Can't work with my phd adviser anymore

[pemfi]

Can't work with my phd adviser anymore !

The biggest + in my adviser is that she is usually available to her students and tries to help them in her own way. But, I have serious issues with her from the personality side, very high and unreasonable expectation, frequent mis-communications (her language barrier) and lack of knowledge about my research area. From the research perspective I will have to do all the work by myself, the only feedback I get is whether the idea in her opinion makes sense or not. If it does not , I have to go find something else, so a lot of times when I come out of her office I am clueless about what I should do next. She frequently mistreats her students, get frustrated very quickly and when she does she picks on everything and i usually end up getting everything i have done trashed. often is very temperamental, and when it happens in her office, i get so stressed and start shaking, i just want to leave the office when i see her other mean side. She says things like my lack of competence in various things (seen this happening to other students), i am always afraid she will kick me out someday. while working so hard, i find this a very disturbing and discouraging work environment. overall , i think she does not trust my capabilities which makes my life miserable.

Occasionally i don't understand what she wants specially when I am under stress, and then she changes mood, i can't argue with her about my research, i should just say “yes you are right” or be quiet and nod, or else there is very good chance she gets upset. she does not let her students collaborate with other faculty members even when she can't help the student and does not provide useful feedback because she is not familiar with my research. i am very discouraged, and have no motivation for seeing her ... i feel i would have another 2-3 years of miserable life in front of me if i continue to work with her, I have had a few emotional breakdowns and feel very depressed and out of energy ... but if i switch there is a risk i may have to leave the school because there are very few people that do the similar research ... i feel without any prospect of success , i should not waste my time and should do my best to see if i can work with someone else or change my school.

(I know of several of her other students who have quit or switched, the main reason for my stress is a deadline that if not met, i have to leave )

 

[Norman]

If she is not familiar with your research, why is she your adviser?

 

[mathwonk]

Pemfi, I think your next to last sentence answered your own question.

 

[G01]

I'd get out of there. The extra time taken to graduate will be well worth it if you switch and find a better mentor.

I once met a Psychology PhD in a pizza shop. She learned I was on my way to grad school for physics and gave me the following advice:

"Just remember- Your adviser can either be your mentor or your tormentor.
It's your responsibility to make sure you pick someone who will be in the first category. It's the most important educational decision you will make.

 

[Choppy]

But, I have serious issues with her from the personality side, very high and unreasonable expectation, frequent mis-communications (her language barrier) and lack of knowledge about my research area.

Norman brings up a very good point here. If she is not familiar with your research area - is she in a position to supervise you? On the other hand, how have you assessed her knowleged base or lack thereof? I know this might be water under the bridge for you specificially, but this is the kind of thing that a prospective student and supervisor should discuss before starting a project. Supervisors won't always have all the answers because what you're doing is research and should be novel, at least on some level.

From the research perspective I will have to do all the work by myself, ...

Hold on. That's how graduate research works. She is not supposed to do the work for you.

the only feedback I get is whether the idea in her opinion makes sense or not. If it does not , I have to go find something else, so a lot of times when I come out of her office I am clueless about what I should do next.

So what specifically are you expecting from your supervisor? Remember you're doing research at the PhD level. A supervisor should generally not be telling you what to do. It's not like an undergrad project where the the advisor will outline the project step-by-step and you simply have to connect the dots to win a prize. You are expected to exhibit a certain level of independence - especially beyond the first year or so.

If you are finding that you don't know what to do next, before you leave your supervisor's office, why not try brainstorming a little bit? Tell her where you think you should go, what you think you need to do, and then develop some 'action items.' It may feel painful at first, but this will allow her to give you feedback on your direction before you start rather than after you've done something and may end up saving a lot of time.

She frequently mistreats her students, get frustrated very quickly and when she does she picks on everything and i usually end up getting everything i have done trashed. often is very temperamental, and when it happens in her office, i get so stressed and start shaking, i just want to leave the office when i see her other mean side. She says things like my lack of competence in various things (seen this happening to other students)

I won't defend tempermental or derogatory behaviour. As a student you are entitled to being treated like a professional colleague - to being treated with dignity and respect at all times. If this is not the case, this needs to be brought to the attention of whoever the faculty member is who administers graduate students and possibly even the chair of the department. In extreme scenarios you may also report disrespectful behaviour to a graduate student ombudsman.

That being said, she is supposed to identify areas of weakness or incompetance so that you can rectify them. The fact that she may tell you to brush up on certain things should not in itself be seen as a bad thing.

Occasionally i don't understand what she wants specially when I am under stress,

What means are you currently using to ask for clarification in such situations? Again, I might come back to a strategy of pulling out a piece of paper and defining some 'to do' items before you leave her office - that way you will both be clear on what you are going to spend your time on.

and then she changes mood, i can't argue with her about my research, i should just say “yes you are right” or be quiet and nod, or else there is very good chance she gets upset.

There's a difference between arguing and listening patiently to the advise of your supervisor. You both don't have to agree on points all the time - in fact it's better if you don't. But you need to figure out a way to disagree without getting emotional or stressed about it. Disagreement can be constructive and condusive to learning.

she does not let her students collaborate with other faculty members even when she can't help the student and does not provide useful feedback because she is not familiar with my research.

What about the other members of your advisory committee? All programs that I'm familiar with are set up such that a supervisor is not 'all powerful.'

i am very discouraged, and have no motivation for seeing her ... i feel i would have another 2-3 years of miserable life in front of me if i continue to work with her, I have had a few emotional breakdowns and feel very depressed and out of energy ... but if i switch there is a risk i may have to leave the school because there are very few people that do the similar research ... i feel without any prospect of success , i should not waste my time and should do my best to see if i can work with someone else or change my school.

If you feel that you've made a serious effort to get around these obstacles and this person is really that difficult then perhaps you should move on. I would however advise you to bring up these issues - in confidence - with your graduate advisor or the faculty member in charge of the administration of graduate students first - if for nothing else than perhaps it can save other students from falling into the same trap.

The reason I would suggest first making an attempt to iron the issues out on your part is because I've seen students in somewhat similar situations before who blame on their problems on their supervisor and then move on only to find similar problems with someone else without realizing that at least some of the problems stem from the student him or herself.

 

[twofish-quant]

i feel i would have another 2-3 years of miserable life in front of me if i continue to work with her, I have had a few emotional breakdowns and feel very depressed and out of energy ... but if i switch there is a risk i may have to leave the school because there are very few people that do the similar research ...

It's actually worse than that. Your dissertation adviser is your "academic parent" and you are going to have some sort of relationship with that person for the rest of your academic career. If there are serious personality conflicts, then you need to consider switching advisers. If this means that you need to switch research topics then switch research topics.

But, I have serious issues with her from the personality side, very high and unreasonable expectation, frequent mis-communications (her language barrier) and lack of knowledge about my research area. From the research perspective I will have to do all the work by myself, the only feedback I get is whether the idea in her opinion makes sense or not.

One thing that you do have to realize is that with any competent dissertation adviser, you will have to do pretty much all of the work by yourself, and not getting any feedback is not necessarily a bad thing. However, here personality comes into this, because the adviser can communicate to you the fact that you do have to do all of the work by yourself.

With your graduate advisor or the faculty member in charge of the administration of graduate students first - if for nothing else than perhaps it can save other students from falling into the same trap.

One other person that *might* be extremely useful in these sorts of situations is the departmental secretary. You can find useful things in gossiping with the secretary, and if you have a secretary that happens to fit in the counselor role, its a lot less stressful than talking with a professor because the social distance is a lot less.

The reason I would suggest first making an attempt to iron the issues out on your part is because I've seen students in somewhat similar situations before who blame on their problems on their supervisor and then move on only to find similar problems with someone else without realizing that at least some of the problems stem from the student him or herself.

Seen the same here. Also, you have nothing to lose here, because if you try to iron things out, and it blows up, that's your sign that a relationship is not going to be salvageable no matter what you do.

 

[Stan Marsh]

I have heard lots of stories like yours. I think the best way is to discuss your problem with her honestly and politely, without blaming her for anything but with a request of a change in advisor. Also you can discuss this with the head of your department. It's the best if you can change an advisor without making her hate you.

 

[luoye]

just communicate with your adviser, let her know your concerns and confusion