Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[Gokul43201]

Peas are really the godfathers of whales. You know that pea plants have this crazy ability to convert atmospheric nitrogen into nutrition providing nitrates. Nutrition, my @$$ ! The peas are 'really' only removing nitrogen from the air for the benefit of their godchildren - the chosen ones. By removing nitrogen, they make the air a little more oxygen rich. To you and me, this is not a big deal...if we need more oxygen, we inhale. Now, you know who needs to make a crazy long trip just to grab some extra air - wouldn't it be nice, if they could get a little more each time ? So, that's the real explanation.

The pea plants. ladies and gentlemen, are really more than just Godfathers to the whales. <drumroll> They are Supreme Beings whose mission is to rid man of God. They noticed some time ago, that this dude called Charlie was having a hard time convincing the folks about something he called Evolution. So, they fooled some Austrian monk into conjuring up a thing called Genetics. This provided beautiful evidence for Charlie's Theory. And thus began the strongest Ain't-God movement in history.

But if the peas are really Supreme Beings, shouldn't we worship them instead ?

 

[The Bob]

But if the peas are really Supreme Beings, shouldn't we worship them instead ?

We should but the ISBC (International Supreme Beings Commity) has said that peas are to seen as a 'normal' being so we do not worship them. If we did then they would take over the world.

What would a world ruled by peas be like?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[quarkman]

What would a world ruled by peas be like?

First of all there would be no more movies or sitcoms where a child is forced to eat their peas before desert. Peas and lesser vegetables (who are still part of the same supreme family) would be seen as a delicacy and worshiped via a wookie prayer prior to consumption. Next any important political figure who eats vegetables and vomits would be instantly deported to the peapod flats of eternally smelly compost where they will be forced to eat dirt and excrete fresh air for the rest of us.

If you ate dirt, what type of dirt would be the best tasting?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If you ate dirt, what type of dirt would be the best tasting?

Very, very difficult to say. It's all so good.


Recently when I was in Hamsterdam I visited the Vaan GKockgh(choke/cough) museum to observe his gritty, savagely honest portrait of poverty, The Dirt Eaters. Did you know that Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough) was so poor, himself, that he had to make his own paints from used motor oil and whatever roughly reddish, yellowish, and bluish dirt he could beg from impoverished dirt eaters of his acquaintance, and that, in lean times, he had to subsist on his own paints? Didja know that? Huh?

 

[Math Is Hard]

I did know that, and in fact much more. It was for good reason that Vaan GKockgh was sometimes known as Vaan de Multi-Couloure, as his ingestion of pigments in lean times affected his personal hue. When Vaan went mad in later days he was remembered by his habit of wearing a specially crafted suit of mirrors in order to reflect all wavelengths of light and not be discriminated against because of his funny pigmentation.

When Vaan wrote his poetic tribute to the Rainbow Donkeys:

At the Water's Edge
like Braying Butterflies
those Stubborn Jewels
the Many-hued Donkeys
Stood Adored by the Light
Reflected from the Sun-sparked Sea!

was he truly thinking of rainbow-colored donkeys or was this a pastoral reflection on his own physical condition and the patronage he held from Countess de Sparksun, who was rumored to be his lover?

 

[zoobyshoe]

...was he truly thinking of rainbow-colored donkeys or was this a pastoral reflection on his own physical condition and the patronage he held from Countess de Sparksun, who was rumored to be his lover?

Patronage? I believe you have Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough) mixed up with Vaan Beeteater, the composter, who had a patron or two, and whose first name was also Vaan, but who did not eat paint, (or beets, in spite of the name) but who did gnaw on a piano stool leg once or twice during lean times, and who was also frequently off color, sporting, as he did, a beet-red complexion, the result of a childhood bout with the beet pox. Vaan Beeteater's famous albumenblatt "Furry Lisa" was composted in honor of the Countess Elisabeard de Sparksun. Or so they speculate.

So, what you're trying to say is that the vivid, impersonistic colors in Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) self portraits were not artistic enhancements for he purpose of laying bare the state of his soul, but rather, the true to life colors of his pigment-nourished derma?

 

[jimmy p]

So, what you're trying to say is that the vivid, impersonistic colors in Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) self portraits were not artistic enhancements for he purpose of laying bare the state of his soul, but rather, the true to life colors of his pigment-nourished derma?

Dude... He sweated yellow paint!

Much as Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) life is interesting and vivid, I must bring the subject back to Whales. We are supposed to save the whales but if I were held a knifepoint, why won't a narwhal wouldn't come to my rescue?

 

[The Bob]

Dude... He sweated yellow paint!

Much as Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) life is interesting and vivid, I must bring the subject back to Whales. We are supposed to save the whales but if I were held a knifepoint, why won't a narwhal wouldn't come to my rescue?

Because Narwhals can't move fast and so are useless at resuces. They have to come from the North Pole to Japan or Canada to get the knifer. Not fast enough.

How do we make Narwhals faster?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[zoobyshoe]

How do we make Narwhals faster?

Ron Popeill is working on this as we speak. Keep an eye out for his upcoming infomercial on NarZip, available in aeorsol cans.

Much as Narwhals are interesting I would like to turn the subject matter back to the issue of luminous, Africanized field mice since it's been in the news so much lately. Can anyone tell me the chief danger associated with trying to pet a luminous, Africanized field mouse?

 

[The Bob]

Ron Popeill is working on this as we speak. Keep an eye out for his upcoming infomercial on NarZip, available in aeorsol cans.

Much as Narwhals are interesting I would like to turn the subject matter back to the issue of luminous, Africanized field mice since it's been in the news so much lately. Can anyone tell me the chief danger associated with trying to pet a luminous, Africanized field mouse?

If they become too bright, they grow bigger and grow mind of their own. Then they are uncontrollable and they can wipe out towns at a time. Not nice.

How do you stop a giant field mouse attack?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

How do you stop a giant field mouse attack?

The Bob (2004 ©)

Simple. These giant fieldmice are in Africa. So to stop them attacking you, jump into a pride of lions.

What is the problem with this solution?

 

[plover]

What is the problem with this solution?

Lions are deathly afraid of giant fieldmice, and can hear them coming a mile off, so the lions are never around when you need them.

Why did sales of Acme Hyper-Spring™ Lion-Seeking Fieldmouse Safety Boots (5 mile range; safety from giant fieldmice guaranteed or your money back) never take off?

 

[The Bob]

Why did sales of Acme Hyper-Spring™ Lion-Seeking Fieldmouse Safety Boots (5 mile range; safety from giant fieldmice guaranteed or your money back) never take off?

They were too heavy and expensive and most people just died. Plus the design fault of the boots was that the 5 mile range was only in front of you, so if the Giant African Fieldmouse was behind you, you have no hope.

Why did the company not make the range 180°?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Math Is Hard]

Why did the company not make the range 180°?

The Bob (2004 ©)

Not necessary. It gets pretty hot in the Savannah, but the temperatures rarely reach 180°.

What are giant field mice afraid of?

 

[The Bob]

Not necessary. It gets pretty hot in the Savannah, but the temperatures rarely reach 180°.

LoL. I like it.

What are giant field mice afraid of?

Cheese.

How much cheese will we need to deal with a group of African Giant Field Mice?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[plover]

How much cheese will we need to deal with a group of African Giant Field Mice?

The legend that AGFMs (not to be confused with ROUSes) are afraid of cheese arose from an encounter at the Boer village of De Heuvel in the early nineteenth century. The village cheese maker, Matthijs van de Kaas, was known for the exceptionally large wheels of cheese he produced, sometimes over seven feet in diameter. When the alarm was raised that AGFMs were approaching the village, van de Kaas, struck by the idea for a new use for his cheeses, called everyone together and convinced them to roll cheese wheels down the hillside towards the marauding mega-rodents. The AGFMs, when faced with several six foot Goudas rolling down the hill at them, merely did what any sensible being would do at this point and fled in disarray. (Those who claim they would just get out some crackers have apparently never been threatened by a sufficiently large rolling cheese...)

The only cheese that AGFMs actually find threatening in a non-motile state is a little known cheese from Quebec called "Puissant Nectar de Mofette" which is made from skunk's milk. How was the effect of this cheese on the AGFMs discovered?

 

[The Bob]

The only cheese that AGFMs actually find threatening in a non-motile state is a little known cheese from Quebec called "Puissant Nectar de Mofette" which is made from skunk's milk. How was the effect of this cheese on the AGFMs discovered?

By a man.

Which man?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Rader]

By a man.

Which man?

The Bob (2004 ©)

Neanderthal

We have another problem, how come a African Giant Field Mouse was found inside a K Mart shopping bag, inside a whales stomach? :surprise:

 

[plover]

We have another problem, how come a African Giant Field Mouse was found inside a K Mart shopping bag, inside a whales stomach? :surprise:

Whales have so much trouble getting their purchases out of those tiny K Mart bags, and the lobsters usually employed for this job were on strike.

How did Neanderthals decide it was a good idea to milk skunks?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Beats the hell out of me since skunks don't moo.

What's the least-dangerous way to go about approaching a skunk to milk it in order to avoid being kicked or trampled by the startled skunk?

 

[jimmy p]

Get on a zip line from a helicopter, reach down and tickle the skunk's belly, then when it rolls over laughing, grab its teats and tug away.

How come skunk milk never became commercially viable?

 

[Gokul43201]

How come skunk milk never became commercially viable?

Actually, it was on the shelves a few days, and they even gave out free samples. But it suffered what is known in the marketing circles, as the Fairy Tale Effect.

It was cheap as hell - considering how easy it is to milk a skunk (just use one helicopter, one length of rappeling cord, and extreme skill). And it smelled like the sweetest nectar from heaven. It was just too good to be true. Surely, there's got to be a catch !

That just killed its sellability. Even the marketing gurus treated it like it was some foul fluid secretion from a stinky creature.

The other theory is that the brandname, "****" failed to capture the market.

Is it true that long debates with skunks causes a disease known as skunk anser ?

 

[Math Is Hard]

No one has ever had a very long debate with a skunk. Skunks have a way of ending debates abruptly with their opponents.

Where did Zooby go?

 

[jimmy p]

Where did Zooby go?

"Gone to soldiers everyone
when will they ever learn?
when will they ever learn?"

Bigfoot academy? In the middle of the zooby brush... that is where I would look.

Did Zooby contract skunk anser from drinking too much skunk milk?

 

[plover]

Did Zooby contract skunk anser from drinking too much skunk milk?

If so, he might be following black and white stripes south for the winter.

Hasn't anyone asked the weird, purple jellyfish where Zooby is?

 

[desibrij_1785]

I have and jellyfish replied by slapping me.

So how many more post will it take till someone screws up?

 

[jimmy p]

So how many more post will it take till someone screws up?

-12 posts.

If a zoobchuck could chuck wood, how much wood could a zoobchuck chuck if a zoobchuck could chuck wood?

 

[The Binary Monster]

If a zoobchuck could chuck wood, how much wood could a zoobchuck chuck if a zoobchuck could chuck wood?

Plenty of wood for a campfire, at least.

How many bubbles are there in an Aero?

 

[Math Is Hard]

"How many bubbles are there in an Aero?"

All of them.

If I fear nothing, and then nothing comes after me... what WILL I do then?

 

[sandinmyears]

Change your motto.

If 5 cats chased 6 dogs to the pound, what would the cats have for dinner?