Funny phrases taken out of context

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Artman
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I was reading one of the other posts and just got to thinking, what would happen if we had a post of funny phrases taken out of context?

So we need some rules:

Don't try and set up or explain the phrase

Try to keep other comments to a minimum (I've found it's impossible to cut them out completely).

Other than that all I have to say is:

"He has a wife, you know."
 
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"I say: This is NOT funny!"
 
"Do birds eat beans to fly faster?"

(by the way comics, literary sources, etc. are okay too)
 
Is it twue what they say about how you people are...gifted?
 
"Emanuel Kant was a real piss-ant. who was very rarely stable,"
 
Heidegger, Heidegger was a woozy beggar who could drink you under the table (oops, that wasn't out of context, was it?)
 
arildno said:
Heidegger, Heidegger was a woozy beggar who could drink you under the table (oops, that wasn't out of context, was it?)
"Oh, it's twue. It's twue, it's twue!"
 
"It's a completely different kind of flying, altogether."

"It's a completely different kind of flying."
 
Artman said:
"Thank you sir, may I have another?"
Yes please!:smile:
 
"Meanwhile, back at the farm, Grandma was beating off the indians."
 
Artman said:
"Meanwhile, back at the farm, Grandma was beating off the indians."
:devil: I just spewed coffee all over my work monitor.
 
"Remember this, Peregrin, when in doubt, always follow your nose".
 
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Evo said:
:devil: I just spewed coffee all over my work monitor.

"Fortunately, I keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency."
 
"If you ever had to climb a water tower ladder with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor, you're probably a redneck."
 
classic/generic:

"Put it in the hole, Stewart!"

"Can I rub one off?"
 
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"By Grapthar's Hammer ... by the sons of Worvahn, you will be Avenged!"
 
"We're in the middle of space. Corner of 'no' and 'where'."
 
Damnit! I know the perfect story to get a quote from, but it's in a book across an ocean.

I'm making a house rule that this thread can't die until December 4th
 
Office talk taken out of context

From http://www.pagetutor.com/jokebreak/100.html".com
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!
5. Hmmmmm...I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!
 
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