Can a Minister Find Love by Embracing Solo Interests?

[neyzenilhan]

I haven't loved anyone for a long time.
I want to fall in love with some one but how?

 

[Matterwave]

Eat a lot of chocolate maybe...I hear chocolate emulates the feelings of love - going so far as releasing the same chemicals in your brain.

Either that...or just "let your heart guide you". XD

 

[radou]

It seems to me the second method Matterwave suggested should generaly be better, since you risk ending up both with diabetes and in love if using the first one.

 

[Galteeth]

Take some MDMA?

 

[neyzenilhan]

thanks for the replies. I think I need the help of God.

 

[Choppy]

Some hints:
- take some risks
- don't force it
- try new things and meet new people
- focus on improving your happiness independently from others
- see people for who they are, not who they seem to be

 

[radou]

Another hint: apply Choppy's hints before thinking you need the help of God.

 

[rewebster]

I haven't loved anyone for a long time.

well, when I hear someone say or imply that, it usually is that something happened where you have changed or something happened to change you. It doesn't matter if you're male or female. I know one woman that was burned (emotionally) so badly that she insulated herself (still) and hasn't allowed herself to let go of it. A lot of it is taking up a self-defensive attitude not to be burned like that ever again, when really it was her bad choice in choosing that person (guy) in the first place---she just chose that person for the wrong reasons. What do you really want in a partner?

I want to fall in love with some one but how?

Figure out what happened the last time (why it went wrong), then let it go. Look for someone with the same moralities as yourself.

 

[Evo]

I think it's better to not be in a relationship than to be in one because of fear of being alone or societal/family/peer pressure to be in a relationship.

I know too many people that stay in bad relationships because they are afraid of being alone. I know even more people that go from one unhealthy relationship to another for the same reasons.

The fact that you don't "fall in love" lightly with anyone that you come across sounds like you may be more emotionally in control than a lot of people. Relax and don't worry about it. Definitely do not try to force yourself into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

I've had two very long term relationships in my past. Currently I haven't been in a relationship for a year and a half and I can confidently say it's been the best 1.5 years of my life. Sure there are things that I miss and sure I have a fling here or there, but the freedom and identity building that you do on your own is priceless. There is a time for everything. I also advocate not forcing it. I have friends that are constantly on the look out and it just makes them seem pathetic.

 

[rewebster]

I think it's better to not be in a relationship than to be in one because of fear of being alone or societal/family/peer pressure to be in a relationship.

those are two reason why relationships can fail sometimes...

everyone is different and everyone has different goals, usually built from past experiences.



neyzenilhan--how old are you (approximate is OK)?

 

[MotoH]

1)Go to a rave
2) Take ecstasy
3)meet women
4)?
5) girlfriend


Works most of the time.

 

[Norman.Galois]

1)Go to a rave
2) Take ecstasy
3)meet women
4)?
5) girlfriend


Works most of the time.

Misc?

 

[Huckleberry]

I haven't loved anyone for a long time.
I want to fall in love with some one but how?

It would be easier to tell you how to breathe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3hn6fFTxeo

 

[radou]

I know too many people that stay in bad relationships because they are afraid of being alone. I know even more people that go from one unhealthy relationship to another for the same reasons.

I second that. Lots of them do it because of general insecurity, too. Among the younger population there's an almost typical pattern - they end up together at some time in high school, and stay in a pretty unstable and unhealthy relationship until they complete their studies, let's say approximately 4-5 years. Then it falls apart, in a more or less tragic style, and they are both relieved.

 

[EnumaElish]

Talking helps. Talking to a "third person" about your personal feelings and thoughts can make it easier to fall in love with someone (again).

I think you've made a good start by posting here, but actually talking with a person is better.

You can see a counselor/therapist, or you can talk to a close friend.

Remember: God helps those who help themselves.

 

[magpies]

Build a robot is my advice :)

 

[jackmell]

I won't tell how to find love but I can suggest a way of accentuating your odds: start living a healthy and fit life. Reserve one room in your house solely for fitness, no furniture, no bookshelves, no boxes, nothing but exercise equipment, sound system, and a nice rug to do some of the exercises. And look, it can be completely empty and you can still do a fine job exercising in it. Make it your mission in life to look good and eat healthy and the life style will make you feel good and confident and others will notice and be attracted to you.

There's other things too for a healthy relationship, but this is a good foundation to build on.

 

[tikay]

As societies go, most so called advanced ones, affirm people more when they come as a set. It's appears that it's just the way of these times. This leads many to desire to be a part of a couple when being one person, is really acceptable too.

I have also had some of my happier moments when I was not a part of a pair. Learning about myself without dealing with the needs of a romantic partner, infilterating my days has been irreversibly meaningful. I can say there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a romantic partner. Yet, try to enjoy time spent alone if you can. there is nobody to tell you that something is not right, that, they need more from you than you are giving...or whatever.

Maybe part of what you are seeking is the satisfying things people can bring to you in a love relationship. They are there to talk to, have meals with, entertain you with fun or stimulating conversation, give you a massage, and more. If you don't know anyone right now that you see as a potential partner for you, i suggest you try to meet your needs with family &/or friends, and with strangers even, in new and different settings.

Maybe there are clubs in the area you may join to meet people, and you can reach out more, to those you already know & like to do more together. Spending more quality time with them just involves planning. Go to the gym together or hit the park for some outdoor fun. Go to a play or concert...whatever. Many of us don't plan to see our current friends and family enough to make our lives satisfying. When you are actively engaged with people, there is always oppurtunity to meet new folks also.

It occurs to me that some people will just stay with their, sometimes dull sad routines, of going home after work and settling in for the evening, when they could be engaging more. Whatever system you have worked out that is blocking you from meeting potential lovers, may be determined, and if necessary, easily dropped for better ways to live that will provide more challanges, and better access to lots of people, including some who will interest you, i assure you. Just decide how you will amend the things that block you from finding love, and set your goal to make a more satisfying existence while perhaps, finding your next love interest. Once you find a person who interests you, the rest is icing on the sweeter cake you have already created for yourself, and you have even more to offer someone, as a more well rounded individual.

Now considering you already have a lot going on in this area...maybe you already do.
Maybe you have just not been able to meet someone, or get them to take you seriously as a potential love...that is another subject.

If you have someone in mind but feel afraid to step out there...then maybe the theraputic process, could really get you set on the right track.

Best wishes!

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Read Still Life With Woodpecker by Tom Robbins. As a warning though, you may only find yourself more depressed after reading it. :-/

 

[tikay]

Ah, yes, very wise...any Tom Robbins book is good for gaining insight!

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Ah, yes, very wise...any Tom Robbins book is good for gaining insight!

I was just thinking that you would probably enjoy the book yourself.

A relevant quote...

Funny how we think of romance as always involving two, when the romance of solitude can be ever so much more delicious and intense.

 

[Galteeth]

Read Still Life With Woodpecker by Tom Robbins. As a warning though, you may only find yourself more depressed after reading it. :-/

Hm. Tom Robbins is many things, but rarely depressing! An excellent book. Although as I recall, it's more about how to make love stay then how to find it.

 

[EnumaElish]

There is a difference between "love" and "romantic love." Are you unable to find r.l. because you are unable to find love/affection/positivity in general? Or is it only a (hopefully temporary) scarcity of a suitable romantic partner?

Something to think about.

 

[DanP]

I was just thinking that you would probably enjoy the book yourself.

A relevant quote...

The guy you quoted from seems to love himself a bit too much.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Hm. Tom Robbins is many things, but rarely depressing! An excellent book. Although as I recall, it's more about how to make love stay then how to find it.

It was certainly a fun read, as his books tend to be, but ultimately I found it depressing. "How to make love stay" was the whole issue. I came to realize that the likelihood I would find someone I could fall in love with was fairly slim, and then to find someone I could love who could also love me was even more slim. Then, atop of this, is the whole issue of "how to make love stay". I do not remember how the book led me to these ideas but I remember clearly that it was from reading this book that I developed my much more cynical outlook on the idea of ever really finding a "soul mate".

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

The guy you quoted from seems to love himself a bit too much.

I would say, from what little I know of him, that he is certainly a bit of an egotist.

Or did you mean...? Well never mind.

 

[DanP]

Or did you mean...? Well never mind.

THAT ? Yeah, it crossed my mind

 

[magpies]

Ya know what I am with ya'll on this one finding love is almost impossible. At least so impossible it's not worth doing.

 

[dinalol]

Take some MDMA?

lolyes

 

[JRDunassigned]

If you do, stop masturbating indefinitely. No exceptions. All necessary measures allowed.

If you do not, start masturbating. All the time. In public, if it's allowed.

Small victories beget major victories.

 

[PaulS1950]

I am a minister and I am a faith counselor.
If you want to find love then the only way is to do the things you love to do by yourself but do them where others are doing the same thing.
You have to be happy with and accept yourself before you can expect others to like you.
Take the time away from relationships to ponder the past relationships and why they ended. Learn who you are and why you are a lovable person. Write out all the things you can do well and the things in which you find joy. Write out the things you like and dislike about yourself. Do what you can to change the things you don't like and expand those you do.
There is nothing more attractive than a happy person enjoying life.
I repeat: do the things you enjoy doing where other people are doing things in the same area. You are more likely to meet someone that you are compatible with doing what you like than you are doing something that you do to "pick up" a date.