Is There a Double Standard in Dating Expectations for Men and Women?

[Cyrus]

No. We don't. Not nearly as much.

When's the last time you saw an ugly chick with a hot guy? Not very often. Whereas ugly guys, such as business men, doctors, politicians, rock stars, athletes, etc. get hot women all the time.

You can say guys have a lot more pressure to be "successful" in life, but that's a much more objective thing than "looking pretty". You don't have to ask someone "am I successful?", you just have to look at your bank account and connections.

Fair enough. That is a valid point in all respects.

 

[Cyrus]

What is your point then?

It's a legitimate identity issue for men but not for women?

This would then be your identification of an inequality between men and women?

What? Maybe I am talking in chinese, but my point was that its a problem for BOTH men and women...Jeeshhhhhh... come on.

You're doing a really bad job following along here.

 

[lisab]

No, I strongly disagree with this statement. A SECURE person does not have to ask 'do you love me'. If you can't tell if someone loves you or not and have to resort to asking, somethings not right.

My question to you is this. Ask yourself, honestly, WHY would he ask you this? Obviously you do love him. Why does he need to ask you this, AT ALL? Instead, he could say 'I love YOU'. Why does he need to ask you if you love him? If you said I love you last time he asked, chances are unless something major happened between the two of you the answer is still the same.

I agree with the very last part of your post, which is what I am saying above with the 'I love you'.

Asking 'do you love me?' is like saying, 'hi, I am modest'...

It's just lovers' banter. When you're in love - well, mostly just early in the relationship - this sort of talk electrifies the pleasure center in your brain. It isn't for reassurance - it's only for pleasure.

 

[Cyrus]

It's just lovers' banter. When you're in love - well, mostly just early in the relationship - this sort of talk electrifies the pleasure center in your brain. It isn't for reassurance - it's only for pleasure.

Im not talking about playfull 'do you love me' banter. I am talking about guys that ask this question - seriously to their gfs.

The same way girls say 'do I look pretty' and mean it because they have no self confidence.

I have one friend who let's his gf run him around. He's literally her b****. I am like man, she says jump and you say how high. Its really pathetic. I know he's the kind of guy to say things like that to her.

If she would playfully ask me 'do you love me', I playfully say 'no, I dont'. But I never say I am just joking afterwards.

Side: To clear things up. When I give reverse answers. I don't say 'no I dont' in a mean tone. I playfully say the opposite of what she wants to hear. But I never clear it up by saying afterwards 'oh, I am just kidding'. I just leave it as an open ended statement.

 

[Cyrus]

It's just lovers' banter. When you're in love - well, mostly just early in the relationship - this sort of talk electrifies the pleasure center in your brain. It isn't for reassurance - it's only for pleasure.

My pleasure center is between my legs...HIYOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[LowlyPion]

... Being vulnerable infront of someone is fine, so long as its a legitimate issue. ...

Im just curious why you would think its appropriate for a woman to ask her partner if 'she looks cute' ? I really don't like people with low self-esteem.

I'm sorry I thought your phrasing indicated that you didn't think that women worrying about their looks was a legitimate issue.

It's a relief to understand that you weren't taking a hypocritical point of view.

 

[Cyrus]

I'm sorry I thought your phrasing indicated that you didn't think that women worrying about their looks was a legitimate issue.

It's a relief to understand that you weren't taking a hypocritical point of view.

No, of course its a legit issue. And its one I don't like. I am not dealing with a girl that has low self esteem and asks such questions.

But I was trying to be fair by showing that guys do this same thing to girls.

 

[Moonbear]

It's just lovers' banter. When you're in love - well, mostly just early in the relationship - this sort of talk electrifies the pleasure center in your brain. It isn't for reassurance - it's only for pleasure.

Exactly! Not for reassurance at all. Though, it's not just early in the relationship. My boyfriend and I have dated before, and have a pretty long history together. Actually, the first time around, we didn't do all this silly stuff. Being young at the time, I had more of an attitude like Cyrus currently has, and would get annoyed at such things, even complained about "pet" names. This time around, the relationship is stronger and more secure and we have fun with these things rather than avoiding them. Besides, he's finally come to accept what I've been telling him all along...that I'm always right. He asked me if that means he's always wrong, and I explained that, no, he can be right too as long as he agrees with me. It does keep us from mixing up our towels though, because he knows mine is on the right and his is on the left. Even when I'm not visiting, he now keeps his towel on the left side of the towel rack.

If you can't have fun with each other and trust each other with your feelings, there's really no point.

 

[Moonbear]

My pleasure center is between my legs...HIYOOOOOOOOOOOO

And that's normal when you're young. As that pleasure center moves further north, you'll be pleasantly surprised to discover how much it enhances the one between your legs too. As much as some of the things you say come across badly here (sorry, but they do...perhaps just things aren't coming across in writing as they would in person), I suspect that part of it is simply that you're nowhere close to being ready to settle down, and there's nothing wrong with that. Actually, it's better that you are aware that you're still enjoying playing the field than that you fall into the temptation to just latch onto whichever woman you're nearest as all your friends decide it's time to get married. Just watch out that the women you're meeting are aware you're not ready to be serious with anyone yet. When you meet the right one, your tune will change, and you won't even know what hit you, but there's no need to force it.

 

[Cyrus]

Exactly! Not for reassurance at all. Though, it's not just early in the relationship. My boyfriend and I have dated before, and have a pretty long history together. Actually, the first time around, we didn't do all this silly stuff. Being young at the time, I had more of an attitude like Cyrus currently has, and would get annoyed at such things, even complained about "pet" names. This time around, the relationship is stronger and more secure and we have fun with these things rather than avoiding them. Besides, he's finally come to accept what I've been telling him all along...that I'm always right. He asked me if that means he's always wrong, and I explained that, no, he can be right too as long as he agrees with me. It does keep us from mixing up our towels though, because he knows mine is on the right and his is on the left. Even when I'm not visiting, he now keeps his towel on the left side of the towel rack.

If you can't have fun with each other and trust each other with your feelings, there's really no point.

Pet names, now I am turning green! AHHHHHHHHHHHH ...I love you pookie wookie. :vomit:

 

[Moonbear]

Pet names, now I am turning green! AHHHHHHHHHHHH ...I love you pookie wookie. :vomit:

NO, definitely no pookie wookies. I'm not going to share his pet name for me, but the reason it works and is tolerable to me is that most people would consider it an insult, so it's sort of funny that it's a pet name, and it's definitely not the cliche "Honey" or "Sweetie" or "Pookie Wookie." Basically, there's no doubt it's a pet name for me and me only, and not just a name he uses because he can't remember the names of all the women he dates (that's what I used to tell him pet names were for ).

He's still fully aware that I know the best way to a man's heart is with a steak knife placed between the 4th and 5th rib, so doesn't try any of those "honey" or "sweetie" names with me.

 

[DaveC426913]

Moonie?

 

[JasonRox]

That you two seem to relish being rude and mean to women is a little disturbing. There's nothing wrong with asking for a little reassurance or confidence boost from your partner. That's one reason they're there, to perk you up when you might not feel your strongest. And they're there for you on that count too. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of someone you care about is paramount to a healthy mutual relationship. There has to be someone on the planet you can let your guard down around. Evidently it's not either of you two because it seems you can't be trusted with other people's feelings.

I'm sorry, but that's not confidence if someone needs to keep boosting you up. It's pretty darn annoying.

My girl is currently being EXTREMELY CLINGY. I'm not going to talk to her all week just because of it. Sometimes I just want to be alone or hang out with friends, but for some reason she doesn't and won't allow it. Since she works out of town it will be easy not to talk. I'll just tell her I'm taking the week off of communication. The long weekend was suppose to be great. Missed a concert because she just kept crying about ********. It's like get over it.

She used to be a strong girl with strong character that could destroy me easily and I loved it. Now she's become an annoying little baby girl. The sad part is that she even said that she misses having control of things. That pissed me off because relationships isn't about having control over things.

Dang, I'd be surprised if it lasts another month.

 

[JasonRox]

Exactly! Not for reassurance at all. Though, it's not just early in the relationship. My boyfriend and I have dated before, and have a pretty long history together. Actually, the first time around, we didn't do all this silly stuff. Being young at the time, I had more of an attitude like Cyrus currently has, and would get annoyed at such things, even complained about "pet" names. This time around, the relationship is stronger and more secure and we have fun with these things rather than avoiding them. Besides, he's finally come to accept what I've been telling him all along...that I'm always right. He asked me if that means he's always wrong, and I explained that, no, he can be right too as long as he agrees with me. It does keep us from mixing up our towels though, because he knows mine is on the right and his is on the left. Even when I'm not visiting, he now keeps his towel on the left side of the towel rack.

If you can't have fun with each other and trust each other with your feelings, there's really no point.

I see what you mean, but my girl is getting attached a the "names". God, she got attached to exclamation mark on MSN when I say "Hey!". One day she got all sad about it when I didn't use it as it implied I wasn't as excited to see her online. Grow up.

Who's willing to put money on this last over a month?

 

[JasonRox]

Im not talking about playfull 'do you love me' banter. I am talking about guys that ask this question - seriously to their gfs.

The same way girls say 'do I look pretty' and mean it because they have no self confidence.

I have one friend who let's his gf run him around. He's literally her b****. I am like man, she says jump and you say how high. Its really pathetic. I know he's the kind of guy to say things like that to her.

If she would playfully ask me 'do you love me', I playfully say 'no, I dont'. But I never say I am just joking afterwards.

Side: To clear things up. When I give reverse answers. I don't say 'no I dont' in a mean tone. I playfully say the opposite of what she wants to hear. But I never clear it up by saying afterwards 'oh, I am just kidding'. I just leave it as an open ended statement.

LOL!

Like the...

Am I the hottest girl ever?

My response was... "Are you CRAZY!? Did you walk down the hallways at school!?"

Haha!

 

[rootX]

. Missed a concert because she just kept crying about ********. It's like get over it.

That's so common among girls: damn annoying and disgusting - but I don't know who should be blamed.

I see it so often in my university and I hate those (immature couples)!

 

[JasonRox]

That's so common among girls: damn annoying and disgusting - but I don't know who should be blamed.

I see it so often in my university and I hate those (immature couples)!

The thing is she keeps trying to put herself on to me in front of other girls. Wants to put me in relationship status on Facebook, says all the girls I know are stupid. If I hang out with a girl I just met, apparently that's weird. I told her that's why I will never invite her out with friends I meet because her attitude is negative and it better change.

I'm dropping a bombshell into the relationship. The relationship will remain open since being exclusive is pretty dumb. We were open for awhile last year and it was fine. She just thought too much all the time. She suggested it too. Weird.

Note: I'm not trying to get this thread out of hand either. I'll try to be better from now on. I don't want it locked because someone feels uncomfortable with the discussion. If some people do feel uncomfortable, maybe put a disclaimer in the opening post. Talking about relationships is a healthy thing and to lock the thread because of it would be silly. Most PFers respect each others opinion, so it's a good place to talk about relationships which play a large role in our lives. Let's be open about it.

 

[Moonbear]

My girl is currently being EXTREMELY CLINGY.

When I've been in bad relationships, yep, that's how it feels. Instead of finding your partner's actions or words cute and endearing, they're annoying and grating. Whenever it starts feeling that way to me, I put an end to it, because it never gets better once you start feeling that way.

 

[JasonRox]

When I've been in bad relationships, yep, that's how it feels. Instead of finding your partner's actions or words cute and endearing, they're annoying and grating. Whenever it starts feeling that way to me, I put an end to it, because it never gets better once you start feeling that way.

I know what you mean. We had that problem before and it did get better. I'm not sure what happened now. She's trying to plan the future and that jazz, and I'm just like no. It all happened when I said that I don't want to get married and I don't want kids anytime soon. She keeps pointing at the guy I "used" to be.

I guess it is time to end it.

Note: She knows I don't agree with being exclusive. I think it's making it difficult for her and she's basically trying to protect me from girls or something. Oh, and her sex drive is WAY too high. My roommate and I shared a room and I put it on speaker (cellphone) and who could hear our conversations. He noticed that she mentionned sex a lot! Dang! I hated it. It killed my sex drive for like a month one time and I thought I had ED (scary because a very attractive girl I was dancing with couldn't get it up, "we are open" don't forget).

 

[Jordan Joab]

I know what you mean. We had that problem before and it did get better. I'm not sure what happened now. She's trying to plan the future and that jazz, and I'm just like no. It all happened when I said that I don't want to get married and I don't want kids anytime soon. She keeps pointing at the guy I "used" to be.

I guess it is time to end it.

Note: She knows I don't agree with being exclusive. I think it's making it difficult for her and she's basically trying to protect me from girls or something. Oh, and her sex drive is WAY too high. My roommate and I shared a room and I put it on speaker (cellphone) and who could hear our conversations. He noticed that she mentionned sex a lot! Dang! I hated it. It killed my sex drive for like a month one time and I thought I had ED (scary because a very attractive girl I was dancing with couldn't get it up, "we are open" don't forget).

 

[DaveC426913]

I know what you mean. We had that problem before and it did get better. I'm not sure what happened now. She's trying to plan the future and that jazz, and I'm just like no. It all happened when I said that I don't want to get married and I don't want kids anytime soon. She keeps pointing at the guy I "used" to be.

Funny how time can change things. I remember when you first joined, one of the first posts I read from you, you were saying you reeeeeally wanted to find a girl who would appreciate you and you were looking for advice and we were trynig to assure you that the right girl would come along if you were patient. IIRC, you were just barely sixteen or so.

Ah the memories. Brings a tear to my eye.



I went looking for that post, but I don't think it comes up in a search anymore.

 

[Moonbear]

I know what you mean. We had that problem before and it did get better. I'm not sure what happened now. She's trying to plan the future and that jazz, and I'm just like no. It all happened when I said that I don't want to get married and I don't want kids anytime soon. She keeps pointing at the guy I "used" to be.

I guess it is time to end it.

Probably. That's the stage when too many people cave into the pressure and get married, then wind up divorced a few years later. If she's pointing at who you "used" to be, then you've grown apart. Again, that happens, and there's no point in forcing the issue. That, or she fell for who she perceived you to be rather than who you really are, and still, that's just not a good recipe for a long term relationship.

 

[JasonRox]

I'm serious!

Yesterday, and this morning, I flat out refuse sex. I told her ahead of time too so that she wouldn't try. She tried anyways, but I was like... it won't work. It's just like... stop for one damn day. I could have sex everyday, but not all day everyday. Like, we go for a drive, she puts her hand you know where, we go shopping "Grab my ***. I like it.", we go to the beach "Grab my boobs and..." in the water. Like seriously! I'm getting frustrasted just thinking about it.

The sex is great don't get me wrong. Sometimes I just want to relax and you know, drive like a normal relaxed person, go shopping like a normal relaxed person, and go to the beach and have non-sexual fun.

 

[Jordan Joab]

I'm serious!

Yesterday, and this morning, I flat out refuse sex. I told her ahead of time too so that she wouldn't try. She tried anyways, but I was like... it won't work. It's just like... stop for one damn day. I could have sex everyday, but not all day everyday. Like, we go for a drive, she puts her hand you know where, we go shopping "Grab my ***. I like it.", we go to the beach "Grab my boobs and..." in the water. Like seriously! I'm getting frustrasted just thinking about it.

The sex is great don't get me wrong. Sometimes I just want to relax and you know, drive like a normal relaxed person, go shopping like a normal relaxed person, and go to the beach and have non-sexual fun.

I hate you.

 

[lisab]

Jordan - "I'm starving to death!"

Jason - "I'm being fed to death!"

And I really feel bad for both of you .

 

[JasonRox]

Funny how time can change things. I remember when you first joined, one of the first posts I read from you, you were saying you reeeeeally wanted to find a girl who would appreciate you and you were looking for advice and we were trynig to assure you that the right girl would come along if you were patient. IIRC, you were just barely sixteen or so.

Ah the memories. Brings a tear to my eye.



I went looking for that post, but I don't think it comes up in a search anymore.

You can't find it because I never posted anything like that. :P

I remember posting about how great my girl was. I really liked her take charge attitude. Now, I just see her doing nothing with her life and looking for me to fulfill hers. I refuse to. I made really good friends at school and she hasn't met them. I told her that I wouldn't let her because of her negative attitude towards any new friends. So closed minded.

I haven't been impressed lately as you can tell.

 

[Math Is Hard]

If only Jordan and Jason could trade bodies for a few days like in Freaky Friday.

 

[JasonRox]

I hate you.

Hey man, I even told her she could have sex with other guys if she wanted to. Just too much for me.

Most guys say they can go all day, but really after like 3-5 times it's annoying.

 

[JasonRox]

If only Jordan and Jason could trade bodies for a few days like in Freaky Friday.

LOL!

I wouldn't mind.

 

[Moonbear]

I'm serious!

Yesterday, and this morning, I flat out refuse sex. I told her ahead of time too so that she wouldn't try. She tried anyways, but I was like... it won't work. It's just like... stop for one damn day. I could have sex everyday, but not all day everyday. Like, we go for a drive, she puts her hand you know where, we go shopping "Grab my ***. I like it.", we go to the beach "Grab my boobs and..." in the water. Like seriously! I'm getting frustrasted just thinking about it.

The sex is great don't get me wrong. Sometimes I just want to relax and you know, drive like a normal relaxed person, go shopping like a normal relaxed person, and go to the beach and have non-sexual fun.

Send your girlfriend to Jordan.

I've never heard a guy complain about too much sex before. Really. I mean, I understand, most women would probably understand, and I'll bet other guys do too, but none of them would ever admit it. But, yeah, as great as sex is, there needs to be more to a relationship than that or the sex just starts to feel cheap.

 

[Moonbear]

Most guys say they can go all day...

Most guys exaggerate. I think their estimate of stamina is regulated by the same gene that they use to estimate the size of their penis and the size of the fish that got away.

 

[JasonRox]

Send your girlfriend to Jordan.

I've never heard a guy complain about too much sex before. Really. I mean, I understand, most women would probably understand, and I'll bet other guys do too, but none of them would ever admit it. But, yeah, as great as sex is, there needs to be more to a relationship than that or the sex just starts to feel cheap.

I want sex a lot. Just not constant like she does. Also, I guess I want other girls too.

Just that I notice the sex she wants is sometimes associated to feelings about whether I want her or not. I want sex for sex and that's it. She's attaching a lot of symbolism to everything I noticed. Like a high school girl would.

 

[Jordan Joab]

Even though I don't get as much as I'd love to I must admit whenever I do get it, it is freaking great!

Plus, I've told my wife this: You are like underwear, I don't share you with my buddies

 

[Jordan Joab]

Most guys exaggerate. I think their estimate of stamina is regulated by the same gene that they use to estimate the size of their penis and the size of the fish that got away.

Hey! HEY!





You are right.

 

[JasonRox]

Even though I don't get as much as I'd love to I must admit whenever I do get it, it is freaking great!

Plus, I've told my wife this: You are like underwear, I don't share you with my buddies

I don't believe in ownership onto others. I don't share because that implies ownership also.