Programming Jokes: Lame, Science & Math Jokes!

[TonyStewart]

An Artificial Joke?

My computer seems jumpy lately. I might need something to help it take the Edge off.

I suggest Revo uninstaller. No side effects and long-lasting pain relief and no charge without ads using 2.4.4 Portable. Even better, take off Win 10/11 and jump back to Win7x64 and/or remove all the Telemetry.

I don't need anymore stinkin' updates.

---
Why is my computer cold in the summer? Because I closed Windows Updates and now my air (CPU) conditioner only runs 2% of the time on average. Below running a dozen apps like Thunderbird, Firefox, Portable Apps, Start Menu, Irfanview, Winpatrol

 

[jack action]

 

[TonyStewart]

My computer seems jumpy lately. I might need something to help it take the Edge off.

It might take more than a tranquilizer or put computer to sleep if you have Edge installed, Virustotal shows that it makes 84,263 execution during the install..Take a look and click it, it looks a little edgy

https://www.virustotal.com/graph/6675000f8d493df6211aa670f977ce17e8f2bb35132718dc3e873b0a49e000f9

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 327591

They call it "Redmond Roulette".

 

[Tom.G]

They call it "Redmond Roulette".

But the odds are better at the casino!

 

[Borg]

They call it "Redmond Roulette".

I was thinking Help Desk Roulette when I saw it.

 

[DaveC426913]

This keeps happening.

Us: "We are having trouble installing this software on our office system."
Helpdesk: "We're not sure why. Go ahead and turn off your Antivirus."

 

[Borg]

My helpdesk fun went like this today:

Me: My remote desktop got messed up and rebuilt itself. I need to recover yesterday's profile.
Helpdesk: OK, I'll put a ticket in to rebuild it.
Me: No, I need it restored, not rebuilt again.
Helpdesk: Yes, I'll send in a ticket and they'll rebuild your profile.
Me:

 

[Tom.G]

I've used the free DeskTopOK utility for years -- really saved my behind a few times. It can save or restore the desktop layout on demand. Very handy when I rotate my display to Portrait mode then back to Landscape.

https://www.softwareok.com/

Cheers,
Tom

 

[jack action]

 

[DrGreg]

View attachment 327720​

That's the bit that made me laugh out loud.

 

[jack action]

 

[Hornbein]

View attachment 325840​

Once Windows updated my computer so frequently it took up all the bandwidth and became unusable.

 

[Hornbein]

View attachment 327801​

A real AI who defeated six pros used frequent large initial bets.

 

[TonyStewart]

My helpdesk fun went like this today:

Me: My remote desktop got messed up and rebuilt itself. I need to recover yesterday's profile.
Helpdesk: OK, I'll put a ticket in to rebuild it.
Me: No, I need it restored, not rebuilt again.
Helpdesk: Yes, I'll send in a ticket and they'll rebuild your profile.
Me:

what about system restore? DIY

 

[Borg]

what about system restore? DIY

I don't have any control over the computer's environment.

Today's fun discovery when I logged in this morning:

Sysadmin: Let's do a complete re-image of people's computers and bury the announcement in a corporate email that nobody reads so that they don't know to back everything up. Everything will be deleted - files, profile settings, bookmarks, etc. Yeah! That will be fun.

 

[berkeman]

Sysadmin: Let's do a complete re-image of people's computers and bury the announcement in a corporate email that nobody reads so that they don't know to back everything up. Everything will be deleted - files, profile settings, bookmarks, etc. Yeah! That will be fun.

Well, it's not April 1st...

 

[phinds]

Sysadmin: Let's do a complete re-image of people's computers and bury the announcement in a corporate email that nobody reads so that they don't know to back everything up. Everything will be deleted - files, profile settings, bookmarks, etc. Yeah! That will be fun.

Shoot him. No jury in America would convict you.

 

[Borg]

Shoot him. No jury in America would convict you.

I'm starting on a new project in a different location (including different admins, computers, etc.) on Monday. Seems fitting that this group should inflict one last injustice before I leave.

EDIT:
One of my co-workers got his profile back this morning so maybe mine will come back eventually.

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 327966​

I missed that gag. How did I miss that gag...?

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

Wanted to post in For those who ask: "What programming language should I learn?", but didn't want to derail the thread, so posting here:

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]