Can PF Random Thoughts be Split to Help with Server Load?

[Bacle2]

Kind of a strange situation the other day when some broadcaster pronounced Troy Aikman's lastname the same way that Adolf Eichmann's last name is pronounced, while talking about some game ( obviously from a while back, since the season is over). Then you start hearing about how Eichmann punted at the last minute. Strange. I hope the people who design the team jerseys with the player's lastnames got the spelling right.

 

[OmCheeto]

That was my problem until about 15 years ago, when I was put on Wellbutrin and Citalopram for my ADD. Suddenly, I could think about only 2 or 3 things at once, and actually get to sleep. Now, unfortunately, the beer somewhat negates that effect, so I have to slam a shot of scotch as a sleeping pill. (I also found that it functions exactly the same as the Robitussin Chest Decongestant formula that I used to have to take at least a couple of times a day, and is a lot cheaper.)

You may not be my dad, but we are definitely cousins. Borek and I were discussing ancestry awhile back, and I went back to my notes, and discovered that most of my early North American ancestors migrated through Canada from the east coast, until about 100 years ago, when they dropped down into the Dakotas.

As far as drugs go, I now refuse to take anything, after my last "incident":

I came down with a self-diagnosed fungal lung infection two years ago. I went to the doctor after about 3 months. They said I didn't have a fungal lung infection. They said the problem was that I smoked. So they prescribed Chantix. About 3 weeks after being on the drug, I stopped smoking. I also lost what I would call; "Cranial Orgasm". Great. I no longer smoke, but now find no pleasure in sex. I stopped taking the drug. Even after two years of being off the drug, my orgasms are little more than a message from my brain saying; "You've ejaculated. You can stop now."

Which leads me to the Pythonesque skit:

Om: Doctor, I think I have a lung infection.
Doctor: Ok then, drop your trousers.
Om: But it's me lungs. Why do I need to drop me trousers?
Doctor: Well, I'm going to cut your bolls off.
Om: But it's me lungs, doctor. Why do you want to cut me bolls off?
Doctor: It's the cure! Here bite on this pencil. This might feel like a pinch.
Om: But I like me bolls.
Doctor: Now, now, Mr. Om. Who went to medical school for 12 years? You or me?
Om: Well, you did.
Doctor: Well then. Off with your trousers!
Om: I think I'm better now. Goodbye.
Doctor: Ha! Cures 'em every time. Bloody wankers.

-------------------------------
Om's character is played by Eric Idol.
The Doctor is played by John Cleese.
Please insert their voices, as necessary.
Thank you very much.

And as usual, always look on the bright side of life.

 

[OmCheeto]

Speaking of cutting your balls off, I should probably tell this story now, as I really want to go to the river tomorrow:

A friend of mine came by a couple of weeks ago and picked up all of my cats. I have a bit of an "empathy" problem, and can't seem to bring myself to "fix" my cats. This happened once before, about 20 years ago, at which point I ended up with so many cats, I became more insane than I was previously. The friend I mentioned above, was involved in that cat predicament.

To make a long story short, it all involves irony.

I named the two boy cats Mitt and Willard Pawmney, because I thought naming the boy cats after someone I despised would make it easier for me to have their balls cut off. They were both also polydactyl cats, meaning they had too many fingers, or whatever you call what cats have, and made their paws look like baseball mitts. Get it?

Now Mitt eventually turned out to be a gay cat, as I saw him trying to have sex with his brother Willard. Willard eventually ran away(crazy gay brother cat!), was eaten(dumber than a box of rocks, even for a cat. "Oh! This coyote will pet me too!"), or was adopted(the most cuddly lovable cat in the universe).

So then, do you see the irony?

My gay evolved(thumbs!) cat was named after someone who doesn't like/believe in either.

End of story.

 

[Danger]

You may not be my dad, but we are definitely cousins. Borek and I were discussing ancestry awhile back, and I went back to my notes, and discovered that most of my early North American ancestors migrated through Canada from the east coast, until about 100 years ago, when they dropped down into the Dakotas.

Well, my maternal grandmother moved out here from Peggy's Cove Nova Scotia around 1865, with my grandfather from Ontario, so it's possible that there's a kinship. Dad's whole family was from the Ottawa valley.
I don't have quite the same problem with sex, but the drive is pretty much gone. I still enjoy it when it happens, but I need a woman who makes house calls and is willing to do all of the work. That's because of the COPD, though, not the drugs; I have to stay relaxed enough to keep my heart rate and respiration within strict limits, which is sort of contraindicated for orgasm. It's still enjoyable, but it sure takes the spontaneity out of the equation. (Not to mention that I have to do some modicum of house-cleaning before inviting her.)
Also, some activities are curtailed by the oxygen hose.

 

[OmCheeto]

Is it considered racist to use derogatory terms about yourself? I always refer to myself as a MacMickSpic because of my Scots, Irish and Spanish heritage. (I also have English and black, but I'm loathe to admit the former and the latter would require a DNA sample to prove since it doesn't show.)

I will have to ask my friend Mitzi. She is obviously of African^* decent, and I'm as white as Borek. Mitzi and I tear up the town with derogatory, old school, racist chatter, every time we run into each other.

People run away when we get together.

Probably depends on the company. Around strangers, probably not. With friends? Sure, you can explain.

This is true. Mitzi and I laugh so hard when we are together, but when I try this on casual acquaintances... POW!

ps. Racism is learned. It's not easy to unlearn. When I saw this image:

I was like; "That's kind of racist"

But then I was like; "No. Everyone likes watermelon. And that's a cute picture. I have a picture of my brother at that age in a bucket. He's now 65. What was I thinking?"

My sister related a similar story awhile back. She was listening to a child reciting a nursery rhyme:

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
Catch a tiger by the toe.
If he hollers, let him go,
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Her instinct was to correct the child, as "tiger" was not the word we were taught.

But she bit her tongue, and smiled. (This is my genius sister, btw.)

Do not, teach your children, bigotry.

Namaste.

--------------------------
* Mitzi is quite fair skinned, and the day I met her was in the middle of summer, so I was actually, pigmentally, darker than she was that day. We became immediate friends, and based on the fact that she liked me, and I was darker than she, I stated "you're a god d***** N***** lover". Over the next few years, she taught me many bad phrases and words. "Peckerwood" is my favorite. "Peckerwood? What the hell is a peckerwood?!" ps. Have I mentioned the fact that I love Mitzi. :!)

 

[OmCheeto]

The happiness of a number is preserved by rearranging the digits, and by inserting or removing any number of zeros anywhere in the number.

Curses and a pox do I vex upon thee for keeping me up past my bedtime...

In the military, there was a happiness number, which we called the "happiness factor", which was calculated, as the number of days left, divided by the number of total working days.

That was around 1982, when I purchased my first pc, and printed out calendars, for all the short timers, with their happiness factors, for each day.

I can't imagine having to do it by long division...

Anyways, on the last day, the equation switches from days, to hours, to minutes, and to seconds.

And of course when you divide anything, by zero, your happiness factor, although undefined, seems oddly infinite.

------------------------------------------
Good god. I am a short timer...
10474/335 = 32.265

ps. has anyone noticed that there are two infinity symbols in the symbol rack to the right? I thought it might be a joke. 2 times infinity?

never mind. I'm going to bed now... maybe.

 

[Borg]

Copper roofing? Where do you live?

It's just a small section over a bay window. Not the entire roof. I was at a party yesterday and mentioned my leaky roof to a friend that I haven't seen in a while. He told me that his bay window separated and has fallen into the house. I guess that my leak isn't that bad after all...

 

[Danger]

Have I mentioned the fact that I love Mitzi.

No, but it was self-evident. Now that I've read that, I think that I love her too.

Borg, that makes a lot more sense than what I had envisioned from your previous post. I had some sort of "Victor von Doom" vibe running through my head.

By the bye, about that kid in the bucket... his head is nearly as big as the pail. Where the hell is the rest of his body?

 

[dkotschessaa]

But then I was like; "No. Everyone likes watermelon. And that's a cute picture. I have a picture of my brother at that age in a bucket. He's now 65. What was I thinking?"

Reminds me of:

 

[OmCheeto]

...

By the bye, about that kid in the bucket... his head is nearly as big as the pail. Where the hell is the rest of his body?

For some reason, they just seem to fit. I think around that age, approximately 1/3 of their total volume is their head.

Here's a picture I took at the beach in 2006.

The bucket was part of my solar powered water pumping system, so the bucket belonged to me. The child did not. Her mother came over and apologized, and said this happened every time she washed her car. She asked if I wanted the child out of the bucket. Obviously, I didn't.

The hardest part was keeping the children from drinking from the hoses. The water that normally comes out of hoses around here is the equivalent of bottled water, but this was river water. Ok to swim in, but I wouldn't drink it, as there are drunks upstream.

 

[Borek]

Who stole the watermelon? And from the kid!

 

[OmCheeto]

Well, my maternal grandmother moved out here from Peggy's Cove Nova Scotia around 1865, with my grandfather from Ontario, so it's possible that there's a kinship. Dad's whole family was from the Ottawa valley.
...

Good god, my ancestors bred like rats. I just found the Canadian documents. The records go back to a William, born in 1822 in Mount Pleasant Ontario. He and his first wife had 7 kids, born in Ontario and Illinois. After he wore her out, his second wife had 5 kids. All these were born in the states of Iowa and Nebraska, one of which was my great great grandmother.

The only other Canadian town listed is Beverly Precinct near Dundas Ontario.

The Canadian surnames listed are Skinner, Ensley, and Markley.

hmmm... Something is missing from this story.

Ah ha!

An ancestor, Thomas Skinner, had come to the United States from Chichester, England in 1649, just about the time that Charles I of England was beheaded by Cromwell. My father was the 8th generation of this Thomas Skinner. They came to Malden Massachusetts, but later migrated into Canada and 172 years later my father, William Andrew Skinner, was born at Mt Pleasant Ontario Canada on July 18, 1822.

From "Memories of a Pioneer" as told to his niece in 1967.

 

[Danger]

the bucket belonged to me. The child did not.

Are you sure? Take a couple of shots of tequila and have another look at her mother. I've made that mistake before and it cost me dearly.
I just noticed that there was a typo in my post that you quoted, and it's been so long that the edit function is now disabled. My grandmother came out in 1885 or so, not 1865.
Even if we aren't biologically related, I think that I'll consider you a cousin from now on. If it helps to determine such, my heritage is highlands Scots (direct descendent of Robert the Bruce), lowlands Scots, Irish, English, Spanish and African. Strangely, I got exactly the same mix from both parents (except for the Bruce and African aspects which were both maternal; my dad's ancestry included highlanders, but not of the same clan).
Either there's a new rice rocket in town, or someone just rode a chainsaw past my house. Jeez, but I hate the sound of those things.

 

[OmCheeto]

Are you sure? Take a couple of shots of tequila and have another look at her mother. I've made that mistake before and it cost me dearly.
I just noticed that there was a typo in my post that you quoted, and it's been so long that the edit function is now disabled. My grandmother came out in 1885 or so, not 1865.
Even if we aren't biologically related, I think that I'll consider you a cousin from now on.
...

Yes. We are definitely cousins. I've knocked up every female I've been with, regardless of birth control method.

I decided a few months ago that I have Chuck Norris sperm.

Ok guys, there's a woman sitting across from us in the hot tub, and we know Om doesn't get lucky that often, so we'll just pull out our knives, cut our way out of his testicles, through his scrotum, swim for a bit, skip that whole vagina thing, cut through her belly, abscond with an egg from one of her ovaries, drag it down the fallopian tubes, and BAM! Another Om baby! Oh... yeah...

Hey! Any of you Chucks know how to light a cigarette in amniotic fluid?

ps. That child looks just like my sister at that age. I am definitely never having one of those DNA tests done.

 

[Danger]

Hey! Any of you Chucks know how to light a cigarette in amniotic fluid?

Sodium...I don't know what time zone PF is based in, but it's 1:00 pm here which means that I've been up for 22 hours. I'm going to bed now. Catch you later.

 

[OmCheeto]

Sodium...

Ahem...

I've limited my sodium consumption to such an extent, that I now know how elephants feel.

Though, oddly enough, it involves a 2 ounce bag of "Cheetos", every two days.

 

[Danger]

I've limited my sodium consumption to such an extent, that I now know how elephants feel.

Stop typing, damn it! I'm trying to go to sleep.

An unexpected side-effect of my quitting smoking is that I don't put nearly as much salt on my bacon as I used to.

 

[zoobyshoe]

your avatar looks vaguely- familiar, but I may be wrong.

I think it's from a drawing like this:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gnCxoliyJ...z-r1o/s1600/Evolution+of+Man+Illustration.jpg

 

[HeLiXe]

I would just like to take this time to thank PF for helping me to stay out of trouble by occupying my mind with constructive randomness.

 

[HeLiXe]

I decided a few months ago that I have Chuck Norris sperm.

This is one of those things that you don't know you don't ever want to see until you see it.

 

[Bacle2]

I think it's from a drawing like this:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gnCxoliyJ...z-r1o/s1600/Evolution+of+Man+Illustration.jpg

Wow, my jokes have hit a new low, so that I have to explain them. My comment about your Avatar was a reference to one of my recent posts re my having trouble recognizing faces, so, instead of having trouble recognizing faces, I have the online version of the same problem: trouble recognizing avatars.

That may open up a new career possibility; joke explainer. Let me do a general survey: how
many people would consider buying a book containing explanations of jokes? A possible title would be "100 Jokes Explained".

Anyway, in weird news: Nestle's Nestea is interested in using Billy Joel's "Honesty" song, as
"Oh, Nestea" , Pampers is interested in "Woops, I did it Again", and some company that produces hemorrhoids cream is interested in Ministry's "Burning Inside" .

 

[Bacle2]

Does anyone understand what it is about those Roman-Latin names that makes them so much more cool than any of the usual Western names? I mean, can you compare , say, the name Marcus Aurelius with any Western name? If you were told you must fight one of two people, say, Chuck (sorry to anyone named Chuck) or Marcus Aurelius,( or, say, Cesar Augustus ), who sounds more intimidating? I would even take 'Circus Maximus' ( tho not Gluteus Maximus) over most Western names.

One thing I will miss doing now that all record and CD stores are closed is approaching one of the store staff and ask him/her:Could you help me ? I'm looking for this song, you know, the one that goes "sha-na-na-na", then it goes "bum-bum-tss", then... I'm pretty sure the staff were all happy to take all those requests.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Wow, my jokes have hit a new low, so that I have to explain them. My comment about your Avatar was a reference to one of my recent posts re my having trouble recognizing faces, so, instead of having trouble recognizing faces, I have the online version of the same problem: trouble recognizing avatars.

The trouble with your joke is that my avatar is from a pretty famous drawing, but someone may well not be able to place it since it is out of context of the other figures. Someone might well think it looks familiar without remembering where it's from. See? Your remark sounded to me like you were saying, "By the way, since we're on the subject, your avatar has always seemed familiar," sort of thing.

 

[Bacle2]

The trouble with your joke is that my avatar is from a pretty famous drawing, but someone may well not be able to place it since it is out of context of the other figures. Someone might well think it looks familiar without remembering where it's from. See? Your remark sounded to me like you were saying, "By the way, since we're on the subject, your avatar has always seemed familiar," sort of thing.

Seems we could work together in that "100 Jokes Explained " book.

 

[DiracPool]

The trouble with your joke is that my avatar is from a pretty famous drawing, but someone may well not be able to place it since it is out of context of the other figures. Someone might well think it looks familiar without remembering where it's from. See? Your remark sounded to me like you were saying, "By the way, since we're on the subject, your avatar has always seemed familiar," sort of thing.

Was it this one Zoob?

This one, btw, is my absolute fav:

http://www.eddiesworkout.com/2012/08/the-caveman-dilemma.html

 

[zoobyshoe]

Seems we could work together in that "100 Jokes Explained " book.

I think my post would go better in the book, "Why you should not quit your day job and try to write comedy."

 

[Bacle2]

I think my post would go better in the book, "Why you should not quit your day job and try to write comedy."

But my boss just told me " you're no good for this job; maybe you should try something else, like, I don't know, writing comedy" . So I guess I'm stuck.

Besides, if Adam Sandler can pull of being called a comedian, and somone can , with a straight face, include him in the film "Funny People", then anyone can pull it off.

 

[zoobyshoe]

But my boss just told me " you're no good for this job; maybe you should try something else, like, I don't know, writing comedy" . So I guess I'm stuck.

He was joking. See, "100 Jokes Explained," p.37.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I just caught a mouse with my bare hands.

 

[lisab]

I just caught a mouse with my bare hands.

Well you *are* a Zooby.

 

[Jonathan Scott]

I just caught a mouse with my bare hands.

Just be careful what you catch with your mouse hands...

 

[HayleySarg]

It's not surprising you caught a mouse with your bear hands. I hope you didn't squish it.

 

[drizzle]

Random Thoughts thread is definitely a magnet, whoever comes here follows a spiral path and must come back to post more.. the only concern is what happens at the end of it??

 

[zoobyshoe]

The mouse was cornered. I just picked it up by the tail. First time I've tried that; I was afraid they could bend around and bite you.

Anyway, I dropped it into a pickle jar and let it go in the alley a couple hundred yards away. Hopefully, it will lay low when cats are around and remain an outdoor mouse.

 

[DiracPool]

The mouse was cornered. I just picked it up by the tail. First time I've tried that; I was afraid they could bend around and bite you.

Anyway, I dropped it into a pickle jar and let it go in the alley a couple hundred yards away. Hopefully, it will lay low when cats are around and remain an outdoor mouse.

Are you sure a flea didn't jump off and land in your fur somewhere?

 

[dkotschessaa]

Random Thoughts thread is definitely a magnet, whoever comes here follows a spiral path and must come back to post more.. the only concern is what happens at the end of it??

A sequel is created. Bigger. Better. Randomer.

I post on this thread more than in any thread having to do with math or physics. It'd kind of sad. But I like you guys. Even if we aren't talking science, it's like...understood.

-Dave K

 

[OmCheeto]

Just played the Sugar Ros vid for my bartender.

We decided that Iceland is beautiful.

 

[OmCheeto]

Though, as a youngster, she laughed at the antenna on the roof.



Today was a good day. But not a good day to die, as there are things to do.

Hang on kids.

 

[OmCheeto]

Just saw a pic from my nephew, um grand nephew, um...

this is a picture posted within the last few minutes by my cousins daughters husband.

I think it is quite pretty.

my apologies that it has exceeded the width rules.

 

[Bacle2]

Nice to see the new bycicles in the city, and, specially , all the new parking spaces for bikes; hopefully people will think twice before using their car to come to the city. A couple of times the streets have been closed tocar traffic to allow for parades and it feels great not to have cars and car noise around.

But the problem my Venezuelan friend calls "the unwanted side-order of culo" is still pretty prevalent ,i.e., the problem of people showing the cracks in their behinds by wearing their pants around their knees. Common, I don't want to see your crack. Maybe I should carry something disgusting and show it to them when they display their cracks. Maybe I can get some nasty
hemorrhoid pictures and show them to all the people wearing their pants down to their knees. Dude, I'm eating, please pull your pants up.

 

[ChiralWaltz]

Lucky Mouse!

I'm so glad I learned to walk with my feet today. I can finally go bare handed over the summer! The difficulty finding summer time hand-shoes (considering the snow) is insurmountable.

Advanced advice:
If you want to run with scissors, run backwards. Do the same with flippers to travel at higher speeds around pools.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Someone remind me to pay my bills, please.

 

[drizzle]

Someone remind me to pay my bills, please.

No need, just send me your credit card info and I'll do it for you.

Oh, and your bills.

 

[zoobyshoe]

No need, just send me your credit card info and I'll do it for you.

Oh, and your bills.

Hehe, I bet you will.

 

[dkotschessaa]

Nice to see the new bycicles in the city, and, specially , all the new parking spaces for bikes; hopefully people will think twice before using their car to come to the city. A couple of times the streets have been closed tocar traffic to allow for parades and it feels great not to have cars and car noise around.

But the problem my Venezuelan friend calls "the unwanted side-order of culo" is still pretty prevalent ,i.e., the problem of people showing the cracks in their behinds by wearing their pants around their knees. Common, I don't want to see your crack. Maybe I should carry something disgusting and show it to them when they display their cracks. Maybe I can get some nasty
hemorrhoid pictures and show them to all the people wearing their pants down to their knees. Dude, I'm eating, please pull your pants up.

They can't help it.

 

[OmCheeto]

They can't help it.

I've heard that different species can evolve into very similar body types.

I believe this portion of humanity is evolving into Northern Harbor seals.

 

[OmCheeto]

Someone just told me they were wearing "Spanz".

I misheard what she said several times.

Then I googled it.

It is not something to be afraid of googling.

-------------------------
I am old. Sorry if "EVERYONE" knows what Spanz are, except for me...
Actually, I'm not sorry.
Today is a very good day, again.

 

[Evo]

Someone just told me they were wearing "Spanz".

I misheard what she said several times.

Then I googled it.

It is not something to be afraid of googling.

-------------------------
I am old. Sorry if "EVERYONE" knows what Spanz are, except for me...
Actually, I'm not sorry.
Today is a very good day, again.

You mean "spanx"?

 

[OmCheeto]

You mean "spanx"?

yes...

soorrryyyyy!...

 

[Bacle2]

Zoobyshoe:

Just a reminder that you need to pay our bills.Dave K:
Nice ,haha. But the picture does not show the brain being down there too.