Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[Livingod]

Patriots? What patriots? Them folks were outta fashion a hundred years ago. Nowadays, it's them conspiracy theorists, thinkin' they're all that, no trust in the president, (a tear rolls down my cheek) it's sad. Just really sad.

Now that there's no beef between Cuba and us (That's what the prez sez, and i believe him) why don't we stop this whole blockade-the-island thing?

 

[jimmy p]

Now that there's no beef between Cuba and us (That's what the prez sez, and i believe him) why don't we stop this whole blockade-the-island thing?

Because it stops tax-payers money going to something useful. Let me guess, you would rather the money spent on education or healthcare. You make me sick.


Now that I'm sick, would it be wise for the money to be spent on healthcare?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Now that I'm sick, would it be wise for the money to be spent on healthcare?

It depends on where it hurts. Go like this.

Does that hurt?

 

[jimmy p]

Does that hurt?

Only when I stand on one leg and jam a pencil in my ear. Then I get sharp pains in my tail.

Is that a good sign?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Is that a good sign?

I'd say you're in perfect health, except for the ear-stabbing compulsion, but that's some sort of behavioral glitch that will go away once you reach puberty.

Say, you're about 25 now aren't you? When you going to get that puberty thing going?

 

[jimmy p]

Say, you're about 25 now aren't you? When you going to get that puberty thing going?

Close...21. Puberty is my arch-nemesis and I refuse to take part in any evil scheming. Besides, creatures of my calibre don't need to pubertise. Asexual reproduction is our game.

Do zoobies pubertise?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Do zoobies pubertise?

I'm not sure I want to answer that quetion. I've never heard the word "pubertise" before and it may not mean what it sounds like. We don't advertise it when we arrive, if that's what you're asking.

Do they have ad agencies who do that?

 

[jimmy p]

Do they have ad agencies who do that?

Only in the outback regions of greater Haroldchestertonfieldville are there such ad agencies which publicise pubertisation. And in such an alarming manner as well.

But then again, how else are we to know that they have reached puberty?

 

[zoobyshoe]

But then again, how else are we to know that they have reached puberty?

I always become aware of this by physical changes involving hair and body shape. The males grow a large hunch on their back and the females' hair turns into a mass of wriggling pit vipers.

How is it you hadn't noticed that?

 

[jimmy p]

How is it you hadn't noticed that?

I suppose that having never been through the hardship of puberty in this life and my future lifetimes, I have never experienced hump growth as a link to puberty. As for pit vipers as hair, fashion changes so quickly. I look for discolouration of the skin and the ability to pass through solid objecets as a signal of the pubertisation of a person.

Why not pit-bulls instead?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why not pit-bulls instead?

The bull dog is not talented on the clarinet, sax, or trombone, and wouldn't be able to carry off it's solo spot.

What on Earth am I talking about now?

 

[jimmy p]

What on Earth am I talking about now?

Obviously the price of cheese on one market stall compared to the price of bananas on another. Then again, Medusa wouldn't have had the same effect she slithered in with pitbulls playing jazz/classical music. Best leave them to look menacing.

What have cheese, bananas and Medusa got in common?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What have cheese, bananas and Medusa got in common?

All three were included on the menu of the last meal prepared for the pet pit-bull of condemned pubertizer Alan G. Gordon, who, in addition to the crime of having two first names, was convicted of false pubertizing for rich old widows eager to create the false impression of extreme youth. His unofficial records found scrawled on the underside of his desk drawer indicate that he regenerated no fewer than 569 elderly ladies in this fashion and thus lead many a callow young fellow into a match he found confusing and disagreeable.

Still, there's something I don't understand. Why did they put his dog to death?

 

[jimmy p]

Still, there's something I don't understand. Why did they put his dog to death?

From the way I understood it, there could be a number or reasons why, for example, the pitbull was the brains of the outfit. Or maybe they couldn't decide which one of Alan G. Gordon to execute. Maybe they death penalty only applied to dogs in the country he lived in.

I believe the first reason, because there was motive for the dog. Not good enough to be part of a freshly pubertised woman's hairdo, he would have been very angry, so after biting a few children in half he came across the idea. He just needed someone with thumbs. His master(s) were the perfect choice. While Alan G. Gordon committed the offences, the pitbull was using his as a pawn, through hypnosis.

How would a dog learn hypnosis though?

 

[madcat11]

How would a dog learn hypnosis though?

It's offered at the pound on the 3rd Thursdays of the month - the 2nd Thursdays being Yoga and canine singles night.

How is dog Yoga superior to Hindu?

 

[jimmie]

How is dog Yoga superior to Hindu?

No thing is or was superior to any thing, comparatively speaking.

Speaking of apples and oranges, what's the recipe for disaster?

 

[zanazzi78]

I`m not sure of the recipe but i know George and Barbara Bush got it right!

Why if it`s called a pound does it cost £150 to get your car back?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why if it`s called a pound does it cost £150 to get your car back?

It's funny you should ask that quetion because once when I was being dragged behind a fishing trawler, having been snared in its net while engaged in a bit of recreational fish-slapping, it occurred to me that I had no idea what a British pound authentically weighed, and worse, I wasn't interested in finding out. I couldn't understand how I'd become so jaded and uncurious about the many resplendant bits of trivia there are to be pondered, and I felt I ought to seek therapeutic help, however I was awfully busy at the moment trying not to drown and soon forgot all about it.

Why on Earth did you remind me?

 

[zanazzi78]

I thought you still needed help.

Not being one for shocking fish with such "physical" means, I prefer electrocution, has a fish ever slapped back? (noobies initiation not counting).

 

[zoobyshoe]

Not being one for shocking fish with such "physical" means, I prefer electrocution, has a fish ever slapped back? (noobies initiation not counting).

I am distracted from thoroughly ansering your quetion by trying to wrap my mind around the concept of non-physical electrocution, but I can say that the fish may well desire to slap back as they always seem rather pouty.

Where can I get hold of some of these non-physical electrons to tinker with?

 

[madcat11]

Where can I get hold of some of these non-physical electrons to tinker with?

Possibly a new age shop, or failing that, a hoover salesman might point you in the right direction.

I personally have not had cause to slap a fish, but during my short stay in the coast guard, I was involved in some rather nasty crab-wrangling.

Why is it crabs prefer pina coladas to any other beverage?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why is it crabs prefer pina coladas to any other beverage?

I don't know, but let's look at the facts and see if we can't reason it out: rum, coconut milk (or coconut creme) and pineapple juice. These are the facts of the drink. The other fact to cogitate upon is that of the crab. Bearing these facts in mind you can see the anser was staring you in the face all along.

Recently when I woke up in the crab exhibit at sea world to find a crab sitting on my chest staring me in the face all along it occurred to me that crabs aren't really crabbier than say, lobsters, and certainly nowhere near as crabby as tasmanian devils, so I began to wonder why they'd been so named. I was distracted from that train of intellectual exploration however when a crab wrangler entered the enclosure and, mistaking me for a crab, tried to wrangle me. That only made me feel crabby, and I lifted him and hurled him back out the door. From without I heard him remark "No wonder they call them 'crabs.'"

Is everything, really, a case of mistaken identity?

 

[Nimz]

Is everything, really, a case of mistaken identity?

No. The fact of the matter is that everything really is a case of mistaken identity. It hasn't always been that way, though. Before the 1400's, everything was perfectly clear to identify, but some Columbian mistook some North Americans for Asians. The mistaking of identity has been rampant ever since.

Would we really be any better off if everything was correctly identified?

 

[zoobyshoe]

No. The fact of the matter is that everything really is a case of mistaken identity. It hasn't always been that way, though. Before the 1400's, everything was perfectly clear to identify, but some Columbian mistook some North Americans for Asians. The mistaking of identity has been rampant ever since.

Would we really be any better off if everything was correctly identified?

No. The fact of the matter is that we would really be better off if everything were correctly identified. It hasn't always been that way though. Before the 1400's everything was perfectly identified yet some Columbian mistook some North Americans for Asians. So, even though they were able to perfectly identify everything back then, before the 1400's, still, they had no coin laundromats.

If Bob has two coins for the laundry, and you give him one of yours, should we subtract that from the one Jack gave Sam Tuesday at the library for the copy machine or should we add it to the one Frank picked off of his mother's dresser top, since she had found it sitting on a bus bench, anyway?

 

[Mattara]

If Bob has two coins for the laundry, and you give him one of yours, should we subtract that from the one Jack gave Sam Tuesday at the library for the copy machine or should we add it to the one Frank picked off of his mother's dresser top, since she had found it sitting on a bus bench, anyway?

Addition is one of the basic operations of arithmetic. In its simplest form, addition combines two numbers (terms, summands), the augend and addend, into a single number, the sum. Adding more numbers corresponds to repeated addition. By extension, addition of zero, one or infinitely many numbers can be defined. The operation used to find the result of taking away something from a group, or finding parts of a whole. Subtraction is indicated by the minus sign (-). Subtraction is the opposite of addition. When a number is subtracted from another number, the resulting number is smaller than the minuend.

Can you say "lollipop"?

 

[Livingod]

I doubt it, whenever I try, I end up saying lollipop.

No offense but, how many polacks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

[jimmie]

No offense but, how many polacks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It used to take just one, but that one polack got very tired day after day of screwing in thousands of other people's light bulbs in poland. So, that one ingenious polack, developed, patented, and marketed the LED light array. With its advantages of durability and ease of use (no screwing a round socket), that one polack now rests easily atop the fortune made from the sales of all LED's worldwide.

Speaking of bright ideas, is there a dim switch and a dimmest switch?

 

[nocturnal]

It used to take just one, but that one polack got very tired day after day of screwing in thousands of other people's light bulbs in poland. So, that one ingenious polack, developed, patented, and marketed the LED light array. With its advantages of durability and ease of use (no screwing), that one polack now rests easily atop the fortune made from the sales of all LED's worldwide.

Speaking of bright ideas, is there a dim switch and a dimmest switch?

Funny you should mention that. I was just on safari through the far reaches of the Congo and discovered there are actually hundereds of thousands of dim switches, entire civilizations of them. However, there is only one supreme switch, the dimmest switch, to rule them all. He lives in the back of some guys panasonic cd player, no one knows where!

If the three toed sloth evolved a fourth toe, what would we call it?

 

[jimmie]

If the three toed sloth evolved a fourth toe, what would we call it?

It already has, and it is called a "dew claw". It premiered in the fall of 2005 and its purpose is to enable the "sloth 2.0" to 'trip-up' its prey, such as cheetahs, while in high speed pursuit. Scientists are eagerly awaiting the response of the cheetahs to counteract the sloth's current competitive edge.

Sources indicate a new and improved cheetah version, as yet unnamed, may include stealth technology that enable the cheetahs to easily sneak up on their prey, such as Thomson's gazelles, as well as hide from crafty predators like the three toed "sloth". Expect the .5 upgrade version within 6 months.

Speaking of upgrades, do students in Denver deliver higher SAT scores that students in LA?

 

[Livingod]

Of course. Scientists have confirmed a new human species much superior to ourselves living just a mere five miles beneath Denver. These incredibly advanced people have Photosynthetic transportation, also known as "Beam me up, Scottie!" and the algorithm for guessing the correct answers on the first two parts of the SAT with a 98 percent accuracy.

These people are temporarily called "Morton" or "Mortonson" after the scientist who found them, Dr. Tim Morton, PhD. (There is speculation that these people will inherit the latin name "Homo Sapiens Sapiens" from us, while Whites and non-Whites get reduced to "Neanderthal" and "Homo Erectus" respectively.)
This story of the new species "Morton(son)" under Denver has been told before, so I cannot take credit. My question is: Where did I get the story from?
(In case anyone is wondering, their skin color is gray)

 

[Geographer]

Does anyone know of any good, active geography forums? If so, please let me know. kthx. (serious)

Oh... a stupid question: does cold exist?

 

[Livingod]

It will, if you read the instructions at the beginning of the thread.

Now, back to my question...
Where did I get the story from?

 

[jimmie]

Where did I get the story from?

Cave Dweller Digest, May 2005 Issue, pages 43-52.

Speaking of spelunking, have those 'chunnel" people finished that enormous 7926.5 mile long cave system through the Earth's core from North America to China yet?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of spelunking, have those 'chunnel" people finished that enormous 7926.5 mile long cave system through the Earth's core from North America to China yet?

Almost, and soon a thousand coke-crazed Red Chinese soldiers will break to the surface beneath your house weilding cans of spray paint, cages of canaries, and dragging 1969 Ford Fairlane front bumpers, all the while singing a chorus from Beethoven's Fidelio. They will slap you with handfuls of green starfish and fill your orifices with powdered sugar.
----------
Once, prior to my birth, when I was crawling on all fours toward a kind of ditch or sinkhole where I used to spend my spare time ruminating on the injustice of the relative paucity of saliva glands, I was interrupted by an imperious fellow who stood in my way, preventing me from proceeding, and who began to lecture me on the average number of pixels in the average human face. "Pixels?" I said. "You mean cells? You mean pores?"

"Not pixels", he replied, "Pixies." The average human face is home to an average of 32,648,785 pixies. More for women. Women wear makeup and the pixies eat it and live longer. If you kiss a woman who is wearing makeup, all your facial pixies will jump over to her face."

"Well, is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Good for the pixies, of course."

"What about for the kissers?"

"They're kissing. They have no complaints."

"Well, then, all's right with the world. Got any spare change?"

"No, but here's some pixie dust. Happy kissing."

"Hey, thanks a million."

"You know who you want to kiss with it?"

"Yeah, I have a pretty good idea."

"OK. Happy kissing!" he said, and he maneuvered around me on his way to the next lucky recipient of pixie dust.

How soon do you suppose I have to use up my pixie dust before it expires?

 

[jimmie]

How soon do you suppose I have to use up my pixie dust before it expires?

No one knows. Unfortunately, the FDA has categorized pixie dust as "a posteriori", meaning there is not a "best before" date.

Speaking of expiration dates, when is the end of the world?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of expiration dates, when is the end of the world?

It's funny you should ask that quetion.

In my minds eye I see a large spider, one of the hairy kind, with striped legs feeling over the edge of a table, touching, touching, nothing but air. I think it could sit there patiently for eternity feeling for some foothold upon which to crawl next.

Any quetions?

 

[Math Is Hard]

It's funny you should ask that quetion.

In my minds eye I see a large spider, one of the hairy kind, with striped legs feeling over the edge of a table, touching, touching, nothing but air. I think it could sit there patiently for eternity feeling for some foothold upon which to crawl next.

Any quetions?

well, yes. At what infinitesmal point in time does the spider's leg touch the table edge, and at that time, where does the table edge end and the leg begin?

But who cares. JFK Grimwalt, inventor of the famous jellycide, JelBGone, died in 1997. Why was this officially called a case of suicidal carbon monoxide poisoning despite the raised purple whelps found on his body at the time of death?

 

[zoobyshoe]

But who cares. JFK Grimwalt, inventor of the famous jellycide, JelBGone, died in 1997. Why was this officially called a case of suicidal carbon monoxide poisoning despite the raised purple whelps found on his body at the time of death?

News travels backward when your hard at work, and it was freezing in the cockpit of the B-17 bound for Schweinfurt when we received the news of Grimwalt's demise. His death was a shock to us since, from our perspective, he hadn't been born yet. We had no time to mourn: there were ball bearing factories to blast to pieces, and the navigator had us on edge with occasional complaints about his Norden Bomb Sight. Anyway we knew our work against the Nazi menace was just a prelude to JFK Grimwalt's future fight against nocturnally roving herds of weird, purple jellyfish.

Grimwalt, we learned, had been killed by hideous Überquallen, the secret Nazi super-jellyfisch that were being bred to take over the role of the Unterseeboot. The war was over before they could put this nefarious plan into action, but they had already released several of the grotesque monstrosities into the Atlantic for trial runs.

With an instinct for self preservation like no other creature on earth, the Überquallen had simply smelled Grimwalts intention to develop anti-jellie technologies, had slowly triangulated his position, and converged on him one terrible night in 1997.

Of course, JelBGone, was already a fait accompli, and in use on a daily basis to beat back the tides of nocturnally roving herds of weird, purple jellyfish that disrupt the sleep of the good and wicked alike, but not without it's inventor paying the ultimate price.

The existence of Überquallen, however, must never be made known to the public least there be panic in the streets. Therefore, his death was ruled suicide by automobile exhaust poisoning. That just hapened to be the next fake cause of death on the list.

--------

The place was jumpin'. Uncle Stanley's Six Piece Quartette was on the podium neath the high roof blasting out New Orleans Dixieland. A tap on the shoulder turned me around to face a smiling guy with a clipboard. "Would you like to take my "hug survey" he asked.

What should I have said?

 

[Mattara]

You should have corrected his grammer and spelling.

"hug" is actually meant to be "huge" and "survey" is related to Swedens geological suvey (google).

So what the guy was actually a psychotic murderer with a thing for dirty sweds. He must have approached the wrong person..His ultimate plane was to take you outside and burry you alive in 20 feet of dirt on the oarking lot. But seeing as you are a and or the zoobyshoe, you could have just turned around and eaten his bow-tie.

Why have you not been to your normal tie-bow class?

 

[jimmie]

Why have you not been to your normal tie-bow class?

No energy, the stairmaster is killing me.

Speaking of stairs, what do you get when you walk down the crowded street naked except for a couple of fig leafs?

 

[Mattara]

Well I assume that by "naked" you mean "dekan" which sort of reminds me of the head of a college. If you have a couple of fig leaves your measurement is not that accurate, you need more than a few fig leaves to get it accurate. I guess that would be kicked out of college for that.

What is college?

 

[Livingod]

if by "college" you mean "glue," it is the adhesive material that you may sniff for pleasure (warning: may cause you to see dragons) and waste by smearing it between two objects to stick them together.

Having said that, I have no idea what "college" is, thus, using my wonderful speechcraft, I effortlessly changed the subject. So what is "college" really?

 

[jimmie]

So what is "college" really?

College is where one is constantly reminded of the differences between a quetion and an anser to that quetion, enabling the individual to first: provide an anser to a stupid quetion, and second, ask a stupid quetion that requires a stupid anser, respectively.

I've always wondered: is it possible for an individual to know the differences between a stupid quetion and a stupid anser if they do not have tuition for college but have intuition?

 

[madcat11]

I dunno. Should it be 'Don't you hate it when that happens?

The Bob (2004 ©)

no, I only hate it when sh*t happens (fill in the asterisk..)

Is asterisk fillling ever used in cooking?

 

[Livingod]

I've always wondered: is it possible for an individual to know the differences between a stupid quetion and a stupid anser if they do not have tuition for college but have intuition?

It's not so important as to have intuition, but one must BE intuition. For, if one is out of tuition, they won't be offered a quetion, needless to mention.


When will a**holes posting here learn to read instructions? (fill in the asterisks...)

 

[jimmie]

When will a**holes posting here learn to read instructions? (fill in the asterisks...)

Antholes do not pose a threat. It's the colonies of antholians therein that I am wary of.

Speaking of democracy, does constantly having to deal with parasitic-like entities bug you?

 

[Livingod]

This issue has been leeching on me for decades. We've had a mosquito problem back in the day, yet the problem itches to be solved to this day. At the time, we made the temporary and rash, yet effective desicion to utilize bug spray. But nowadays, that solution has become a real pest. The common household mosquito exposed to the spray eventually develops immunities to such bothers. Those buggers develop huge biceps, you know, real fly and sh*t. They get all the girls too, with their muscles, and their intricate web of lies. While the male human population sits around at home with nothing more than hand lotion by our side. (Pardon the language...) That's the reason I left that hellhole of a village, overrun by mosquitoes as it is, and moved here to New York. Here, you don't need bug spray to kill mosquitoes, a BMW or a Ferrari will do. And the best part: no one can be immune to five hundred horses slamming into your rear end as you fly around trying to find even somethign that looks like a tree.Whew, that got the best of me. Now as for the rest of me:
Speaking of pots, puns, pans, and the such, how long does it take you to cook an egg sunny side up? (Mine never separate from the pan)

 

[Math Is Hard]

Speaking of pots, puns, pans, and the such, how long does it take you to cook an egg sunny side up? (Mine never separate from the pan)

If you are like Hamhiu, you cook it until it takes on a shape that holds symbolic meaning for you.
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=119593 A bit more time is then required to plan your day around what the egg has foretold.

My 1/3 Ukranian great-grandmother did fried-egg reading back in the great depression years, when tea leaves were scarce. She also did divination with bacon grease, toast crust and jelly splatters. But granny never accepted money for using her powers, there was only one thing she would accept in return for telling a person's fortune. That was, that was.. shoot! what WAS that?

 

[Livingod]

Well, seeing as how being 1/3 of any nationality is impossible, but then again, so is naming a wooden puppet Pinoccio and watching it come alive, but people tell that story anyway. So my best guess would be that she would accept to "be a real boy" but in this case it would be to be a real great-granny which would mean that if someone wanted a reading, they would have to marry her granddaughter (a.k.a. your mother) and have a child. Assuming that the child is you, then your father must have gotten a reading from your great granny.

Now there is one thing that has not been cleared up: What did your father see in his fortune?

 

[Danger]

is it possible for an individual to know the differences between a stupid quetion and a stupid anser if they do not have tuition for college but have intuition?

A 'stupid quetion' is self-explanatory. A 'stupid anser' is a 'silly goose', but the term has gone out of common usage.


I'm not really playing this, but I couldn't let that go by.