Can You Bring the Laughs? GURU Awards Approaching!

[Evo]

If I smoked, I would be lighting up now.

 

[Artman]

If I smoked, I would be lighting up now.

Oh yeah. You're smokin'
Yes, truely, a little well placed flattery couldn't hurt.

 

[pattylou]

Humour Schmumour. (I'm affecting a british accent per Astronuc's suggestion.)[/color]

What you need on all these forums are references, dammit.

For example, this one: http://network.news.com.au/image/0,10114,5063429,00.jpg which demonstrates:

Researchers in Germany have finished a survey that tells them how people spend their time. With an average life-span of 78 years most time is spent sleeping with the least time spent making new people.

Other time expenditures:
5.12% 4 years housework | 0.96% 9 months washing and ironing | 1.71% 16 months cleaning | 2.78% 26 months cooking | 7.05% 66 months watching television | 8.97% 7 years at work | 0.64% 6 months traffic jams | 1.71% 16 hours orgasms |

I'm available for cleaning, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Yes, I do windows and ironing.

 

[ZapperZ]

Humour Schmumour. (I'm affecting a british accent per Astronuc's suggestion.)[/color]
What you need on all these forums are references, dammit.
For example, this one: http://network.news.com.au/image/0,10114,5063429,00.jpg which demonstrates:
I'm available for cleaning, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Yes, I do windows and ironing.

I'd say that this work would be a prime candidate for an Ig Nobel prize.

Zz.

 

[Artman]

Humour Schmumour. (I'm affecting a british accent per Astronuc's suggestion.)[/color]
I'm available for cleaning, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Yes, I do windows and ironing.

I for one am
shocked by this blatant attemp to influence the judges.
By the way, I like to run the vacuum. That repetative motion with the throb of the powerful motor making the firm handle vibrate as I shove the growling beast back and forth, through the thick carpet, is just so invigorating.

 

[Moonbear]

It seems to be a bit warm in here.

I think pattylou may be a contender as well now. I knew there was a reason I didn't care much for ironing and doing laundry...it's too distracting from more important things.

 

[zanazzi78]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Do I get a nomination?

After all this is officially the worlds funniest joke (all be it not mine!)
[URL="http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10/03/joke.funniest/ " ]My joke[/URL]

 

[Artman]

Oh and I like to vacuum in the nude. I would like to iron in the nude too, but I decided it's better to wear my wide leather tool belt when ironing.
.
.
Now, where can I deliver that chocolate, P-E-R-S-O-N-A-L-L-Y? nudge-nudge, say no more, say no more.

(Love that joke zanazzi78)

 

[Pengwuino]

After all this is officially the worlds funniest joke (all be it not mine!)
[URL="http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10/03/joke.funniest/ " ]My joke[/URL]

You do realize that "be funny" to the mods means $$$$ donations

 

[Jameson]

I'm going to try an even newer method.
I'll kill every other candidate
Ooooo evo gave me a private message :!) :!) :!) :!)
Think this race is already over

Probably to ban you for threatening to kill all of us.

 

[Pengwuino]

Probably to ban you for threatening to kill all of us.

Oh don't worry, I'm too lazy to do anything like that.

 

[Astronuc]

°o° °o° °o° °o° °o° °o° °o° °o° °o° °o° °o° °o° °o° °o° °o° °o°

I bet there is some subliminal mouse music involved here.

 

[mattmns]

I don't see how penqwuino could lose. Look at his terrible grammar and his silly arguments in the politics forum. He is hilarious

 

[Pengwuino]

I don't see how penqwuino could lose. Look at his terrible grammar and his silly arguments in the politics forum. He is hilarious

I live to serrve

 

[pattylou]

I think pattylou may be a contender as well now.

(Still in British accent mode) And for the gents, should any require my services, I'll slip on a saucy little French Maid outfit that I keep for just such an occasion.

 

[Pengwuino]

(Still in British accent mode) And for the gents, should any require my services, I'll slip on a saucy little French Maid outfit that I keep for just such an occasion.

And here I am handing out chocolates to mods?

Wait... are there more male or female mods.

 

[pattylou]

You cad.

I was referring to tidying up their flats.

http://www.halloweencostumes4u.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000003/15025.jpg

 

[Pengwuino]

You cad.
I was referring to tidying up their flats.

And you think a clean house will beat out chocolates and cold hard cash?

 

[Danger]

I was referring to tidying up their flats.

Hmmmppphhh...
My respect ie: lust for you just went down a notch.

 

[SpaceTiger]

I propose a Darwin guru award. No contenders yet, but I can think of a few folks who should take a shot at it (so to speak).

 

[Pengwuino]

I propose a Darwin guru award. No contenders yet, but I can think of a few folks who should take a shot at it (so to speak).

Now that's just mean...

so who here wants to help me with my gasoline cooled liquid fuel rocket?

 

[Moonbear]

And you think a clean house will beat out chocolates and cold hard cash?

Well, considering the table she posted earlier indicating that cleaning the house seems to be taking time away from orgasms (it's fun to misinterpret data, isn't it?), I think having someone else clean the house is a great idea. More time for eating chocolate too.

 

[Artman]

Well, considering the table she posted earlier indicating that cleaning the house seems to be taking time away from orgasms (it's fun to misinterpret data, isn't it?), I think having someone else clean the house is a great idea. More time for eating chocolate too.

Oh and I like to vacuum in the nude. I would like to iron in the nude too, but I decided it's better to wear my wide leather tool belt when ironing.
.
.
Now, where can I deliver that chocolate, P-E-R-S-O-N-A-L-L-Y? nudge-nudge, say no more, say no more.

Know what I mean, know what I mean?

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

If Zooby doesn't win 'funniest', the accolade will have no meaning.

What are the other awards?

Could use the member photo thread as the basis for phwoarest (male and female). How about a 'nicest'? People don't get told they're nice much.

Cutest! Not physically cute, just members that make you go "ahhh, look at him/her". Maybe that could be a bit patronizing.

I think Evo's nominated me for 'most meaningless' and 'absurd'... I hope I get the latter if anything.

 

[honestrosewater]

I'm just waiting for the battle for the Strangest Canadian Guru Award. I ordered plenty of maple leaf thongs, pudding, and clothespins, and a fresh batch of rubber chickens are on their way (I know no one wants to get near Danger's old one ).

(Oh, FYI: before any of you guys embarrass yourselves, the maple leaf goes in front. )

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

Biggest maple leaf award?

 

[honestrosewater]

Biggest maple leaf award?

Sounds good. I volunteer to be a judge.

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

Sounds good. I volunteer to be a judge.

I hope you're not too honest, Honest.

 

[Niode]

We're making award suggestions, right? I'm awfully new here, so some of mine might be already-existing awards, so feel free to smack me upside the head if necessary.

Most Wanted (I just think it'd be funny, could be taken either way)
Most Innocent (in a cute way)
Most Sympathetic
Highly Respected
Brutally Honest
Super Sweet (for the nice-person one)
Most Posts (getting desperate...)
Original Thread Master (I really should stop...)
Most Amusing
Most Unusual

Okay, okay, I'll stop.

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

We're making award suggestions, right? I'm awfully new here, so some of mine might be already-existing awards, so feel free to smack me upside the head if necessary.
Most Wanted (I just think it'd be funny, could be taken either way)
Most Innocent (in a cute way)
Most Sympathetic
Highly Respected
Brutally Honest
Super Sweet (for the nice-person one)
Most Posts (getting desperate...)
Original Thread Master (I really should stop...)
Most Amusing
Most Unusual
Okay, okay, I'll stop.

We get the hint, self-proclaimed "Most Ideas" nominee. No, I think the awards are set. There's several science-specific ones, and a few 'good chap' types.