I want to sleep with my Professor

[EternityMech]

Shes really hot is it ok? I know its unethical for professors to pursue students but what if i pursue her? Anybody else have this problem?

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Assuming that she would actually reciprocate your lust she could lose her job. Do you think that is an acceptable risk?

 

[I like Serena]

Assuming that she would actually reciprocate your lust she could lose her job. Do you think that is an acceptable risk?

Oh please, do you really think she could lose her job over something like that?
Perhaps in high school, but not in college!
(We're talking college aren't we?)
Let's start with the question whether she feels the same...

 

[lisab]

Shes really hot is it ok? I know its unethical for professors to pursue students but what if i pursue her? Anybody else have this problem?

It's not OK if she's your current professor, or if you will take any classes from her in the future.

 

[EternityMech]

well she keeps touching my arm (i have big arms) so you i think so. she is my professor and i want to join the phd program under her. is that more ok phd student and professor?

 

[turbo]

well she keeps touching my arm (i have big arms) so you i think so. she is my professor and i want to join the phd program under her. is that more ok phd student and professor?

Still no. If you want a professional (for her) relationship to be slanted by a personal relationship, you're setting yourself up for problems. The PhD process is going to take a while, and you'll be heavily reliant on her guidance. Do you want to guess what might happen if your personal relationship chills?

 

[D H]

Oh please, do you really think she could lose her job over something like that?
Perhaps in high school, but not in college!

Yes.

A high school teacher will get fired and get put in jail. A college professor (assuming the student is of age) will only get fired.

 

[I like Serena]

I kind of believe in romance.
I'd say to prepare for disappointment, but who's to say it can't be so?
Any bridge can be crossed when you get there (or not depending on how things turn out).
Assuming you are both adults (are you?), I believe anything goes.

 

[I like Serena]

Yes.

A high school teacher will get fired and get put in jail. A college professor (assuming the student is of age) will only get fired.

Do you have a reference for that?
I can imagine that there are extreme cases, but I find it hard to believe it is common practice.

 

[Andre]

I kind of believe in romance.
I'd say to prepare for disappointment, but who's to say it can't be so?
Any bridge can be crossed when you get there (or not depending on how things turn out).
Assuming you are both adults (are you?), I believe anything goes.

I would tend to agree but I guess we are in another culture. There is a substantial difference in first world problems like this.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Most students sleep with their professors.

 

[D H]

Do you have a reference for that?

Here's one, at a fairly prestigious, non-religious school. There are plenty of others.
http://yalealumnimagazine.com/issues/2010_03/lv_sex015.html

After more than a quarter century of debate, Yale faculty members are now barred from sexual relationships with undergraduates—not just their own students, but any Yale undergrads.

Previously, the university had prohibited such relationships only when the faculty member had “direct pedagogical or supervisory responsibilities” over the student. That remains the rule for affairs between faculty and graduate or professional students, and between grad students and undergrads.​

Just because faculty-student romances and flings do happen doesn't mean they are kosher.

 

[I like Serena]

Here's one, at a fairly prestigious, non-religious school. There are plenty of others.
http://yalealumnimagazine.com/issues/2010_03/lv_sex015.html

All right, so it's not against the law, but is is against the policy of some faculties.
In practice this does not make one yot of difference, except in extreme cases where the faculty can claim it's against the rules.

 

[D H]

All right, so it's not against the law, but is is against the policy of some faculties.

That's exactly what I said earlier: "A college professor (assuming the student is of age) will only get fired."

 

[neyzenyelda]

I have already married my professor. both of us fired!

 

[I like Serena]

That's exactly what I said earlier: "A college professor (assuming the student is of age) will only get fired."

All right.
Again, in practice this won't happen, unless things escalate...

 

[jtbell]

That's exactly what I said earlier: "A college professor (assuming the student is of age) will only get fired."

This of course applies in the USA. The OP may very well be somewhere else.

 

[Evo]

All right.
Again, in practice this won't happen, unless things escalate...

Please don't post things that you know nothing about. Apparently you didn't even bother googling the issue. Maybe in "your country" you are not aware of any issues, then state that. I only know of the US, has anyone asked the OP in which country he attends school? He might live in a country with very lax rules, he may not. The best advice is that it *may* be a problem, check with the student union, or something comparable.

 

[D H]

well she keeps touching my arm (i have big arms) so you i think so.

What you are interpreting as special attention to you may well be nothing special at all. Does she do this with other people, male and female? Some people are "touchy-feely". Touchy-feely males touch people's shoulders or shake hands at the drop of a hat, touchy-feely females touch peoples arms or hands. These touchy-feely people, male and female, have no qualms about invading what you feel is your personal space. They are usually more outgoing than normal. Their touchy-feely nature is just a part of their personality.

 

[turbo]

Yep! I had a touchy-feely prof who was very attractive. It might have been flirtation, but nothing more really, since her husband was my faculty adviser, directing my transition from engineering school toward a double major in English lit and philosophy. I'm sure she was quite aware of my relationship with her husband because I posed him some unique problems with my switch, requiring him to get me multiple "dispensations" from the dean to get me into the courses that he thought fundamental to my switch. One of those dispensations was to get me into his wife's class on early American literature, which was already full.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Most students sleep with their professors.

So it isn't limited to sports and coaches?

 

[turbo]

So it isn't limited to sports and coaches?

Or priests and altar-boys?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Or priests and altar-boys?

I can only say that I played football and was an altar boy, and no priest ever slapped me on the butt.

 

[turbo]

I can only say that I played football and was an altar boy, and no priest ever slapped me on the butt.

Yay priests!

(One in a row!)

Edit: I should ask if your priests ever demanded that you give 110% Just trying to level the playing field.

 

[Pengwuino]

I fail to understand why a University would take such a hardline against seeing students if they are no longer in your class. It would be like a corporation saying that employees can't sleep with former clients (which, according to my research watching The Office, is acceptable). And corporations are suppose to be more conservative entities!

This thread is disappoint.

 

[D H]

It would be like a corporation saying that employees can't sleep with former clients.

Unless the corporation fires the client (in which case sleeping with the former client would be a bad idea), corporations are not supposed to have former clients. Once a client, always a client. Till bankruptcy, death, or unfriendly buyout do you part. That sort of thing.

 

[Evo]

Unless the corporation fires the client (in which case sleeping with the former client would be a bad idea), corporations are not supposed to have former clients. Once a client, always a client. Till bankruptcy, death, or unfriendly buyout do you part. That sort of thing.

I worked with a guy that got fired for making sexist remarks to a female client. The guy was clueless, he thought he was suave, women thought he was a pig.

 

[turbo]

I worked with a guy that got fired for making sexist remarks to a female client. The guy was clueless, he thought he was suave, women thought he was a pig.

Surprising how often that happens.

 

[dacruick]

I guess, mr OP, it depends on if you care that you're potential irresistibility could result in your professor's termination. Personally, I feel like that's her responsibility.

Also, no one has to find out unless you ask these questions on online forums.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Most students sleep with their professors.

Once again, with unparalleled insight, you've observed a core truth all others have missed.

 

[lisab]

Once again, with unparalleled insight, you've observed a core truth all others have missed.

I know...time and time again, how does he do it ?

I'm so glad you post on this forum, Jimmy!

 

[sameev29]

What can I say ore the society and peoples respect and feeling are going to crush very soon.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I know...time and time again, how does he do it ?

He has his own secret fluxions, his own secret method of calculating the slope of the line of drink spewing over giggles per unit time. We wouldn't understand them if he showed the to us.

I'm so glad you post on this forum, Jimmy!

Ditto.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

how does he do it?

I steal. Here's a joke I heard long ago.
Father: Did you sleep with my daughter?
Boyfriend: No sir, not a wink.

The rest is just a matter of drawing the bullseye after the shaft has flown.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I steal. Here's a joke I heard long ago.
Father: Did you sleep with my daughter?
Boyfriend: No sir, not a wink.

The rest is just a matter of drawing the bullseye after the shaft has flown.

Thanks, lisab, for the help in flattering his secret out of him.

And now, with the key to Snyder's MOJO, I shall take over the WORLD!

Muahaaaaaahaaaaahaaaaa!

 

[turbo]

Thanks, lisab, for the help in flattering his secret out of him.

And now, with the key to Snyder's MOJO, I shall take over the WORLD!

Muahaaaaaahaaaaahaaaaa!

Ah, you need a flair for the sardonic, too. Hope you didn't miss that.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Ah, you need a flair for the sardonic, too. Hope you didn't miss that.

I'll have a sardonic retort to that in a bit. My processor is still on step one: locating an old joke with a similar premise to plagiarize.

 

[StevieTNZ]

I wouldn't sleep with any Professor I've had. Yuck. Old men.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I wouldn't sleep with any Professor I've had. Yuck. Old men.

I wish I could show you your future.

 

[Office_Shredder]

I fail to understand why a University would take such a hardline against seeing students if they are no longer in your class. It would be like a corporation saying that employees can't sleep with former clients (which, according to my research watching The Office, is acceptable). And corporations are suppose to be more conservative entities!

This thread is disappoint.

There are a lot of universities that allow faculty-student relationships as long as they aren't in a position for a conflict of interest.

Also your analogy isn't very good, because the students still attend the school. It would be more like a corporation can't sleep with clients whose accounts are being handled by other employees

 

[EternityMech]

im in sweden, and i haven't seen any rules on dating...i think its fair game.

 

[zoobyshoe]

There are a lot of universities that allow faculty-student relationships as long as they aren't in a position for a conflict of interest.

When I was in college in the 1970's student-faculty relationships happened all the time. I don't recall ever hearing anyone complaining about it. It was neither prohibited nor frowned upon. It was understood that girls who could interest a professor went up in status among their peers, and professors who landed a pretty coed had their status raised among their peers. No different than the jock and cheerleader relationship.

Years later I heard colleges were starting to prohibit it, the reason being that it had been recast; no longe an exchange of status, but a kind of prostitution where girls were allegedly offering themselves to professors in exchange for top grades. I thought that was sad.

 

[ArcanaNoir]

I wish my professors were young enough to date! They're the only ones who think my enthusiasm for math is cool. I say wait until the grades are final, then go for it. Wouldn't want to find out she thinks you're whack when your grade was still in play. After that, I'd say it's safe to find out. If there's some policy against it, she should know about it and tell you if necessary.

 

[widereader]

High school teachers usually have students that are of minor age. It is against the law for a person who is aged 18 and above to have a relationship with a minor.

 

[Loess]

When I first started uni, a teaching support staff guy from my department sent me an email in my first week of the course. He said he thought I was beautiful and wanted to get to know me. Now he's a lecturer at the same uni. i turned him down at the time as I was in a long term relationship. I don't know if its right or wrong but I think I would have had to keep our relationship secret if I decided to pursue it. I'm now single and sometimes think about contacting him but its been along time now.

 

[Moonbear]

Since the OP is asking about someone he wants to do a PhD with, the answer is clearly, NO. It's unethical, and a conflict of interest for her to have a relationship with you if you are her student.

As for general rules against dating students who aren't in your class, as long as they are at the university, there is a potential they could wind up in your course and become your student. There's also the possible conflict that a faculty member dating a student could put undue pressure on colleagues to boost grades in classes,etc.

I've been told since I was TA, "If it's true love, it can wait until they graduate."

 

[netgypsy]

Reminds me of the time a family member was asked by a student if she had ever posed for a poster. Since she was well over 40 at the time she was quite flattered. There are ways to let a professor know you're interested without risking a smackdown, and once you've graduated - who knows?

 

[jedishrfu]

funny movie short as the SXSW movie festival a few years ago about this:

Female student enters the Profs office looking very seductive and says "I'd do anything for an A"

The prof says: "Would you, would you, would you..." as she leans ever closer "READ the BOOK!"

 

[turbo]

I wanted to sleep with one of my profs, too. Unfortunately, her husband was my student adviser, so that wasn't going to happen. Also, one of my classmates had the hots for him and would have ratted me out in a second if I managed to get close to his wife.

She'd wear those slim tapered skirts (think Mad Men) and elastic head-bands, which were pretty retro by 1970. Pretty, and a bit geeky!

 

[Chronos]

This whole idea is highly unethical. A person in a position of authority should never have a personal relationship with someone under their current jurisdiction. It is, at best, a prejudicial relationship in the eyes of all others subject to that authority. If you hide the fact, you are merely fueling the gossip fires.