Gravitational difference between a black hole and a star

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Generally, stars are sufficiently extended that, even when touching, their centers are not close enough, so their orbits are not fast enough, for these waves to carry any significant energy away: When/if they merge, it is because of classical physics, especially friction.

The exception is neutron stars. But even there, a very close pair can take 100 MYr or more for the gravitational waves to carry away enough orbital energy for a merger.