Collection of Lame Jokes

  • #1
quddusaliquddus
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Lamest joke you know ... :zzz:
 

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  • #2
jimmy p
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My dad was a pistol, that makes me a son of a gun...
 
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  • #3
Artman
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A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill."
 
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  • #4
jimmy p
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A man walks into a bar... ouch
 
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  • #5
arildno
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-Watch out for the vacuum cleaner!
-What vacuuuuuuuuuuu.......
 
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  • #6
Jenn_ucsb
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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?.....


......a stick
 
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  • #7
Artman
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Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it.
 
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  • #8
Ivan Seeking
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The first dirty joke that my parents told me: A white horse fell in the mud.

Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don't work. :rofl:
 
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  • #9
enigma
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look at it and asks: "So, why the long face?"
 
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  • #10
quddusaliquddus
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enigma said:
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look at it and asks: "So, why the long face?"

:rofl: ...sorry. This joke doesn't qualify to be in this thread as in my opinion it is funny :biggrin:
 
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  • #11
enigma
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Oh, I think it's hilarious too...

But the groan-to-laugh ratio is up around 90% when I tell it.
 
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  • #12
Hurkyl
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Did you hear the one about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?
 
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  • #13
quddusaliquddus
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Maaaan! LOL. I'm a sucker for lame jokes! Hurkyl - u deserved a prize 4 urs ;D
 
  • #14
Hurkyl
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I generally dislike that type of humor, but this one is just too good to ignore. :smile:
 
  • #15
jimmy p
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What is green, has 8 legs and will kill you if it falls from a tree??

A snooker table.
 
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  • #16
Shahil
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...terrible...

When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a driveway! :yuck:
 
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  • #17
Echo 6 Sierra
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was stapled to Sid Vicious.
 
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  • #18
Njorl
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I dated a girl who was a magician. She put her hand on my lap and I turned into a motel!
 
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  • #19
jimmy p
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What is long, brown and runs around the garden??

A fence.
 
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  • #20
Andy
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Why do women wear make up and perfume?








Because they're Ugly and Smelly.
 
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  • #21
Math Is Hard
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A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender points to a sign behind the bar that says NO STRINGS ALLOWED. Dejectedly, the piece of string leaves the bar... but then he has an idea. He ruffles out his edges a little bit and ties himself into a bow. Then he walks back into the bar, hops up on the barstool, and again orders a beverage. The bartender is deceived by the string's appearance only for a moment.
"hey....what are you doing back in here?" says the bartender. "You're that piece of string aren't you?"

"No Sir!" says the string, "I'm a frayed knot!"

:rofl:
 
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  • #22
Trogdor
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What's black and white and has wheels?

a zebra! and i lied about the wheels
 
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  • #23
Stockman
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Q: Which car is the biggest car A: The big car
 
  • #24
quddusaliquddus
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Where will i b @ today? - for those people who want to know - yes u people -

I am going to my exam @ 2.30 but i will go out @ 2. I will afterwards head to the fees department to get the crap sorted out...or i might come straight home. i am stil undecided. my exam lasts 2 hours so it ends @ 4.30 (i think-need to chek this). I might come out earlier than that because I might not b able to do anymore. Hope ur satisfied. i will go via harford street n my exam is in BSM 115.
 
  • #25
A man walks into a bar and proclaims;
I’m feeling mean enough tonight to whip a bear!
Following that, a burly giant of a man walks over to him and asks;
and just what kind of a bear would that be?
The first man uses his thumb and forefinger to illustrate his point as he responds;
a liiiiitle bitty bear!
 
  • #26
sun_universal
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:surprise: :rofl: Why does a chicken say buck buck ?


Cause it can't say two dollars!
 
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  • #27
Gokul43201
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Rudi looks out the window of his Moscow apartment and says to his wife "Honey ! It's going to rain." The wife disagrees, on account of the bright sun and no clouds. Nevertheless, it starts to pour in a few minutes. The baffled wife askes Rudi how he knew.

Comes the reply, "Rudolf, the Red knows rain, dear !"
 
  • #28
Chrono
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Let me try, here.

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A 1997 World Hide-and-Seek champion.

Did you hear about the two ants on the toilet seat? One of them got pissed off.
 
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  • #29
Ivan Seeking
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not quite a joke, but...

I'm as busy as a one legged man in a tap dancing contest.

Did you hear about Bush's mission to the sun?
How you ask?
They plan to go at night.
 
  • #30
physicsisphirst
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quddusaliquddus said:
Lamest joke you know ... :zzz:

A Lemur once had a big toe
Which continued to grow and grow
It became so long
He had to hobble along
So they called him LAMEur you know

The above is an example of a LAMErick. If you don't like it don't bLAME me - I'm not cLAMEing that it is funny, so you may as well just start LAMEnting.

In fiendship,
prad
 
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  • #31
Gokul43201
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Wow, "in fiendship" ? Guess there's a first time for everything.

By the way...that LAMErick was LAMEntable.
 
  • #32
physicsisphirst
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Gokul43201 said:
Wow, "in fiendship" ? Guess there's a first time for everything.
but not the last, if the opportunity ever presents itself!

Gokul43201 said:
By the way...that LAMErick was LAMEntable.
i'm glad you liked it. some others of my acquaintance were somewhat impressed too. in fact, they found it quite gLAMErous. But then there are those less civilized who would try to LAMEbast me for it.

in friendship,
prad
 
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  • #33
jimmy p
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Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Fish
 
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  • #34
Chrono
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I don't get it, Jimmy. :confused:
 
  • #35
BobG
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That's because you're not a surrealist.

But, how is that a joke? It's a statement of fact.... just like the meaning of life is 42.
 
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