How do you personally cope with stress?

[Stavros Kiri]

I added a link in the previous post (an old YouTube video - please take notice). I think it might be stress lelieving, or at least relevant for winning, or just a good old song from the 80's (or 90's ...) ...
After posting this I will add on edit ...
Edit:

My mistake here has been not assuming that the worst was happening around me. I think it would be a mistake to underestimate my situation again.

You're probably right. I would still say:

"Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst ..."
Then sometimes stress goes away.

Also, sometimes if there's nothing you can do to fix a certain situation, then stress goes away too (because at least it's not your fault).

Finally, I will just mention (not advising you though to do this in this case), that in the past I forgave a 'cheating on me situation' and continued with the relationship, adjusting to myself that perhaps I shouldn't be possessive in any relationship. We all make mistakes after all (I have too). But your situation may be more complicated.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I added a link in the previous post (an old YouTube video - please take notice). I think it might be stress lelieving, or at least relevant for winning, or just a good old song from the 80's (or 90's ...) ...

Here's another one (80's and 2017 ...):

 

[Fervent Freyja]

Here's another one (80's and 2017 ...):

Thanks again, I listened to it!

I am aware of much going on in my surrounding relationships. Even though he is my only boyfriend, I have launched myself into understanding everything I can in the last 10 years about love and marriage and relationships. I have forgiven too much already and put in more than my share. I hate to give up on anything and this had been incredibly important to me- in fact, making it work with him had been my priority in life, period, until I realized he didn't have to lift a finger and his actions seemed to erase all my progress with "us" and all the active work I have done didn't seem to make a dent. I used to have to use a journal to refer to in order to have any healthy, normal communication, period.

I am not sure, but in 10 years, I have never asked him to even sweep a floor and certainly never witnessed him wipe a surface, in 10 years. He hasn't had to do dang, in my quest to prevent demasculating him in any way.

I have tried. In every way I know, the traditional way. And even have taken all the modern advice I can. All these frickin marriage books and my own counselors have gotten me nowhere.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Thanks again, I listened to it!

I am aware of much going on in my surrounding relationships. Even though he is my only boyfriend, I have launched myself into understanding everything I can in the last 10 years about love and marriage and relationships. I have forgiven too much already and put in more than my share. I hate to give up on anything and this had been incredibly important to me- in fact, making it work with him had been my priority in life, period, until I realized he didn't have to lift a finger and his actions seemed to erase all my progress with "us" and all the active work I have done didn't seem to make a dent. I used to have to use a journal to refer to in order to have any healthy, normal communication, period.

I am not sure, but in 10 years, I have never asked him to even sweep a floor and certainly never witnessed him wipe a surface, in 10 years. He hasn't had to do ****, in my quest to prevent demasculating him in any way.

I have tried. In every way I know, the traditional way. And even have taken all the modern advice I can. All these frickin marriage books and my own counselors have gotten me nowhere.

These, I think, prove that you're more than sensible, prudent and possitive person, good wife too. May be you were too much for him, as he didn't seem to appreciate all that. He probably took it for granted and his character did not allow for your marriage to stay in good condition.
But it's not your fault. It happens. He was just not worth it (perhaps), or may be he isn't now. In no way you should blame yourself and stress should go away. A solution will be found. You'll know when you see it. It's just that we cannot account for other people's characters. There are no guarrantees! ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

You also seem [an] intelligent [person] and I usually learn a lot from your posts. I will share with you that I was in an uncertain and seemingly unsolvable situation once (not with a relationship), and was feeling bad as I saw no solution. But as soon as I saw it I grabbed it and moved on.
I learned [at least] two things from that experience:
1. Learned how to live and cope with uncertainty, uncertain situations, pending matters and situations, and possibly anxiety and stress. After all, life itself is one such big one ... [+We can enhance our tolerance ...]
2. When you don't see the solution yet ... don't worry! Just keep trying, be patient and do what you have to do. You'll know it when you see it (i.e. the solution).
From far away "clouds and obstacles hide the view" but, as you move closer, you'll know what to do to overcome them ... (as with driving, you know how to overtake the cars ahead only when you approach close ...). The "sun" and "destination" is on the other side ... but should already be in our hearts ...

[I usually find this stress relieving.]

 

[nuuskur]

He hasn't had to do ****, in my quest to prevent demasculating him in any way.

I'm sorry, what? How would keeping your home clean or, god forbid, taking out the garbage be demasculating?!
Would you avoid conflict only for the sake of avoiding conflict? That just doesn't sit with me in this particular case. Get angry, throw a fit, do something to show how much he f**** up. He sounds like a spoilt brat, it's just disgusting. Doesn't matter now, I suppose.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

By the way, he probably needs therapy more than anyone else. Is it possible that you or a third person (e.g. someone close to him or to both of you) can convince him to do that? It could save your marriage ...
(I am not sure though - something to think about ...)
Other solutions that haven't been thought up as of yet may be possible. I would say "hang in there", be patient and put your mind at work. Or do what else you think is necessary, that would at the same time help stress to go away. Perhaps it already has! ...