Does Attraction to Weight Influence Superficiality?

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The discussion centers around a person's increased attraction to their girlfriend after she lost weight, dropping to 103 lbs. The main question posed is whether this attraction makes them superficial. Many participants argue that having a preference for a certain body type, such as being attracted to skinny individuals, does not inherently indicate superficiality. They emphasize that attraction can be based on physical appearance without negating other qualities in a partner. Some contributors highlight that superficiality becomes a concern only if looks are the sole reason for attraction or if one neglects other important aspects of the relationship. The conversation touches on the complexities of attraction, suggesting that factors like confidence and personal connection can also enhance attraction beyond physical appearance. Additionally, there are humorous remarks and personal anecdotes, with some participants joking about preferences and societal standards regarding beauty. Overall, the consensus leans towards the idea that it is natural to have physical preferences while still valuing deeper qualities in a partner.
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My gf recently lost weight and is now down to 103 lbs. I find myself more attracted to her than before. I'm sorry, but I just like skinny. I find skinny girls so much more attractive than non-skinny girls. Does this make me superficial?
 
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No, that does not make you superficial.

I personally like a nice round... :wink:
 
Hm, that sounds like a straightforward example of being superficial to me. But I don't think that being superficial is necessarily bad. You said that you are more attracted to her. So you mean that are deriving pleasure from or appreciating or valuing the appearance of something, right? What is wrong with that? It doesn't mean that you exclude or neglect other things, although I guess that's probably what others mean when they use it in a bad way.
 
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I think it is okay to love her more when she gets skinny as long as you don't love her less when she gets fat.
Why did she lose the weight? to be more attractive, you better be more attracted or you are in trouble.
 
you were attracted even before and i think that's what counts

when you start ignoring everything else about her just for her looks, then its superficial
 
Its summer and all the girls are getting toooo skinny uuugh. Someone should give them a donut.
 
Surrealist said:
My gf recently lost weight and is now down to 103 lbs. I find myself more attracted to her than before. I'm sorry, but I just like skinny. I find skinny girls so much more attractive than non-skinny girls. Does this make me superficial?

103 lbs. That's pretty slight. How tall is she? Is she a healthy weight?
 
She's just a gf. Unless you two have planned this to always be a long-term committed relationship (liken to marraige) the whole premise of the relationship is superficial. Why act like it isn't? Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for misery when it's over. Have fun with it.
 
Surrealist said:
My gf recently lost weight and is now down to 103 lbs. I find myself more attracted to her than before. I'm sorry, but I just like skinny. I find skinny girls so much more attractive than non-skinny girls. Does this make me superficial?
...or you have a fetish with skinny girls. :biggrin:
 
  • #10
DaveC426913 said:
103 lbs. That's pretty slight. How tall is she? Is she a healthy weight?

She is 5 feet tall. She has never weighed more than 115 lbs, but I like her at 103 lbs.
 
  • #11
I wouldn't call it superficial; at 5 feet and 103 lbs, there's not much superficies to go, is there :biggrin:

ok, now that I got my obligatory lame joke of the day done and over with:

I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with being slightly "superficial". I mean, if you have no sexual attraction to a sexual-partner... then you might as well remain just friends. obviously the definition of what is and is not attractive may vary from person to person... whatever bloats your float I always say (ok... two lame puns today). but if there's no attraction in the relationship then there's a problem. so what's wrong with trying to make yourself as attractive to your partner as possible?

I personally like girls who are somewhat short, but I think girls look better when they're not supermodel-skinny... curves are nice; pillows are much more comfortable than park-benches (ok... three lame jokes. but that's it! I swear!). I also find brunettes and redheads in general way cuter than blonds... why are guys all so obsessed with blonds??
 
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  • #12
There's absolutely no reason you should be with someone you find disgusting or unattractive. That's just ridiculous!
 
  • #13
Your girlfriend gets hotter, and you enjoy it, so your superficial? Bollocks. I'd hit that.
 
  • #14
moe darklight said:
I wouldn't call it superficial; at 5 feet and 103 lbs, there's not much superficies to go, is there :biggrin:

ok, now that I got my obligatory lame joke of the day done and over with:

I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with being slightly "superficial". I mean, if you have no sexual attraction to a sexual-partner... then you might as well remain just friends. obviously the definition of what is and is not attractive may vary from person to person... whatever bloats your float I always say (ok... two lame puns today). but if there's no attraction in the relationship then there's a problem. so what's wrong with trying to make yourself as attractive to your partner as possible?

I personally like girls who are somewhat short, but I think girls look better when they're not supermodel-skinny... curves are nice; pillows are much more comfortable than park-benches (ok... three lame jokes. but that's it! I swear!). I also find brunettes and redheads in general way cuter than blonds... why are guys all so obsessed with blonds??

Hear! Hear! Redheads with Curves! woot. :bugeye:
 
  • #15
Surrealist said:
My gf recently lost weight and is now down to 103 lbs. I find myself more attracted to her than before. I'm sorry, but I just like skinny. I find skinny girls so much more attractive than non-skinny girls. Does this make me superficial?
Well that depends on why she's lost weight::rolleyes:
1. You keep telling her that you'll like her more if she loses some weight and be a skinny girl!
2. Some people lose weight when things aren't going on well especially in relatioships.
So if these are not the cases, you are not a superficial jerk or at least not in a bad way!
moe darklight said:
why are guys all so obsessed with blonds??
because they're blond!
 
  • #16
Lisa! said:
Well that depends on why she's lost weight::rolleyes:
1. You keep telling her that you'll like her more if she loses some weight and be a skinny girl!
2. Some people lose weight when things aren't going on well especially in relatioships.
So if these are not the cases, you are not a superficial jerk or at least not in a bad way!

I don't see how 'Why' matters at all. He likes her cause she looks better, superficiality is a cultural myth to make ugly people feel better.
 
  • #17
Smurf said:
Hear! Hear! Redheads with Curves! woot. :bugeye:

:!) O ya

Smurf said:
I don't see how 'Why' matters at all. He likes her cause she looks better, superficiality is a cultural myth to make ugly people feel better.

on the other hand, I think the way a girl carries herself can really affect her overall hotness level (scientifically speaking). I've found myself attracted to girls who I wouldn't normally find that attractive just because they were a lot of fun to talk to and carried themselves with confidence. ... but I'm no saint, I would be lying if I said that personality alone can win me over, or that I would turn down a really hot girl because she had an "ugly personality"
 
  • #18
Smurf said:
I don't see how 'Why' matters at all. He likes her cause she looks better, superficiality is a cultural myth to make ugly people feel better.
:smile:

I didn't say that he's superficial becuase he likes her gf now more than before and I think there's nothing wrong with letting your partner know what sort of appearance he prefers and even persuades her to lose/gain weigh to look better. However personally I can't stand it if someone wants to take it so harsh on me and make me think that look is the only thing that matters to him in a relationship.
BTW, I might be a superficial person as well since I nicely asked my bf to shave his mustache and he did!o:)
 
  • #19
So? Mustache's are hideous. I mean, normally I'd say beauty is completely subjective, but I draw the line at Mustache's. They suck. Plain, simple.
 
  • #20
moe darklight said:
:!) O ya



on the other hand, I think the way a girl carries herself can really affect her overall hotness level (scientifically speaking). I've found myself attracted to girls who I wouldn't normally find that attractive just because they were a lot of fun to talk to and carried themselves with confidence. ... but I'm no saint, I would be lying if I said that personality alone can win me over, or that I would turn down a really hot girl because she had an "ugly personality"
mmmmm, curvy redhead with confidence... :!)
 
  • #21
Smurf said:
mmmmm, curvy redhead with confidence... :!)

and a mustache! ... wait... actually, let's stop at confidence.
 
  • #22
Haha, you guys reminded me of a study on sexuality that found that people who didn't have "types" had more fulfilling sex lives.

(Hm, I wonder if "crazy loner mathematician" counts as a type. Mmm... crazy loner mathematician...)
 
  • #23
JasonRox said:
No, that does not make you superficial.

I personally like a nice round... :wink:

Me too. o:)

Smurf said:
Your girlfriend gets hotter, and you enjoy it, so your superficial? Bollocks. I'd hit that.

I totally second that.

Lisa! said:
BTW, I might be a superficial person as well since I nicely asked my bf to shave his mustache and he did!o:)

No, you did the right thing. Mustaches are *so* not cool. Every normal woman does that to her man, sooner or later. My mom did it, too. :-p


And btw, I adore huge breasts. Does this make me superficial? I vote for NO.
 
  • #24
Surrealist said:
My gf recently lost weight and is now down to 103 lbs. I find myself more attracted to her than before. I'm sorry, but I just like skinny. I find skinny girls so much more attractive than non-skinny girls. Does this make me superficial?
It's just a preference. It doesn't make you superficial unless the way she looks is the primary reason you are attracted to her. Typically the stigma of superficiality applies to people who are unable to see beyond their basic preferences. and truly appreciate another person for all of their qualities. It is synonymous with being 'shallow'. When first meeting someone it is difficult to not be superficial, if only because the opportunity to perceive inner qualities in another is minimal. This isn't the same as being 'shallow'. After time it is expected that one should become more aware of other, more important, qualities than physical appearance.

You're fine. You were with her before she lost the weight. You may be a part of the reason why she chose to lose it. If you like it, enjoy it. It would be odd if you didn't have some preferences.
 
  • #25
Huckleberry said:
It's just a preference. It doesn't make you superficial unless the way she looks is the primary reason you are attracted to her.

Hm, if one experiences pure physical sexual attraction, it would make him/her superficial?
 
  • #26
radou said:
Hm, if one experiences pure physical sexual attraction, it would make him/her superficial?

From Google, the definition of superficial, the part that applies here.

Concerned with or comprehending only what is apparent or obvious; shallow.

It is not apparent or obvious, so he's not superficial. He's going out with her for crying out loud. And liked her before hand, now he's more attracted to her. He's not only concerned with her looks or the obvious of her (because he only caught on to this feeling now).
 
  • #27
Oh, and even if it was superficial, who cares. No need to be politically correct.
 
  • #28
radou said:
Hm, if one experiences pure physical sexual attraction, it would make him/her superficial?
My opinion is that would be superficial, but wouldn't necessarily be shallow. The word 'superficial' has a nasty stigma attached to it. I was trying to point that out. I don't see anything wrong with being superficial on occassion, unless one enjoys searching for deeper meaning in all things. Personally, I would find that exhausting and a bit irritating. Being superficial is only a problem when one rarely is interested in or capable of seeing anything meaningful, 'shallow'.

I like cereal!
 
  • #29
Huckleberry said:
My opinion is that would be superficial, but wouldn't necessarily be shallow. The word 'superficial' has a nasty stigma attached to it. I was trying to point that out. I don't see anything wrong with being superficial on occassion, unless one enjoys searching for deeper meaning in all things. Personally, I would find that exhausting and a bit irritating. Being superficial is only a problem when one rarely is interested in or capable of seeing anything meaningful, 'shallow'.

I like cereal!

I agree. Further on, it all depends. Not all women will attract you in an equal way, nor will one experience the same type of attraction every time.

Btw, what is the difference between "superficial" and "shallow"?
 
  • #30
Lisa! said:
Well that depends on why she's lost weight::rolleyes:
1. You keep telling her that you'll like her more if she loses some weight and be a skinny girl!
2. Some people lose weight when things aren't going on well especially in relatioships.
So if these are not the cases, you are not a superficial jerk or at least not in a bad way!

because they're blond!


I think she lost the weight because I have been out of town quite a bit lately; so, I haven't been around to feed her. So, she just eats cold cereal.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not her cook/*****... She's kind of a scavenger. She just waits until I make myself some food, then she takes some of the remains.
 
  • #31
drankin said:
She's just a gf. Unless you two have planned this to always be a long-term committed relationship (liken to marraige) the whole premise of the relationship is superficial. Why act like it isn't? Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for misery when it's over. Have fun with it.


Yeah but if she drops down to 98 lbs, then I will ask her to marry me.
 
  • #32
tribdog said:
I think it is okay to love her more when she gets skinny as long as you don't love her less when she gets fat.
Why did she lose the weight? to be more attractive, you better be more attracted or you are in trouble.

Mathematically, I think that could be a problem.

What if she undergoes frequent phases of weight gain and weight loss. There's only a net gain in how much he loves her and how much he has to be attracted to her. Pretty soon he's going to be spending 24 hours a day groveling along behind her and it's going to be hard to increase much beyond that.

Or, maybe he could just love her a tiny bit more when she gets skinny, just to leave room for future expansion. Do something like toss her a cookie or something.

Or, then again, some of us might be so superficial we have no concept of superficiality. :smile:
 
  • #33
BobG said:
What if she undergoes frequent phases of weight gain and weight loss. There's only a net gain in how much he loves her and how much he has to be attracted to her. Pretty soon he's going to be spending 24 hours a day groveling along behind her and it's going to be hard to increase much beyond that

:smile: :smile:
 
  • #34
BobG said:
Mathematically, I think that could be a problem.

What if she undergoes frequent phases of weight gain and weight loss. There's only a net gain in how much he loves her and how much he has to be attracted to her.

Maybe I can try to rectify the signal. Then my love for her can be measured in terms of a root mean square.
 
  • #35
BobG said:
Mathematically, I think that could be a problem.

What if she undergoes frequent phases of weight gain and weight loss. There's only a net gain in how much he loves her and how much he has to be attracted to her. Pretty soon he's going to be spending 24 hours a day groveling along behind her and it's going to be hard to increase much beyond that.

Or, maybe he could just love her a tiny bit more when she gets skinny, just to leave room for future expansion. Do something like toss her a cookie or something.

Or, then again, some of us might be so superficial we have no concept of superficiality. :smile:

Perhaps his love for her increases proportional to 1/love^2, where love is his love before she lost the weight most recently. Then it will converge to a finite limit, so he'll be OK
 
  • #36
wow you guyz are ****ing weird
 
  • #37
You're superficial if you only like her because she's looks good. If she looks good and she's dense as a post then you are superficial.
 
  • #38
Okay, so you think she looks better a bit thinner than she was before, yet, you were still attracted to her enough before she lost the weight to start dating her, so how is that superficial? Since she is very petite, you're attracted to her in a healthy weight range. I'd only be worried if you were demanding she lose more weight to the point of being underweight/undernourished. It's only superficial if you don't appreciate anything else about her and just are after her for her looks and will dump her as soon as her weight is above or below some ideal for you. If appearances are the ONLY reason you're with her, then that's superficial, but if her appearances just add to the attraction, that's normal. While many of us don't count physical appearance as the most important quality for dating someone, we all recognize that there are certain physiques that appeal to us more than others. There's certainly nothing wrong with suddenly finding yourself MORE attracted to your girlfriend (and who knows, maybe it's not just the weight loss...if you've been away a while or a lot, maybe you missed her more and she missed you so both of you have been more attentive to each other since returning, or realized how much you enjoy being together, and the slight change in appearance is just icing on the cake).
 
  • #39
OK guys, I got a confession to make. I am married to her. We've been married for almost eight years. Damn, admitting that makes me feel so old... that is why I just posted "gf" before.

Well, the lesson to be learned here is that if you make a marriage work by being a faithful companion, there are cycles of good times and bad... sickness and health... skinny and not-as-skinny.

But "seriously", if she drops down to 98 lbs, I will ask her to renew our marriage vows. :smile:

BTW: Thanks for the moral support in the "Smoking" thread (which is now locked)... especially those who poured their hearts out (like Danger) and those who kept the thread hillarious (like marlon).
 
  • #40
Perhaps she is just more confident now that she weighs less. I find that my level of attraction to someone hinges much more on that than on the physical characteristics.
 
  • #41
Surrealist said:
OK guys, I got a confession to make. I am married to her. We've been married for almost eight years. Damn, admitting that makes me feel so old... that is why I just posted "gf" before.

Well, the lesson to be learned here is that if you make a marriage work by being a faithful companion, there are cycles of good times and bad... sickness and health... skinny and not-as-skinny.

But "seriously", if she drops down to 98 lbs, I will ask her to renew our marriage vows. :smile:

BTW: Thanks for the moral support in the "Smoking" thread (which is now locked)... especially those who poured their hearts out (like Danger) and those who kept the thread hillarious (like marlon).

It sounds to me as if you just need a way to respond to that perplexing, "Does this dress make me look fat?" question.

Well, I have the answer to that, as well. Just quote some Shakespeare to her. Shakespeare always works.

Shakespeare - My Mistress' Eyes Are Nothing Like the Sun said:
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
 
  • #42
The Dark Mistress,
Of course, if she knows Shakespear, she might take that as an insult. Just hope it doesn't backfire.
 

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