could you help me study for the physics test?"

"Sure."


Later...

"Hey, actually, I didn't need help with the physics test. What i really wanted to study was... biology."

Cue 70's jazz rock with heavy bass "Chick a bawawa chick abawawa"
Physics-Learner
#85
Nov25-10, 12:36 PM
P: 298
for gosh sakes, lets get our heads on straight.

asking for help on a test when you know the answer is not manipulation.

neither is going to the drinking fountain at the gym when there is a cute boy/girl there, even though you just got a drink a minute ago.
DanP
#86
Nov25-10, 12:57 PM
P: 630
Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
for gosh sakes, lets get our heads on straight.
Approaching someone directly under false pretenses with the purpose to influence them towards a goal is "manipulation". I can wholeheartedly agree that in this case is innocent, but yeah , it fits the definition.
Physics-Learner
#87
Nov25-10, 01:16 PM
P: 298
dan,

getting back to our previous conversation - yesterday i felt like getting real mad at you.

but i didnt. and i am glad.

what my whole point to the op was - to demonstrate what the typical "young male" attitude towards "romantic love" actually is.

i truly dont know if you are aware of your motivations, but they come over loud and clear, to me.

if any idea comes along that gets rid of sex in the relationship, you make rationalizations about it till the cows come home.

like your attitude about previous sexual history. it makes no difference to someone with the young male attitude, cuz he places no emotion to it. he just wants a hole he can thrust into.

or like the attitude of saying that "we do alright". when if you look around yourself, we find people almost always divorcing, and few kids today living with their biological moms and dads. if it got any worse, we would have to flush "romantic love" down the toilet.

the main goal of "romantic love" for someone with the young male attitude is to have a sex partner. take that away, and the male goes away.

women mostly look for love, companionship, etc. so they end up getting frustrated and bitter.

what i dont get is why women continue to stay stupid about it, and make the same mistakes over and over. it is as obvious as the nose on our faces.

your posts just helped to demonstrate that stereotype.

so again i say to the op, if she is still around, dont be looking for young guys. especially if they are good looking. cuz as dan says, they have options. they will stay with you until one of two things occur. 1) your demands or requirements or needs, whatever you prefer, are more than he wants to deal with. or 2) his sexual interest in you begins to fade, and he sees someone else that interests him more.

neither 1 nor 2 will take a lot of time. so be prepared to hop from one boy to the next, feeling a little more cheated and frustrated with each hop. your best bet is to find someone mature enough (which usually requires some amount of chronological aging), such that he has left the animal state of maledom, and is more interested in a loving relationship, but that he is still young enough that you can spend a lot of years together.
DanP
#88
Nov25-10, 01:56 PM
P: 630
Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
dan,

getting back to our previous conversation - yesterday i felt like getting real mad at you.
Yes, Im aware I have this power over others. I wish I did not have it. Im trying my best not to be too abrasive.

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
but i didnt. and i am glad.
Thanks man.

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
what my whole point to the op was - to demonstrate what the typical "young male" attitude towards "romantic love" actually is.


Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
i truly dont know if you are aware of your motivations, but they come over loud and clear, to me.
What are my motivations then ? Would you be so kind to enlight me ?

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
if any idea comes along that gets rid of sex in the relationship, you make rationalizations about it till the cows come home.
Like I said, make up your mind what you want. Friend or boyfriend. Its a simple fact.

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
like your attitude about previous sexual history. it makes no difference to someone with the young male attitude, cuz he places no emotion to it. he just wants a hole he can thrust into.
You are deeply wrong. Being sexual does not mean you exclude other components of a intimate relationship. i was very explicit that a full intimate relationship include friendship, commitment and sexual intimacy. All components are equaly important.

And yes, really why should anyone care how many previous partners one had ? What, you cant love a women if she slept with over 30 man till 40 ? If she wants to share the number OK, maybe Ill share it too. But dont ask Dont tell works.

It really makes no difference whatsoever, because now I am with her, not with any of my ex.

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
or like the attitude of saying that "we do alright". when if you look around yourself, we find people almost always divorcing, and few kids today living with their biological moms and dads. if it got any worse, we would have to flush "romantic love" down the toilet.
Not really. You dont have to flush love down the toilet, but you have to be realistic that not every relationship is made to last forever. For some it does. More power to them. For others it doesn't.

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
the main goal of "romantic love" for someone with the young male attitude is to have a sex partner. take that away, and the male goes away.
It's not necessarily the main goal into a intimate relationship, but once you take sex away, again , you do not have a full intimate relationship anymore. It shifts into the realm of friendship, empty love, and other such types of close social relationships.


Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
women mostly look for love, companionship, etc. so they end up getting frustrated and bitter.
Ok, what can I say. She can find another man to be her companion and live with him if he will have her with no sex. Im not gonna stay with a women just because what she needs. A relation takes two. The needs of both partners are important. .

I may still remain her friend, but Ill find another women to share a relationship with her. But you know, really , women do love to have sex, make love, and adore to let their bodies in the hands of a man if he knows what he is doing and it feels alright to them :P

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
what i dont get is why women continue to stay stupid about it, and make the same mistakes over and over. it is as obvious as the nose on our faces.
Why ? Look into evolutionary psychology and social psychology. You will get all the answers.



Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
so again i say to the op, if she is still around, dont be looking for young guys. especially if they are good looking. cuz as dan says, they have options. they will stay with you until one of two things occur. 1) your demands or requirements or needs, whatever you prefer, are more than he wants to deal with. or 2) his sexual interest in you begins to fade, and he sees someone else that interests him more.
Actually, the way a relationship can go is in toward much more scenarios than the ones you enumerate. And that can happen with guys of any age.

Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
neither 1 nor 2 will take a lot of time. so be prepared to hop from one boy to the next, feeling a little more cheated and frustrated with each hop. your best bet is to find someone mature enough (which usually requires some amount of chronological aging), such that he has left the animal state of maledom, and is more interested in a loving relationship, but that he is still young enough that you can spend a lot of years together.
Women are not naive. Most of them can find their way in life just fine without jumping at the first men who wants to nest and have kids and a mortgage on a house in suburbs :P
Women have a lot of power, and they have usually a greater latitude in accepting partners for a relationship than men. They have a lot of options, and they learn fast to make the sensible choices.
Physics-Learner
#89
Nov25-10, 03:39 PM
P: 298
dan,

thank you for demonstrating the young male attitude so thoroughly. if i ever make a sarcastic movie on dating, you got the male lead, hands down, no questions asked - LOL.

if the op dont get it by now, she aint ever gonna. peace out.

if you ever want to start a thread about physical fitness, i would participate - as that is something that we probably share an interest in, even though our routines and ideas will probably be different.

btw, i do not consider you to be abrasive. simply your attitude about dating and such is irritating, cuz i have seen it a gazillion times. i sure am glad i aint a woman having to deal with guys.

i know, women aint perfect, either. but an awful lot of the chips on their shoulders and their attitudes come from men with the young male attitude that they have dealt with in the past.

i have also had the pleasure of knowing men after they have passed the animal stage of maledom, and have become caring and considerate towards women.

good luck to you.
DanP
#90
Nov25-10, 03:48 PM
P: 630
Quote Quote by Physics-Learner View Post
dan,


if i ever make a sarcastic movie on dating, you got the male lead, hands down, no questions asked - LOL.

Im really looking forward to it, I never been involved in movies, so I think it would be an awesome experience. And god knows, you may be as good as Woody Allen at directing and you will make both of us famous. I have only one small request: no Lindsey Lohan in the female lead pls.


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