Intelligent Turn-Ons: Attraction to Smarter People

[Zenparticle]

I seem to go for someone whom I feel is at least and in most cases more intelligent than myself. Do you find people significantly attractive that you see in some aspect as being smarter than you? Or do you feel that you have always been the dominating intelligence in your relationships? I wonder if me being a woman has anything to do with finding intelligent men attractive, does the same hold true for men?

 

[chroot]

Intelligence is a very important quality to me (I need to be in awe of my partner at least ocassionally), but I think I'd still have to rank compassion as the most.

- Warren

 

[Thrice]

Guy here. It's not precisely a turn on - more like a prerequisite. Smarter "than," though? Does such a thing exist? It may very well exist, but you won't find me admitting it. :p

 

[Moridin]

To me, it is quite important that a relationship should include at least some mutual intellectual exchange, benefit and discussion, common interests and so on.

 

[Thrice]

Moridin

I see what you did there.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I seem to go for someone whom I feel is at least and in most cases more intelligent than myself. Do you find people significantly attractive that you see in some aspect as being smarter than you? Or do you feel that you have always been the dominating intelligence in your relationships? I wonder if me being a woman has anything to do with finding intelligent men attractive, does the same hold true for men?

If you think of the men you found attractive because they were intelligent, how would you characterize the nature of that intelligence? Does it strike you as an expression of confidence? Sensitivity? Competence? Or...?

 

[Eolill]

I myself prefer that my partner should be at least close in intelligence (else I would get bored, however the emotional, creative stuff has to be there too. But intelligence doesn't only show in intelligent discussion, it shows in almost all aspects of things). I like being the more intelligent one though, but only when this is acknowledged; when people because of their own stupidity or assumption declare me the narrow-minded one, I get frustrated. So as close to me as possible; not too much dumber lest I get bored, and not too much smarter lest I feel stupid. =P

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

I consider Intelligence cruicial. But hey I'm a guy and I don't want a girl to be a lot smarter than me. I'd feel like a little side pony to this girl. So I like either equal, but Intelligent in different areas or a bit less overall. I hate talking to a girl who arelady knew everything I had to say or offer. I feel good when someone asks me a question, like "what is this", "have you heard of this", "tell em what you know about this".

 

[Zenparticle]

If you think of the men you found attractive because they were intelligent, how would you characterize the nature of that intelligence? Does it strike you as an expression of confidence? Sensitivity? Competence? Or...?

I would say that Intelligent men are attractive to me for many of those reasons, it boils over into many aspects of life. I wouldn't feel much for a book smart guy that had no confidence, compassion or social grace. The interesting thing to me is that I do not mind at all if the guy is smarter then me, I welcome it and respect a man who is both compassionate and wise. Maybe it's the cave woman in me or that I have been blessed with a awesome father...I wonder why it seems as though it would be so terrible if the tables were turned- is it basic human nature for men to generally want to be the smart ones or has society taught us this?
n

WordNet - Cite This Source - Share This
intelligent

adjective
1. having the capacity for thought and reason especially to a high degree; "is there intelligent life in the universe?"; "an intelligent question" [ant: stupid]
2. possessing sound knowledge; "well-informed readers"
3. exercising or showing good judgment; "healthy scepticism"; "a healthy fear of rattlesnakes"; "the healthy attitude of French laws"; "healthy relations between labor and management"; "an intelligent solution"; "a sound approach to the problem"; "sound advice"; "no sound explanation for his decision" [syn: healthy]
4. endowed with the capacity to reason

 

[zoobyshoe]

I wonder why it seems as though it would be so terrible if the tables were turned- is it basic human nature for men to generally want to be the smart ones or has society taught us this?

I think it's probably basic to all mammals to the extent that wanting to be smarter is an expression of the male form of the urge to be dominant. Women use a different strategy altogether. Yin-Yang.

 

[Moonbear]

Oh, is that why I'm still single? I'm still looking for a guy smarter than me?

Intelligence is important to me, and I really think that's generally true for most educated, intellectually-stimulated people. It doesn't mean other traits aren't important too, but if the intelligence is missing, it's really hard to enjoy being with someone you can't have a conversation with.

I somewhat agree with Greg on the yin-yang part of it...I don't want to be around a "know-it-all" but would like someone who can complement my knowledge with knowledge in a different area, yet who I can talk with about the things I enjoy.

 

[JasonRox]

I haven't met a girl smarter than I. I know a lot of girls have the potential more than intelligent than me, but somehow they're not.

Like now, after reading a lot on Psychology, I feel as though I'm surpassing the girls I know in Psychology and I don't even know that much.

I know there are lots of smart girls out there. My only guess is that just do well in school or they're just afraid/embarrassed to share it. I have no clue.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I would say that Intelligent men are attractive to me for many of those reasons, it boils over into many aspects of life. I wouldn't feel much for a book smart guy that had no confidence, compassion or social grace. The interesting thing to me is that I do not mind at all if the guy is smarter then me, I welcome it and respect a man who is both compassionate and wise. Maybe it's the cave woman in me or that I have been blessed with a awesome father...


WordNet - Cite This Source - Share This
intelligent

adjective
1. having the capacity for thought and reason especially to a high degree; "is there intelligent life in the universe?"; "an intelligent question" [ant: stupid]
2. possessing sound knowledge; "well-informed readers"
3. exercising or showing good judgment; "healthy scepticism"; "a healthy fear of rattlesnakes"; "the healthy attitude of French laws"; "healthy relations between labor and management"; "an intelligent solution"; "a sound approach to the problem"; "sound advice"; "no sound explanation for his decision" [syn: healthy]
4. endowed with the capacity to reason

"The cave woman" in you is what I'm exploring for. What I mean by that is I think your positive response to the concept of "intelligence" is the result of it being linked in your mind with something more basic that all women are attracted to, but which they wouldn't characterize as "intelligence". You mentioned confidence, compassion, wisdom, and social grace. Those are all attractive qualities, especially compared to the possible alternatives in a man of low self-esteem, selfishness, foolishness, and social awkwardness. The difference between two such men would stand out loud and clear in a cave dwelling despite there being no discussions of Relativity or 18th Century French Literature. Likewise, the definition you quoted revolves around "reason, sound knowledge, good judgment", rather than, say, " a high mensa ranking, being conversant with quantum physics, being a chess grand master", the latter group being characteristic of a kind of narrowly focused cleverness rather than a broad set of life skills. I think that by "intelligent" you mean a really fine, alert, observant, thoughtful person who is also educated and articulate, and not merely someone who knows 7 languages fluently and can calculate pi to 2000 places in his head.

 

[Zenparticle]

"The cave woman" in you is what I'm exploring for. What I mean by that is I think your positive response to the concept of "intelligence" is the result of it being linked in your mind with something more basic that all women are attracted to, but which they wouldn't characterize as "intelligence". You mentioned confidence, compassion, wisdom, and social grace. Those are all attractive qualities, especially compared to the possible alternatives in a man of low self-esteem, selfishness, foolishness, and social awkwardness. The difference between two such men would stand out loud and clear in a cave dwelling despite there being no discussions of Relativity or 18th Century French Literature. Likewise, the definition you quoted revolves around "reason, sound knowledge, good judgment", rather than, say, " a high mensa ranking, being conversant with quantum physics, being a chess grand master", the latter group being characteristic of a kind of narrowly focused cleverness rather than a broad set of life skills. I think that by "intelligent" you mean a really fine, alert, observant, thoughtful person who is also educated and articulate, and not merely someone who knows 7 languages fluently and can calculate pi to 2000 places in his head.

Sooo, what are you doing later? Very nice, I believe you are correct. But those types of traits are usually a product of loving parents/family and natural logical abilities-The intelligence does pay off much more by being a loved intelligent person. I think it's great you mentioned Chess GM's as I have one and also a few IM's that are personal friends and teachers of mine(I am a helper and long time member at a online Pay chess site), they share the same gift of chess genius but are quite ordinary guys otherwise and yes very attractive somehow.. But your observation makes sence.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Sooo, what are you doing later?

Oh, I'm not that "intelligent" man you want. I'm a crazy artist.

(Wanna come up and see my etchings? : https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=95252)

Very nice, I believe you are correct. But those types of traits are usually a product of loving parents/family and natural logical abilities-The intelligence does pay off much more by being a loved intelligent person.

The personalities and dispositions of the people who raise you and surround you from infancy have the most enormous impact on who you become, on how any natural abilities end up being expressed.

 

[Gelsamel Epsilon]

I find it hard to imagine someone being more intelligent then me...

Sure, knowing more? Okay. But like... learning stuff quicker, understanding concepts easier and making logic jumps easier... I can't imagine it >.>;