Best Pickup Lines: Two Funny Ones to Try

[redargon]

Not the best way to get girls (but have a good laugh and maybe get a conversation going):
Hey loveboat... not you shipwreck.
Hey cookie... not you dog biscuit.
(actually those are good for teasing people you already know, heaven help you if you try them on someone you like)

If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

You with all those curves and me with no brakes.

Hi, my name's redargon, remember that 'cos you'll be screaming it later.

How to possibly get girls:
Forget pick up lines, be confident, walk across to the girl making eyes at you and ask her how she's doing (but not like joey: hey, how you doing?).

Other things that might get you somewhere:
Point at the cocktail menu and ask, "any idea what this tastes like?" or "what the hell is angostura bitters?" with a slight confused look on your face. It shows weakness (you're not trying to prove how smart you are) and that you're willing to ask her for and value her opinion.
"Hey, do you speak French?"
When she says "no", you say, "Yeah, neither do I..."
When she's says "yes" or "oi", you say "ummm, ****, well actually that was my pickup line, what's the french word for jackass?"

I have a t-shirt that says, "Tell your girlfriend I said thanks" For some reason girls like this one. Must be a confidence thing.

 

[ephedyn]

"I'm not a physicist."

 

[Danger]

My best wasn't a line at all... just an approach.
The bar that I worked in had nice plush rolling armchairs at the tables. Our winters here can get pretty nasty (-50C sometimes), so people dress appropriately for the season. One cute young lady had this huge fur coat draped in her chair, and she was sitting on it. When she went to the can, I took it upon myself to slump in her chair and pull the coat over myself. She sat back down never suspecting...

It startled the hell out of her, but I ended up taking her mother home.

 

[dyosa]

90% of men say the first thing they notice about women are their eyes.

90% of women say the first thing they notice about men are that they are a pack of liars.

which i think is an inborn disease and an incurable one.

 

[JasonRox]

which i think is an inborn disease and an incurable one.

Haha, which set of eyes?

 

[JasonRox]

http://www.dagobert.ca/

http://www.mauricenightclub.com/album.php

Those were the two places I went to all the time this summer.

Where do you guys go if this isn't the type of bars you have in mind?

 

[BobG]

http://www.dagobert.ca/

http://www.mauricenightclub.com/album.php

Those were the two places I went to all the time this summer.

Where do you guys go if this isn't the type of bars you have in mind?

Hmmm, that's a good question. Warehouses with dog agility training events is one option, but it's not exactly a very daring social excursion.

Turbo had a suggestion that actually works pretty well in this area of the country (he's not the first person I've heard this from).

I will abandon this here. Why do you have to meet your mate in a bar and why do you have to meet your mate in an upscale bar?

There are lots of very nice people that you might meet at a tavern, a barn-dance (archaic), a church social, a community dinner to benefit disadvantaged persons, and a charity mission or other places, including church suppers, or when volunteering for outreach programs that might draw in big-hearted young ladies.

It's not quite so archaic around here, except they actually have contra dancing, which is a little bit different (a little more international flavor) and they don't have them in barns.

The plusses are:
Contra dancing is not the same as country line dancing.
Contra dance groups receive absolutely no funding from Oliver North.
We do not wear costumes (except on Halloween) or any particular style of clothes. (I think this might mean nude dancing, but I'm not sure since I've never actually seen a contra dance).
Contra dance is a form of dance that thrusts a different person of the opposite sex into your arms every 30 seconds or so.
Contra dancers make eye contact whenever possible. Remember: they're gazing into your eyes not because they love you but because they want to make the connection, and they don't want to throw up on you. (partners considerate enough not to throw up on you is a very big plus).

So the options are:

Hillside Community Center

or (if willing to go out of town):
http://www.stellardaysandnights.org/valerie.htm

Man, that's going to be really hard to choose between those two options.

 

[Evo]

Wow. My last post in this thread a little more than an hour ago was "I'm going to let this thread die", and now its at 4 pages.

I would really like to hear from the ladies on this forum as to what lines they like to hear.

I have this one a t-shirt (seriously!);

"Is your 'butt' differentiable? Because I would like to be tangential to it."

I have to say that most girls that I've met in bars have been professional sluts. I've given up trying to find a girl that I can take seriously let alone spend the rest of my life with so I'm ok with this.

I hope you don't use any of those lines you've posted, they're all horrible.

I think the problem you have with meeting women is that you have a terrible attitude and misconceptions about women that are very obvious.

 

[NeoDevin]

OK, here's my new trick. I bump into an engineer at a bar and say. "oopsie!" and let a slide rule fall out of my purse. I think it has potential.

To pick up most engineers, I think all you really need to do is be female and willing.

 

[Evo]

To pick up most engineers, I think all you really need to do is be female and willing.

Yeah, the slide rule might distract him to the point that he forgets everything else. Like kurdt "oooh, red ball".

 

[NeoDevin]

To pick up most engineers, I think all you really need to do is be female and willing.

And in some cases, even those two points may be optional.

 

[Topher925]

I hope you don't use any of those lines you've posted, they're all horrible.

I think the problem you have with meeting women is that you have a terrible attitude and misconceptions about women that are very obvious.

I've used them on occasion but only to get a laugh. I don't think anyone has ever taken them seriously.

And my problem with meeting women is that my standards are to high and I'm to stubborn to settle. I only have three simple criteria that a girl would have to meet in order for me to actually be interested in them. So far, none of them have met all three.

 

[BobG]

I've used them on occasion but only to get a laugh. I don't think anyone has ever taken them seriously.

And my problem with meeting women is that my standards are to high and I'm to stubborn to settle. I only have three simple criteria that a girl would have to meet in order for me to actually be interested in them. So far, none of them have met all three.

I only have one. She has to be able to lick the outside of her elbow.

 

[NeoDevin]

I only have three simple criteria that a girl would have to meet in order for me to actually be interested in them. So far, none of them have met all three.

Female, alive, and willing? Or is that aiming too high?

 

[Topher925]

Female, alive, and willing? Or is that aiming too high?

Thats aiming little high, but that's the only requirements for me to go home with them.

For me to actually be interested in an actual relationship with them they have to be ambitious, intelligent, and an atheist.

 

[WaveJumper]

Thats aiming little high, but that's the only requirements for me to go home with them.

For me to actually be interested in an actual relationship with them they have to be ambitious, intelligent, and an atheist.

Atheist? Is that as important as intelligent? Didn't Einstein believe in an impersonal God? I bet Stephen Hawking and Michio Kaku believe as well. But well, that'd be a funny pick up line if you tell the chick she must be an atheist.

 

[Evo]

Atheist? Is that as important as intelligent? Didn't Einstein believe in an impersonal God? I bet Stephen Hawking and Michio Kaku believe as well. But well, that'd be a funny pick up line if you tell the chick she must be an atheist.

No, Einstein stated that he was agnostic in several letters that he wrote. It seems Hawking is listed as agnostic or atheist.

 

[moose]

They might not have worked on you, but they worked. Not to score, but to get closer to a lady that you will see again in the future, and maybe get together.

A whole lot more genteel and "couth" than buying a lady a drink after complimenting her rack and asking how she likes her eggs cooked.

You get closer to a lady AFTER she's already attracted to you. When I first meet a girl I am energetic flirty fun adventurous etc etc. Then after a few minutes of just being playful, you can start dropping slight compliments (and I do mean slight). If you compliment a girl before she's fully drawn to you, she won't respond too well.

EDIT:

You do realize that knowing a famous man's biography inside out is kind of pathetic? You think by replicating Einstein's or Feynman's life you will somehow become them? I mean I can see how you would be smarter if you studied same subjects they did, but using same pickup lines and adapting same habits will not make you them. You either have it or you don't and that is exactly the point of this thread - if you can't pick up a woman then no pickup line can help you

I also remember what Cyrus mentioned from Surely Youre Joking Mr Feynman... Doesn't mean I sit there memorizing his biography.

EDIT2:

When I say a 'bar', I mean atmosphere - .98692 atmospheres to be exact.

HAHAHAHahahahahahahaha!

 

[DEW]

Well the basic problem for us ladies, as far as I see it, is that you can't earn more than your man, you can't be more intelligent than your man and you definitely definitely can't be better educated than him. Men just can't take it

 

[JasonRox]

Hmmm, that's a good question. Warehouses with dog agility training events is one option, but it's not exactly a very daring social excursion.

Turbo had a suggestion that actually works pretty well in this area of the country (he's not the first person I've heard this from).



It's not quite so archaic around here, except they actually have contra dancing, which is a little bit different (a little more international flavor) and they don't have them in barns.

The plusses are:
Contra dancing is not the same as country line dancing.
Contra dance groups receive absolutely no funding from Oliver North.
We do not wear costumes (except on Halloween) or any particular style of clothes. (I think this might mean nude dancing, but I'm not sure since I've never actually seen a contra dance).
Contra dance is a form of dance that thrusts a different person of the opposite sex into your arms every 30 seconds or so.
Contra dancers make eye contact whenever possible. Remember: they're gazing into your eyes not because they love you but because they want to make the connection, and they don't want to throw up on you. (partners considerate enough not to throw up on you is a very big plus).

So the options are:

Hillside Community Center

or (if willing to go out of town):
http://www.stellardaysandnights.org/valerie.htm

Man, that's going to be really hard to choose between those two options.

Um... I never said it was about meeting people.

I rarely ever get too far with a girl at a bar. I'll meet girls in elevators sometimes.

As long as you don't leave under a rock (physically and mentally), you will meet people.

I like nice bars because they are fun. That's it.

 

[JasonRox]

Oh, and I have no pick-up lines. Sucks for me I guess.

 

[Topher925]

Oh, and I have no pick-up lines. Sucks for me I guess.

Then you should let me be your wingman.

 

[Math Is Hard]

What exactly does a "wingman" do, anyway? I never understood that.

 

[cristo]

I got free passes to this sick bar...

http://www.libertygroup.com/c_lounge/c_lounge.html

Check out the Fire and Ice Lounge.

Wow, that place looks awesome (sorry.. I'm a bit late to this thread!)

 

[SticksandStones]

What exactly does a "wingman" do, anyway? I never understood that.

The wingman distracts the target's friends, pretending to show interest in them, and always building up their friend's reputation. If the target takes a liking to the wingman, the wingman is supposed to deflect all compliments to his buddy.
"Me? Good looking? Nah I look like crap most of the time, my buddy here he told me what I should wear."
"You like Modest Mouse? You know who loves Modest Mouse? so and so."
Whether or not it *works* is another story.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I don't remember if I used a pickup line on Tsu, but she uses one on me all the time. She says, "Hey, pick that up!".

 

[Andre]

What exactly does a "wingman" do, anyway? I never understood that.

Simple, a wingman is a pilot who supports another in a potentially dangerous flying environment.

Alternately another wingman:

Oops wrong thread.

 

[BobG]

What exactly does a "wingman" do, anyway? I never understood that.

When the "pointman" wants to hit on a girl in a bar, the wingman introduces himself to the girl's friend first, showing he's desparate (from another thread) and ensuring his own rejection. While he's busy being rejected, the "pointman" happens to see his old friend, "wingman", who introduces "pointman" to the girls, only one of whom is currently unoccupied (the girl the "pointman" wanted to hit on in the first place).

The wingman spends the rest of the night performing menial tasks, such as recalling anecdotes that make the pointman look good, reminding the pointman of the target girl's name, etc.

This works really well if the target girl has a wingwoman that plans on humiliating any subpar guys that hit on the pointwoman. The wingman's actions make the wingwoman think she's saving the pointwoman from a dud, not realizing the pointman is slipping in under the radar.

Things get really confusing if the target is actually the wingwoman and the wingman hits on the pointwoman instead of the wingwoman. With chafe and ECCM, the wingman and pointman at least have a chance of escaping the encounter alive.

 

[moose]

What exactly does a "wingman" do, anyway? I never understood that.

Having a wingman always ups your confidence and for people who have approach anxiety, it usually helps them out a lot to have a wingman.

A wingman really isn't necessary but can technically help in some cases. Now, having a wing woman is amazing.

 

[Evo]

I'll let you guys in on a secret. When a group of girls go to a bar/club, they scope out all of the men and call dibs. So if Cindy calls dibs on the guy I want, no matter what happens or what that guy does, I am required to snub him all night. So, even though he might have been my dream man, to remain friends with Cindy, I have to act uninterested and talk about Cindy's great qualities. No Pointman or Wingman or Pacman is going to get the object of his desire if she didn't call dibs on him first.

I figured out this rule quickly and would only go out with girlfriends that disliked the type of guys I liked and vice versa. For example Moonbear and I would be great at cruising bars together since we like opposite types of men, physically.