Is Introversion Genetic or Learned? Seeking Advice on Social Interaction

[DiracPool]

Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones.

How can you make that distinction? How do you tease out where fear ends and "preference" begins?

 

[micromass]

How can you make that distinction? How do you tease out where fear ends and "preference" begins?

How do you know you don't fear a spider, but rather not have it in your house? It's the same thing. I'm sure the individual person knows the difference between fear and preference. I sure do.

 

[DiracPool]

I'm sure the individual person knows the difference between fear and preference. I sure do.

I surely don't. These are human dilemmas of denial and self-justification that I don't think are so easily pigeon-holed.

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

How can you make that distinction? How do you tease out where fear ends and "preference" begins?

I'm an introvert. However, I still have a decent amount of friends that I hang out with on occasion. I'm not fearful of social interaction, in fact I enjoy it, but I get fairly exhausted after any prolonged social encounters, and have noticed sometimes, when hanging out with friends, that I would rather just be at home by myself, even if I'm just aimlessly browsing the internet.

So, as you can see, I'm definitely not afraid of being with my friends (or people in general), but after a little while, I would much prefer to be by myself.

I've seen it described as being that introverts feel exhausted after prolonged social encounters, whereas extroverts appear to gain energy from being in social situations.

 

[micromass]

I'm an introvert. However, I still have a decent amount of friends that I hang out with on occasion. I'm not fearful of social interaction, in fact I enjoy it, but I get fairly exhausted after any prolonged social encounters, and have noticed sometimes, when hanging out with friends, that I would rather just be at home by myself, even if I'm just aimlessly browsing the internet.

So, as you can see, I'm definitely not afraid of being with my friends (or people in general), but after a little while, I would much prefer to be by myself.

I've seen it described as being that introverts feel exhausted after prolonged social encounters, whereas extroverts appear to gain energy from being in social situations.

Exactly. I find it fairly easy to make the distinction between "I fear to talk to that person" and "People are annoying today, I'm too tired to deal with them".

 

[DiracPool]

Yeah, I get that Freeze. Have you ever read the recent book by James Watson of the Watson and Crick variety, "Avoid boring "other" people"? It's a play on words, the "other" is printed white on white on the hardbound edition. It is very difficult to have a scientific mind and live in the blue-collar world...

 

[Yanick]

I don't get why people think that being introvert is a bad thing that needs to be changed. Sure thing, if you're shy and scared to talk to others, then that's not good. But that's not what being introverted is. Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones, whereas shy people (who may be extroverts at heart) avoid social encounters out of fear. It's a big difference.

In my mind there are two things which should be considered in this context. The first is simply the existence of this thread. If somebody is happy with their (social) life, they don't go on a forum asking about such things. To clarify my last statement, we don't get posts like, "man I'm so good at school/work/relationships, why is that? Do I need to change it?" People that are happy in life don't typically sit around wondering why they are the way they are and if they should change. I mean people tell me I'm smart (I'm really not but whatever), but I don't come on a forum asking why that is and if I should change. Also the OP states that people tell him/her that he/she should be more outgoing. In my years of being shy/introverted/whatever I never had people just tell me to be more outgoing for no reason. I don't know about you guys but my friends don't just throw out life advice like that for no reason. It's usually following some type of statement by myself that showed some amount of dissatisfaction with my life. I have people occasionally tell me that I need to go out to clubs with them, I don't question my decision of not going. I don't give it a second thought and certainly don't go seeking validation if my decision on an online forum.

Finally, one thing all the "pro-introverts" are forgetting is that these labels are at the extremes of a spectrum. Saying one is an introvert doesn't mean that one wishes to be a hermit. When an "introvert" claims that they just prefer to be alone, how are we to judge how much of that desire comes from the voluntary decision and how much is from fear? In other words the function which describes a persons lonesome behavior can likely be approximated by a weighted sum of all of the motivations. How do we find the coefficients? Impossible, this is Psychology not Physics/Math.

Humans are, in a general sense, social animals. Also, the only thing that is tangible is someone's behavior, not their rationalization of that behavior. The rationalizations are typically way off as insight is a very difficult thing to come by. That's why most drug addiction and Psych disorder non-pharmaceutical treatments begin with developing insight...Hi I'm Yanick and I'm an alcoholic. In Psych Nursing we were taught that a large barrier to therapy of a disorder is lack of insight into the disorder. The patient is not aware that anything is wrong with them! Elvis singing in my head is normal, I don't need meds.

So this introverted thing can, in my opinion, be used as a crutch. When someone wants to develop relationships (friendships, professional or romantic), but doesn't, it doesn't matter what the cause is, ultimately. It doesn't matter if you're scared or just prefer to be alone most of the time. When you do crave some social interaction, it doesn't just appear with a snap of your fingers. Relationships take work and effort. If you don't put that work in, you'll have no idea how to establish them. Then time will pass and you'll realize that you are behind the curve so far that it seems nearly impossible to catch up. Like cramming for a Calculus final without ever having done one problem or opened the text. Its going to be overwhelming! Much easier if you atleast did a couple of problems here and there, read through the material etc. Then you don't need to start from square one.

We all crave social interaction, no matter how introverted we are. I mean we're all here in PF Gen Discussion, right? Can't claim that we only come here for the STEM discussions, we all clicked the GD sub forum and read through the, mostly meaningless, online socialization. Real life is harder because you have to step out of your comfort zone. You have to make that first remark and get to know people. If you don't, you'll never get to know anyone and you'll wake up one day and realize you're just lonely. There is no quick fix for that.

 

[DiracPool]

I'm speechless, Yanick, I have nothing to add. Good summary.

 

[Yanick]

I'm speechless, Yanick, I have nothing to add. Good summary.

Lol, I have my moments. They're few and far in between but they come around on occasion. As evidenced by my knuckle headed comments in the Chemistry section which Borek has to correct :)

 

[TimTimmy]

I think media plays a lot whether you become an introvert or extrovert. Tv, music, movies etc.

 

[Monique]

Excellent post by Yanick.

Exactly. I find it fairly easy to make the distinction between "I fear to talk to that person" and "People are annoying today, I'm too tired to deal with them".

Isn't the latter anti-social behavior? One may be an introvert, but that doesn't mean that social interactions are not important (unless one wants to be a hermit). It might not come naturally, but that's not a reason not to work on it. I avoid pubs, because they're just too tiring and superficial, I do enjoy dinner parties. I'm an introvert, while many of my friends are extroverts, it's a good balance.

 

[jd12345]

There is a conflict going out in my mind.
If I just go out and start talking, I am doing something that is unnatural to my personality. Why should I do something that I don't spontaneously do?

That came out a little wrong.

Of-course I want to change myself. I guess I am shy as well as introverted and I want to remove the shyness.
But I was wondering why doesn't talking come naturally to me?

Anyways thanks a lot guys!

 

[Tzikin]

Mixing psychological models, there appear to be two very different types of introvert according to the Assertivity Triangle model. One is the 'Aloof' personality (Redfield) in passive aggressivity and co-dependence who has an uncomfortable love/hate relationship with social interaction. The other is the Assertive Thinker who may well become more interested in knowledge than people and can take them or leave them without stress. They can choose healthy interactions and reject unhealthy ones.

The lack of insight that Yanick describes is very common in passive aggressives and they have little if any comprehension of the Assertive Thinker. They negatively label this as if they were aloof co-dependents and apply social pressure to them to conform to their belief that it is better to be an extrovert, dragging them into their worldview. They attempt to make healthy thinkers feel uncomfortable, even guilty so that they conform to their expectations.

As to whether this is innate or learned, developmental models would suggest that all children are passive aggressive and co-dependent as a result of their life stage. Certainly, Freud would have called the Assertive Thinker the normal adult life stage and in educational terms, this is a skill set that can and should be learned in school and the family but the learning environment often fails to foster that process.

In that vane we should remember that all Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has the aims of teaching the mindset of the Thinking Assertive adult life stage as a form of remedial education. The central ethic is prehaps best summed up in the title of the Greenberger and Padesky client manual Mind Over Mood.

It has conclusively proven that we can change.

So developmental models suggest that we can and should change personality types according to positive life and learning experience. There is a process. First we learn passive aggressivity which starts with extrovert aggressivity then changes to primary passivity with introversion. Then we learn considerate assertivity which we must practice. The final stage is to become flexible in our assertiveness rather than rigid. We are adaptable and able to switch comfortably between assertiveness, aggression and passivity depending on the situation. We can choose depending on desired outcome using emotional intelligence. Those outcomes are always assertive rather than passive aggressive immediate self or other gratification.

This flexible assertivity is obviously the stereotypical ideal. It requires the maturity to know who you are inside and not worry about what others think of you as you literally switch personality types. You are comfortable with any outer appearance. At this point, the thinker is actually thinking even harder because they are including the human factor and making more rational decisions based on a common sense mastery of psychology. At this point they come out of their apparently introvert shell and become comfortable with extroversion as appropriate.

According to these models, changes between introversion and extroversion should be a stepwise life process rather than inherited.

 

[Monique]

Mixing psychological models, there appear to be two very different types of introvert according to the Assertivity Triangle model. One is the 'Aloof' personality (Redfield) in passive aggressivity and co-dependence who has an uncomfortable love/hate relationship with social interaction. The other is the Assertive Thinker who may well become more interested in knowledge than people and can take them or leave them without stress. They can choose healthy interactions and reject unhealthy ones.

Do you have some reference to the psychological model? I can't seem to find information on it.

 

[Detached]

So should I try to change myself?

If you're happy the way you are, then don't try. Besides, even if you try, chances are you won't change. People don't change. We are who we are.

 

[Stephen Tashi]

An introvert's life balances out because your best friends tend to be extroverts. (They have to be extroverts to become your friends because you aren't going to initiate the friendship youself.) You could join a Toastmasters club or the community theater group and that might work to change your habits for interacting with people. Habits are very important.

 

[Monsterboy]

Well I scored an INTJ. Majority people here voted for that - perhaps something to do with this being a 'Science and math' forum.

What does 'Science and math' got to do with being an introvert?

So what decides personality - people around you, genetics, both or something else?
And should I even try to change myself?

Stick to people who have similar goals,interests and ambitions etc i.e people who have something in common with you ,then you will have something to talk with them ,once you get used to it ,try talking to people who have little or nothing in common with you,try not talk about stuff that will openly bring out your differences which might make the other person to lose interest in the chat.

 

[anjelin]

This is a psychological, biological and a partly rhetorical question. Also I am seeking some advice. So I don't know the appropriate topic to post under.

Are personality traits caused by environment and bringing up or are they genetic? What part of the brain causes different people to behave differently(talking about introversion and extroversion)?

Also lately many people have told me talk more, interact more and be more social. I find myself completely normal having read about introversion including Susan Cain's TEDtalk on introverts. So should I try to change myself?

The book, 'TНЕ INTROVERT ADVANTAGE' by Marti Olsen LANEY, would be very useful for you. Chapter 3, 'The Emerging Brainscape: Born to Be Introverted?' directly answers to your question. Also much more interesting things about personality.

 

[Monique]

Some may benefit from this: Let This Robot Teach You How To Be Less Awkward
http://www.popsci.com/technology/article/2013-06/let-robot-teach-you-be-less-awkward