What is it with guys my age?

DanP

What is romantic love ? friendship+sexual intimacy+commitment :P You have a different opinion ? Im all ears.

Of course, you can love someone the way I love my brother, kin for me is very important, but if I report that kind of love to a 3rd party non-kin, it's really only a very deep friendly intimacy. It;s not the type of love I want to give my girlfriend :P

You are not the first one to tell me that I have no idea what love is, maybe you guys are right. Ill think at it one day in the next 15 years or so =)

Pengwuino

What is your definition of "commitment"?

DanP

Loyalty to each other and the "will" to stay together. Do not understand "loyalty" as simply an obligation not to sleep with other ppl, for it is not true in some types of close social relationships.

Recall the case of parents who don't sleep together anymore, are barely friendly with each other, but they are deeply committed to their relationship for the sake of a common goal ? For example the purpose of bringing a child to an age where the separation is easier handled by the kid ?

This is still a form of close social relationship. I heard Peter Solavay of Yale in a speech on close social relationships calling this "empty love".

Physics-Learner

dan,

at least you have a good sense of humor. that will take you far in the next 15 years as you ponder some of life's other mysteries.

DanP

I don't think that love is such a great mystery. Its has been downgraded from a mystery to a scientific problem in the last decade.

But yeah, Im really interested to hear what do you think is love. Its always nice to hear what others think about it.

Physics-Learner

the term "romantic love" is so general and has a different connotation for everyone, that it is hard to give you a definition of it. apparently, it needs to involve sex, for you.

i think sex is used way, WAY TOO EARLY in relationships. certainly way before love is ever involved.

there are many, many aspects of love. one would be holding your girlfriend in your arms and crying with her, cuz she feels real badly about something.

if we are talking about a person we love enough that she is our lifetime commitment, then an aspect of love is a strong desire to help her be the person that she wants to be.

to support her. to listen to her. to genuinely care about her welfare. etc. etc.

many married couples still love one another, yet sex is way less prevalent than when they were first married.

i think people get involved first in sexual relationships, hoping they may morph into loving relationships. where i think they would be better off involving themselves in loving relationships, where sex comes into play once they really have made commitments to one another.

"past sexual partners" is almost never helpful to a current relationship.

i think we as a society, need to rethink our ideas. instead of following hollyweird, perhaps we should don a new sweater that is more fitting to our happiness.

DanP

Sure it does. Else she is either : 1. My friend . I watch sometimes a movie with her, hang out , and go sometime to the swimming pool for laps and laughs 2. My mother 3. The sister I never had :P

It's normal. Many of those relationships develop from a strong attraction toward each other. "Love at first sight" is nothing but infatuation. True love, friendship+sexual intimacy+ commitment comes harder. There is a great deal at work involved into a long term relationship to make it work.

And what, making love to her exclude being there for her when she needs ? Turning the world upside down at her whim ? It doesn't.

During my life Ive hold im my arms complete strangers in some situations to comfort them psychologically. Or other times to give them physical heat. Talked to them to keep their minds bussy and focused away from the things which scared them. Im able to this to just about anyone who genuinely needs it. I didnt need even a friendship link to them.

I would do much more for the very few friends I have. And I do even more for my kin (I usually include significant others with kin)

Lifetime commitment is so far an unknown for me. Serial monogamy seems to be the type of relations Im best suited to personally. However , sexual intimacy doesn't prevent anyone to help his girlfriend achieve her dreams or support her in any way possible.

Its a required component of a intimate relation, yeah, but having it doesn't kill psychologycal intimacy or commitment to be together for how long it lasts.

Never been married. I have no idea how it is after a very long time together.

Easier said then done. I prefer to discover everything about her on the run, as the relationship unfolds. I believe it's better this way.

There are cases in which a friendship develops before romantic love gets involved, but they are rarer. In most of the cases, the relationship advances at a normal pace on all planes at the same time.

Dont ask, dont tell ? Army got it right :P


There is a great deal of evolutionary and social constrains involved in close social relationships. I dont think that forcing the issue with some new imposed "morale" would do any good to anyone. We do alright.

JaredJames

Your posts (both of you) are getting a bit repetitive. I've actually read the same lines in multiple posts now.

Could things get back to the OP now, please?

turbo

@OP: what is wrong with gals your age? There is absolutely no reason that you can't approach a guy if you are interested. Given the M:F ratio in your classes, male students may be intimidated by the poor odds.

Ask for help with a problem (even if you don't really need it), and if you recognize a guy in the student union that shares classes with you, introduce yourself and maybe share a coffee.

lisab

No, I really have to disagree here (bolded). Don't play dumb.

turbo

Don't play dumb, but everybody needs clarification at times, especially when critical tests loom. No guy is going to freak out when an attractive female student asks what instructor A or B means about some concept in the text. You don't have to act dumb - all the guys that I knew in engineering (who were serious) would network with each other to try to get an edge on tests.

lisab

But if you already understand it, asking for help as a way to get attention is playing dumb.

turbo

Could be, but that's what study-groups do. I'm not a fan of playing dumb for social ends, but the OP seems to want to put all the onus on her fellow physics students when she could pull a few strings (subtly, gently).

Physics-Learner

i never thought they left.

DanP

It's manipulation, not playing dumb. And it's one of the things women do best - manipulate men - should they choose to do so.

Galteeth

"Hey, could you help me study for the physics test?"

"Sure."


Later...

"Hey, actually, I didn't need help with the physics test. What i really wanted to study was... biology."

Cue 70's jazz rock with heavy bass "Chick a bawawa chick abawawa"

Physics-Learner

for gosh sakes, lets get our heads on straight.

asking for help on a test when you know the answer is not manipulation.

neither is going to the drinking fountain at the gym when there is a cute boy/girl there, even though you just got a drink a minute ago.