- #31
Astronuc
Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
Gold Member
- 22,414
- 7,280
Actually, I am sure several women on this forum could start a thread " ugggghh guys"!
I had a couple of girl friends (going steady) when I was ~13 and 14. It wasn't really serious - it can't be at that age. Since about 15 years of age, I was looking for a wife, someone with whom I could spend the rest of my life with. So, every woman I dated was a potential wife. On the other hand, being a high school or college student without a career, it is rather impractical to expect to find a wife.
I looked at dating as a chance to get to know a woman as a person, and all my relationships with women began as friendships and remained platonic. A few women were looking for an intimate relationship without a commitment, I was not. Those relationships ended pretty quickly when I did not respond. Other relationships just did not get beyond a friendship for one reason or another - mostly neither of us was ready.
This woman was the most serious relationship at that point.
After the first year, when her husband was released from prison, she told me I should be dating other women. So, actually, at this time she effectively released me from my commitment to her. But, I decided to continue to wait. During this time, however, there were several women who pursued me - probably because I wasn't looking. And besides, I was focused on my academic studies and working to pay for university.
After 2.5 years, I just happened serendipitously to meet the woman who became my wife. Things started out slowly - we just kept encountering each other at gatherings of mutual friends. Finally, after about 9 months, we began dating. Three months after that, I proposed.
I went back to the first woman and told her that I was getting married. At this time, she told me that she was 'probably' getting a divorce. I had to tell her that my mind was made up, and that I was committed to the woman whom I did marry.
A year later, I got married, and have been married almost 23 years. Marriage to me is a lifetime commitment, and my wife has been my one and only intimate partner.
I disagree. That was never something I wanted. My father and my grandfathers were certainly not like that.
Yes, most of my male friends thought I was stupid not to take advantage of casual relationships. I simply wanted to find a woman who would accept me as I am, with whom I could share my heart and soul, and with whom I would spend the rest of my life. I found that woman - and I married her.
That is correct. The night of our first date, she basically told me her life story. I told her I would wait to see what would happen with her situation. Actually, before I met her, I had stopped looking. Let me digress.bjr_jyd15 said:
I had a couple of girl friends (going steady) when I was ~13 and 14. It wasn't really serious - it can't be at that age. Since about 15 years of age, I was looking for a wife, someone with whom I could spend the rest of my life with. So, every woman I dated was a potential wife. On the other hand, being a high school or college student without a career, it is rather impractical to expect to find a wife.
I looked at dating as a chance to get to know a woman as a person, and all my relationships with women began as friendships and remained platonic. A few women were looking for an intimate relationship without a commitment, I was not. Those relationships ended pretty quickly when I did not respond. Other relationships just did not get beyond a friendship for one reason or another - mostly neither of us was ready.
This woman was the most serious relationship at that point.
I am not sure what you mean by really connected. I freely chose to be committed to her, that is to wait to see if she could make the marriage work. That also meant, I had to keep a distance.bjr_jyd15 said:
After the first year, when her husband was released from prison, she told me I should be dating other women. So, actually, at this time she effectively released me from my commitment to her. But, I decided to continue to wait. During this time, however, there were several women who pursued me - probably because I wasn't looking. And besides, I was focused on my academic studies and working to pay for university.
No, you should not put your life on hold, and you should not be someone's 'back up plan' or 'consolation guy'. Like Moonbear said - keep looking.bjr_jyd15 said:
After 2.5 years, I just happened serendipitously to meet the woman who became my wife. Things started out slowly - we just kept encountering each other at gatherings of mutual friends. Finally, after about 9 months, we began dating. Three months after that, I proposed.
I went back to the first woman and told her that I was getting married. At this time, she told me that she was 'probably' getting a divorce. I had to tell her that my mind was made up, and that I was committed to the woman whom I did marry.
A year later, I got married, and have been married almost 23 years. Marriage to me is a lifetime commitment, and my wife has been my one and only intimate partner.
I disagree. That was never something I wanted. My father and my grandfathers were certainly not like that.Yes, most of my male friends thought I was stupid not to take advantage of casual relationships. I simply wanted to find a woman who would accept me as I am, with whom I could share my heart and soul, and with whom I would spend the rest of my life. I found that woman - and I married her.
...