Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[Livingod]

With its nonsensical posts and many twists and turns that we forgot what the last quetion was, this thread has started to be like a FOX reality show. Let's refresh everyone's memory one more time:

Now there is one thing that has not been cleared up: What did your father see in his fortune?


P.S. Newcomers, READ THE FIRST PAGE FOR THE RULES AND INSTRUCTIONS FOR THIS THREAD!11111111112

 

[Math Is Hard]

What my father saw was a vision of three Chinese dumplings on a plate, and as he reached for the first one it said, "If you eat me, you will be smart but not wise", so he hesitated, and reached for the second one. It said, "If you eat me, you will be wise but not smart". Again he hesitated, but then he reached for the third one and it said, "If you eat me, you will be neither smart nor wise, but the pretty waitress will go home with you, and she will make you delicious dumplings for the rest of your life."

Which did he choose?

 

[Danger]

P.S. Newcomers, READ THE FIRST PAGE FOR THE RULES AND INSTRUCTIONS FOR THIS THREAD!

I'm not a newcomer; I just don't like to colour inside the lines.

 

[Livingod]

Which did he choose?

With the help of soy sauce, he devoured all three with ease. Now what did your smart and witty father do with the waitress at his house? (Or was that waitress your mother? )

 

[jimmie]

What is the most healthy food you eat?

That which is yet to be picked.

Speaking of noses, how large was the margin of victory at the Kentucky Derby?

 

[Math Is Hard]

That which is yet to be picked.

Speaking of noses, how large was the margin of victory at the Kentucky Derby?

They don't use margarine at the Kentucky Derby, only butter.

Why should one Cherchez la femme?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why should one Cherchez la femme?

Because if no one finds her she'll wander around the mall shopping till her credit card's maxed out.

At this point it would be natural for me to begin a stupid quetion with the phrase "Speaking of lost women..." however, due to technical difficulties with the zoobie brush server the lost women page cannot be found, and instead I must link you to the stolen laundry listings on e-bay where all Math Is Hard's former garments may be purchased at a fraction of their original price.

As we wait for the bids to climb, who can explain why no one's ever heard of the 7th Marx brother, Alpo?

 

[jimmie]

As we wait for the bids to climb, who can explain why no one's ever heard of the 7th Marx brother, Alpo?

In the dog-eat-dog world of entertainment, Alpo, the only un-trained brother, was too rough around the edges for depression-era schtick, and thus, was fed his walking papers, one at a time, sans gravy.

Speaking of training, what was the quickest way to get from point A to point B at the year 1903?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of training, what was the quickest way to get from point A to point B at the year 1903?

You're refering, of course, to the twin cities Point Allstead and Point Ballbrick, Idaho, affectionately known to their residents as Point A and Point B. It was frequently pointed out that the shortest route between them, straight across Lake Short, was not also the quickest route, except in the case of Sam Green, who could row faster than anyone else in the county. For most, the quickest route was by galloping horse over the south lake trail, except in the case of Martha Weston's old, strange pony, Cindy, who had only three legs and was fixed up with a stout oak replacement for the forth. Cindy, understandably, didn't gallop very fast, but people were amazed she could gallop at all.

Anyway, in 1904 Point B was completely destroyed by arson fires started by a crazed spurned lover who'd gotten into a keg of rum, and the notion of the quickest route from Point A to Point B became moot since no one had any reason to go to Point B anymore. Cindy the horse, incidentally, outlived her owner by ten years. Her new owner, Matt Jensen, was astonished after he adopted her, to find her coat grow out into black and white stripes. It seems Cindy was actually a zebra that Martha Weston had been surreptitiously dyeing to look like a brown pony. No one could make heads or tails of that.

Whatever happened to Jane Wilcox, the girl who so callously spurned the drunken arsonist?

 

[jimmie]

Whatever happened to Jane Wilcox, the girl who so callously spurned the drunken arsonist?

Possibly due to the fact that she callously rejected the new collective bargaining agreement for thousands of firefighters, she got fired. Investigators are trying to determine if the two incidents are related.

Speaking of old flames, where's your ex?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of old flames, where's your ex?

Hmmm. Arrrgh. Due, I suppose, to the fact I'm not a stalker, I couldn't tell you.

Recently when I was posting on an internet forum Arrrgh a message suddenly appeared on the screen saying that a critical security Arrrgh update intended to prevent my computer from catching the Arrrgh Pirate Worm had just been Arrgh refused by my machine Arrgh indicating it was already infiltrated.

How Arrrgh do you get rid of Arrrgh The Pirate Worm?

 

[jimmie]

How Arrrgh do you get rid of Arrrgh The Pirate Worm?

Give him a bottle of Mezcal and he'll eventually crawl to the bottom and pass-out.

Speaking of passing-out, where did all this make-up come from?

 

[Mattara]

Speaking of passing-out, where did all this make-up come from?

Make/-up/-out etc. is actually the trivial name of the phenomena, as in "you are living in a world of make-believe" or "do you want to make-out with me?". The systematic name however, is not even close both in etymology and common sense.

The reason for the huge debate about the subject during that last couple of years has mainly dealt with if it is ethical or non-ethical to continue the cruel and unscrupulous experiments. I do not dare to say what the true nature of these experiments were ( or is (?) ) out of fear for repercussions from the project's Administration. During my hidden visits, I have also noticed some shadow characters moving around the main research facility. No one seems to notice them like I do, but sometimes just sometimes, I see them interact with the others out of other reasons than to correct them in their quests for knowledge.

It is very strange indeed, how they seem to be able to move from one place of the complex to another in just a couple of seconds. Their speed is amazing. Sometimes I even see them enter a special part. I cannot see excatly where it is located or what is inside. Nevertheless, I suspect that it is important; maybe it is the heart of the compound where only upper-level personal have access to.

I've seen just a glimpse of the front of them, but all I could see was some sort of badge below their...faces...It was dark, but I could distinguish the first couple of letters. They were: M E N T... but then I lost sight of it.

Who are these shadow characters, where did them come from but perhaps more interesting; what do they want?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Who are these shadow characters, where did them come from but perhaps more interesting; what do they want?

They crawled from the febrile dreams of barn owls perishing of bird flu and they want the nail clippings from your middle toe on the left foot.

Speaking of lost women, once when I was crawling on all fours home from La Souris Perdue, café, and home for broken, misfit toys, reveling in the amazing anguish only a woman can produce in me, I stumbled over what at first appeared to be half of The Black Dahlia but which turned out to be a freshly trimmed forked tree limb. Not much more to report about that.

Yet, on the subject of The Blue Scorpion, how did such a skinny woman get outfitted with such a large rack?

 

[Mattara]

Yet, on the subject of The Blue Scorpion, how did such a skinny woman get outfitted with such a large rack?

It is very interesting that you should mention that as a matter of fact. I have yet to date not found ant solution or even comment to the issue.

This is only my personal theory, but one might speculate that it might not be as obvious as it appears to be. Conspiracy theories aside, it must be due to Operation Protegus. Although any digital records of the actions that took place during the warm and intense couple of days have been wiped out, there are still those few people among us that do remember. I am one of them.

The goal of Operation Protegus was initially the capture and execution of a high-ranking government official in Southern Kambodja. However, the real agenda would be revealed a week later. It came with gruesome retaliations from both the Kambojan special forces and domestic hategroup known as the Black Serpents. Little did we know at the time but it turned out that they had a contingency plan as well.

RACK or Rendezvou-Affiliate-Cendra-Known was the code name for our meating with the beautiful and voluptuous (or skinny as zoobyshoe put it) "Cendra". We knew this was not her real name but she was a valued informant from the other side. Ultimately, I think it was due to her intelligence (and therefore the big RACK) that we didn't capture here and torture her for information from the start.

What is the fun in being a part of a domestic hate group? I never understood that.

 

[zoobyshoe]

What is the fun in being a part of a domestic hate group? I never understood that.

The coup de grace that seems to convince most people being groomed for membership is the revelation that they will be supplied with tailored underwear with their name, first, middle and last, embroidered by hand on each and every pair.

In the days before the internet when telephonic communication was all the rage I once received a call from a woman speaking a foreign language with which I was not familiar. I don't have anything more to report about that till I get the results of some lab tests on a strange, gritty substance found in a jar of applesauce by Hector Mosquera-Castro, Chula Vista, California, U.S.A, on December 12, 2005. In the meantime, who do you favor in the upcoming crayon eating contest between last year's champ, Eddie Perkins, age 5, and newcomer, Kendra Sutton, 4, who is said to have siglehandedly wiped out her preschool's entire stock of crayolas?

 

[Mattara]

In the meantime, who do you favor in the upcoming crayon eating contest between last year's champ, Eddie Perkins, age 5, and newcomer, Kendra Sutton, 4, who is said to have siglehandedly wiped out her preschool's entire stock of crayolas?

I refuse to answer that question! I very much dislike the segregation between males and females. I'm appalled over the fact that it starts even as early as pre-school with this "boy-against-girl" contests. Oh yeah, I know that it seems innocently hidden and distorted in some lame crayon-eating madness but I assure you, I ASSURE you, it is not even close to that. I'm so aggitated that I cannot control myself right now. The real reason, yes the real reason that these "contests" like they are popularly referred to are being held is malicious beyond belief. Do you know who I blame for this? Do you? I blame the researchers at N@SA. In a secret video documentation the Executive Director of N@SA, Ekstrom confesses to have contributed billions of dollars from tax-payers to fund these acts. This is even worse than the time he claimed to have found a meteor from outer-space confirming the existence of extraterrestrial lifeforms. It is the honest truth, although it sounds like it has been ripped from some random atheist pulp litterature author. If this isn't the solution to the problem, then by all means, glaze my nipples and call me Rita (as the famous Melchett said to Edmund in the popular final episode of the enire series of Blackadder.)

How does women (or men) called Rita with glazed nipples earn a living?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How does women (or men) called Rita with glazed nipples earn a living?

Primarily as ceramic rhinoceros inspectors.

Once when I was crawling on all fours through the swap meet looking for a copy of T. Arthur Jensen's masterpiece The True Method Of Ceramic Rhinoceros Inspection For Students Of the Art I happened instead upon a ceramic rhinoceros tucked away at the bottom of a cardboard box full of old editions of Halliday and Resnick. Turning the horned beast this way and that I attempted in my own amateurish way, to inspect it, but had no luck. On the bottom, though, I found a sticker on which the words "Inspected by Rita #44277812-c" were printed.

"My God!", I exclaimed, "I've found an authentic Rita #44277812-c!" This was an amazing blunder because almost instantaneously I was tackled by a mob of Rita-inspected ceramic rhinoceros collecting swap meet goers who fell on top of me in a great pile trying to grab the precious, fragile artifact from my grasp.

How long will it take the average reader to realize there is no connection between being named Rita, having glazed nipples, and inspecting ceramic rhinoceri, and that there is, therefore, no hidden joke or pun in my anser to the previous quetion?

 

[MSI]

How long will it take the average reader to realize there is no connection between being named Rita, having glazed nipples, and inspecting ceramic rhinoceri, and that there is, therefore, no hidden joke or pun in my anser to the previous quetion?

if the reader never used eyeQ it needs he needs 20 more seconds than the time needed to realize that this is a stupid answer

why am i considered dead ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

why am i considered dead ?

You've been classified in that category due to your inability to capitolize the first word of a sentence. This is a defect common among dead people, therefore it is sometimes used as the criteria for determining if a person is alive or deceased.

If MSI begins capitolizing the first word of sentences will s/he be reclassified as living, or, as a zombie: one who has returned from the dead?

 

[Delzac]

One who has returned from the dead.( No particular reason for choosing it)

"You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I?

+ Disclaimer : The Ans to this Qns is not lewd, i will edit post to put up the correct ans, and dun flame me+

EDIT : Tent

 

[zoobyshoe]

"You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I?

+ Disclaimer : The Ans to this Qns is not lewd, i will edit post to put up the correct ans, and dun flame me+

Don't bother. The correct anser is "I am the bipolar seersucker, Quimby, and my long, green lashes will freeze your envelopes shut. No glue necessary."

Is it true that bipolar seersucker Quimby was the model for the character of "Old Flat Top" in the Beatle's song Come Together, or did he, himself, foster that rumor in a vain attempt to acquire status among the other derelicts that frequent the intersection of Paige and Alyssa streets in the rundown "Cheweybottom" section of downtown San Sierra, California, U.S.A.?

 

[franznietzsche]

Don't bother. The correct anser is "I am the bipolar seersucker, Quimby, and my long, green lashes will freeze your envelopes shut. No glue necessary."

Is it true that bipolar seersucker Quimby was the model for the character of "Old Flat Top" in the Beatle's song Come Together, or did he, himself, foster that rumor in a vain attempt to acquire status among the other derelicts that frequent the intersection of Paige and Alyssa streets in the rundown "Cheweybottom" section of downtown San Sierra, California, U.S.A.?

No. It was Gumby.

Why is this my favorite thread of all-time?

 

[Mattara]

No. It was Gumby.

Why is this my favorite thread of all-time?

To be able to answer this question with as much accuracy as possible, we need to look back to the origin of it. Strangely, this thread is number 68 here at this version of PF and the member that created it has had his or hers account put on a temporary or permanent state of http://moridin.moved.in/dosattac.exe .

Other things that people enjoy is when other people type EVERYTHING IN CAPS, Use A Capital Letter Of Every World, or ust writ leik 'is lik ur sum1 kewl or sumtin'.

However, this only gives us a superficial glance at the subject at hand. Politics is a very important part of this. Let me explain to you why.

My prediction that politics would justify, palliate, or excuse the evils of its heart came true so quickly, so brutally, so horribly, that even I was stunned by the magnitude and viciousness of it all. Politics believes that every word that leaves its mouth is teeming with useful information. That's just wrong. It further believes that we can stop cannibalism merely by permitting government officials entrée into private homes to search for delirious perverts. Wrong again! In view of politics's cuckoo scare tactics, what does it make sense for us to do now? Well, we all know the answer to that question, don't we? But in case you don't, then you should note that politics's choleric game of chess -- the jaded chess of commercialism -- has continued for far too long. It's time to checkmate this foolish blackguard and show it that when it says that free speech is wonderful as long as you're not bashing it and the wanton dips in its gang, that's just a load of spucatum tauri. Be honest; can you in any way believe politics's claim that its activities are on the up-and-up? I cannot, mainly because if we don't soon tell it to stop what it's doing, it will proceed with its vainglorious actions, considerably emboldened by our lack of resistance. We will have tacitly given it our permission to do so.

In closing, It is dangerous for the Sweden opposition to "hack" the ruling party's computer network.

http://www.thelocal.se/article.php?ID=4859&date=20060912

Why do some people keep all of their internet/network passwords on a post-it note on their computer screen?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why do some people keep all of their internet/network passwords on a post-it note on their computer screen?

As the post-it notes flutter in the breeze the motion is usually enough to deter pidgeons from landing on the computer.

Are there enough hyphens to go around?

 

[Math Is Hard]

As the post-it notes flutter in the breeze the motion is usually enough to deter pidgeons from landing on the computer.

Are there enough hyphens to go around?

Good heavens, no. Hence the Hyphen Protection Society formed in 1986 when it was discovered that hyphens were dissappearing in huge numbers. Today, only 12,000 hyphens survive in the wild, and many of them suffer from unspeakable abuse.

Why do we have to have a second nose that comes in later in life? I realize that our ancient ancestors needed a second nose since improper care of the first nose quickly wore it out. But now it just seems like a big unnecessary inconvenience for modern humans that evolution should have kicked to the curb.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why do we have to have a second nose that comes in later in life? I realize that our ancient ancestors needed a second nose since improper care of the first nose quickly wore it out. But now it just seems like a big unnecessary inconvenience for modern humans that evolution should have kicked to the curb.

It's funny you should ask that quetion because I recently received an e-mail from the Board of Directors of Evolution soliciting donations to further research into methods of doing away with the second nose. Sometimes these outdated evolutionary twists linger because of mundane budgetary considerations.

Speaking of scarce punctuation, the world's dependence on middle eastern exclamation points, particularly those harvested from the rich Iranian mines, set me to pondering how it is they ended up with all the best exclamatory resources. What ancient geological/geographic factors lead to this rich concentration of fossil exclamation points in that region?

 

[Mattara]

It's funny you should ask that quetion because I recently received an e-mail from the Board of Directors of Evolution soliciting donations to further research into methods of doing away with the second nose. Sometimes these outdated evolutionary twists linger because of mundane budgetary considerations.

Speaking of scarce punctuation, the world's dependence on middle eastern exclamation points, particularly those harvested from the rich Iranian mines, set me to pondering how it is they ended up with all the best exclamatory resources. What ancient geological/geographic factors lead to this rich concentration of fossil exclamation points in that region?

I find your attitude towards history. It wasn't 'ancient'. At all. In the Middle Ages, the arabic were cut from the west of europe, therefore limiting the access to gold and exlamation points, also known as the Pirenne thesis. Although leading Sweden scientists say that the vikings plaid an important roll in trasport, I'd highly donut it.

Although the 'new' government in Sweden is ruled by liberal conservatists, will they ever fill the whole after Goran Persson (socialdemocrates)?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Although the 'new' government in Sweden is ruled by liberal conservatists, will they ever fill the whole after Goran Persson (socialdemocrates)?

It's difficult to know beyond doubt, because I haven't been monitoring myself with a meter, but I don't believe anyone has presented a quetion that inspired more boredom in me since one of Mr. Robin Parson's energetic complaints about the Canadian Prime Minister.

While it's true, and I am embarrassed to admit it, that I once had a case of nose-thighs, this was a temporary condition that resulted from completely reversible causes and responded well to treatment. What is behind the crippling heartbreak of permanent conditions of nose-thighs, and are the rumors of epidemic based in fact?

 

[Math Is Hard]

It's difficult to know beyond doubt, because I haven't been monitoring myself with a meter, but I don't believe anyone has presented a quetion that inspired more boredom in me since one of Mr. Robin Parson's energetic complaints about the Canadian Prime Minister.

While it's true, and I am embarrassed to admit it, that I once had a case of nose-thighs, this was a temporary condition that resulted from completely reversible causes and responded well to treatment. What is behind the crippling heartbreak of permanent conditions of nose-thighs, and are the rumors of epidemic based in fact?

I used to know this. But now I remember very little from the the report I wrote in third grade on causes of permanent nose-thighs. Anyway, I do remember that nose-thighs are a genetic disorder, possibly a weird evolutionary throwback. We know that the disorder is often seen in the small third-world island nation of Ptingo-Ptongo, as would be expected, as these people have very little in the way of surplus funds to pay the Evolution board. To make matters worse, they use banana peels for currency, which have no value to the Evo board. Has it reached epidemic levels? No, not globally, only on Ptingo-Ptongo, where one in 12 children are born with a set of thighs in the nasal passages.

I read once that Sweden was going to generously pay off the Evo Board to help out the people of Ptingo Ptongo, but the whole deal mysteriously fell through. Apparently the scheme was cooked up by an island tribal matriarch named Minnie, who had a dream about the King of Sweden. In said dream, he gave her things that she was needin'. What do you suppose queered the deal?

 

[selfAdjoint]

I read once that Sweden was going to generously pay off the Evo Board to help out the people of Ptingo Ptongo, but the whole deal mysteriously fell through. Apparently the scheme was cooked up by an island tribal matriarch named Minnie, who had a dream about the King of Sweden. In said dream, he gave her things that she was needin'. What do you suppose queered the deal?

That is a deliberate insult to the King of Sweden! He is not that way at all! No Nobel Prizes for you; and manic Sweish mobs are going to burn all the Ptingonian Apostolic Churches they can find to demonstrate your error. What can you do to rectify this terrible error?

 

[zoobyshoe]

That is a deliberate insult to the King of Sweden! He is not that way at all! No Nobel Prizes for you; and manic Sweish mobs are going to burn all the Ptingonian Apostolic Churches they can find to demonstrate your error. What can you do to rectify this terrible error?

Allow me to expand the details of the story: Minnie messed around with a bloke named "Smokie." She loved him, though he was cokie. In fact, though, his coke habit was self-medication for his case of nasal-thighs (rhinothighroidism, in the medical parlance). Smokie found that snorting the white powder seemed to smooth out the cellulite on his nasal thighs making their presence more bearable. The King of Sweden, however, was opposed to use of non-prescription pharmaceuticals (sp?) and, knowing Minnie was under Smokie's sway, he sought to have Ptingo Ptongo's Chinatown, where everyone went to kick the gong around, dismantled and returned to Hong Kong. In other words, he thought kicking the Hong Kong Gong was wrong. (It's not mentioned in the song, but he preferred ping pong and watching King Kong). So, to make a short story long: Smokie and Minnie wanted to have their gong and kick it, too, so Minnie the Moocher called a meeting of the matriarchs and had the King of Sweden deported back to Canada, where he's been serving as Prime Minister ever since.

Do you think I'm making this up?

 

[MSI]

Do you think I'm making this up?

i doubt ..


was israel defeated in lebanon ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

was israel defeated in lebanon ?

Yes, by Swedish and Canadian troops lead by Mattara and Mr. Robin Parsons.
-----------
I have before me a book entitled How to Subvert Subversion by Being Inappropriately Non-Subversive, by an anonymous subversion subverter going only by the name "Agent Charles", which was published in 1988 by Harper and Collins, NY.

On page 22 I find that the previous owner has redacted the complete page with a magic marker except for the following:

"...her smooth skin and the way the veins show gray blue on her breasts..."

and in the bottom margin I find the scrawled words: "heaven laughs at the four members of the bench it will not be for nothing".

On the next page a plate that showed a painting entitled "Peasant Girl Planting Poppies" had, apparently, been torn out, and in its place a photograph of Muhamed Ali had been pasted.

Between pages 54 and 55 I find a pressed piece of Hostess Twinkie, and on page 76 the paw print of a cat who apparently stepped in some motor oil before walking across the book.

Should I finish reading it?

 

[tribdog]

I know the book well and I know for a fact that it only contains 72 pages so the quetion "Should I finish reading it?" is meaningless and you should be asking "Will Agent Charles kindly edit his novel and add several pages of new material so that I can safely read the stuff I already have?"

By underwritting a book meant for chronic over readers is the rain forest safer?

 

[Mattara]

The exploration or even the though of exploration gives one a almost too intense pleasure that in someway needs to be countered. However, such a bold statement can be very fatal when dealing with Semirhage. She enjoys pain as well as pleasure, especially if she is the one that is causing them. Semirhage masters the little known power to torture people with pleasure. Physical torture is so out-of-date that it brings her to laughter. Your victim is never prepared for pleasure and frankly, will have a hard time to resist it. A word of cation: to much stimuli is dangerous.

Semirhage also enjoys moonligh walks on the beach and candlelight dinners. Would you date her or would you fail under the pressure from her alliance with Demandred and Messana?

 

[zoobyshoe]

By underwritting a book meant for chronic over readers is the rain forest safer?

I'm not aware that Mattara'a last post contained any sort of attempt to answer your profound and topical quetion, so I shall leapfrog his strange sexual fanasies and try to address the issue of the future of the rainforest:

I would probably date her, yes, but only if she agreed to let me be the one doing the torture by pleasure.

Having said that, I have to wonder if there's any sort of medication to help chronic over readers (it's a chemical imbalance in the brain - not their fault) or if their brains are doomed to become clogged with the fatty deposits of the unmetabolized information they continually stuff into their heads in a vain attempt to fill the emotional void of being unloved as a child and presented with an endless stream of Dr. Seuss books to keep them busy while Mommy and Daddy shot up with Horse and Crack in the kitchen, playing cards, yelling, fighting, smoking opium and skin popping whiskey, playing russian roulette with three rounds, snorting cocaine and bug powder, stirring laxatives and valium into their martinis, throwing darts at each other, burning toast, pouring food coloring on random meals (I would not eat green eggs and ham) singing along to Creedence Clearwater Revival drawing pentagrams on the walls with crayons, giving themselves jailhouse tattoos with sewing needles and soot, throwing beer bottles at mice and cockroaches, smoking hash in a bong full of spinach water, and finally passing out on the floor in a pool of their own vomit.

Are there any meds for that?

 

[tribdog]

Are there any meds for that?

for the void yes,seuss-no, crack in the kitchen-yes, cards yelling, fighting-yes, opium, skin popping-no, whiskey roulette bug laxatives-yes, singing pentagrams tattoos soot, mice cockroaches-yes(but they can't be taken with the spinach water) and finally passing out on the floor in a pool of vomit-just buy absorbent carpet and pillows.

This however is a case where the cure may be worse than the disease as the meds, (211 caplets, 182 gelcaps, 19 lozenges, 632 patches) not only weigh 18.1kg taken 3 times daily, they have a few known side effects. WHICH side is completely random and varies from patient to patient (in- and left- sides being most common) These effects will include constipated diharrea and explosive flatulence, tender nipples, unnatural hair growth (dental), and in some cases fusion of the elbows.
Alternative treatments can include accupuncture however instead of needles, 10-penny nails are required.(that's not a quantity but a size of nail ie many 10-penny nails, not 10 comma penny nails)

Why aren't 10-penny nails just called dimers?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why aren't 10-penny nails just called dimers?

Because at the time 10-penny nails were invented the dime was still two primitive, slow-plodding nickles crawling on all fours in the fog of dim intellect common to all unevolved life forms, wandering aimlessly about the planet's primevel landscape with almost no hope or chance of encountering each other, mating, and producing the first dime. When they beat the odds and finally did find each other, the price of a 10-penny nail had already gone up to 15 cents.

How did that get there?

 

[brewnog]

In medieval times, it was generally there right from the start. As time progressed, so did the dexterity of the Polish farmers, up to the point where it could actually be removed with relatively little hassle. Later, (around the 18th century), peasants began to realize that a tradition was being lost, and they started manually putting it back in again as a mark of respect for their ancestors.

What's the best kind of bean?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What's the best kind of bean?

With no evidence to the contrary, I'm going to assume what most would assume, that you're asking for the best kind of bean to place on the gatepost of the graveyard to ward off interruptions by shark footed, undead, revenances while you are performing juju rituals in the light of the waxing moon.

Newton, they say, used to use a whole fresh pod of green beans. Faraday and Humphrey Davy are rumored to have used one cooked bean of any variety available to them at the time. Rutherford liked a dried pea, and Milikan was the same, except he, whimsically, charged his first. A third hand contemporary report claims Galileo scorned this Aristotelian tradition altogether and used a zucchini, resulting in an attack by a shark footed revenance which explains why he was taken ill with no apparent cause so many times later in life. Heisenberg liked the kidney bean, but Bohr bullied him into using a white bean. This rattled him so much he was never certain if he was supposed to place it on the left or right side gatepost or if "right" and "left" referred to his own or Bohr's.

Feynman used whichever bean took the least time to acquire, and Planck used to arrive at the graveyard with a whole bag of garbanzo's which he meticulously placed on the post, one by one.

What about Einstein?

 

[rcgldr]

What about Einstein?

Our neighbor's dog, "Einstein", generally eats dog food and table scraps, including green beans.

My stupid question: Is black a color?

 

[Mattara]

Our neighbor's dog, "Einstein", generally eats dog food and table scraps, including green beans.

My stupid question: Is black a color?

Do you mean in physics, art, days of our lives or in harlem?

How do you define color?

 

[tribdog]

with a dictionary

How do you define a dictionary?

 

[rcgldr]

How do you define a dictionary?

You remove "fine" from the dictionary.

I've asked this before, so it would be stupid to ask it again.
If a man says something in a forest, and there's no woman to hear him, is the man still wrong?

 

[zoobyshoe]

I've asked this before, so it would be stupid to ask it again.
If a man says something in a forest, and there's no woman to hear him, is the man still wrong?

The trouble is, since you were recycling an old joke not of your own design the first time you posted it, which is not allowed, commiting that crime once again constitutes a sort of double negative which leaves us with a smart quetion, which is not allowed, and for which you will be painfully executed at my leisure.

Once when I was ambling cheerfully through a wooded area on the outskirts of Paris in 1887, I happened upon an impressionist painter seated before his easel serenely mixing hues upon his palette in preparation for a day of plein air work. I saw that he had already sketched out the scene in front of him onto the canvass in charcoal: a large elephant mounting a humpback whale in sexual congress amidst an impressive composition of Roman Senators seated on milk crates listening intentively to the farewell oration of Richard Nixon being aired on a large screen TV hanging from the bucket of a backhoe being operated by a talented cow wearing a button that said "Got Milk?" Confident it would be a masterpiece, I continued on in silence without disturbing him for his autograph, and a little further along I came upon a McDonald's restaurant. Ducking in quickly to solve a few triangles, it suddenly occurred to me there had been something peculiar, out of place, in the scene in front of the painter. I concentrated hard, trying to remember the scene, and pinpoint what it was that had annoyed me. Then it hit me: the elephant hadn't been wearing a condom.

Shouldn't we always practise safe sex?

 

[tribdog]

Shouldn't we always practise safe sex?

In your case, please. PLEASE! For the love of God, ALWAYS practice safe sex. Don't spread your DNA. Condom's are a necessity, Caulk sealant wouldn't be a bad idea either.

When it comes to caulk, whether silicon based or not, why is it spelled with an l in the middle?

 

[zoobyshoe]

When it comes to caulk, whether silicon based or not, why is it spelled with an l in the middle?

Currently accepted spelling of words in the English language began to take form in 1784 when a secret meeting of an elite subset of continental congressmen decided the best way to prevent infiltration of the new country by foreign spies would be to adopt a system of spelling so fiendishly erratic that no non-native speaker would ever be able to master it and would be discovered at their first written words. To a large extent it was a successful strategy: no foreign born person has ever fully mastered it. However no native born American has ever fully mastered it either. The secret, elite group dealt with this by reclassifying all residents of the United States as "tolerable" foreign spies, an opinion still secretly held by our president today.

Why don't grasshoppers get it?

 

[rcgldr]

The trouble is, since you were recycling an old joke not of your own design the time you posted it, which is not allowed, commiting that crime once again constitutes a sort of double negative which leaves us with a smart quetion, which is not allowed ...

Well I knew how to de-fine a dictionary, but couldn't think of another good stupid question, so I recycled an old joke, which was a stupid thing to do, wasn't it? I've could have brought up something about "It's a Small World" but resisted (until now).

"l" in caulk (what about the "u"?)

why don't grasshoppers get it?

Because they can't spell.

Why do people post in threads like this?

 

[Mattara]

Well I knew how to de-fine a dictionary, but couldn't think of another good stupid question, so I recycled an old joke, which was a stupid thing to do, wasn't it? I've could have brought up something about "It's a Small World" but resisted (until now).

Because they can't spell.

Why do people post in threads like this?

I find your insinuations offending. Excuse me while I'll engage in personal attacks.

I, for one, definitely don't believe that Jeff Reid would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform an odious act. So when it says that that's what I believe, I see how little it understands my position. Jeff Reid has remarked that truth is merely a social construct. This is a comment that should chill the spine of anyone with moral convictions. To make sure you understand, I'll spell it out for you. For starters, Jeff Reid likes to compare its inveracities to those that shaped this nation.

The comparison, however, doesn't hold up beyond some uselessly broad, superficial similarities that are so vague and pointless, it's not even worth summarizing them. Jeff Reid's club appears to be growing in number. I pray that this is analogous to the flare-up of a candle just before extinction yet I keep reminding myself that I am reminded of the quote, "It presents quasi-scientific and pseudointellectual justifications for its vulgar fibs in order to convince people that violence and prejudice are funny." This comment is not as drossy as it seems because if Jeff Reid thinks its canards represent progress, it should rethink its definition of progress. If Jeff Reid had lived the short, sickly, miserable life of a chattel serf in the ages "before technocracy" it wouldn't be so keen to censor by caricature and preempt discussion by stereotype. Maybe it'd even begin to realize that nihilism doesn't work. So why does Jeff Reid cling to it?

If you need help in answering that question, you may note that every so often, you'll see Jeff Reid lament, flog itself, cry mea culpa for seeking to destabilize society, and vow never again to be so unregenerate. Sadly, it always reverts to its old behavior immediately afterwards, making me think that it's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of intolerant, scary psychics like it can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them.

If I have a bias, it is only against disdainful, mutinous bullies who promote group-think attitudes over individual insights. Now that you've read the bulk of this letter, it should not come as a surprise that Jeff Reid's musings reflect several layers of moral concern for many religions. However, this fact bears repeating again and again, until the words crack through the hardened exteriors of those who would make malodorous nitwits out to be something they're not. I am referring, of course, to the likes of Jeff Reid.

How does a complain generator work?