News How to discourage nuclear war

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1. May 13, 2003

FZ+

(This is partially a joke. But if any government officials are reading, consider this a freebie from the famous FZ one-man thinktank. )

Ok people, take notes now.

The primary threat from nuclear conflict is due to the instability of world leaders, who command these arsenals. At any moment, each one can in a moment of megalomania launch a strike to decimate entire cities. The primary defense system at present is a policy of M.A.D., and futuretech initiatives involving missile defense programs are unlikely to be very reliable as a basis of world peace. As weapons become cleaner and more precise, and the ability to deliver mass destruction with minimum damage to self and allies improves, this vital safeguard is being destroyed. But due to the need for self-protection, securing global disarmament is unlikely.

Hence proposal:

Install an international automatic system of guided missiles targeted at all world officials, allied or enemy. All nations that are developing nuclear arms, or have them already must sign up or face instant war from signed up nations. The system works by launching an immediate strike at any official that launches a nuke, with or without provokation. This serves as an effective deterrent to all leaders who would consider atomic bombs acceptable policy, by making any such action literal suicide. Hence this reserves missiles as only weapons of last resort.

Cheap.
Reliable - politicians' cowardice is ALWAYS reliable.
Little diplomatic implications.
No accusation bias etc.
Few loopholes.

This system can be extended to automatically interprete orders to bomb civilian targets etc. As further protection, the field of the automatic response can be extended to include lower rank ministers as well. Possibilities involve:

Coating Big Red Button with cyanide
Impregnating firing code slips with ebola
Removing blast doors and other protective systems from nuclear silos.
Gluing nuclear bombs to the aircraft they are arming.
Putting C4 into the bomb-authorisation suitcase carried by the head of state.
Converting nuclear missiles into (rather heavy) nuclear GRENADES.

2. May 13, 2003

Mulder

Sounds like Star Wars...

3. May 13, 2003

FZ+

Except we are aiming at the aholes in charge, not the missiles themselves.

4. May 13, 2003

To save valuable propellant how about if the nukes are made very small and implanted into the colons of all the political leaders, then remotely detonated as needed?

5. May 13, 2003

quantumcarl

Sure, FZ+, except, with you calling the shots on this proposal... wouldn't that make you one of the people in charge?

(snicker)

6. May 13, 2003

FZ+

Hey, somebody has to be above the law. It might as well be me.

BH: I love it. Then, when we say their ass is on the line, we really mean it....

7. May 13, 2003

Staff: Mentor

Communist

8. May 17, 2003

Ganshauk

I think you got it wrong.

You guys spend your life trying to prevent nuclear war. Every day one more crazy moron gets a few. Nuclear war is inevitable.

Instead of trying to prevent it, we should wage it.

We should hit first, hit hard, and freak everybody into oblivion.

Only after a few salvo's will we truly understand what real nuclear war is, how to fight it, and most importantly, how to survive it. Only then will it become...well...conventional.

Pandora's box will never, ever, ever, remain unopened. Best we open it now, take our chances, and LEARN.

9. May 17, 2003

FZ+

And as my second proposal, I advise we all set Ganshauk's house to calibrate our weapons. Maybe he'll tell us how to surivive a nuclear explosion.

10. May 19, 2003

quantumcarl

FZ+, I'm working on a proposal that has reward points for not blowing everyone to kingdom gone... but, I would think that everyone could see the inherent rewards in that sort of behaviour anyway [zz)]

11. May 19, 2003