New Orbital Sander: Read the Instructions First

[Ivan Seeking]

I had to buy a new orbital sander today.

The instructions warn not to use it around dust.

 

[zoobyshoe]

That's like warning someone not to immerse a bar of soap in water.

 

[berkeman]

I saw a commercial today on TV for a prescription drug that is meant to treat digestive problems resulting in "leaks". But one of the warnings was not to use the product if you have "urinary problems". I'm pretty sure that I heard it right...nah, I must have missed something...?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I liked the warning on the water heater that I last installed. The warning read:

OUCH

HOT

BURN

duuuuh, huh?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Warning: immersing this soap in water may lead to a slipping hazard and may also lead to a diminishing of the size of the bar. The manufacturer hereby absolves itself of all responsibility for accidents and losses of volume caused by using this product when wet.

 

[Moonbear]

I have a lighter with a sticker right on the side of it that warns:
EXTREMELY FLAMMABLE. Do not use near fire or flame.

I love sharing that one.

 

[FredGarvin]

I had to buy a new orbital sander today.
The instructions warn not to use it around dust.

I know it is stupid, but I bet that stems from a dust explosion somewhere due to a spark caused by an electric motor.

Aren't product liability lawyers funny?

 

[zoobyshoe]

I know it is stupid, but I bet that stems from a dust explosion somewhere due to a spark caused by an electric motor.
Aren't product liability lawyers funny?

I know flour will explode, but will wood dust really do the same?

 

[Astronuc]

I know flour will explode, but will wood dust really do the same?

Depends on the size of the dust. Grain dust (like flour), which is microscopic particles can explode. Most saw dust will not explode, and it usually burns slowly, although the very fine dust can be explosive. It also depends on how dry the wood.

 

[JasonRox]

How come in Canada we don't get so many stupid warnings?

I'd like a laugh once in awhile too.

 

[BobG]

I liked the anti-theft warnings they put on vending machines for a while. The one with the picture of the vending machine falling on the person.

I used to jump out of the way in terror every time the machine stole a quarter from me.

 

[matthyaouw]

The coffee machine at work has warnings on the cups saying "Contents may be hot!"

Another one that tickled me was one at a salt marsh I surveyed-

WARNING! SAND DUNES CAN KILL!"

 

[Pengwuino]

How come in Canada we don't get so many stupid warnings?
I'd like a laugh once in awhile too.

You don't have our lawyers

It's pretty funny to think about all these things but they probably have these stupid warnings because someone actually tried to sue them for it. Like that one idiot who sued McDonalds because her coffee was too hot.

 

[mattmns]

Whatever happened to that guy who glued himself to a toilet seat and was suing Home Depot?

 

[BobG]

Whatever happened to that guy who glued himself to a toilet seat and was suing Home Depot?

He's currently duct taped to the ceiling of Nebraska Furniture Mart trying to yell for help. Letting the duct tape be applied over his mouth may have been a tactical error, but it should still be a decent lawsuit once someone notices him.

How about warning labels on irons: "Do Not Iron Clothes While Wearing Them." This is interesting on several fronts.

John Smoltz of the Atlanta Braves wound up on the disabled list due to an ironing injury. The part about him wearing the clothes might be an embellishment added by his team mates - in any event, that's not a subject many reporters like to bring up.

Cal Ripken's team mates described the difference between Smotz and Ripken as: "It's not that Cal would never iron his clothes while wearing them, it's just that he would carefully analyze the situation and figure out a way to do it without injuring himself."

The biggest question this brings up, though, is, "Does this mean it's not safe to iron your hair while it's still on your head?" (In the sixties/seventies, it was fashionable for girls to have long, perfectly straight, limp hair.)

 

[Blahness]

I have a set of Korean cooking knives, which say explicitly,

KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

 

[Moonbear]

How about warning labels on irons: "Do Not Iron Clothes While Wearing Them." This is interesting on several fronts.

I have a crazy aunt who used to do that. Of course, when she accidentally pressed it up against her skin and burnt herself, she didn't try suing the iron manufacturer for her own stupidity. I've done it for skirts, where you can hold the fabric out away from your body, when I've been in a hurry and realized I had too many wrinkles after putting the skirt on. I've since learned to just hang the clothes I'm going to wear in the bathroom while I'm showering so the steam works out any pesky wrinkles I missed.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I have a set of Korean cooking knives, which say explicitly,
KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

That's hilarious! That's got to be the best Asian-written product warning I've ever read!

 

[shmoe]

Like that one idiot who sued McDonalds because her coffee was too hot.

That's the usual opinion of this case. I had it too until I was at a party and ran into someone who knew someone who worked in the lawfirm that handled that case and was convinced it wasn't as frivolous or silly as the media and spoofs would have us believe. If you're not swayed by my convincing "cousins, roomates, uncles, dog sitters, fathers" testimony, you can read the "McFacts" here:

http://lawandhelp.com/q298-2.htm

and what appears to be the lenghtier Wall Street journal article the above vaguely references:

http://www.vanosteen.com/mcdonalds-coffee-lawsuit.htm

 

[Blahness]

My god shmoe, that's...

*shrugs in the general direction of America*

 

[BobG]

That's the usual opinion of this case. I had it too until I was at a party and ran into someone who knew someone who worked in the lawfirm that handled that case and was convinced it wasn't as frivolous or silly as the media and spoofs would have us believe. If you're not swayed by my convincing "cousins, roomates, uncles, dog sitters, fathers" testimony, you can read the "McFacts" here:
http://lawandhelp.com/q298-2.htm
and what appears to be the lenghtier Wall Street journal article the above vaguely references:
http://www.vanosteen.com/mcdonalds-coffee-lawsuit.htm

Now I'm curious about the temperature of the coffee in my coffee maker. The smell of coffee brewing is almost as important as the taste and I'd be tempted to experiment a little ... except I still remember how quickly that popcorn maker went up in flames when I messed with it's thermostat.

Personally, having the temperature higher than other restaraunts is probably no more than McDonald's knowing their audience. I believe that most of their customers are more concerned with coffee being hot than tasting good - otherwise they would have bought it somewhere else. Never take a sip of McDonald's coffee with unscarred taste buds.

 

[fasterthanjoao]

and to think we wouldn't have all of this were it not for the stupid people that found out you can sue if every product you buy isn't covered in common sense.

REMOVE THE SAFETY LABELS. I demand it. people who drink bleach and other such (quite obviously) toxic chemicals deserve everything they have coming to them. They're quite clearly designed to kill things. grab a coke. get some water. do not drink the bleach. people are stupid. common sense isn't common anymore, we're turning into a society of muppeted idiots that need explicit instruction on the safety of absolutely everything.

maybe everyone should be enrolled in a common sense class, like mandatory millitary service or something? that way we can warn against grey-lawsuit areas like walking in front of a truck.

(and yeah, some of those labels are darned hillarious. loving the keep out of children.)
/my 2.

 

[matthyaouw]

I have a USB disk from china that says "Do not use this in the extremely watery circumstances"
I make a point of keeping that out of children too.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I have a crazy aunt who used to do that.

While we're on humorous ironing stories... Did you ever see how Joon made grilled cheese sandwhiches in the movie, Benny and Joon?

 

[mattmns]

Hmmmmm, Ironed Cheese Sandwhiches.

 

[Moonbear]

Hmmmmm, Ironed Cheese Sandwhiches.

A dorm room staple! Remember to wrap the sandwich in foil first.

 

[BobG]

While we're on humorous ironing stories... Did you ever see how Joon made grilled cheese sandwhiches in the movie, Benny and Joon?

Well, if they're going to warn against all the dangerous things you can do with an iron, the warning label will be so big they'll have to add one more warning: "Warning! Remove warning label from bottom of iron before using!"

 

[Ivan Seeking]

A dorm room staple! Remember to wrap the sandwich in foil first.

Well, Joon just ironed the sandwichs.

 

[Homer Simpson]

I once had a chineese fortune cookie fortune read "you like chineese food." Strangely enough, it was just about the worst chineese food I had ever eaten.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Well, if they're going to warn against all the dangerous things you can do with an iron, the warning label will be so big they'll have to add one more warning: "Warning! Remove warning label from bottom of iron before using!"

and "Warning! Wrap grilled cheese sandwiches in foil before ironing"