Is Holding the Door Open for Women Considered Sexist?

[leroyjenkens]

Here is the proper door etiquette:

If you're in front and someone is directly behind you, after you go through the doorway, hold the door slightly for them to grab it. Some people will come to a complete stop while holding it. There's different lengths of time which you can stand there holding the door after you've breached the threshold. Some people will stop and hold it for a second or two until the person gets close enough to grab it. I've seen people wait in excess of 3 or 4 seconds holding the door open. That's too long of a wait.

If the person is too far behind you, just let it close. Don't sit there for more than 2 seconds holding the door. How far is too far? It's hard to say. Depending on their velocity, it can vary. If they're too far away for me to hold the door while remaining in motion, then I'll kinda push it further open and hopefully by the time they get to the door, it won't have closed and they can grab it. I know that may appear a little aggressive, but I don't feel comfortable doing a stopping hold. I'm too much of a cool cat to impede my motion.

Now, if you're the person in back, there's a few rules you're supposed to abide by. If the person in front does a moving door hold, and you're almost right behind them, you reach forward and take over while quietly thanking them. Your thanks doesn't have to be very loud or well enunciated. They didn't do you that big of a favor.
If they do a stopping door hold and you're a little bit further behind them, you increase your velocity slightly and reach forward and take the door, as if the door is really heavy and you're relieving them of it. Now, increasing your velocity can be tricky. Don't run or jog or anything ridiculous like that, just act like you're in a slight hurry to relieve this person of the great burden of holding the door. Some people like to slowly walk with a swagger, as if they have nowhere to be and no time limit to be there. If you walk like that and someone does a stopping door hold, you better cut that out, hurry your butt up and grab ahold of that door.
Now if you're worried about how you'll look, speeding up your gait to grab the door, just remember this secret: You don't have to actually speed up, you just have to appear as though you're making an effort to go faster.
If you've noticed people in parking lots, some of them know this secret. You'll stop your car to let them pass in front of you and they'll "speed up" to get out of your way, yet they didn't actually increase their speed at all. They just made it appear like they were moving faster by making themselves appear to be making an effort to cross faster.

And again, thank them, but don't overdo it. Just a slight "thanks" almost under your breath will suffice, just to show you're appreciative of the door hold.

 

[MotoH]

Why do all good threads happen when I am asleep?

wait at the door until she walks up, and as soon as she gets to the door, slam it in her face. That will show her for being rude!

 

[Astronuc]

My misfortune is overanalyzing, I'm told.

I doubt that your circle of academics spends a great deal of time involved in the arts and humanities side of the university. Attempt to sit in on a black studies or a women's studies class. Just to get the full impact, you need a day-hours class. Discover which of these professors habitually close their doors during class even though the hall is quiet. These are your target professors. Pick a freshman class. These contain the most impressionable students, and thus the most uninhibited professor. You should be aware that you will stand out in class and have marked effect on the content of the lecture.

Even better, go in drag as an 18 year old girl (I can just imagine that) or negotiate with one to record the closed-door lectures on your behalf in order to eliminate the perturbations your presence would cause.

Going in drag would be problematic, unless I wear a burka. The beard is kind of a give-away, and my voice is rather deep.

Most of the academics I know are in the sciences. Those in the humanities tend to be rather laid back though. I know one college professor who is interested in literature that emphasizes or at least explores friendship or mateship.

Fear, anger, disdain, contempt, . . . are poison to the soul - I prefer to avoid them.

 

[Galteeth]

What did she say exactly?

 

[Proton Soup]

What if she is next Amy Bishop? You will hear later "how could it happened that authorities have not spotted there is something wrong about woman that violently reacts when someone holds the door open for her".

i think it was because not enough doors were held for her.

 

[drizzle]

I only do that for elderly/children/who ever in a rush/or loaded with bags and luggages... Of course, if I notice who's behind me

 

[Andre]

... But I only use one smiley anyway

...

http://images.paraorkut.com/img/emoticons/images/b/black_cat-114.gif

However, just keep it up, the good open door etiquette.

 

[drizzle]

Couldn't hold the laugh, could you, Andre?

I love the Gizmo smiley

 

[Norman]

Facinating. Where do you go to school?

UW-Milwaukee. The link to their Africology department is here: http://www4.uwm.edu/letsci/africology/

 

[zoobyshoe]

This person whom I held the door open for happened to be a woman. For my kindness and courtesy towards a fellow human being, I was named a sexist and a male chauvinist pig (or something like that.)

I haven't heard anyone seriously called a male chauvinist pig in well over 20 years. I am tempted to think this woman was trying to be funny. I know at least two two women whose sense of humor is out of control enough that they'd try a joke like this on a total stranger.

 

[Dembadon]

I would say that returning the rudeness would be giving her exactly what she wants; a reason to continue behaving in such a manner. She obviously has a very different view on what it means to hold the door for someone, and I'm willing to bet that her insults are used as a mechanism for justifying her paradigms of men, especially the ones who choose to respond aggressively to her attitude(s).

Don't give her the satisfaction of tempting you to anger. If I were you, I'd just smile at her. Who gives a rat's *** what she thinks of you? You know you are not a chauvinist pig. Don't let her drag you into her miserable world.

 

[rootX]

I held the door open for someone today. I've been taught that opening the door for people is the courteous thing to do. This person whom I held the door open for happened to be a woman. For my kindness and courtesy towards a fellow human being, I was named a sexist and a male chauvinist pig (or something like that.)

... so?

 

[lisab]

I would say that returning the rudeness would be giving her exactly what she wants; a reason to continue behaving in such a manner. She obviously has a very different view on what it means to hold the door for someone, and I'm willing to bet that her insults are used as a mechanism for justifying her paradigms of men, especially the ones who choose to respond aggressively to her attitude(s).

Don't give her the satisfaction of tempting you to anger. If I were you, I'd just smile at her. Who gives a rat's *** what she thinks of you? You know you are not a chauvinist pig. Don't let her drag you into her miserable world.

My thoughts exactly. Don't confirm her warped world view.

 

[elect_eng]

... I was named a sexist and a male chauvinist pig (or something like that.)

My response would have been. "Oh, you're a woman? So sorry, it wasn't obvious to me. Had I realized that, I would have layed my coat over the threshold for you."

 

[BobG]

I held the door open for someone today. I've been taught that opening the door for people is the courteous thing to do. This person whom I held the door open for happened to be a woman. For my kindness and courtesy towards a fellow human being, I was named a sexist and a male chauvinist pig (or something like that.)

So, should I consider the correct course of action to be "hold the door open for men, but ignore women, they can handle a door"? Cause I can do that.

My alternate: next time someone calls me out on this "sexism", I'll say this:

"I was just holding the door open for a fellow human being, something you seem to have forgotten I am..."

then sue for sexual harassment on account of her calling me a sexist for little to no reason.

Where were your eyes looking while you were holding the door. Not to accuse you of anything, but, if it were me and I were holding the door for her ...

... and you were distracted enough that you can't remember exactly what she said.

 

[drizzle]

Where were your eyes looking while you were holding the door. Not to accuse you of anything, but, if it were me and I were holding the door for her ...

... and you were distracted enough that you can't remember exactly what she said

If so, he deserves what he gets, whatever that was

 

[rootX]

Where were your eyes looking while you were holding the door. Not to accuse you of anything, but, if it were me and I were holding the door for her ...

... and you were distracted enough that you can't remember exactly what she said.

I took me few good seconds to find where I could be looking at

 

[Hurkyl]

I would say that returning the rudeness would be giving her exactly what she wants; a reason to continue behaving in such a manner.

The trick is to respond without being aggressive or rude. (Or without being gratuitously so)

My suggested comment: "I'll hold the door for whatever sexist pig I want" is something that is to be said matter-of-factly as you continue on your way. It's engineered to immediately convey two points:
(1) She cannot dictate my actions
(2) She is being sexist

Of course, if one wanted to, one could open with this while spoiling for an argument -- but that is not the course I would advise.

 

[BobG]

She was about 25 or so. Single, obviously.

I took me few good seconds to find where I could be looking at

At her hands, obviously, since he noticed she was single.

 

[Averagesupernova]

I once held a door for a guy walking with crutches. I'm guessing he was in his 60s. He stopped and said: "Oh could you please let me do it myself? I have to learn how to do this." It killed me to let him because he really did struggle with it but this is what he wanted and I let him. There was no rudeness or anything like that. No 'poor me I have it so bad' attitude either. The sorry excuse for a human being that the OP is referring to deserves to be walking with crutches for a year or two and have NO ONE hold or open a door for her.

 

[cronxeh]

I bet you looked at her knockers and mumbled something along the lines of "those look heavy - can I hold them for you?"

 

[Ben Niehoff]

I think the proper response is, "Sorry, out of the corner of my eye you looked like a man."

 

[Huckleberry]

I doubt that your circle of academics spends a great deal of time involved in the arts and humanities side of the university. Attempt to sit in on a black studies or a women's studies class. Just to get the full impact, you need a day-hours class. Discover which of these professors habitually close their doors during class even though the hall is quiet. These are your target professors. Pick a freshman class. These contain the most impressionable students, and thus the most uninhibited professor. You should be aware that you will stand out in class and have marked effect on the content of the lecture.

I had a women's studies class at ASU about a decade ago. If there were any women in that class who hated men they chose not to express it. I don't think they would do that for my benefit. The female professor and the other women in the class were enough to silence any misandrist opinions, if they existed at all. It was kind of cool watching women learn that it is okay to be a powerful woman like many of the women in history. This was a concept that was unfamiliar to some of them, and it was a new perspective for me to witness.

True feminism is about demanding justice and equality of the sexes. Misandry is about vengeance and a new epoch where women shame and degrade men. Sometimes misandrists disguise themselves as feminists. They aren't. They're party crashers.

I'm no feminist, but I like me a strong woman. I might try to push her around, but it's no fun if they don't push back, just doing whatever it is they think they are supposed to do. I encourage an aggressive individuality in women, and pray that the feminine sensitivity remains intact. I like women who like to be women. It's an entirely sexual interest, and not feminist at all, except maybe by coincidence.

 

[turbo]

I hold doors for everybody. If someone is following me into a building (young, old, male, female) it's only polite to hold the door for them. If anybody is offended, too bad.

 

[Evo]

I had a women's studies class at ASU about a decade ago. If there were any women in that class who hated men they chose not to express it. I don't think they would do that for my benefit. The female professor and the other women in the class were enough to silence any misandrist opinions, if they existed at all. It was kind of cool watching women learn that it is okay to be a powerful woman like many of the women in history. This was a concept that was unfamiliar to some of them, and it was a new perspective for me to witness.

True feminism is about demanding justice and equality of the sexes. Misandry is about vengeance and a new epoch where women shame and degrade men. Sometimes misandrists disguise themselves as feminists. They aren't. They're party crashers.

I'm no feminist, but I like me a strong woman. I might try to push her around, but it's no fun if they don't push back, just doing whatever it is they think they are supposed to do. I encourage an aggressive individuality in women, and pray that the feminine sensitivity remains intact. I like women who like to be women. It's an entirely sexual interest, and not feminist at all, except maybe by coincidence.

I don't get that at all.

Men I date treat me as an equal human, not as a woman that needs to assert herself, or even as a woman that they respect for asserting herself. I don't think I could tolerate someone that treated me as anything other than an equal human in those respects. Of course physically, there are obvious differences in strength.

I hold doors open for men and women alike and expect the same courtesy from both.

 

[Char. Limit]

Uh-oh, better quash the rumors.

I was looking outside at the time when I heard the word "sexist", looked, and she was talking about me holding the door open. I thought she was obviously single because people like that couldn't get married. Their prejudices would get in the way.

Great responses. I've actually abandoned the term "feminist", which no longer means "supporting equality". To be exact, "feminist" means "gynocentrist" now. I call myself an egalitarian. Nice and German, the language of my ancestors.

 

[Alfi]

Here is the proper door etiquette:

If you're in front and someone is directly behind you, after you go through the doorway, hold the door slightly for them to grab it. Some people will come to a complete stop while holding it. There's different lengths of time which you can stand there holding the door after you've breached the threshold. Some people will stop and hold it for a second or two until the person gets close enough to grab it. I've seen people wait in excess of 3 or 4 seconds holding the door open. That's too long of a wait.

If the person is too far behind you, just let it close. Don't sit there for more than 2 seconds holding the door. How far is too far? It's hard to say. Depending on their velocity, it can vary. If they're too far away for me to hold the door while remaining in motion, then I'll kinda push it further open and hopefully by the time they get to the door, it won't have closed and they can grab it. I know that may appear a little aggressive, but I don't feel comfortable doing a stopping hold. I'm too much of a cool cat to impede my motion.

Now, if you're the person in back, there's a few rules you're supposed to abide by. If the person in front does a moving door hold, and you're almost right behind them, you reach forward and take over while quietly thanking them. Your thanks doesn't have to be very loud or well enunciated. They didn't do you that big of a favor.
If they do a stopping door hold and you're a little bit further behind them, you increase your velocity slightly and reach forward and take the door, as if the door is really heavy and you're relieving them of it. Now, increasing your velocity can be tricky. Don't run or jog or anything ridiculous like that, just act like you're in a slight hurry to relieve this person of the great burden of holding the door. Some people like to slowly walk with a swagger, as if they have nowhere to be and no time limit to be there. If you walk like that and someone does a stopping door hold, you better cut that out, hurry your butt up and grab ahold of that door.
Now if you're worried about how you'll look, speeding up your gait to grab the door, just remember this secret: You don't have to actually speed up, you just have to appear as though you're making an effort to go faster.
If you've noticed people in parking lots, some of them know this secret. You'll stop your car to let them pass in front of you and they'll "speed up" to get out of your way, yet they didn't actually increase their speed at all. They just made it appear like they were moving faster by making themselves appear to be making an effort to cross faster.

And again, thank them, but don't overdo it. Just a slight "thanks" almost under your breath will suffice, just to show you're appreciative of the door hold.

Excellent. Well done, and I agree.
And none of it involves sex. Just people.

 

[Evo]

Uh-oh, better quash the rumors.

I was looking outside at the time when I heard the word "sexist", looked, and she was talking about me holding the door open. I thought she was obviously single because people like that couldn't get married. Their prejudices would get in the way.

Great responses. I've actually abandoned the term "feminist", which no longer means "supporting equality". To be exact, "feminist" means "gynocentrist" now. I call myself an egalitarian. Nice and German, the language of my ancestors.

She was a twit. Common courtesy is common courtesy.

Oh, and besides strength, men have to deal with snakes and alligators. No way am I touching either of those.

 

[MotoH]

The greatest quote I ever heard from a girl: "Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms."

Of course I would rather not have to give birth to a child. That is not right.

 

[Borek]

Oh, and besides strength, men have to deal with snakes and alligators. No way am I touching either of those.

You are not touching raisins either.

 

[Evo]

You are not touching raisins either.

Not if they are chocolate covered. <shudder>

 

[DanP]

I haven't heard anyone seriously called a male chauvinist pig in well over 20 years. I am tempted to think this woman was trying to be funny. I know at least two two women whose sense of humor is out of control enough that they'd try a joke like this on a total stranger.

They should try such twisted jokes downtown Harlem. IMO they would learn fast.

 

[dlgoff]

She dove straight into the insults because it is what she needs to affirm her worldview that men are pigs. She is sexist. Don't make her problems your own.

Exactly. My words would have been a little stronger however.

 

[rhody]

I held the door open for someone today. I've been taught that opening the door for people is the courteous thing to do. This person whom I held the door open for happened to be a woman. For my kindness and courtesy towards a fellow human being, I was named a sexist and a male chauvinist pig (or something like that.)

So, should I consider the correct course of action to be "hold the door open for men, but ignore women, they can handle a door"? Cause I can do that.

My alternate: next time someone calls me out on this "sexism", I'll say this:

"I was just holding the door open for a fellow human being, something you seem to have forgotten I am..."

then sue for sexual harassment on account of her calling me a sexist for little to no reason.

Char Limit:

Some of the responses in this thread to your beef crack me up.

Kudo's to all for not letting this exchange degrade into a flame war, which I have seen in other threads like this in the past, once the wrong parties (before being banned join in).

This video shows how hard it is to bruise the male ego: (that HAD to hurt)http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/1055943/"

The second one is from the female perspective: http://www.vidoemo.com/yvideo.php?i=TVVBQ21EcWuRpM2J4cEE&miranda-talks-about-door-slam=" to what appears to be a real incident, I am guessing Miranda works for Jerry Seinfeld, but can't be sure.

Rhody...

 

[Tobias Funke]

Explain to her that she lacks the necessary sack of skin housing the power generating testes that allow one access to manhood. Her girly wrists can't take the strain.

I've had a few beers, so actually you may not want to say anything like that though.