Please, can you look over my appeal letter? (academic probation)

[Edin_Dzeko]

Please, can you look over my appeal letter? (academic probation)--UPDATED

Dear Academic Progress Committee,

I’m writing this letter to appeal the decision to academically dismiss me from SUNY Plattsburgh. I do not blame anybody but myself for the situation I’m currently in. Over the course of the two semesters that I’ve been at SUNY Plattsburgh, my grades have been affected by many academic challenges.

My first semester was really tough for me and I found the courses I was taking very challenging. During mid-terms that semester, I had about two E’s. One subject that gave me the most trouble was Chemistry. My chemistry professor strongly recommended that I take a remedial Chemistry course in addition with the four credit general Chemistry, or otherwise I might struggle with the course. Unfortunately, the class that he recommended I take started a bit later than it should have so I fell behind in the Chemistry course. In the end I withdrew from the class although I stayed in the remedial course. However, I still managed to finish out my first semester with a decent GPA of a 3.11.

I started my second semester with high hopes. In-fact, the problem is that I had set my hopes too high. I was overly optimistic declaring a minor, and being ambitious about the number of credits I could handle each semester. As a result of this, my grades suffered. As we progressed through content, the material in the classes started to get harder and some of the courses required more time outside of class in-order to stay on top of the material. The biggest mistake I made was waiting until the end to seek help. Very late into the semester I started going to the learning center, the library, and even to see professors. However, in the end it was too little too late. Despite my last minute efforts, I was only able to get my cumulative GPA up to a 1.92

I have dealt with the issue that I faced during the semester and I’m now ready to give it another shot. Before the semester ended, I went to my advisor with some academic concerns like completing my degree on time, changing majors, and some of the difficulties I faced during the semester. She talked with me about other majors I could look into. Concerning my grades, she said it looks like I was overwhelmed this semester by taking more credits than I could handle. With her advice, I decided that it would be a good idea to drop my music minor in-order to focus strictly on the sciences. We then mapped out the courses that I would need to take in the upcoming semesters in order to graduate on time. My advisor even advised me to consider changing from a B.A. to a B.Sc. degree which I plan on doing.

The time at SUNY Plattsburgh has really taught me a lot. I am more matured now than when I first came in. I take full responsibility for what has happened. If given the chance to continue at SUNY Plattsburgh on academic, I will make sure to make the necessary changes based on the lessons that I’ve learned this semester. First, this semester, I’ve learned what study methods and techniques are most effective for me. This will make my studies more efficient. Secondly, I will seek help sooner rather than later. I waited too long before I started going to the learning center, library, and to seek help from professors. Most important of all, I will make sure to take on a course load I can handle. I don’t plan on taking more than 16 credits. I will follow the plan that I laid out with my advisor. With all this behind me, if given a second chance to continue at Plattsburgh, things will be different.

 

[Amaz1ng]

Lol how did you get an "E"? Sorry, I burst out laughing when I saw that. Anyways...

It seems too personal and informal. I think you need to tone down on all the explicit details and take the time to "craft" your thoughts properly. Stuff like this:

"My heart rate was too fast and I was too energetic."

just seems ridiculous to me.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

I got an "E" because we don't give "F"'s in my school. E=F ? Thanks for your input. I've made the necessary changes and have fixed it accordingly

 

[cristo]

It's too long. You don't need to go into all those details about one night where you got a bit drunk, just say you had too much alcohol and have learned from your mistake. Saying things like "the records will show" that you've never had another drink since are not useful, since at best they show you've not been caught drunk since that incident.
Also, making excuses just won't wash: why did high school not prepare you, yet prepared your classmates?

I also agree with the post above that it is too informal. I don't see how a quote from a roommate is going to help, especially when it doesn't mean anything. I don't see how you can have studied as much as you say you have and have come out with those grades. Why didn't you speak with your advisor when you started having problems midway through semester two? What are you doing to change your study habits or attitude that warrant being given a second chance?

 

[AlephZero]

What Christo said.

I think you need to read carefully the reasons given for the decision, and then address those specific issues, as objectively as you can.

Treat this as if you are defending yourself in a law court, not like trying to persuade a friiend or your parents to "give you another chance". General "good intentions to do better next time" and unproveable statements like "I am more matured now than when I first came in" won't count for much. (Would ANYBODY be less mature than when they came in? And even if they were, would they be dumb enough to say so?)

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

It's too long. You don't need to go into all those details about one night where you got a bit drunk, just say you had too much alcohol and have learned from your mistake. Saying things like "the records will show" that you've never had another drink since are not useful, since at best they show you've not been caught drunk since that incident.
Also, making excuses just won't wash: why did high school not prepare you, yet prepared your classmates?

I also agree with the post above that it is too informal. I don't see how a quote from a roommate is going to help, especially when it doesn't mean anything. I don't see how you can have studied as much as you say you have and have come out with those grades. Why didn't you speak with your advisor when you started having problems midway through semester two? What are you doing to change your study habits or attitude that warrant being given a second chance?

I took all that stuff out and I've edited my essay. Are you still seeing the old one for some reason?

I've completely edited the essay from the way it was before and all the stuff you're pointing out has been addressed. I'm not sure if there's a problem with the forum or something because on my screen it shows that it's been edited but it seems judging from you comments that you're still seeing the old essay. Why is that?

This is weird

All the same. Thanks for the input, bud. I really appreciate it.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

What Christo said.

I think you need to read carefully the reasons given for the decision, and then address those specific issues, as objectively as you can.

Treat this as if you are defending yourself in a law court, not like trying to persuade a friiend or your parents to "give you another chance". General "good intentions to do better next time" and unproveable statements like "I am more matured now than when I first came in" won't count for much. (Would ANYBODY be less mature than when they came in? And even if they were, would they be dumb enough to say so?)

No specific reason given. Simply my cumulative GPA is a 1.92 when you need a 2.0 or better not to be academically dismissed from school.

Btw, are you also seeing the old essay and not the revised one? this is really strange

Thanks for the input, chief. I really appreciate it.

 

[Nano-Passion]

How many credits did you take when it was too much? Maybe you should include that in?

 

[Vanadium 50]

You need to look at this from their perspective.

You have demonstrated that you cannot handle college-level work. If they let you stay, that means one person who would otherwise have gotten the opportunity will not get it. That's the baseline.

What your letter has to do is convince them otherwise. It needs to focus on why things are different now, and why they shouldn't expect a similar outcome next time. I don't think this letter does this, either in emphasis or in content. As an example, you say that you will seek help as soon as you are in trouble. Son, you're in trouble now.

 

[mege]

I would suggest a little more organization to your thoughts. Three simple paragraphs should be enough as you want to be to the point. The topics of the three paragraphs should be: responsibility for your actions, plan of corrective action, and expected outcomes. Note how the paragraphs get progressively more positive.

You definitely want to start with the key interest to the reader: why did you fail. Then, go over what you plan to do (or better yet - what you are doing already: working closely with an advisor), and end with a positive note. Your last sentence should be thanking the reader for the opportunity to return (which is a bit of brown-nosing, make them feel good about giving you an opportunity to return).

While you don't want to get too abstract, I think your current essay feels more like a narrative than an appeal. You're telling your sob story and expecting it to have intrinsic value to the reader. How is your essay going to stick out compared to the other dozens of sob stories that the reader will shuffle through?

 

[zif.]

Did you get 'about' two E's? Or two E's?

 

[AlephZero]

No specific reason given. Simply my cumulative GPA is a 1.92 when you need a 2.0 or better not to be academically dismissed from school.

How much more specific than that do you want? There is a criterion (which I assume you already knew about) and you didn't meet it.

By implication, they are not interested in your one-time experiment with alcohol.

Btw, are you also seeing the old essay and not the revised one? this is really strange

If somebody started reading the thread before you edited your post, they wouldn't see your update unless they refreshed the page in their web browser - and they probably wouldn't have any reason to do that. Remember it takes quite a while to read a long post and think about it before replying.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

How many credits did you take when it was too much? Maybe you should include that in?

18. Two science courses with about 6-8 hours of lab a week.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

How much more specific than that do you want? There is a criterion (which I assume you already knew about) and you didn't meet it.

By implication, they are not interested in your one-time experiment with alcohol.

I've edited all that stuff out though. I don't have the alcohol incident in the revision anymore. Why do people keep bringing that up? Are they still seeing the old letter?

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Did you get 'about' two E's? Or two E's?

Great catch. I'll fix it. Thanks

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Thank you guys for all the comments and suggestions. I'm editing it and making the correct changes.

And please, I have edited out the alcohol and all the other stuff. I've posted a revised version of the essay

 

[physics girl phd]

I would start each paragraph with the important things:

Body paragraph 1, term 1: I had a successful first term of my college experience with a 3.11 cumulative GPA. LIST SOME STRONG POINTS THEN! AFTER ALL -- IT'S AN ABOVE B AVERAGE! (MAYBE NOT GREAT FOR SOME, BUT NOT HIDEOUS) then treat the bad one: Unfortunately, there was only one low point in the term: I was not academically prepared for a chemistry course and had to withdraw and enroll (under the advice of my instructor) in a course covering the material in a remedial manner.

Body paragraph 2, 2nd term: Unfortunately in the second term, my gpa was a ____dropping my overall GPA to 1.92. During this term I made some bad choices including being overly ambitious about the course load I could personally handle. I took 18 credits, including two science course with 6-8 hours of lab a week. ALSO -- THE ALCOHOL THING ISN'T ON MY VIEWER __ BUT WAS IT DOCUMENTED AT ALL IN A MANNER THE UNIVERSITY WOULD KNOW ABOUT? IF SO YOU SHOULD ADDRESS IT, AT LEAST IN MY OPINION. BUT IF IT ISN'T DOCUMENTED, THEN AVOID. THEN ADDRESS THE GOOD POINTS, i.e. THE PLAN WITH THE ADVISOR, etc. MAYBE EVEN INCLUDE A COPY.

Then ask them to accept you back if you follow the plan. Also sorry about all the bold, just a good quick way to put in my notes.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

I would start each paragraph with the important things:

Body paragraph 1, term 1: I had a successful first term of my college experience with a 3.11 cumulative GPA. LIST SOME STRONG POINTS THEN! AFTER ALL -- IT'S AN ABOVE B AVERAGE! (MAYBE NOT GREAT FOR SOME, BUT NOT HIDEOUS) then treat the bad one: Unfortunately, there was only one low point in the term: I was not academically prepared for a chemistry course and had to withdraw and enroll (under the advice of my instructor) in a course covering the material in a remedial manner.

Body paragraph 2, 2nd term: Unfortunately in the second term, my gpa was a ____dropping my overall GPA to 1.92. During this term I made some bad choices including being overly ambitious about the course load I could personally handle. I took 18 credits, including two science course with 6-8 hours of lab a week. ALSO -- THE ALCOHOL THING ISN'T ON MY VIEWER __ BUT WAS IT DOCUMENTED AT ALL IN A MANNER THE UNIVERSITY WOULD KNOW ABOUT? IF SO YOU SHOULD ADDRESS IT, AT LEAST IN MY OPINION. BUT IF IT ISN'T DOCUMENTED, THEN AVOID. THEN ADDRESS THE GOOD POINTS, i.e. THE PLAN WITH THE ADVISOR, etc. MAYBE EVEN INCLUDE A COPY.

Then ask them to accept you back if you follow the plan. Also sorry about all the bold, just a good quick way to put in my notes.

I was documented. I was put on probation. But afterwards, it never happened again. They even told me to go see a counselor but after my first session with her, she told me I don't have a problem with drinking and it was just an unusual night especially from what I was telling her and how she sees me. So she completely ended all the sessions that I was supposed to meet with her. After that it never happened againThank you very much. I really appreciate it

 

[jwxie]

My advisor even advised me to consider changing from a B.A. to a B.Sc. degree which I plan on doing.

I thought B.S. is "theoretically" harder because you take more science electives (more labs), than the B.A.

Overall I think you can reduce to two things beside a short paragraph addressing the problem: what i will do, and what i have been doing lately?