Chuck Norris Counts to Infinity Twice

[Cyrus]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

 

[Cyrus]

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

 

[chroot]

Have you been playing too much WoW?

- Warren

 

[Cyrus]

Some of the guys in the Engineering lounge were talking about all these Chuck Norris quotes. I thought they were pretty funny hearing them for the first time, because they said it in a dead serious tone.



There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

 

[morphism]

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.

 

[Cyrus]

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

I think that sums it up pretty well.

 

[Cyrus]

AAHHAHAHA YESSSSSSS!

 

[Kurdt]

Gotta love Family Guy.

Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets, bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Recipe for humour.

 

[Cyrus]

Not even light can escape a black hole...but Chuck Norris can.

 

[Smurf]

Yesss!

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, because hunting implies the possibility of failure, Chuck Norris goes killing.

When Chuck Norris was born the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Somebody once told Chuck Norris that a roundhouse wasn't the best way to kick somebody. This has been recorded as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris once had a who-has-more-balls competition with Niel Armstrong. Chuck Norris won by three.

 

[Smurf]

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

 

[Hurkyl]

<insert random line from the Chuck Norris Facts site here>

 

[Cyrus]

You're no fun. Chuck Norris is going to round house kick you in the head!

 

[Smurf]

Hurkyl, look out. Chuck Norris is coming from you. Hard Charger.

 

[Danger]

Chuck Norris is like George Bush with muscles.

 

[G01]

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.

 

[devil-fire]

"Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants."

"The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors,..."


i loled. Chuck Norris jokes are a whole new type of joke. they are not 'knock knock' jokes, or situational jokes, they are references of Chuck Norris.

 

[Smurf]

i loled. Chuck Norris jokes are a whole new type of joke. they are not 'knock knock' jokes, or situational jokes, they are references of Chuck Norris.

So true. And they shall forever be remembered as the high point of 21st Century culture.

 

[radou]

Anthology:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tW1tIpE95kc

Oh yes, and there's a theory that Chuck Norris is Trivette, too. Actually, everyone who shows up in the show is played by Chuck Norris.

 

[ank_gl]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.

 

[radou]

...and so, the day before the first one, Chuck Norris said: "Let there be God."

 

[Smurf]

So who created Chuck Norris?

 

[Gokul43201]

The Big Bang was just Chuck Norris blowing off some steam.

 

[chroot]

When Chuck Norris dives into a swimming pool, he doesn't get wet -- the water gets Chucked.

- Warren

 

[radou]

So who created Chuck Norris?

I believe he's the only one who knows that. It's a truth far too complicated for our ears to hear.

Btw, the last two jokes rule!

 

[out of whack]

...face of Chuck Norris and I once laughed in the face of Chuck Norris and I once laughed in the face of Chuck Norris and I once laughed in the face of Chuck Norris and I once laughed in the face of Chuck Norris...

 

[Gza]

Some of the guys in the Engineering lounge were talking about all these Chuck Norris quotes. I thought they were pretty funny hearing them for the first time, because they said it in a dead serious tone.



There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Welcome to early 2006

 

[radou]

Welcome to early 2006

Actually, I think it was even early 2005.

 

[ice109]

he's actually read 10 of them aloud on a sports show or something.

 

[Cyrus]

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

 

[JasonRox]

Did you guys not see this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8QAeoFdM5g&mode=related&search=

 

[ranger]

Did you guys not see this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8QAeoFdM5g&mode=related&search=

That was funny

 

[Physics_wiz]

Our (old) IC engines professor once was talking about the timing valves take to open and close. In a very serious tone he said, "valves never open and close instantly, only Chuck Norris can do that" and he just kept going through the lecture.

 

[radou]

Our (old) IC engines professor once was talking about the timing valves take to open and close. In a very serious tone he said, "valves never open and close instantly, only Chuck Norris can do that" and he just kept going through the lecture.

 

[ank_gl]

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

 

[Cyrus]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

 

[ank_gl]

oh sorry for that. have deleted it now. ok?
you may wish to do same

 

[matthyaouw]

"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.

http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52567

Oh Chuck!

 

[Kurdt]

http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=52567

Oh Chuck!

But of course, he has to maintain this Chuck fact.

...and so, the day before the first one, Chuck Norris said: "Let there be God."

 

[EugP]

This is one of my favourites:

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

 

[slugcountry]

Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee. This has nothing to do with his ancestry, the man ate an Indian.

 

[Danger]

Cyrus... joke or not, how the hell can you possibly put 'Chuck Norris' and 'Facts' in the same phrase?

 

[Physics is Phun]

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

 

[russ_watters]

That one is great, PiP.

And hey, if you've never seen it, it's new to you [me].

 

[momentum_waves]

Who is Chuck Norris, when he's at home?

 

[Cyrus]

Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.

 

[FizixFreak]

check norris goes to Mars without a space ship...
he just FARTS.