Can Men and Women Have Platonic Friendships?

[Nicholasng925]

Well it actually depends! I have lots of guy friends but only one close guy friend! And that's because I have some common interests with him.

I enjoy hanging out with girls too! They are just so fun to be mingled around. I wouldn't say I'm attracted to all of them apparently, but maybe only one at a time. I like to make them laugh, cause I like cheerful people. I enjoy having conservation with girls more than guys, and I don't know why. LOL!

 

[Mentallic]

I also believe that friends can have sex while still being friends.

That would be awesome! But from my experiences, still being friends with them as though nothing ever happened is kind of difficult. It's like the moment your spouse turns into your ex, you most probably will have sour feelings towards them.

 

[jhae2.718]

Sure. Do you have a mother? Is she a friend to you?

Are you sexually attracted to her?

Is your name Sigmund Freud by chance?

 

[JhonMoney]

i think your question is that the male and female can be friend without taking any interest in love...

 

[Lichdar]

In all seriousness...

Of course, although it is always a relative measure. There's no reason why a man and a woman cannot have a friendship on a basis of common interest that's completely separate from any romantic attraction.

That said, there is always a strong bias toward inclination of romantic attraction - especially if its a more emotional nature of friendship. Intimacy is one of the components of romance, so a deep personal friendship already would begin to share some of the components of a romantic relationship. If there's also a physical attraction, as could be expected of boys and girls, that's when the lines are regularly blurred.

Selection bias is there too. I certainly don't only befriend members of the opposite sex that I find attractive, but there's a strong tendency toward that. It seems uncharitable that someone mentioned that men see in women either potential girlfriends or mothers - but in more emotional friendships, I can't deny that there's a strong role toward that. Either my female friends tend to be older and get treated fairly maternal, or they tend to be in the, essentially, nubile range.

I think that friendship is separate from sexual attraction; what happens is that sexual attraction has a tendency to strongly bias one to interact with a person, and that can lead to increased odds of friendship, and then people fall comfortably into 'roles.'

Case example: There's one lovely dark-haired girl with stunning green eyes that I talk to regularly; but there's really not that much common ground(I don't even speak her language well - she speaks mostly French!). Yet there's something about me that clearly enjoys being able to enjoy the company and flirt heavily with her, leading me to /find/ common ground with her. She also provides very consistent emotional support when I ask for it and acts impressed otherwise, and tells me secrets - its not too hard to see it to be a vague precursor to a romantic relationship. More or less the same is true of another girl, also someone I find attractive. I believe people slip into roles and something along the intimacy of an almost sexualized friendship becomes comfortably acceptable.

All of this would most likely stop and come crashing down at actual sex, though. I've no intention of testing that out. And I don't really think it has a lot to do with love - that seems an unnaturally strong word for a bit of physical attraction and comfort in the usual gender roles.

 

[pergradus]

Of course. One of my best friends is female and I am not sexually attracted to her.

Is that because you're good friends, or because you wouldn't have found her attractive anyways?

 

[physiqueper4]

I think the issue Sourlemon is trying to disscuss is not an occasionally friendship that is temporarly shrot and not so deep.Because in this case the anwser is obvious Yes.Many persons are friends where male and female go toghethor to work, study , walk, ...and they are only friends , but they go mostly in group. I have three best friends, one I knew since I was 15, the two othors since 4years, and 2 years.We are not a group, each one of them is very close to me. I call them , they call me wedo every thing togethor.we walk we spend hours outsideand inside. I have female friends but i do not imagine one of them doing what my best three male friends are doing.
If that happens, I think it only when there is love.

 

[physiqueper4]

I mean , how can you spend much time with some one with no risk to like him? if not why do'nt you spend that time with a sam sex friend who shares with you things and ideas better than a different sex friend?, not to mention the natural attractions.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

Yes and no because I think it depends on the individuals and their circumstances. I have a married lady friend that I go to museums and exhibits/openings with because we both love art. I go to rallys, fun runs, & poker runs with her husband. Never one with the other though except the ocasional ride, weird. I have attractive lady friends from our practice gym that I occasionally dine with but I'm not interested due to one reason or another, mostly political. I've heard it said, "Men have women friends they haven't "you know" yet and women have man friends just in case."

All that being said, yes, they can be friends. I did however, have a lady friend once that put her hand on my arm and said thank you for some reason or another and it was like I just got a shot of Morphine in that spot. All warm and tingly, started stuttering and walked away. Before that she was just someones wife and mother but at that instant...? Nothing like that has ever happened to me again, shame. I wonder if she's on facebook.

 

[Astronuc]

Update: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/08/opinion/sunday/a-man-a-woman-just-friends.html

The article/opinion column seemed appropriate for this thread.

 

[MikeCL]

Hmm Not sure I'd say it's possible.. this one girl I know I've known her for at least 4 years but for the past few months she's been pretty touchy or telling me a lot of her stuff that's going on. I try to keep it on a friendship level.

 

[Pythagorean]

Depends on the person. I know all kinds. It's more likely that a young hormonal male doesn't like friendship with women because they get friendship and attraction confused. Or sometimes try to feign friendship to obscure attraction.

Men and women can be friends as long as both are attracted to each other or neither are attracted to each other. If, however, one is pining after the other, then the friendship will always bet strained. For most males, it becomes a lot more likely to be friends with a woman the more emotionally mature you are. I think it's generally easier for most women.

The best advice is to be honest with yourself and what you want, but to also not have expectations.

 

[DataGG]

I'll leave this vid here. not sure if you know of it already, but either way:

 

[turbo]

I have a friend who is a female, but who is a serial home-wrecker. We are civil, and when my wife encourages me to be closer to her for "old time's sake", I always err on the side of caution. I have other friends who are females, but none as predatory and dangerous. Cute + promiscuous is a scary combination.

 

[gentryliving]

Yes, man and woman can be friends. Nothing wrong in it.

 

[Mentallic]

Yes, man and woman can be friends. Nothing wrong in it.

We're not saying there is anything wrong with a man and woman being friends, but is it possible for both parties to not feel a sexual connection in any way, shape or form?

 

[chiro]

No reason why women and men can't have normal friend relationships, but I have to say there are some women out there that 'love' collecting male friends. Some people call this 'the friend zone' and personally if it happened to me, it would drive me absolutely nuts.

Probably males that like doing the same thing (collecting female 'friends') but for entirely different reasons.

 

[Mentallic]

With some female friends of mine, while I don't pursue them and I just enjoy their company, if they came onto me, I'd probably end up going for it. I feel like this happens a lot at some level or another with male-female friendships.

Also, I guess I collect female friends too, but only because I usually prefer the company of a girl over a guy (unless they're bimbos or always have shopping on their mind).

 

[ThomasT]

I tried searching, but I didn't find this topic. I'm just curious what you guys think. Can a male and female be friends without one being interested in the other?

You mean sexually? Sure. Why not?

In addition to that, I have another question. Would you ask the opposite sex to lunch if you have no interest in him/her?

You mean sexually? Sure. Why not?

 

[mcknia07]

With some female friends of mine, while I don't pursue them and I just enjoy their company, if they came onto me, I'd probably end up going for it. I feel like this happens a lot at some level or another with male-female friendships.
Also, I guess I collect female friends too, but only because I usually prefer the company of a girl over a guy (unless they're bimbos or always have shopping on their mind).

hey now! Just because we are blonde and love shopping, doesn't make us any more boring than any other girl. Guys still like talking to me. I have my moments that I'm a "bimbo", but I'm smart.

 

[fpdlskf]

Yes, it is possible.
One of my closest friends is female and I've known her for about 7 yrs.
Beer buddy would probably be a better discription.
Funny thing is I don't feel any sexual attraction towards her even after several drinks.
This is probably because after 4+ drinks she starts to bore me to death by telling me about other women she doesn't like...

 

[Raine]

I think this all depends on your definition of a friend. If you have about 0 things in common with someone, would you consider them a friend? And by in common, I mean they don't have the same hobbies, they don't think like you, talk like you, etc. In general, I find that most men don't have close friends with women simply because the women ARENT men. They don't think like men, they don't talk like men, they don't behave like men, ETC.

I love Drakkith's answer -- it is the answer I have been looking for everytime I question this myself.

"They don't have the same hobbies, don't think like you, talk like you, etc." holds true across any friendship, male/female or otherwise.

People are so surpising, though, that I think we should give anyone a listen. This one man would call me into his office, wanting to give advice. The things this man chose to speak to me about impressed me enough to make me pay attention to him, listen closer, and what a surprise. We are friends exactly because he is different. He surprises me everytime I talk with him and his friendship is one of the anchors in my life right now.

As far as can men and women be "just" friends? I don't know...don't have a good answer...if you're anywhere on the hetero spectrum ( don't mean to tread in dangerous waters here, just stating ) then that attraction will always *always* be there.

I think with anyone of the opposite sex, the key is the "decision" or the commitment to be just friends. Exactly the strength of that commitment decides whether you can be "just" friends.

 

[leroyjenkens]

As far as can men and women be "just" friends? I don't know...don't have a good answer...if you're anywhere on the hetero spectrum ( don't mean to tread in dangerous waters here, just stating ) then that attraction will always *always* be there.

It won't always be there. I'm friends with some women who I'm absolutely not attracted to at all. But as I type this, I realize they could possibly be attracted to me. But on the off chance that they're not, then we could be JUST friends in the same sense that I'm just friends with my male buddies.

There are a couple of girls who I'm friends with who are in relationships, and I am attracted to them. I like being their friend and just hanging out with them, cause they're really cool. But I would like to be more than friends with either of them, because that attraction is there.
I don't think I would ever reach the point in our friendship where I would want us to JUST be friends, if I had the opportunity to be in a "more than friends" relationship with them. And that's because of the attraction; I can't get over that.

 

[Lavabug]

All male friends I have ever had, eventually, at some point...lean in!...Nature of the beast I guess!

This comment caught my eye. How do women feel about this? As a general principle would you never give male friends a chance as a potential boyfriend or is this just a myth perpetuated by alpha-male culture? I really hope it is not true because I really can't imagine getting a girlfriend any other way (disclaimer: 24 and never had a gf).

As a male, I've destroyed 2 possible long-lasting friendships for being a bit open (respectfully and in a non-needy fashion) about my feelings with girls. It also happened the other way around once, when a younger schoolmate/friend with similar interests confessed (I saw it coming a mile away but I was hoping it wouldn't happen).

Based on my experience, I don't think an honest friendship* is possible when one of the two feels interested. Somebody is going to have to repress their feelings and/or -if it gets out- the other is going to have to pretend he/she never suggested anything if the "friendship" is to continue.

*I consider a friend anyone with a personality I like and that I can share absolutely anything with without fear of offending or alienating them. Very rare and I have had very few real friends. On a somewhat unrelated note, I have a friend who I see eye to eye with on everything... and I really, really wish he was female at times! :P

 

[member 392791]

Why would I even talk to a woman I wasn't attracted to? Unless I was forced to I guess...let alone be friends with them

 

[Rajput9572]

In my opinion there are very less chances of this to be happened because at some time they will get attracted towards each other.

 

[Rajput9572]

I tried searching, but I didn't find this topic. I'm just curious what you guys think. Can a male and female be friends without one being interested in the other? I see this online all the time, but I don't see it in real life that often.

In addition to that, I have another question. Would you ask the opposite sex to lunch if you have no interest in him/her?

Its depends on you and your mentellity how you think about it.

 

[Galteeth]

Update: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/08/opinion/sunday/a-man-a-woman-just-friends.html

The article/opinion column seemed appropriate for this thread.

What the fric is with that picture of the two people covered in rabbits? What does that have to do with the article?

 

[Hobin]

What the fric is with that picture of the two people covered in rabbits? What does that have to do with the article?

Ahem.

 

[zoobyshoe]

What the fric is with that picture of the two people covered in rabbits? What does that have to do with the article?

Probably this: Rabbits have a reputation of being inordinately prone to have sex at the drop of a hat, and of being, therefore, prolific breeders. There's that expression (slightly paraphrased using your term), "to fric like bunnies".