Your wish is granted: You now know all the answers, but nobody believes you.

[turbo]

I wish I had some of turbo's salsa to go with tortilla chips to snack on while waiting for dinner. (Can you tell I'm hungry?)

Your wish is granted - habanero relish. Unfortunately, the Department of Homeland Security arrests you for accepting shipments of dangerous biological materials without proper Haz-Mat permits and you are locked up with no access to legal assistance while federal district attorneys make a terrorism case against you.

I wish I could get large blocks of observing time on big 'scopes to fill in missing spectroscopy on M51-type galaxy associations.

 

[~christina~]

I wish I could get large blocks of observing time on big 'scopes to fill in missing spectroscopy on M51-type galaxy associations.

Well assuming your talking about a telescope:
You get the time to use a big telescope, but it breaks while you are using it and you are required to pay for the repairs.

I wish that it would stop raining all of the time.

 

[rootX]

I wish that it would stop raining all of the time.

Wish granted. It never rained after, some aliens came and took all our water with them. Without any water and rain, you died

I wish I could rule over those aliens

edit: actually, those are Mars inhabitants. We brought them to our planet and they really liked water.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish I could rule over those aliens

Granted.. You are now the ruler of a race of intergalactic sponges.


I wish I didn't have such a boring job.

 

[Phlogistonian]

I wish I didn't have such a boring job.

Your wish is granted. Your new job is suicide bomber.

I wish I had every book ever published.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish I had every book ever published.

Wish Granted.. we've republished them for you in esperanto.



I wish the moon were made of cheese.

 

[~christina~]

I wish the moon were made of cheese.

Your wish is granted but the cheese is rotten.

I wish that I was as rich as Bill Gates.

 

[Cyrus]

Your wish is granted but the cheese is rotten.

I wish that I was as rich as Bill Gates.

Your wish is granted.

Bill gates donates all his money to charity.

I wish I had my own airplane!

 

[Math Is Hard]

I wish I had my own airplane!

your wish is granted:
http://www.cynical-c.com/archives/bloggraphics/stealth.jpg

I wish I looked like Gisele Bundchen.

 

[rewebster]

I wish I looked like Gisele Bundchen.

your wish is granted--you get to look like her (when she's 84 years old)

I'd like an Appleby's Margarita right now

 

[Cyrus]

your wish is granted:
http://www.cynical-c.com/archives/bloggraphics/stealth.jpg

I wish I looked like Gisele Bundchen.

Damn you woman!

 

[Daniel Y.]

I'd like an Appleby's Margarita right now

Granted; Appleby punches you in the face for taking one of her margaritas.

I wish they would find cute, danger free life forms on Mars.

 

[Cyrus]

your wish is granted--you get to look like her (when she's 84 years old)

I'd like an Appleby's Margarita right now

Your wish is granted. You have to sit there and listen to a guy with flair say, "someones got a case of the MUNDAYS".


I wish for unlimited untwisted wishes!

 

[Phlogistonian]

I wish they would find cute, danger free life forms on Mars.

Granted. Tribbles are discovered on Mars and brought back to Earth. Two weeks later, there is nothing to eat but tribbles.

I wish for unlimited untwisted wishes!

Granted. You are now a genie. You are imprisoned in a little lamp that is resting at the bottom of the ocean. You can only grant wishes for other people, and you must wait for someone to find the lamp and rub it.


I wish I had some ice cream.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish I had some ice cream.

Granted.. One bacon icecream with pickle relish topping coming up.





I wish I had a job doing nothing making lots of money with a big office, a pretty secretary, a company car, a company phone, medical and dental, a pension, a month of vacation per year, a personal jet, an assistant, stock options, an office billiard table, an office wetbar, my own parking space, offshore accounts, an island, a rocketship, a small military... am I going a bit overboard?

 

[rewebster]

I wish I had a job doing nothing making lots of money with a big office, a pretty secretary, a company car, a company phone, medical and dental, a pension, a month of vacation per year, a personal jet, an assistant, stock options, an office billiard table, an office wetbar, my own parking space, offshore accounts, an island, a rocketship, a small military... am I going a bit overboard?

Your wish is granted. You become Bush and/or Cheney, your 'job' is almost over, and you live the rest of your life in infamy with 100's of books written about your greed.


I would like to get a new computer.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Your wish is granted. You become Bush and/or Cheney, your 'job' is almost over, and you live the rest of your life in infamy with 100's of books written about your greed.

I was wondering if someone would go for that response.

I would like to get a new computer.

Is this supposed to be a wish? I suppose you can have one if you want.

 

[turbo]

I would like to get a new computer.

Your wish is granted - you now have a brand-new, never-out-of-the-box IBM PS2 Model 50 with a 286 processor, a whole meg of RAM and a 10 meg HD.

I wish we would find huge new oil reserves and put OPEC out of business.

 

[rewebster]

I wish we would find huge new oil reserves and put OPEC out of business.

Your wish is granted ---but they are all still in the middle east and are owned by very greedy people who end up buying OPEC.

I wish my garden was bigger

 

[robertm]

I wish we would find huge new oil reserves and put OPEC out of business.

Granted. Now the psycho poop flinging green community declares war on the world and destroys human society with massive out breaks of various feces born disease.

I wish religion was a bad memory.

 

[robertm]

I wish my garden was bigger

Granted. Your plants cover the entire surface of the earth. I'll let you imagine the outcome...

 

[rewebster]

Granted. Your plants cover the entire surface of the earth. I'll let you imagine the outcome...

someone who wishes for nothing? <hint!--hint!>

 

[robertm]

Granted. Now the psycho poop flinging green community declares war on the world and destroys human society with massive out breaks of various feces born disease.

I wish religion was a bad memory.

See above!

 

[moose]

Granted. Now the psycho poop flinging green community declares war on the world and destroys human society with massive out breaks of various feces born disease.

I wish religion was a bad memory.

Your wish is granted. Everyone in the world died from some disease except for you. Sooooo, religion and everything else is just a memory...


I wish my iron maiden cd would stop skipping.

 

[robertm]

I wish my iron maiden cd would stop skipping.

Granted. Now it will play perfectly forever in your permanent headphones. Also I'm am feeling generous, you now have eternal life and hyper-sensitive hearing. MUWAH HAHA!

I wish I had a lifetime supply of .8 mm archival quality ink pens.

 

[rewebster]

I wish I had a lifetime supply of .8 mm archival quality ink pens.

Your wish is granted---but everything you try to write on is ink resistant.


I wish I could go back and talk to Einstein for a day back in 1952 or 53.

 

[robertm]

I wish I could go back and talk to Einstein for a day back in 1952 or 53.

Granted. But he hates you, kicks you out, and destroys your time machine.

I wish my eyes and brain could register and process a large portion of the EM spectrum.

 

[~christina~]

I wish I could go back and talk to Einstein for a day back in 1952 or 53.

Your wish is granted but 1min into the conversation he says that he's busy and has to go.

I wish I had a bicycle.

 

[robertm]

I wish I had a bicycle.

Granted. It's a walmart special made for ages 4-8. I'll throw in the training wheels and streamers if you say please!

Anything yet??
I wish my eyes and brain could register and process a large portion of the EM spectrum.

 

[Moonbear]

I wish my eyes and brain could register and process a large portion of the EM spectrum.

Your wish is granted. Of course, this means you're blinded to the visible spectrum and keep bumping into things, and for your brain to process all the information, you have been reduced to a drooling idiot and everyone thinks you're referring to hallucinations when you try to describe what you're seeing to them.

I wish the impending thunderstorm would hold off until Monday so we can enjoy a rain-free weekend.

 

[robertm]

I wish the impending thunderstorm would hold off until Monday so we can enjoy a rain-free weekend.

Granted. Enjoy your weekend, because from now on it will rain EVERY weekend and on EVERY day you have off for the rest of your life.

I wish the human race would develop larger pre-frontal lobes and smaller adrenal glands.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish the impending thunderstorm would hold off until Monday so we can enjoy a rain-free weekend.

Granted.. when the thunder storm comes in it will hold it's rain over the area until monday when there will be a torrential downpour. Watch out for lightning in the mean time.

edit: oops...

edit again: and I forgot s wish too...

I wish I could sleep.

I wish the human race would develop larger pre-frontal lobes and smaller adrenal glands.

Granted... the world shall now be populated by boring thoughful people who tear down all of the rollercoasters.

 

[turbo]

I wish my eyes and brain could register and process a large portion of the EM spectrum.

Your wish is granted - the supercomputer-like power required to process the information renders you incapable of doing anything else, like thinking, talking, etc. Non-control of your bodily functions make the nursing home staff reluctant to tend you and you die with painful bed-sores.

I wish Beck's and Heineken were as inexpensive as cheap US swill like Coors.

Edit: Claim-jumped by the moon-bear! I see we were thinking along similar lines.

 

[Moonbear]

Granted. Enjoy your weekend, because from now on it will rain EVERY weekend and on EVERY day you have off for the rest of your life.

So pretty much back to normal, huh?

 

[rewebster]

I wish Beck's and Heineken were as inexpensive as cheap US swill like Coors.

I wish I could sleep.

Your wishes are both granted ---Beck's and Heineken are now cheaper than water, and you both drink enough to sleep (pass out) for 20 hours a day for the rest of your lives.


I wish that the squirrels wouldn't eat my nectarines this year.