12 step program for CATS syndrome

[BobG]

12 step program for "CATS syndrome"

Although I'm not a cat lover, myself, being a cat lover is a problem that can affect the whole family. Even the family members of cat lovers can find benefit from a 12 step program.

1. We admitted we were powerless over CATS - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that no Power greater than CATS could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of CATS as we understood Them.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and the CATS toys.

5. Admitted to the CAT, ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs to the CAT.

6. Were entirely ready to have the CAT remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked the CAT to forgive our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all CATS we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such CATS wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to worship CATS and when we were wrong, promptly kissed up to them.

11. Sought through prayer and meatloaf meditation to improve our conscious contact with CATS as we understood Them, praying only for knowledge of His desires and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to NON-CAT-LOVERS everywhere, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

My problem is step 6. It scares me. When I'm getting the cat's food, it tries to remove my defects by dashing in front of me as I'm walking down the stairs. He's trying to kill me!

I recently agreed to babysit my sister's dog - for about 2 years! I also wound up taking in my daughter's cat. This would seem to violate one of the important don't s: namely, don't be a doormat.

However, I'd already had thoughts of getting a second dog, but always quickly dismissed them as insane. So, in this case, my sister's problem actually gave me an excuse to do something I'd wanted to do, anyway.

I have to admit I didn't want to take in the cat. My only excuse is that my daughter's pregnant and it's not good for her to change the cat litter. Plus, I once cosigned on a loan for her so she could get her cat a $900 operation to save his life and wound stuck with the entire bill myself (Oh, God, I've so violated one of the key don't s). Plus, I kind of like the cat a little, but I think it has more to do with seeing the cat walking around my daughter's apartment and saying, "There's my $900" so many times that I've just started to confuse myself into thinking I like the cat.

I aslo have to admit I may not have been totally successful in completing step 5. Considering the cat is already trying to kill me, I'm afraid to admit my feelings about this situation to the cat.

Worse yet, the dogs get along great. Unfortunately, so well that they played tug of war with one of the cat toys my daughter entrusted me with and wound up ripping it to shreds. I think that violates step 4.

I'm totally at wits end and need help! This entire situation has completely shaken my faith in the cat. Doesn't it realize that it can't open the food containers on its own?! How is it going to eat once it kills me?!

 

[Math Is Hard]

You might want to take this short test:

http://www.heyquiz.com/quiz/cat_kill

 

[Evo]

Have you taken the "How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you" quiz?

First read http://www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php

Then take the quiz.

 

[Math Is Hard]

High five, Evo!

 

[BobG]

High five, Evo!

You and Evo are clearly cat lovers, content to be perfectly oblivious to the carnage being wreaked around you. I ask a serious question about my possible demise and all you can say is:

Evo: Yep, you're going to die.

MIH: Yep, you're going to die.

But I guess to do otherwise would violate steps 1 thru 3.

Anyway, I might have found a possible solution. If I buy 12 of these plates and put them up on the shelves around my house, do you think I have a chance?

I sure hope the cat's not an atheist.

 

[Danger]

Doesn't it realize that it can't open the food containers on its own?!

It can't?
Lucy opens everything. Most surprising is her ability with human-type doors. As long as they swing away from her, and aren't locked, she doesn't have much trouble with them. This can be quite irritating in that we don't have a locking knob on our bedroom door. I'll be peacefully snoozing away and suddenly wake up with 15 lbs. of cat asleep on top of my legs.

 

[mgb_phys]

We had to reverse the door handles so that they turn upward to open.
The cat also learned to open the fridge door - not for food, it would lie on it's back in front of the open fridge in hot weather.

 

[Danger]

We had to reverse the door handles so that they turn upward to open.

Ah, lever handles. Yes, that makes sense. Unfortunately, Lucy opens round doorknobs.

 

[lisab]

These 12-step programs are great, but they only work if you want to change.

I don't want to change !

 

[Danger]

I just took the quiz. There's only an 87% chance that Lucy is planning to kill me, so I'm probably better off than most.