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Did i do something to upset my teacher?

  1. Mar 30, 2014 #1
    Hi, I'm 17 years old and I attend college. I have an English class twice a week. Mostly males attend my class and I am one of 3 females. There's this boy In my class that I think might like me, I am NOT interested in this person whatsoever, but he came and sat next to me during one of our classes, he's quite loud along with the other boys and one other girl, I'm very quiet and I keep to myself, anyway, we were just talking and laughing and my teacher comes up to me and asks me if I mind this boy sitting next to me, I said I don't mind and the boy said " yeah sir she likes me" (even though I don't) but there's one girl in my class that likes to draw attention to herself and sits with the loud boys, but not once has my teacher ever asked her if she's ok with them sitting next to her. My teacher is very chatty with everyone else in my class, but from the beginning of the term I've noticed he never looks me in the eye but he does with everyone else, the only time he has made eye contact was when he asked me if I was ok with the boy sitting with me. We had some work to do and once everyone finished we handed our papers to our teacher, he quickly looks at everyone's paper and gives it back to them, but when I gave him mine he started circling everything saying it's wrong and I shouldn't have done this and that, STILL not making eye contact even when he shoved the paper in my hand he just looked away, I was stood there longer than everyone else. I'm not sure if he's angry with me.
  2. jcsd
  3. Mar 30, 2014 #2


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    More likely, he thinks you are a very shy person who dislikes personal attention to yourself.
    He probably also has an idea that you prefer communications between yourself and him to be restricted ONLY to topics of study.

    There are lots of students for which that would, indeed, be the "correct" approach, but in your case, it is evidently not.

    I would suggest you take it up with him, saying you understand he means well, and tries to be considerate of you by limiting personal contact, such as chatting.

    But, that in your case, you'd really prefer that he isn't as distant, since you like quite well to be informal, it is just that you are a quiet person, not a shy one. Also say that you think it is great that he is really attentive to the flaws you occasionally make as a student, after all, isn't that a major way through which you can improve your own work in the future?
  4. Mar 30, 2014 #3


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    Do you realize that by not saying anything when the boy said "she likes me", you give everyone the impression that you do and encourage him in the process? I understand the shyness but there are times when you have to stand up for yourself and set the record straight. Even a simple "where did you get that idea?" or "not like that" can be very effective.
  5. Mar 30, 2014 #4
    If the teacher is very chatty with everyone else in class, and they are chatty with him, he might be interpreting your general quietness as disapproval of him and the others. The fact he made some gesture toward "protecting" you from the boisterous classmate indicates he's afraid you find that kind of behavior unacceptable or unpleasant.

    I would guess it's a lot easier for him, as a chatty person, to deal with like people. You are the odd girl out, and he doesn't seem to have a tactic in his tool box for that, and he feels a bit frustrated by it.
  6. Mar 30, 2014 #5
    He just likes to "make his presence known" with the "Yeah sir, she likes me". He 's not saying this seriously and neither should you take it seriously. He sat next to you maybe in hopes of engaging in conversation? I found this quite annoying back in school where I tried to chat up some girls and they immediately started going through the reasons like Sherlock frking Holmes in their head WHY on earth would I chat them up.

    Next thing you know, I can't even invite someone for lunch without them thinking that sex is in order... women sometimes make me...facepalm.
  7. Mar 30, 2014 #6
    I couldn't care less about the boy that sat next to me or what his true intentions are.. That's completely irrelevant. My teacher seemed upset with me because I didn't move seats and I don't want him to mark my work due to that. I'm trying to understand what I did or if I even did anything
  8. Mar 30, 2014 #7

    jim hardy

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    Ahhhh,, youth.

    There's a great line in an old R&R song: "Ain't nothin' in the world like a big-eyed girl, makes me act so funny..."

    I'm guessing teacher is young too, ie not much past thirty..
    He may feel slighted that you didn't accept his offer of 'protection' from that annoying student.
    Guys are taught to rescue 'damsels in distress' .
    You appear to have had an effect on both of them.

    I'd suggest telling him you appreciate his concern for your well being and the offer of rescue from 'mr boistrous' . If you want to make it light-hearted, something like "I'll reserve that favor, St George, for a real dragon."
    And don't subject yourself to that annoying kid anymore, sit in opposite corner of room.

    my two cents

    old jim

    ps that old R&R song starts ~30 sec into this youtube

    your grandparents will remember it well.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 25, 2014
  9. Mar 30, 2014 #8
    Perfect, then don't care :) Why should a teacher mark your work based on something completely.. irrelevant as you very eloquently put it? You worry too much.
  10. Mar 31, 2014 #9


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    There might, of course, be a reason behind your teacher's behaviour that might be unobvious to you as a 17-year old:

    While you possibly don't think of yourself in that way, you ARE, actually, a young female human ADULT.
    KIt is entirely natural that TEACHERS occasionally become romantically attracted to students, even though such developed feelings goes against their own deeply-held ethical principles.

    Now, an EXPERIENCED teacher will have developed internal mental strategies in how to cope with that unwanted emotional development within themselves, an INEXPERIENCED, but highly ethical, teacher, might become so embarassed and ashamed of his own awry emotions that their BEHAVIOUR towards the student becomes obviously restrained, characterized by flustered speech, active avoidance of eye contact and so on.

    Basically, BOTH the experienced and the inexperienced teacher know that it would be unethical to seek to "live out" such am involuntary romantic attachment, and that it is actually their own personal duty to quell their own emotions as quickly as possible.

    But, the experienced teacher knows how to effectively deal with this situation without the student ever knowing of the fleeting romantic attraction the teacher has felt towards her.

    You shouldn't be frightened if this happens to be the "real reason" behind your teacher's attitude, nor should you push him to "admit" it (even if it is true, he will just deny it), that adult males occasionally feel attracted to females they know it is wrong to be attracted to, is normal. If this happens to be true (which I don't particularly believe in), he is not a pedophile, nor is he trying to lure you into an unhealthy relationship. Nor does it cloud his PROFESSIONAL judgment of your work. Nor should you be afraid to confront him on those issues where you feel he is discriminating towards you as a pupil, relative to his other pupils.
    But, as has been said several times over, many other at least as plausible reasons behind your teacher's behaviour exist.
    Basically, my advice to you is that you should take contact with your teacher, and tell him that YOU feel it is odd that he sort of ignores you on the personal plane, relative to other students, and that although you appreciate his conscientious effort to show you where your flaws/mistakes are, the very lack of otherwise personal/normal communication between the two of you make you feel somewhat uncomfortable.
    Have a TRUST in your teacher's basic professionality, and adress him as a student in the sense that you make clear that his way of behaving towards you actually has bothered YOU, while making clear that you principally make it explicit to him that you believe he has had his best intentions towards you, i.e, that you say you think he has been overly considerate to a hypothesized shyness in your personality that you actually do not have. Tell him that you actually don't mind him giving you the same informal attention he gives other students, and that, in fact, the manner in which he does NOT give you that same friendly/chatty attention has left you puzzled and uncertain about how he perceives you as a student.

    That is, make it in your conversation with him an UNQUESTIONED PREMISE that he is, indeed, wholly professional, but that he has somehow misjudged your personality out of misplaced considerateness.
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2014
  11. Mar 31, 2014 #10

    jim hardy

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    watch your nature shows.

    young large brained mammal males, in presence of young females, will strut, clash antlers and try to dominate one another. Deer, porpoises, horses, lions all do it, it is implanted by nature. People are supposed to behave better, and that's why we're called "Homo Sapiens" , 'sapiens' meaning 'thinking' as opposed to just following our nature.

    teacher came over to protect you from mr boisterous, his natural 'damsel in distress' response to a perceived move on a young female by a boisterous, strutting young male. Or maybe just to clash antlers with him....... teacher is after all expected to be the "alpha male" in the classroom.

    you, being very polite, unwittingly defended mr boisterous,
    and mr boisterous immediately rubbed salt in teacher's wounded pride : " yeah sir she likes me"
    (in other words : "buzz off" )

    Mr boisterous won that antler-clash.
    Did you do anything wrong? no, not by intent anyway.
    Did teacher handle it well? not in my opinion. He shouldn't have put you in the middle. He might even think you intentionally helped Mr Boisterous.

    That's why i suggested what i did up above.

    old jim (i was young once too)
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2014
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