Messing Up Bad: Dealing with a 25-Year-Old Acting Like a Little Girl

[cronxeh]

Ok its been two days of no contact. I really appreciate the seriousness of the advices. I get the message. I am not doing this for the attention; I just don't have no one else to consult and I am having deep second thoughts. Some part of me really want to communicate that I am sorry for what I proposed and I just want what we had: just the friendship. She's really a good person. She's having a tough time right now and I am really ashamed to be becoming extra burden on her. She's trying to get into a grad school by herself. One of her dreams is to open a school for children. She used to say her childhood was stolen, her parents weren't with her when she was young and now she doesn't want to be with them because of that. Really stupid of me to demand from someone like her to sell herself. I didn't have much of a childhood myself, maybe that is why I do such stupid ****, maybe that is why she resonates with me. Now I just wish we would be just friends again. She needs so much help! But she never asks for anything. She's just a little doll trying to make it in this world. God, what have I done. I just can't act like a monster and not talk to anymore! I am not a monster.

Is it really bad for me to apologize for what I proposed? She used to say my apologies are good as nothing to her and that I always backtrace, not to mention that I am a coward.

that has got to be the most repulsive thing any guy could be to a woman. You need to quit all this moping and sobbing right now, you acting pathetic. no woman wants to date a guy like that. why don't you join the military and make something of yourself, because i really doubt you can change just by listening to our advice.

 

[jackmell]

No it's not. Some guys kill when rejected. We see that happening in the news regularly.

I don't understand why you guys are so hard on him not to mention the thread may get locked cus' you guys are gettin' hostile on him. I see nothing inconsistent with human nature in his behavior. In fact, as I alluded to above, it could get much worst than this. It is after all a "relationship" thread and many, many people have problems in their relationship that to us may seem easily solved by simply changing behavior. That's often not easy for someone to do especially when feelings are involved. Personally, I think he's sincere and do not feel this is some joke thread. Lots of people need help. Often they do not get it

 

[Pengwuino]

Look, this girl has 0 interest in EVER being with you. She doesn't owe you anything for you buying her drinks or movie tickets, that's your gamble in hopes of sparking something with her and it failed. The $1500 was just stupid. You make it sound like she thinks you're a creep and if that's true, you've lost the friendship. "No means No" as they say. I have a feeling you're on the verge of a restraining order.

Why would she be with someone who doesn't listen to a simple request to stop acting like a creep to her? Relationships don't start out that way. You'll never find a girl who speaks of how she came to be with her significant other starting with "Well, at first I told him I'd never be with him even if he was the last person on Earth and to stop telling me he loved me."

 

[DanP]

1500 US$ is way too much for medium prices whores. If you want to pay for sex
do yourself a favor and find cheaper prostitutes. Unless your name is Spitzer of course :P
You'll get 3-4 at the price of one in 1.5k - 2k range :P

 

[DanP]

You make it sound like she thinks you're a creep and if that's true, you've lost the friendship. "No means No" as they say. I have a feeling you're on the verge of a restraining order.

Why would she be with someone who doesn't listen to a simple request to stop acting like a creep to her?"

You are way too hard. A women who strings a man and tap him of 1500 US$ deserve no respect. Besides, many of the girls from this group will also spread for money, although they doit a bit more masked than a prostitute. So it's not really something "creepy" to ask for sex for the money. Sex can be and is used pretty much as a currency all the time. The whole world knows it. From the homeless to congressman.

This guy has only one problem. He fallen for what appears to be a women pretty well versed in tapping money from man, and he failed to put the problem right from start :P He aint creepy, just naive.

 

[waht]

I honestly don't know what's worse, wasting 1.5K on a girl who will use the funds to meet other guys, or still wanting to apologize and be friends with that girl who took advantage of you.

 

[cronxeh]

1500 US$ is way too much for medium prices whores. If you want to pay for sex
do yourself a favor and find cheaper prostitutes. Unless your name is Spitzer of course :P
You'll get 3-4 at the price of one in 1.5k - 2k range :P

haha i woulda offered her 20 bucks as my opening bid, you know with economy and all. And to knock her down a peg.

You really are a tard for offering her so much. you elevated her to ridiculous heights, but guess what? You made it really easy for guys like me to bag her though

 

[DanP]

haha i woulda offered her 20 bucks as my opening bid, you know with economy and all. And to knock her down a peg.

what do you get for that in NY nowadays ? A bj hidden beyond your ambulance during graveyard shift ? Is it enough for a quicky ?

 

[Borg]

This is a quote that I heard a long time ago.

A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.

In her case, I dare say that she won't forget you but, it won't be for the reasons that you want. This relationship is over - no friendship, no love, nothing. She is very likely sorry that she ever spoke to you and is probably terrified of your "next move". The only thing that you can do is to learn from this and back off, no matter how hard it may be for you. Personally, I wouldn't consider dating for a significant amount of time (at least a year after you stop having this desire). And, when another opportunity comes along, make sure that it isn't with someone that you think needs rescuing.

I honestly don't know what's worse, wasting 1.5K on a girl who will use the funds to meet other guys, or still wanting to apologize and be friends with that girl who took advantage of you.

I have to agree with this as well. SELFMADE needs to find another hobby.

 

[DanP]

She is very likely sorry that she ever spoke to you and is probably terrified of your "next move".

Oh, really, poor innocent thing , she is so scared :P Most of those girls who tap money from man are not so easily terrified. My heart is almost breaking for both the OP and miss 1500 US$ :P

The only thing that you can do is to learn from this and back off, no matter how hard it may be for you.

The thing he should learn is how to make his money worth and how to laugh in the face of women who ask you to borrow them money and direct them to the nearest bank :P

Personally, I wouldn't consider dating for a significant amount of time (at least a year after you stop having this desire). And, when another opportunity comes along, make sure that it isn't with someone that you think needs rescueing.

Luckily, most of humans ain't you

 

[Borg]

1500 US$ is way too much for medium prices whores. If you want to pay for sex
do yourself a favor and find cheaper prostitutes. Unless your name is Spitzer of course :P
You'll get 3-4 at the price of one in 1.5k - 2k range :P

Oh, really, poor innocent thing , she is so scared :P Most of those girls who tap money from man are not so easily terrified. My heart is almost breaking for both the OP and miss 1500 US$ :P

The thing he should learn is how to make his money worth and how to laugh in the face of women who ask you to borrow them money and direct them to the nearest bank :P

I guess that I'm not as familiar with this type of woman as you seem to be.

 

[DanP]

I guess that I'm not as familiar with this type of woman as you seem to be.

I suggest then get acquainted :P

 

[cristo]

There's a lesson to be learned here: don't lend someone you've known for only three months $1500!

 

[cronxeh]

what do you get for that in NY nowadays ? A bj hidden beyond your ambulance during graveyard shift ? Is it enough for a quicky ?

hey you want new shoes, got to work for it

 

[anubis01]

You know, guys, there's absolutely no reason to disparage the young lady in question. This young fellow has told us his side of the story, words of hers (that she may or may not have even said) out of context. The only character we are certain of, here, concretely, is his. So no need to put her down.

She went on dinners and movies with this person, never paying a dime and took $1400 from someone who was clearly obsessed with her. No decent human being would take that much money from someone who was obsessed with them and had no intention of returning those feelings. She used him, plain and simple and that speak volumes about the "lady" in question.

 

[waht]

SELFMADE, take comfort in knowing that other people had it much much worse than you.

There are men that lost their houses, and cars, and life savings to wives and girlfriends. Once kids are involved, it's nightmare trying to get custody, and paying tons on child support, divorce, and dozens of lawyers. Mel Gibson rings a bell?

Your little incident is nothing. Imagine not being able go on a date because of health issues and disability, or an accident. Then come back.

Needless to say, consider your incident a transaction. You put money in, and get something out. What you got out is valuable insights into yourself, and knowledge of the kinds of people are OUT there, lurking and preying on someone to take advantage.

 

[cronxeh]

She went on dinners and movies with this person, never paying a dime and took $1400 from someone who was clearly obsessed with her. No decent human being would take that much money from someone who was obsessed with them and had no intention of returning those feelings. She used him, plain and simple and that speak volumes about the "lady" in question.

I pretty much stopped bothering to reply to her a few months ago, but it is curious to find out why a post-menopausal woman would chip in about relationships

 

[DanP]

I pretty much stopped bothering to reply to her a few months ago, but it is curious to find out why a post-menopausal woman would chip in about relationships

OP's pseudo-girlfriend was post-menopausal ?

 

[BobG]

I agree with Dan and anubis on this one.

She knew you wanted to be more than friends. She played on that to get the $1500 she needed. The reason she'll give for not talking to you is that she feels guilty about not being able to pay you back, but the real reason is that she thinks the well has run dry and really doesn't want to have to listen to you whine about getting your money back.

The fact that you can't contact her any more is your clue. Otherwise, she'd think about things and give you a realistic plan to pay you back; not cut off contact.

You're no use to her any more because she can't believe anyone would be dumb enough to come back for more abuse after what she's done to you. Which, considering your posts here, just shows she has little imagination, because I think she could take you for another grand or so, at least.

Your suggestion for her to "work it off" is insulting only because she's smarter than a prostitute. But don't give her credit for some kind of purity that she just doesn't have.

 

[GeorginaS]

Sure there is. He is here for assurance that his life will recover. Everyone is counselling him to make her smaller in his life; that is what is best for him. There is no need in this kind of situation to be "fair" to an absent non-person.

I can appreciate that concept because women commiserate in similar ways, but they've at least usually been introduced to the cowardly, cad, jerk in question and have room for comment.

However. It has huge potential to backfire on the name-callers should the fellow with the unfortunate verbal spewing techniques somehow (magically) manage to win the young lady back over. And, also, it speaks to the character of the people engaging in bashing someone they don't know at all.

Back to read the balance of the discussion, because I gather we have updates in the saga.

 

[DaveC426913]

I can appreciate that concept because women commiserate in similar ways

I'm glad you said it . This was actually my inspiration for my comment.

(Historically I have always ended up defending the unknown, absent opponent. Not a tactic that results in keeping friends...)

Personally, I agree with you. We have a very one-sided account of a very subjective circumstance here.

 

[GeorginaS]

She went on dinners and movies with this person, never paying a dime and took $1400 from someone who was clearly obsessed with her. No decent human being would take that much money from someone who was obsessed with them and had no intention of returning those feelings. She used him, plain and simple and that speak volumes about the "lady" in question.

We only have his word about these various situations. I'd lay darned good odds there's more to the dinners and money loan and whatnot than we're hearing here. I've run into situations in my life where people have offered assistance to me -- entirely unasked or requested by me -- on the pretense of no strings attached and yet there was an entire web of twine just below eye level. I could very, very easily present a scenario in which the OP is actually a snake in the grass manipulating a young lady with offers of material goods (no, no, please! I insist! Let me pay for dinner. It would make me really happy. I know how much school is costing you. Really, it's my treat.) and then later resenting what he'd offered or done because he actually had other intentions.

I'm not saying that's true of him, but it's entirely as plausible as the "Oh! She Used Me!" scenario he's laying out for us. Two sides. Always, always, always two sides, minimum, to a story.

I pretty much stopped bothering to reply to her a few months ago, but it is curious to find out why a post-menopausal woman would chip in about relationships

Ah, well yes. It's unfortunate you have such a miserable, misogynistic point of view. You might learn that there's joy in life. Lots of it.

And I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as a "post-menopausal woman". You might want to research that physical concept a bit if you're going to continue to hold yourself out as an expert on women. Me? I've got the inside track.

I'm glad you said it . This was actually my inspiration for my comment.

(Historically I have always ended up defending the unknown, absent opponent. Not a tactic that results in keeping friends...)

Personally, I agree with you. We have a very one-sided account of a very subjective circumstance here.

Yeah we old folks understand each other.

 

[SELFMADE]

Ok let me try to write from her point of view.

I (meaning she) was out one night at a club where my friend works, there I met his friend (me). After picking up more friends we headed to my place to drink. We got drunk and the guy was kinda quiet so I even asked him to speak. At one point he was massaging my foot, I was like WTF didn't say anything. He was looking almost staring at me I wanted to start a convo but he left suddenly. About a week later he msges me "whats up" we txt and what not. Then he offers to take me to a concert thru txt, I said no I am saving up for my tuition, but he said he won it at casino and its not really his money so I agreed. Mind you it was all thru txt until he finally called up when he was at my door. He was dressed up posh while I was sporting baggy pants and ski hat. So we go there and I met so many of my friends. He was following me everywhere. I went out to smoke he was there, I caught up with friends he was there. Then he disappeared, at some point I think he was dancing with a MILF. So after the concert, I took a ride home from one of my male friends leaving him there by himself.

to be continued...

damn, its too painful to write like this.

 

[lisab]

Ok let me try to write from her point of view.

I (meaning she) was out one night at a club where my friend works, there I met his friend (me). After picking up more friends we headed to my place to drink. We got drunk and the guy was kinda quiet so I even asked him to speak. At one point he was massaging my foot, I was like WTF didn't say anything. He was looking almost staring at me I wanted to start a convo but he left suddenly. About a week later he msges me "whats up" we txt and what not. Then he offers to take me to a concert thru txt, I said no I am saving up for my tuition, but he said he won it at casino and its not really his money so I agreed. Mind you it was all thru txt until he finally called up when he was at my door. He was dressed up posh while I was sporting baggy pants and ski hat. So we go there and I met so many of my friends. He was following me everywhere. I went out to smoke he was there, I caught up with friends he was there. Then he disappeared, at some point I think he was dancing with a MILF. So after the concert, I took a ride home from one of my male friends leaving him there by himself.

to be continued...

damn, its too painful to write like this.

Oh, selfmade, I know that must be painful to write. It's painful to read, I really feel bad for you.

But like most others here, I want you to really hear this: she's not that into you, she's just not going for it. She doesn't feel the same as you do. I'm really sorry, I know it hurts.

You will have to stop contact with her, it has to be done. You should try some distractions for the next several weeks - go to movies, go out with a buddy or two. You won't feel like it but do it anyway.

Go easy on yourself for a while. Heartache really sucks. It will take a while but you'll eventually start feeling better, I promise.

 

[SELFMADE]

God, I agonized over contacting her all day today. Took you guys' advice and resisted. What I am worried is she's stressed out about how to pay me. I just wanted to say "I know your rent is coming up, so don't worry about it" But wouldn't that be too spineless? She's been too harsh on me. I kinda want to give her a lesson that I can be harsh too. But can you change a person, or send a strong message to someone who's already 25yro. She's also been nice to be. I don't know if by being harsh she's actually being nice to me. She used to say that she'll give me the first autographed book that she'll write. She haven't written anything on her FB for over a week now. She blocked me but I can still see her wall. She usually writes insightful stuff, wonder why she stopped doing that.

I just feel like I am hurting someone who's really innocent. But if I concede now would she think I am a spineless prick? I want to msg her now by Sunday it could be too late, she might already have the money from her rent and might insist I take it. Then there won't be going back. I'll probably lose her forever. I am having an interview for work tomorrow and if I get the job I won't be able to drive her to work anymore, which means less time of seeing her.

Should I txt her telling "dont worry about the money" now or no? First person responds decides.

 

[Math Is Hard]

What part of

"even if the world was about to end I won't be with u"

do you not understand?

When a woman says that, you can take it to the bank. Unfortunately, that's probably about all you'll be able to take to the bank in this case. You've insulted her and acted like a psycho and now she's afraid to approach you even if she had intentions of giving you back the $1400.

With any luck, her conscience will bother her and she will want to repay you the money (and not in the way you were hinting at). If you want her to contact you to make that repayment arrangement, your best bet is to back off, move on, and stop being "scary, crazy guy".

I hate to be so blunt with you, but this is how you are being perceived.

 

[SELFMADE]

At one time she said she'll never ever drink with me but she did. She said she'll never ever kiss me but later said the time is not yet. I know she said it but sometimes I feel like she needs more convincing. And she could be doing it to see how I react. For some crazy reason, she might... ok whatever you're right I guess. I just want to be her friend again, going to movies watching her smile, help her cus she basically ain't got no one, letting her know that there are still good people in this world. Yeah that is all I want.

 

[GeorginaS]

Oh, selfmade, I know that must be painful to write. It's painful to read, I really feel bad for you.

But like most others here, I want you to really hear this: she's not that into you, she's just not going for it. She doesn't feel the same as you do. I'm really sorry, I know it hurts.

You will have to stop contact with her, it has to be done. You should try some distractions for the next several weeks - go to movies, go out with a buddy or two. You won't feel like it but do it anyway.

Go easy on yourself for a while. Heartache really sucks. It will take a while but you'll eventually start feeling better, I promise.

I second this.

 

[GeorginaS]

What part of

do you not understand?

When a woman says that, you can take it to the bank. Unfortunately, that's probably about all you'll be able to take to the bank in this case. You've insulted her and acted like a psycho and now she's afraid to approach you even if she had intentions of giving you back the $1400.

With any luck, her conscience will bother her and she will want to repay you the money (and not in the way you were hinting at). If you want her to contact you to make that repayment arrangement, your best bet is to back off, move on, and stop being "scary, crazy guy".

I hate to be so blunt with you, but this is how you are being perceived.

And this.

 

[Pengwuino]

At one time she said she'll never ever drink with me but she did. She said she'll never ever kiss me but later said the time is not yet. I know she said it but sometimes I feel like she needs more convincing. And she could be doing it to see how I react. For some crazy reason, she might... ok whatever you're right I guess. I just want to be her friend again, going to movies watching her smile, help her cus she basically ain't got no one, letting her know that there are still good people in this world. Yeah that is all I want.

What you did was kinda like committing murder. You can't uncommit a murder, you can't beg the police to let you off with a warning, you can't do enough nice things hoping the murder will have all of a sudden not happened. You seem to be saying what amounts to "She's so pathetic that she needs me as a friend, she just hasn't realized it yet".

I give up, pathetic is what it is.