Programming Jokes: Lame, Science & Math Jokes!

[Wrichik Basu]

We have threads on lame jokes and science jokes. But then, we also have a thread on bad math jokes. So, why not create one specifically for programming jokes?

Let me start:

 

[Ibix]

An oldie but a goodie: Why do programmers confuse halloween and Christmas? Because 31OCT == 25DEC.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Ibix]

What do you call it when a story goes round a stable time loop and returns to its own beginning?

Spoiler

Tale recursion.

 

[DaveC426913]

CSS properties are pretty flexible and browser renderers can be pretty accommodating. For example, the font-size property can accept a few different units of measurement, including px and em.

You have to be careful with them though.

I once meant to specify a font-size of 12px and accidentally typed 12pc and suddenly my text was 40 light years tall.

^(OC)

 

[DaveC426913]

As a rapid prototype developer, I am often asked to whip up demonstrations of applications for the benefit of execs to help them grasp a new feature concept.

The tricks I use are often illusions - the web equivalent of smoke and mirrors - to make it look almost like magic.

That why it's called a Poof of Concept.^(OC)

 

[Vanadium 50]

Why does it take programmers so long to wash their hair?
Because on the shampoo bottle it says "Lather, rinse and repeat".

 

[DaveC426913]

Q: How do you comfort a JavaScript bug?
A: You console it.

 

[Vanadium 50]

From a college drinking song:

An MIT computer man got drunk one fateful night
He opened up the console and smashed everything in sight
When they finally subdued him, the judge he stood before,
Said, "Lock him up for twenty years, he's rotten to the core!"

 

[berkeman]

Invalid Pointer...

https://www.thegoodypet.com/wp-cont...tYXpvbi5jb20vaW1hZ2VzL0kvNDEwaStuaGlOWEwuanBn

 

[Hornbein]

typedef state enum { off, on };

union {
    int        x;
    double y;
    state    state;
}u;

What is &u.state ? [? is not an operator here, just a question mark.]

It's been 20 years, so my syntax may lack.

 

[Hornbein]

From a college drinking song:

An MIT computer man got drunk one fateful night
He opened up the console and smashed everything in sight
When they finally subdued him, the judge he stood before,
Said, "Lock him up for twenty years, he's rotten to the core!"

Now that's old school. That's funny, "core memory" passed through my mind yesterday.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

This is kind-of true. Faced it myself...

 

[Hornbein]

This is kind-of true. Faced it myself...

View attachment 316744

I get this sort of thing all the time on physicsforums. I ask a question. If they don't know the answer they say it's a dumb question.

 

[Borg]

Can't forget the classics.

 

[Borg]

I've had to refurbish a few of these over the years.

 

[Hornbein]

I've had to refurbish a few of these over the years.
View attachment 316787

I would say that this is normal. SNAFU.

 

[Ibix]

typedef state enum { off, on };

union {
    int        x;
    double y;
    state    state;
}u;

What is &u.state ? [? is not an operator here, just a question mark.]

It's been 20 years, so my syntax may lack.

I don't get this one - can you explain? I think the syntax is wrong (although I could be wrong myself - my C is extremely rusty). Either the syntax error or my rust may be obscuring the punchline.

 

[Hornbein]

I saw this on a computer in 1967. As far as I can recall it was exactly the same.

ACHTUNG! Alles touristen und non-technischen peepers!
Das machine control is nicht fur gerfinger-poken und mittengrabben. Oderwise is easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowen fuse, und poppencorken mit spitzensparken.

Der machine is diggen by experten only. Is nicht fur geverken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseenen keepen das cotten picken hands in das pockets, so relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights.

 

[Hornbein]

I don't get this one - can you explain? I think the syntax is wrong (although I could be wrong myself - my C is extremely rusty). Either the syntax error or my rust may be obscuring the punchline.

It's a riddle.

Spoiler

It's a state of the union address.

 

[Borg]

The link that's been in my signature for years has lots of seriously evil suggestions for writing code that is sure to be a bane to others who follow.
How To Write Unmaintainable Code

 

[Jarvis323]

What do you call a code that doesn’t parse?

Spoiler

A prograren’t.

What do you call a coder who isn’t a professional?

Spoiler

A non-pro grammer.

 

[Ibix]

Programmers with whom one works are co-programmers, spelt the same as copro-grammers. This explains why a lot of code is... bad.

 

[Borg]

Working my way through some old code-related jokes...

 

[berkeman]

Working my way through some old code-related jokes...

View attachment 316791

I guess programmers are not very intelligent. Certainly their elementary English grammar needs tutorial help...

 

[Borg]

 

[Borg]

I guess programmers are not very intelligent. Certainly their grammar needs tutorial help...

I guess I'm in the same category. I'm not seeing the grammatical error.

 

[berkeman]

I guess I'm in the same category. I'm not seeing the grammatical error.

Adjective vs. adverb. If submitted to a compiler it would generate an error. Ironic.

 

[Borg]

Adjective vs. adverb. If submitted to a compiler it would generate an error. Ironic.

Should be badly instead of bad?

 

[Borg]

 

[DrGreg]

I guess programmers are not very intelligent. Certainly their elementary English grammar needs tutorial help...

You're saying programmers aren't pro-grammar?

 

[strangerep]

That why it's called a Poof of Concept.

I'd have thought, in this day and age, that it would very politically incorrect to refer to your executives as gay.

 

[strangerep]

I get this sort of thing all the time on physicsforums. I ask a question. If they don't know the answer they say it's a dumb question.

Example pls?

 

[Hornbein]

Example pls?

I ain't going to make no trouble hea.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

Example pls?

Let's keep this out of the jokes thread. These issues should either be reported in the Feedback section, or in private conversation with the moderation team.

 

[strangerep]

Let's keep this out of the jokes thread. [...]

Oh, I dunno. Anyone who says (seriously) "that's a dumb question" deserves to be mentioned in a jokes thread.

 

[BillTre]

Anyone who says (seriously) "that's a dumb question" deserves to be mentioned in a jokes thread.

Many jokes are a stupid answer.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

Spoiler: If you didn't get it...

The string is a "naughty string" that will cause internal errors. See https://github.com/minimaxir/big-list-of-naughty-strings

 

[BillTre]

View attachment 316886

When I first saw plumbing like this in a professionally installed water system for a zebrafish facility, I know I could do better with a home made system. Those companies are better now.

 

[DaveE]

View attachment 316793

Actually not too different than the first computer I programmed.

And yes, BTW, this was the entire system. WYSIWYG.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[DaveE]

View attachment 317026

Can you show us the handshaking protocols?

 

[Ibix]

Can you show us the handshaking protocols?

At 1.08 (can't seem to get link to start at specified time on my phone, sorry).

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 317081

See also: Hubble.

 

[Wrichik Basu]