Ad campaign: One day, my husband will kill me.

[BobG]

An ad campaign aimed at preventing domestic violence: http://cbs11tv.com/fuel-for-thought/family.place.Advertisement.2.841546.html (check out the video).

A little over the top or effective advertising? Two billboard companies refused to accept the ads, but Dallas's bus system accepted the ads for 45 buses at $25,000.

The ads:

A child (girl) with a tiara and the caption: "One day, my husband will kill me."

A child (boy) with the caption: "When I grow up, I will beat my wife."

A teenage girl with the caption: "I will end my life before it even begins."

This is probably the most positive story about the ads. As complaints came in, other stories are a little more negative. http://cbs11tv.com/local/family.place.Advertisement.2.851056.html

 

[mgb_phys]

I'm guessing the complaints were from men/fathers angry at being blamed?
And the ad company claimed it was a just being honest.

But without looking at the ads I'm betting they were REALLY careful not to use any pictures of black boys saying "When I grow up, I will beat my wife." !

 

[BobG]

I'm guessing the complaints were from men/fathers angry at being blamed?
And the ad company claimed it was a just being honest.

But without looking at the ads I'm betting they were REALLY careful not to use any pictures of black boys saying "When I grow up, I will beat my wife." !

Of course not. Instead they used a picture of a black girl saying her husband would kill her.

 

[rootX]

An ad campaign aimed at preventing domestic violence: http://cbs11tv.com/fuel-for-thought/family.place.Advertisement.2.841546.html (check out the video).

It's just bad :(

 

[edward]

What about the children who see the ads?? If adults think the ads are disturbing, the possibility of negative long term effects that they may have on Teens and pre teens is horrendous.

Edit:

The ads don't address the adult victims of abuse, they are about the children. They are messages about murder, abuse and suicide.

One of the ads shows a boy and reads, "When I grow up I'm going to beat my wife." Another shows a teenage girl and states, "I will end my life before it even begins."

Not exactly what kids should be reading on the side of a bus

 

[mgb_phys]

Not exactly what kids should be reading on the side of a bus

I think the kids are safe, the school system has pretty much managed to erradicate reading in children.

 

[Evo]

It's a public awareness program to show how the children raised in homes with domestic violence are affected. It's to encourage women to break out of the violent situation because of what it's doing to their chidren.

It wasn't until her teenage daughter left home that she realized her kids were being affected. After 13 years, she decided to leave. "I had woke up and said, 'What is going on with you? The kids are leaving you... you need to leave,'" she said.

Her story is familiar to Paige Flink, the Executive Director of The Family Place. "Children absorb the violence," she said.

"Sometimes I think people have been desensitized to the fact that children suffer, and it is a lethal problem," said Flink.

For that reason the Family Place created their latest advertising campaign. The advertisements show images of children saying they might commit suicide or grow up to marry an abuser.

The Family Place says they hope the ads will empower the community to ask how they can help stop abuse and help the abused get out of their situation before it harms them or their kids.

 

[BobG]

There's actually two issues:

1) Domestic violence.
2) Women are more likely to suffer injuries from domestic violence than men.

Two of the ads mix the two and seem to come up with one issue:

Men commit domestic violence against women.

As long as no weapons are involved, men committing domestic violence is a more serious problem from an injury standpoint. And men might be more likely to commit domestic violence. The majority of domestic violence cases requiring police intervention is definitely men against women. Usually, the only reason police or medical personnel get involved in women against men violence is because the woman used a weapon.

Either type of domestic violence is going to damage the kids - even if the violence is never reported.

That doesn't mean I'd think the campaign was a good one if they balanced the scales and included a little girl saying, "I'm going to stab my husband with a butcher knife."

 

[edward]

Despite the good intentions of those who put the signs on buses; no one could ever convince me that the average ten year old is not going to be effected in a negative way when they read the signs on a daily basis.

Domestic violence is definitely an issue that needs to be addressed. Yet the whole concept of the ads placed on buses lacks a common sense approach. Children are easily influenced and lack the comprehension to deal with the issue.

They will only remember the scary part of the ads.

One day my husband will kill me

No child should be reading that!

 

[NeoDevin]

What about the children in the ads? What will the effect on them be upon seeing themselves with those quotes?

 

[rootX]

What about the children in the ads? What will the effect on them be upon seeing themselves with those quotes?

Don't want to see them because it just brings haunted memories



I wonder if divorces really work out. My friend's mom became an alcohol addict after separation and din't remarry. ~17 years later, my friend's pretty mature, nice, and caring (particularly towards her mother) but she's really weird and don't fit with normal people even when she tries so hard. It's pretty pathetic sometimes when she waits all night for her mother.

My parents never divorced. I just lack emotions, try to be distinct from my parents, avoid relationships of all kinds, and have no interests .. and some other disorders.

 

[Moonbear]

Despite the good intentions of those who put the signs on buses; no one could ever convince me that the average ten year old is not going to be effected in a negative way when they read the signs on a daily basis.

Domestic violence is definitely an issue that needs to be addressed. Yet the whole concept of the ads placed on buses lacks a common sense approach. Children are easily influenced and lack the comprehension to deal with the issue.

They will only remember the scary part of the ads. No child should be reading that!

I agree, and I doubt the message would really impact the people who need to get it. Women don't stay in abusive situations because they don't know there are risks to their kids, they stay in them because they are afraid of what will happen if they try...especially if they try and don't succeed. Or, because they have been manipulated in such a way that they don't even recognize the abuse as abuse, but rather punishment, something they deserve, or *gasp* normal tiffs in a marriage.

 

[Evo]

I don't know if the message gets through to many of the victims, but even if it gets through to one, it's worth it. I think that not enough women think about what it is doing to their children, or they are in denial of it. This reminds them that they aren't the only victim.

You have to admit that the campain brings attention to the issue for those that are not themselves victims and could result in more help and support for these women and children.

It seems BobG's complaint is that it doesn't state that another result of abuse could be that the woman might kill her husband as the result of years of abuse. Sure, that happens, but I don't think it happens as often as the affects it cited. And I understand his side of it, that it points out a crime that mostly men are guilty of. But, that's the nature of this crime. Like rape, mostly men are guilty. What I disagree with is that these ads are trying to point blame at men, they are trying to wake these women up.

Of course it is a very blatant "in your face" reminder of the reality of domestic violence that we would rather not be reminded of. Does that mean we should avoid reminding people of it?

 

[Moonbear]

I don't know if the message gets through to many of the victims, but even if it gets through to one, it's worth it. I think that not enough women think about what it is doing to their children, or they are in denial of it. This reminds them that they aren't the only victim.

I don't agree, because I'm looking at both the benefits and risks. If it only benefits one victim, but victimizes many innocent children who have not experienced abuse but are now afraid their dads or husbands might some day kill them, the risks outweigh the benefits...it creates more victims than it saves.

 

[Evo]

Well, I don't see it that way at all. But I guess we would need child psychologists that deal with children that suffer mental and physical abuse daily in these situations to weigh in. I would think what the children are dealing with on a daily basis is much worse. But you have a point too.

It's like drunk driving ads showing people being killed after driving drunk. If your parents drink and drive I'm sure it's very frightening to the child. This stuff was and maybe is still taught to children in schools. I remember commercials on tv and ads everywhere.

 

[Moonbear]

Well, I don't see it that way at all. But I guess we would need child psychologists that deal with children that suffer mental and physical abuse daily in these situations to weigh in. I would think what the children are dealing with on a daily basis is much worse.

I'm not disagreeing that the children of abuse suffer much more, but I'm not convinced an ad on the side of a bus is going to change that. I just think the reasons the women haven't already left their abuser when children are involved are far more complex than just needing to be scared by an ad...I think on some level they already know what those ads are saying, but something else keeps them from leaving that is a more powerful fear than what those ads convey.

 

[tribdog]

The odds of a woman being a victim of abuse is ridiculously high. Anything that helps even a little bit is worth it. I can't believe that reading a sign is going to "scar" a child. I'm just thinking back to when I was a kid and seeing signs like these wouldn't have caused me any lasting harm. It might have sparked a conversation with my parents about it, but that's a good thing. I think a child's psyche is tougher than some of you are giving it credit for. Good parenting greatly outweighs what they read.

 

[physics girl phd]

We just need to make people read "The Lottery Rose," Irene Hunts Newberry Award winner on domestic violence. I know my 9yr-old stepson can't read it YET... but I'm personally itching for when he can, because it's an important topic to eventually discuss with him. But note: in THAT, I have parental discretion about when he reads it (as long as he doesn't bring it home from school on his own, like I did whn I was his age, which was probably too early although it made a huge impact on my awareness). In an ad, on a public bus, parents don't have a decision.

But here's my big frustration: we also don't have a decision about sexuallized viagra ads on TV during the 6:30 News, except to turn off the TV or send the kids to bed early. (BTW, I'm a big fan of turning off the tv, but not so my dear husband... and we're both big fans of early bedtimes! We lean toward 7 or 7:30, and although M still thinks it's early relative to his peers, he complies.) I think a direct message about domestic violence is better than a sexualized message... and those are everywhere! Sexualized messages can lead to domestic violence (although I won't go so far to say viagra has had any effect on it).

 

[physics girl phd]

The odds of a woman being a victim of abuse is ridiculously high. Anything that helps even a little bit is worth it. I can't believe that reading a sign is going to "scar" a child. I'm just thinking back to when I was a kid and seeing signs like these wouldn't have caused me any lasting harm. It might have sparked a conversation with my parents about it, but that's a good thing. I think a child's psyche is tougher than some of you are giving it credit for. Good parenting greatly outweighs what they read.

Totally agree. I remember my mom with a black eye once. Just once. I knew what it meant, but I also didn't have big damage or hold a lasting grudge about it and I was willing to accept the reasons mom gave (dad rolled over and knocked her one in his sleep). I think his pychological abuse was probably greater, but even then, I don't hold a grudge. My mom was strong, and I don't blame her for Dad's problems, although she blames herself a bit after his suicide. Who do I blame? My alchoholic granddad... but who knows what HE saw in WWII.

 

[BobG]

I agree, and I doubt the message would really impact the people who need to get it. Women don't stay in abusive situations because they don't know there are risks to their kids, they stay in them because they are afraid of what will happen if they try...especially if they try and don't succeed. Or, because they have been manipulated in such a way that they don't even recognize the abuse as abuse, but rather punishment, something they deserve, or *gasp* normal tiffs in a marriage.

I agree. The ads are unlikely to cause an abused mother to leave her husband. It's not a lack of knowledge being available that keeps a person in an abusive relationship (or with an alcoholic). It's weighing the risks and seeing staying in the relationship as a safer bet. The person only has to feel like they're making things work in spite of a bad situation - that's different than things actually working.

Risks: Worse abuse to prevent future attempts, loss of money to support their family if they do leave, can they really prove it when push comes to shove, where will they live if they leave, etc.

Those are immediate problems. They weigh a lot more heavily than risks that might be averted by doing an extra good job of parenting. The damage to the kids isn't something that's real until it's actually happening.

The most that could be said for the bus ads is that they raise awareness even among those not affected by abuse. That might eventually result in more money being available to provide the support necessary to address the immediate concerns that prevent women from leaving abusive situations.

In other words, you're comparing indirect benefits to some indirect negative consequences. (I don't like the ads, but I have to admit to some mixed emotions on the issue).

 

[rootX]

I also agree with that. My mom always told us that when we grow up we would leave the dad alone. Though she was recommended by everyone for divorce and even wanted to, but it seemed like she wasn't certain about what would happen after that and how it would affect her children (which was her main concern - she wanted to abused but din't want to carry us into any uncertain and dangerous situation). She even decided to suicide (and wanted us too to do that) - just only once about when I was like 6.

Now that things have changed and I have completely detached myself from all my past I really don't know what would have been the best decision. It just looked very complicated and scary dream then. I never accepted that until I met my friend. I always thought that I am not supposed to be in that situation and I could hide it from everyone (classmates, neighbours, .. ).

 

[BobG]

Now that things have changed and I have completely detached myself from all my past I really don't know what would have been the best decision. It just looked very complicated and scary dream then. I never accepted that until I met my friend. I always thought that I am not supposed to be in that situation and I could hide it from everyone (classmates, neighbours, .. ).

Ouch. I think completely detaching yourself from a pretty large chunk of your life is going to come at a cost.

On a separate (but strangely related) note, it's pretty hard to find unbiased statistics on male domestic abuse vs female domestic abuse. You get bored and go off on tangents.

Now I wonder if I'm a passive-aggressive person.

Edit: Which isn't as bad as it might sound:

SITUATION 5
You are Mahatma Gandhi and your people are oppressed.

Passive
You move back to South Africa.

Aggressive
You lead a civil war.

Passive-Aggressive
You march to the sea and make salt.

But not that great, either:

SITUATION 6:
Your mother let's you know that she expects to see her new grandson every Sunday for Brunch.

Passive
You buy a baby seat for the car.

Aggressive
You tell her the guilt trip won't work anymore and remind her that Sunday is your day for golf.

Passive-Aggressive
You take a job in another city.

Meh, people move all the time. Surely, it's normal to have 7 kids in a family and have them grow up to live in 7 different cities.

Life can be a sad, but strangely fun game.

 

[misgfool]

Even at the risk of saying this, but children are mostly abused by their mothers. There was also a statistic of domestic violence injuries that required hospital treatment. In 40% of the cases the victim was a man and most typical weapon used was a knive.