Messing Up Bad: Dealing with a 25-Year-Old Acting Like a Little Girl

[DaveC426913]

I can appreciate that concept because women commiserate in similar ways

I'm glad you said it . This was actually my inspiration for my comment.

(Historically I have always ended up defending the unknown, absent opponent. Not a tactic that results in keeping friends...)

Personally, I agree with you. We have a very one-sided account of a very subjective circumstance here.

 

[GeorginaS]

She went on dinners and movies with this person, never paying a dime and took $1400 from someone who was clearly obsessed with her. No decent human being would take that much money from someone who was obsessed with them and had no intention of returning those feelings. She used him, plain and simple and that speak volumes about the "lady" in question.

We only have his word about these various situations. I'd lay darned good odds there's more to the dinners and money loan and whatnot than we're hearing here. I've run into situations in my life where people have offered assistance to me -- entirely unasked or requested by me -- on the pretense of no strings attached and yet there was an entire web of twine just below eye level. I could very, very easily present a scenario in which the OP is actually a snake in the grass manipulating a young lady with offers of material goods (no, no, please! I insist! Let me pay for dinner. It would make me really happy. I know how much school is costing you. Really, it's my treat.) and then later resenting what he'd offered or done because he actually had other intentions.

I'm not saying that's true of him, but it's entirely as plausible as the "Oh! She Used Me!" scenario he's laying out for us. Two sides. Always, always, always two sides, minimum, to a story.

I pretty much stopped bothering to reply to her a few months ago, but it is curious to find out why a post-menopausal woman would chip in about relationships

Ah, well yes. It's unfortunate you have such a miserable, misogynistic point of view. You might learn that there's joy in life. Lots of it.

And I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as a "post-menopausal woman". You might want to research that physical concept a bit if you're going to continue to hold yourself out as an expert on women. Me? I've got the inside track.

I'm glad you said it . This was actually my inspiration for my comment.

(Historically I have always ended up defending the unknown, absent opponent. Not a tactic that results in keeping friends...)

Personally, I agree with you. We have a very one-sided account of a very subjective circumstance here.

Yeah we old folks understand each other.

 

[SELFMADE]

Ok let me try to write from her point of view.

I (meaning she) was out one night at a club where my friend works, there I met his friend (me). After picking up more friends we headed to my place to drink. We got drunk and the guy was kinda quiet so I even asked him to speak. At one point he was massaging my foot, I was like WTF didn't say anything. He was looking almost staring at me I wanted to start a convo but he left suddenly. About a week later he msges me "whats up" we txt and what not. Then he offers to take me to a concert thru txt, I said no I am saving up for my tuition, but he said he won it at casino and its not really his money so I agreed. Mind you it was all thru txt until he finally called up when he was at my door. He was dressed up posh while I was sporting baggy pants and ski hat. So we go there and I met so many of my friends. He was following me everywhere. I went out to smoke he was there, I caught up with friends he was there. Then he disappeared, at some point I think he was dancing with a MILF. So after the concert, I took a ride home from one of my male friends leaving him there by himself.

to be continued...

damn, its too painful to write like this.

 

[lisab]

Ok let me try to write from her point of view.

I (meaning she) was out one night at a club where my friend works, there I met his friend (me). After picking up more friends we headed to my place to drink. We got drunk and the guy was kinda quiet so I even asked him to speak. At one point he was massaging my foot, I was like WTF didn't say anything. He was looking almost staring at me I wanted to start a convo but he left suddenly. About a week later he msges me "whats up" we txt and what not. Then he offers to take me to a concert thru txt, I said no I am saving up for my tuition, but he said he won it at casino and its not really his money so I agreed. Mind you it was all thru txt until he finally called up when he was at my door. He was dressed up posh while I was sporting baggy pants and ski hat. So we go there and I met so many of my friends. He was following me everywhere. I went out to smoke he was there, I caught up with friends he was there. Then he disappeared, at some point I think he was dancing with a MILF. So after the concert, I took a ride home from one of my male friends leaving him there by himself.

to be continued...

damn, its too painful to write like this.

Oh, selfmade, I know that must be painful to write. It's painful to read, I really feel bad for you.

But like most others here, I want you to really hear this: she's not that into you, she's just not going for it. She doesn't feel the same as you do. I'm really sorry, I know it hurts.

You will have to stop contact with her, it has to be done. You should try some distractions for the next several weeks - go to movies, go out with a buddy or two. You won't feel like it but do it anyway.

Go easy on yourself for a while. Heartache really sucks. It will take a while but you'll eventually start feeling better, I promise.

 

[SELFMADE]

God, I agonized over contacting her all day today. Took you guys' advice and resisted. What I am worried is she's stressed out about how to pay me. I just wanted to say "I know your rent is coming up, so don't worry about it" But wouldn't that be too spineless? She's been too harsh on me. I kinda want to give her a lesson that I can be harsh too. But can you change a person, or send a strong message to someone who's already 25yro. She's also been nice to be. I don't know if by being harsh she's actually being nice to me. She used to say that she'll give me the first autographed book that she'll write. She haven't written anything on her FB for over a week now. She blocked me but I can still see her wall. She usually writes insightful stuff, wonder why she stopped doing that.

I just feel like I am hurting someone who's really innocent. But if I concede now would she think I am a spineless prick? I want to msg her now by Sunday it could be too late, she might already have the money from her rent and might insist I take it. Then there won't be going back. I'll probably lose her forever. I am having an interview for work tomorrow and if I get the job I won't be able to drive her to work anymore, which means less time of seeing her.

Should I txt her telling "dont worry about the money" now or no? First person responds decides.

 

[Math Is Hard]

What part of

"even if the world was about to end I won't be with u"

do you not understand?

When a woman says that, you can take it to the bank. Unfortunately, that's probably about all you'll be able to take to the bank in this case. You've insulted her and acted like a psycho and now she's afraid to approach you even if she had intentions of giving you back the $1400.

With any luck, her conscience will bother her and she will want to repay you the money (and not in the way you were hinting at). If you want her to contact you to make that repayment arrangement, your best bet is to back off, move on, and stop being "scary, crazy guy".

I hate to be so blunt with you, but this is how you are being perceived.

 

[SELFMADE]

At one time she said she'll never ever drink with me but she did. She said she'll never ever kiss me but later said the time is not yet. I know she said it but sometimes I feel like she needs more convincing. And she could be doing it to see how I react. For some crazy reason, she might... ok whatever you're right I guess. I just want to be her friend again, going to movies watching her smile, help her cus she basically ain't got no one, letting her know that there are still good people in this world. Yeah that is all I want.

 

[GeorginaS]

Oh, selfmade, I know that must be painful to write. It's painful to read, I really feel bad for you.

But like most others here, I want you to really hear this: she's not that into you, she's just not going for it. She doesn't feel the same as you do. I'm really sorry, I know it hurts.

You will have to stop contact with her, it has to be done. You should try some distractions for the next several weeks - go to movies, go out with a buddy or two. You won't feel like it but do it anyway.

Go easy on yourself for a while. Heartache really sucks. It will take a while but you'll eventually start feeling better, I promise.

I second this.

 

[GeorginaS]

What part of

do you not understand?

When a woman says that, you can take it to the bank. Unfortunately, that's probably about all you'll be able to take to the bank in this case. You've insulted her and acted like a psycho and now she's afraid to approach you even if she had intentions of giving you back the $1400.

With any luck, her conscience will bother her and she will want to repay you the money (and not in the way you were hinting at). If you want her to contact you to make that repayment arrangement, your best bet is to back off, move on, and stop being "scary, crazy guy".

I hate to be so blunt with you, but this is how you are being perceived.

And this.

 

[Pengwuino]

At one time she said she'll never ever drink with me but she did. She said she'll never ever kiss me but later said the time is not yet. I know she said it but sometimes I feel like she needs more convincing. And she could be doing it to see how I react. For some crazy reason, she might... ok whatever you're right I guess. I just want to be her friend again, going to movies watching her smile, help her cus she basically ain't got no one, letting her know that there are still good people in this world. Yeah that is all I want.

What you did was kinda like committing murder. You can't uncommit a murder, you can't beg the police to let you off with a warning, you can't do enough nice things hoping the murder will have all of a sudden not happened. You seem to be saying what amounts to "She's so pathetic that she needs me as a friend, she just hasn't realized it yet".

I give up, pathetic is what it is.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I used to know a guy back when that SelfMade reminds me of. He started coming around the coffee house I worked at and came off as kinda odd and dorky but definitely a nice guy. He found himself in heaven because we had so many pretty girls that hung out there who had a fondness for dorky guys. He often bought people drinks, mostly the females, and was rather popular for a while. It didn't take very long for him to become infatuated with several of the ladies and most of them decided that he was kind of creepy and clingy and couldn't take the hint that they weren't interested. He offered to take them out to dinner and the movies, "just as friends", and most of them declined. He also had a habit of giving back rubs without asking and being too insistant to notice how uncomfortable he was making them. The few ladies that took him up on his offers and back rubs quickly found themselves the center of his obsessed infatuations. They thought he was nice and did not want to be mean so the situation would carry on for a while. Ultimately he would get told off rather rudely and generally still didn't get the "hint".

A girl I knew in particular got herself caught up with him. She certainly did not mind letting him buy her dinner and take her places. He didn't care that she was not interested. He still wanted to take her out places so she went. Eventually every outing turned into a chance for him to tell her he loved her and wanted to be with her. Every time he would whine, cry, or get angry when she turned him down. When I stupidly dated her he apparently decided I was a jerk and got mad at her for it. I think he felt he was better than me. At some point she started going places with him just to pacify him because he would call and show up at her work or home to see her. She began to feel as though she was owed for all the trouble he gave her and expected him to buy her stuff. Over 3-4 years he bought her a couple cellphones and a car that I know of.

My phone won't let me type more so I'll come back to this.

 

[ZQrn]

Wow, this thread shows that romantic love is a mind altering drug that makes you lose all sanity and is highly addictive like I've never seen it shown.

SELFMADE, see it as rehab, the initial period is going to be rough, but life will be a lot better without the addiction, not to mention, you'll start thinking more clearly and in the end probably realize that she wasn't that special or worth all of it.

 

[Pengwuino]

She began to feel as though she was owed for all the trouble he gave her and expected him to buy her stuff. Over 3-4 years he bought her a couple cellphones and a car that I know of.

WOW. Just WOW.

 

[ZQrn]

The obvious advantage of liking shy people is that they won't let you buy them stuff even if you really want to, to the point of refusing to let you pay back at least half of the phone bill they accumulated from staying up one night to talk to you because you got stuck missing the last train. I tried, she wouldn't let me.

 

[DanP]

What part of

do you not understand?

When a woman says that, you can take it to the bank. Unfortunately, that's probably about all you'll be able to take to the bank in this case. You've insulted her and acted like a psycho and now she's afraid to approach you even if she had intentions of giving you back the $1400.

With any luck, her conscience will bother her and she will want to repay you the money (and not in the way you were hinting at). If you want her to contact you to make that repayment arrangement, your best bet is to back off, move on, and stop being "scary, crazy guy".

I hate to be so blunt with you, but this is how you are being perceived.

Math, it's nice for you to defend her, but ...

1. If a women plays you for money you have every right to treat her like a whore.
2. Women who conn man for money will many times offer sex for money too, in the situation
they don't find a naive man to leech from it while giving back only words.
3. The thing "she is scared to give 1500 US$ back doesn't hold any water. She could write a check and mail it.
4. If she wants his money back, the best thing is to pressure her badly and coerce her, speak to her a language she understands. The OP should be warned that usually those leeches do not operate alone, and she may offer further surprises.

 

[DanP]

I could very, very easily present a scenario in which the OP is actually a snake in the grass manipulating a young lady with offers of material goods (no, no, please! I insist! Let me pay for dinner. It would make me really happy. I know how much school is costing you. Really, it's my treat.) and then later resenting what he'd offered or done because he actually had other intentions.

Please present the scenario .:P

The issue is not taking advantage of his little gifts, but asking for a loan of 1500 US$ , with no intention to pay back. A "actually a snake in the grass manipulating a young lady" would never fork 1500 US$ from his pocket. A snake in the grass knows how to manipulate her into a relation, and how to make his money worth.

Sure there are countless times when males are unhappy they spent money with a women and didn't manage to screw her, but when loans are involved, the snake isn't the one who gave the money.

 

[DanP]

Should I txt her telling "dont worry about the money" now or no? First person responds decides.

Ask her for the money repeatedly and pressure her till you have them back. Then forget her. If what you wrote here is true, she basically conned you. If you loose the money, don't worry, the lesson is worthing 1.5 k :P

 

[xxChrisxx]

Thread is tl;dr only read the first post and last few posts.

Didn't you post this sob story on 2+2?

Then I said "you can give me other stuff" she's like "what" I said "you know, u could be working on your debt right now instead of just sitting around" she says "omg I can't believe" "it'll be just between u and me, i'll pay you more than your work" "are you actually asking me to sell my body?" "think whatever you like, I didn't say that" "you won't say it cus you're a coward" "hey I only wanted my money" "alright I'll give it to you this week" "by sunday" "yeah by sunday!"

I know what you meant, she knew what you meant. I can't say what you should do as it would get me banned, but the above quote makes me want to punch you.

 

[Borg]

I suggest then get acquainted :P

No thanks.

In any case, I think that your attitude would be healthier for him at this point. He has been obsessing over this woman for months and needs to stop caring so much.
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=400629"

 

[DanP]

Ah, well yes. It's unfortunate you have such a miserable, misogynistic point of view. You might learn that there's joy in life. Lots of it.

And I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as a "post-menopausal woman". You might want to research that physical concept a bit if you're going to continue to hold yourself out as an expert on women. Me? I've got the inside track.



Yeah we old folks understand each other.

YOu may have got the inside track, but you didnt got the definitions :P

Postmenopausal: After the menopause. Postmenopausal is defined formally as the time after which a woman has experienced twelve (12) consecutive months of amenorrhea (lack of menstruation) without a period.

The average length of the postmenopause has been increasing. With greater longevity, a woman will soon be postmenopausal on the average a third of her life.

 

[cristo]

PF is better than this. Thread closed.