Collection of Science Jokes P2

[mfb]

Feynman's answer works as well:

Spoiler

It can produce some interesting results, but that's not why we do it.

 

[fresh_42]

What is the difference between a auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?

Spoiler

A quantum mechanic can get his car into the garage without opening the door.

 

[nuuskur]

Operative word "can". The probability of that happening is very low indeed :D

 

[Ibix]

What is the difference between a auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?

With a quantum mechanic, you take your car in and it's random whether it gets fixed and how much you are charged. Whereas with an auto mechanic... no, wait a minute...

 

[DrGreg]

What is the difference between a auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?

Why are auto mechanics like actors?

Spoiler

They often have to wait to get the parts

 

[fresh_42]

 

[ali PMPAINT]

View attachment 251854

Is he/she dead?

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 251973​

Also known as the Ghostian distribution.

 

[jack action]

OP: Did humans invent math or did we discover it? Does math even exist?

Reply: Listen, all we were trying to do was keep track of some sheep and then differential calculus happened.

 

[DrGreg]

OP: Did humans invent math or did we discover it? Does math even exist?

Reply: Listen, all we were trying to do was keep track of some sheep and then differential calculus happened.

Approximation was discovered when rounding up sheep.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[mfb]

Who needs clocks that don't adjust themselves?
Also, who needs non-DST?

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 251854

He seems to have disappeared in a flash. Or maybe he was Flash.

 

[DennisN]

(Science? Well it could be... a bit... computer science, if I stretch it )

 

[DEvens]

Four students go to the washroom at the same time, lining up at the stand-up facilities.

The medical student finishes first and walks to the sink and begins thoroughly washing his hands. He explains that doctors need very clean hands.

The physics student walks out without going near the sink. He explains that physicists do not urinate on their hands.

The engineer also breezes out, explaining that engineers do not need clean hands.

The arts student is still standing at the urinal, looking at the chrome fixture and saying "Shiny!"

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DennisN]

More on the Windows Phone and its lack of success:

And then some jokes about the durability of Nokia 3310:

 

[Mark44]

Speaking of Nokia phones, my current (and only) cell phone is a Nokia 3285 that I bought in about 2002. I just replaced the battery for the first time about a year ago. At my usual usage rate, I charge the phone about three times a year, whether it needs it or not.

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 251973​

That image must have been done with GhostScript.

 

[collinsmark]

Speaking of Nokia phones, my current (and only) cell phone is a Nokia 3285 that I bought in about 2002. I just replaced the battery for the first time about a year ago. At my usual usage rate, I charge the phone about three times a year, whether it needs it or not.

Oh, my. But that cats! think of the cats!



(True story: The music in that video was inspired by a dream that @OmCheeto had where he met @Borek in a pet fish shop.)

Seriously though, I tried to make Fish Sim for Cats compatible with Windows phones [and Windows tablets]. I did my due diligence and gave it a good try. It did not go well. I gave up in the end.

Fish Sim for Cats is a high quality fish simulator for cats! Available for free, without ads, on Apple IOS (App Store), Android (Google Play Store), and Amazon (Apps and Games).

 

[DennisN]

Seriously though, I tried to make Fish Sim for Cats compatible with Windows phones. I did my due diligence and gave it a good try. It did not go well. I gave up in the end.

You did a Fish Sim for Android? Ok, I'm going to install it on my Android TV box which is connected to my TV and see how my cat responds to it. If something interesting happens, I will try to film it and post it in the Kitten lovers thread.

 

[collinsmark]

You did a Fish Sim for Android? Ok, I'm going to install it on my Android TV box which is connected to my TV and see how my cat responds to it. If something interesting happens, I will try to film it and post it in the Kitten lovers thread.

I didn't make it officially compatible with Android TV. For now it's just phones and tablets. It would probably work, but I don't have a platform to test it on.

[Edit: the app requires touch-screen and orientation sensor capabilities. I'm not certain, but I don't think all Android TVs have a built in orientation sensor, so it probably won't work on those.]

 

[DennisN]

I didn't make it officially compatible with Android TV. For now it's just phones and tablets. It would probably work, but I don't have a platform to test it on.

I will let you know when I've tested it. But I also remembered that the last time I used the Android box (which is a https://www.gearbest.com/tv-box-mini-pc/pp_555832.html, which was remarkably good considering the low price) it got stuck in a "boot loop" after I installed some new, maybe too system intrusive, software. So I may have to reinstall the firmware on it which I've done before with updated firmware from the vendor.

 

[davenn]

Oh, my. But that cats! think of the cats!



(True story: The music in that video was inspired by a dream that @OmCheeto had where he met @Borek in a pet fish shop.)

Seriously though, I tried to make Fish Sim for Cats compatible with Windows phones [and Windows tablets]. I did my due diligence and gave it a good try. It did not go well. I gave up in the end.

Fish Sim for Cats is a high quality fish simulator for cats! Available for free, without ads, on Apple IOS (App Store), Android (Google Play Store), and Amazon (Apps and Games).

already been done

 

[mfb]

Just don't use it too often. Hunting without ever catching anything can be frustrating for the cat.

 

[jack action]

I had a scary joke about math but I'm 2² to tell it.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Anyone want to figure out the password?

 

[Ibix]

Anyone want to figure out the password?

Spoiler: The answer

$\pi$

Unfortunately, the 11th digit is a 6, so you need to guess if you should round up the 10th or not.

 

[fresh_42]

Spoiler: The answer

$\pi$

Unfortunately, the 11th digit is a 6, so you need to guess if you should round up the 10th or not.

How mean. Most people will need internet to look it up to get 10 digits, so they will run around in circles, as for the internet access they need internet. And although the password is also kind of circular, it isn't cyclic. Mean. And the 11th digit is a 5.

 

[Ibix]

How mean. Most people will need internet to look it up to get 10 digits, so they will run around in circles, as for the internet access they need internet. And although the password is also kind of circular, it isn't cyclic. Mean.

Maybe they could order a fruit tart or something while they think about it.

 

[fresh_42]

Maybe they could order a fruit tart or something while they think about it.

I guess this password was the reason why Archimedes, Euler, Leibniz, Wallis, and so many more tried to find a representation. They all must have been customers of this shop.

 

[Ibix]

I guess this password was the reason why Archimedes, Euler, Leibniz, Wallis, and so many more tried to find a representation. They all must have been customers of this shop.

Sounds plausible. You'd have to wonder who the proprietor was, though.

 

[jack action]

Canadians will understand:

 

[WWGD]

Someone maybe told this one already:
Heisenberg is driving when he is stopped by a cop.
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am"
"You were going 107 miles an hour".
"Good, now I'm lost".

 

[WWGD]

Why are auto mechanics like actors?

Spoiler

They often have to wait to get the parts

The version I know is:
"What do you do for a living?"
"I am an actor"
"Really, in what restaurant?"

 

[artis]

A nuclear power reactor is being brought back to full power from a sudden shutdown.
Manager comes into the control room and asks "why haven't we reached full power yet?"
Control room senior operator replies "We are waiting for Xenon"
Manager replies "I don't know the last name of that Xenon , but once he is back to work and we are at full power I want to see him in my office!"

 

[collinsmark]

Ha!

(Source: http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/coffee-3)

 

[256bits]

Canadians will understand:

View attachment 252655​

My height and weight on my driver's license is in metres and kilograms, so there is always an exception to the rule.
By the way, ask me how much I weight or how tall I am it is in pounds and feet ( and inches ). go figure.

 

[davenn]

Canadians will understand:

View attachment 252655​

go figure.

Having holidayed in Canada recently, My wife and I were constantly giggling at the crazy mix of imperial and metric eg.

everything on the restaurant menu was metric except for the steak size 15 oz or whatever it was ...
it was a tiny wizened up bit of meat? in the middle of the plate. I usually go for a 300 - 400 gram steak.
Not huge but a respectable chunk

D

 

[Ibix]

My wife and I were constantly giggling at the crazy mix of imperial and metric eg.

Some friends came over to the UK from Spain and wondered why we sell milk in units of 1.136 litres. Two pints, in metric.

 

[DrClaude]

Some friends came over to the UK from Spain and wondered why we sell milk in units of 1.136 litres. Two pints, in metric.

And I like my bear in 341 ml bottles

 

[mjc123]

Small bear! How do you get it in the bottle?

 

[Ibix]

And I like my bear in 341 ml bottles

0.6 pints? Really? We mostly get beer in half or pint sizes. Bottles are typically 500ml and cans either 330ml (same as a fizzy drink) or 500ml.

According to the old prole in 1984, half a liter of beer "just don't satisfy", but a liter's too much. Winston, who is after information, cynically notes that he ends up buying him two halves anyway...

 

[mfb]

And I like my bear in 341 ml bottles

That sounds cruel.

 

[jbriggs444]

That sounds cruel.

Ooooh, I got one...

It would bearly fit.

 

[DrClaude]

0.6 pints? Really? We mostly get beer in half or pint sizes. Bottles are typically 500ml and cans either 330ml (same as a fizzy drink) or 500ml.

Yes, really. It's 12 UK fluid ounces.

 

[256bits]

Ha - We still buy eggs by the dozen, lettuce by the head - is that a metric or imperial unit of measure?